Part 6
Its been always you
Part 3: My home
Somewhere in the woods of Amaravathi, Virat was driving back to his quarters from work. This is not a regular hectic day like the whole week had been where he had to be moving around, rather a light day mostly filled with paper work and discussions with his task force about rehabilitation efforts for the tribals who were displaced by the naxals in the forest. He was aptly called on for handling this sensitive situation with few naxals who were willing to surrender and get back to normal lives. Virat is known for his negotiation skills who listens to them with patience and comes to a decision that could help get back to the normal lives as normally as possible. The job he took involves a lot of risk to life but whenever he wanted to go away from his wife, it was like death for him anyways, hence his suicide missions. But this time it was different. There is caution from his side, to be safe and to be there for his wife...if at all anything this self imposed exile has helped him, then it is this renewed hope that the things are not over, there were never intended to be over!
On his 2 hour drive back home, he made a mental note to call Sai early today once the network is available. Yesterday, she behaved strangely on the phone when she refused to talk more than 10 min saying that she needs to sleep early. It has been the last day of her exams so he expected to talk to her more, open up a little more and finally start talking about their future. But she was not willing to. He was treading a careful line of conversation with her in the past week which doesn't get too intimate nor it is just friendly. They forged a bond of trust again, like once they used to have where they discuss anything without judgement. Virat filled her with his activities during the day which she patiently and enthusiastically listened, often praising him for what he has been doing and appreciating his patience. He felt elated at the way she admires him for his work. He too listened to her stories from the college and exam papers. She did work hard in the last few weeks, thanks to the stress he caused her that she had to double her efforts to give the exams which otherwise would have been easy. He doesn't leave a moment to chide him for the way he behaved after the anniversary trip. During their phone conversation, his wife tried to indirectly bring up the trip and apologize for her words but he did not let her, fearing that he would flip on her. There were times where they just listened to each other's silences unable to speak...only finding solace in the sounds of breaths and sighs that conveyed loneliness. More than once, he heard her dragging her nose as if stopping her tears. The urge to hold her close was over powering him for the past two days. He cant stay away from her longer, even if he tried to. She needs him, if not as a husband but as a person with whom she can feel home.
But the problem for him, which he realized much earlier in their marriage is that, he cannot remain 'just' her guardian. Now when he looked back it was like that always, he never wanted to be only her care taker. He cannot imagine his life without her. In Initial days of his marriage, there was only this strong force of protectiveness which he carried over from the time he met her in GC. It was only this strong instinct that did not let him leave her under the protection of anyone else. He wanted her in front of his eyes and that is the only reason he married her. Later, it felt only natural that he loved her, why not! She is everything and even more of what he had expected in his life partner. Her steadfastness to stand by the truth is something he always admired in her. Her intelligence enticed him and her absolute selflessness which he could only dream of having in him made him surrender to her. As the days passed, he irrevocably fell in love with her. The training before Holi made it clear that he cannot live without her. He started to form a new identity that has Sai occupying the core of his existence. He wanted her in every way...a wife, a companion and a lover. Sleeping beside her without touching her started to demand such a control that he was not capable to exhibit. He was losing himself, unable to have her in the way he wanted and thats where the problem started and thats why this self imposed exile.
However, talking to her for the past few days, without the influence of the so called third person between them, he has sensed a more calmer Sai. Sai who understood him, listened to him, and who asserted herself and her opinions on him. He knew that she cares for him, because he is the only person she has, but the way she asks about his work, his food and his health has shown him a person who he always wanted to see. It was not the just the care, but the authority with which she says conveys that his health is important to her, he is important to her. He craved for this place in her heart. He never let his past interfere with his feelings for Sai, he was sure of that. He expected the same from Sai, that she should look past his past and form a bond with him. His adamance to deny his past, to make Sai special in his heart on the contrary reinforced its existence in Sai's mind. The more he dismissed his past with Pakhi, the more Sai raised questions. Now when there is no denying, but only the acceptance that this planned transfer is because of his inability to address Sai's questions about his past, there are no more arguments but only the understanding on how to navigate it. Whatever questions Sai had, he wanted to clear them now. He wanted to go back to her, only to make her sit and talk, answer all her questions however uncomfortable they are. If she could understand his silences on phone, she will understand his explanation too! If she wants to listen what Pakhi babbled in the cafe, then he will make sure she knows it word by word. She needs to listen to this darkside which will remain brooding in their relation, unless they shed light on it. If the only way to secure his wife's heart is this ugly truth, then let it be. His drive back home felt like a minute in the anticipation of meeting Sai the next day..
Sai reached the police quarters as planned at half past 7 in the night. She was greeted by the helpers at the house and a cook who readily brought her tea which he boasted of making specially for Sir's madam. Sai made friends with all of them instantly and asked about the workings of the household and daily activities. She then asked the cook if he has made anything already or if he needed any help which he took very personally. He retorted that their Sir likes his food and she should also eat before extending help to him. Sai had to calm him down, only by accepting to taste every dish he makes for her that night. She then found herself the way to the master bedroom which greeted her with a familiar scent. She saw a pretty formal room without any token of the human inhabiting it, expect for the clothes and accessories. She immediately took out the photo frame that she got from their room which had both of them dancing on her birthday. she placed it on the bed side table, berating her husband for not bringing any of her memories with him. She then went to take a quick shower and dressed up in her usual night dress ready to surprise her Virat sir. After drying her hair, she walked to the dressing table to find the clutch from her handbag but stopped momentarily after noticing the reflection of the lavish bed behind her. With her heart thumping hard, and with at-most confidence that she would find what she needed under that pillow she walked towards the bed, bent down and put her hand under the pillow that looked used. And there she found it... another missing clutch of hers and his heart!
