Disclaimer: I am a big fan of Sai and Virat. I look at them as characters with flaws and analyze them based on the same. I fell in love with the character of Virat for his extreme sense of duty and responsibility and his unwavering loyalty to his wife. But recent episodes did disappoint me with his attitude, so trying to analyze his feelings through my story. Also, I wanted the confession to be just the extention of their current state...just the realization from Sai's end, that it does effect her if Virat is not there in her life.
Premise: Virat and Sai have an ugly fight after the Pooja in the confines of their room. Both of them were hurting each other in the hope that the other will break down and say things what they want to hear. But it culminated into something that both of them never expected...will it lead to any good?!
Part I
Sai and Virat's bedroom:
"Pakhi Pakhi Pakhi. Why are you so obsessed with her! Cant you see me without her...just me? your husband?!", Shouted Virat through his gritted teeth, holding her so tight that he could feel the bones on her hand. In that moment, he wants her to feel his pain...even if it is physical...
"Leave me Virat sir! You are hurting me...", Sai shouted back struggling to release herself from his grip and the prison called 'Pakhi' that he imposed in her mind. "Pakhi didi was always there, from the day 1 of our marriage. The first thing you told me on the day of our marriage is to not see you as my husband, because your heart belongs somewhere! You might have forgotten Mr. Virat Chavan, but I did not. So hear me now, You are not my husband, I never allowed myself to see you as one nor will I see you as one ever!", Sai shooted the words at him, subconsciously knowing that it will hurt him the most...she wanted to take them back but it was too late.
Both stared at each other, into each other's eyes. Usually they stare at each other to search for answers, to find love for the other but today Virat saw the conviction in Sai's eyes, which he has never seen before. It scared him. If he doesnt stop here, think here before acting upon his instincts to control her lest he will lose her, he might do something terribly wrong with her for which he will never be able to forgive himself... he is scared that he might hurt her...in a way too ugly to comprehend.
Sai saw lifeless black circles devoid of any hope. She now knows the difference because those eyes always lighted up when they see her! How did she not understand them before! She tried to break the silence...she knows she pulled it too hard this time...she is scared, utterly scared...not that he will be angry on her...not that he will lock her....she was never scared of him for all these. But she is scared that he will stop being her 'husband'.
Before she could apologize or talk something to elicit a response from him, he moved past her. Sai didnt stop him. She knew he will not talk, he is sapped of energy.
Part II
Reflection and Realization
Sai and Virat's bedroom:
Sai is looking at their door every few seconds sitting on her study table. Any extra breeze or faint sound is drawing her attention towards it. He is not back yet, and it is already 11PM. She is contemplating whether to go and fetch him or let him be...May be he will open his mouth on the cafe incident and clarify it with her...if he thinks! There is a small hope left in her that he will come clean with the cafe incident. Thats all she needed. She sat back on her chair...hoping against hope that he will come back and talk to her. Restless that she was, flipping the pen in her hand so hard that it fell on her lap. She took the pen and saw the letters Dr.Sai Joshi engraved on it. It is the first gift her husband gave it to her, on the first day of her college wishing her success on her journey to become a doctor. It trigged avalanche of memories they created together in this one year...there was not a single day in her life in the past one year where he was not there and made a difference. Even their Anniversary, made a difference afterall. They are seeing each other's worst side. It is strange for her to think that whatever happened between them...has been significant! Even the fight now...she thought would give her some answers. The situation they are in now is not letting her be in peace, but there is a hope still.
It's been an hour, Sai felt drowsy, after all the monkeying she has done to get to college, her body is aching so she popped up an aspirin to gain some energy and wait for her husband. She looked at the make shift bed she made the previous day. But abandoned it and went to sleep on their bed. She did not want to set up the pillow fort today. She wanted to tell him, show him in some way that what she spoke few minutes earlier doesn't mean anything. He will understand. With that thought held as a beacon of hope, she slowly drifted into deep slumber.
Swing in the backyard of CN
Virat stomach lurched. He is numb. He saw the conflict in Sai's eyes. May be the distrust, he concluded. The girl who he fell in love with, for her chirpiness and confidence is now fidgety, unable to rest, confused and burdened. He wanted to be her support, the ground from where she could fly high and come back and rest safely. But he is not that anymore. He turned out to be trap, which looks luring and safe but never lets her be, let her fly and even if she flies she will be scared to return. What has he become! He hid his face in his two palms and choked into tears.
For what Virat? He questioned himself. Time and again, he had hurt her and she chose to stay with him. He thought she had some feelings for him, afterall who would forgive after so many mistakes. He promised himself, everytime that it will be the last time that he hurts her and there is no turning around. But alas! The anniversary turned him over, so much that he cant recognize himself anymore. She misconstrued everything!! It hurt him in ways that he could not express to her. On top of that her misunderstanding his reaction to Samrat's return turned him into a beast. He wanted to punish her, for thinking the unthinkable. But now after reflecting on all that he had put her through, he now can understand her...that she doesnt want to share her life with a person like him. Will he ever give her something that she is not happy to receive? Has he ever done that? No. Why now? May be she doesnt see me as a life partner whom she can love and respect. He knows she respects him immensely and he doesnt want to lose that anymore. If he stays near her, he will be drawn to her and it becomes difficult for him to not be her husband. What if he does something out of his anger and emotions? He is scared that he will show her his frustrations under the disguise of rights and fall so low that he will not be able to redeem himself. He already lost the respect as her guardian when he locked her up and caused obstruction to her studies...for a while now. He felt ashamed.
Virat thought about all possible scenarios like he always does before taking a big decision. He still gets surprised how Pakhi has never been in his thoughts in all these decisions from the day he got married to Sai. Then how come Sai is not able to grasp that there is nothing in his heart for her! He could not gather any more words to paraphrase that Pakhi is nobody to him. Now he lost the hope that Sai will understand also. He never felt so hopeless!
After sitting there for many hours, the dim light of rising sun brought him to senses. He made up his mind, to give Sai her space, like he always did. See her as Sai Joshi again, the girl who made her own decisions, the girl who is capable of facing any situation in her life with grace and dignity, the girl who cant take any aggression on her, the girl who he fell in love with. If he cant protect that girl then there is no meaning for his love. For Sai to be herself again, he has to move away. If his love had made any difference to her life, she will come back to him. This was the decision he made after anniversary too, and he still believed that he has to stick to his decision. His heart fell into his stomach again at the thought that he might lose her, but the realization that Sai's happiness is his true desire freed him from his fears. He felt all the restless energy to prove himself to her, washed away in the morning Sun. He felt free in his decision to free her!!
Next Chapters
Part 3 - Parting ways or coming closer?
Part 4 - Sai Joshi meets Sai Virat Chavan!
Part 5 - The husband she never knew!
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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