She bursted into tears, remembering all the harsh words she spoke to him on the anniversary day. She tried to feel the loneliness he would have felt when everyone looked at him as a culprit after Samrat dada returned, including her. With overflowing love for him, and the strong desire to hold him close to her heart, she held the clutch close to her heart crying the tears of joy.
Virat entered the house around 8PM, welcomed by the familiar scent of his room back in CN. Not willing to entertain any idea that might disappoint him, he looked around to see if he will find the person who this scent is associated with...not before sniffing himself to make sure that it is not radiating from his shirt, afterall they shared the cupboards all this long. Not finding any hint of it on himself, and seeing the lights in his bedroom, he rushed into his room to find his wife, crying into her chest with the black hair clutch in her hand.
Both of them, stared at each other and at the clutch, conveying with their eyes what the other meant for them. Unable to see her breaking down any more, Virat extended his hands and signalled her to come to him. Sai didnt delay a bit in running towards her husband, hugging him as if her life depended on him and fully breaking down in his embrace. Virat squeezed her in his embrace and lifted up a little to show that not only his lungs need her breathe but his heart also needs to listen her heartbeat directly to function properly.
"It has been always you Sai.", Virat said in muffled voice. "I wish I could open my chest and show you Sai...I have no one in my heart or mind except you from the day I married you. This is my truth. Sorry I never tried hard enough to tell this truth to you, under the burden of my past. Sorry if my actions have hurt you but that is the last thing I wanted to do to you..I am sorry I could never properly answer you...", he grabbed her face in between his palms and asked "You want to know what happened in the cafe right? I will tell you every word...but I dont have anything to do with what she spoke that day..that much you believe me Sai.", Virat tried to explain emotionally when Sai covered his mouth.
" I dont want to listen any more Virat sir", she said by wiping away the tears from his face. "I got all the answers", she smiled bringing the hair clutch up and showing it to him and hugging him back tighter than before.
"I want you Sai, I need you. I have gone crazy that you will leave me and wanted to stop you even if it is by falling in front of your eyes. Sorry", he said kissing on her temples.
" I am sorry too Virat sir, for all the nonsense I talked to you on our anniversary.", Sai said pulling herself back and holding his face."I was too scared that day. I was not thinking straight after what that yoga teacher told us. I have been giving too much importance to one person that it clouded my judgement. What to do, I wanted to be your wife...the wife you desired. But my whole experience pushed me to think I am just a compromise for you, an unwanted burden that you could not turn your back on.", She cried falling on his chest. " I wanted to be your wife ...from the very first day"
Virat took her face and kissed her tears away. "Sai, you are the one given to me by destiny, by your father and by all my stars aligning for one second when I took the decision to marry you. I wish I could tell you what you are to me.", Virat tried to express his love and admiration for this unique piece when he remembered what his father-in-law once told him and repeated the same. "Sai, you are my pride!", he said softly kissing her on her forehead, finally understanding his emotions for her fully.
Sai hugged him back and asked him to never ever leave her again, squeezing him hard and repeating the sentence.
"Never ever!", Virat promised her, hugging her back tightly.
After remaining in the embrace for a while, shyness crept inside Sai and she pulled herself back slowly with her head down, a light smile brushing her lips. She tried to tie the hair with the clutch when Virat stopped her from putting it.
He pulled her closer, holding tightly around her waist that both their chests are flushed together and said in a husky voice that she never heard from him before " I dont want you to tie your hair in front me. I like it this way.", he declared, removing the hair strand from her lips.
Sai was unable to meet his gaze, but his breathe was too close forcing her to accede to the inevitable. She looked up and met the gaze that she recognized seeing couple of times before whenever they got too close. Not willing to lose what she saw in his eyes even for a moment, she asked as if guiding him to what they both wanted. "What do you want for your birthday tomorrow?".
Virat's breath stopped in his throat listening to his wife's not so naiive question. He chuckled and pulled her closer now that the tips of their noses are brushing, "I have got the gift in advance, nearly a year back.", he said rubbing his thumb tenderly on her chin waiting to move upward shortly.
"That was Sai Joshi", Sai said with the mischievous giggle that she always carried while teasing her husband.
"And what am I having now?", Virat probed moving his thumb towards her lower lip and tilting his head a bit to accommodate his long nose next to hers.
Sai was blushing hard, and tried to hold herself from turning back. Instead, she tugged his shirt a little and met his lips before uttering "Sai Virat Chavan" into his mouth.
Both the souls stayed in the comfort of their embrace where they finally found their home.
Note: This is all I could get out of Virat's realization because there is no realization of love from his end because he is already neck deep in it and he knows it to an extent of misusing it :D but he needed to understand the importance of clearing everything to sai for his own benefit of not being Misunderstood repeatedly. Also, I wanted to make this conversation onlly about them, not giving any importance to Pakhi like they should. So sorry,, if you find Virat not ripping down pakhi. I now think, it is in his character to not give importance to Pakhi at all...not the opposite. Hope I have made justice to the ending.
Edited by sadiltl - 4 years ago
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