If Only You Saw Me (1) - Page 12

@ Avi

Originally posted by: palindrome

@ Avi

You remember that poem about "Nirbhaya",you have posted on LP thread..

Was it by "YOU"????

Yes

Unfortunately some people read the poem before they saw the news.

Originally posted by: had2bu

Yes

Originally posted by: kaamchorni

efe



Mwaahahahahahaha. ^^^ This was my panic res-ing


Edit, finally:

You know, I tried to reply to this about five times but continued to be left at a loss. What to say when everyone has said it all?

Firstly, a slap on your wrist for trying to keep this from the world! We should hack into your computer and periodically check to see if you've been hiding any other works of genius from us.

I loved it. Honestly, loooveeed it. The boy smitten, the girl demure, the words written with the wisdom of a thousand love stories. It was like sitting on the floor, listening to a fable with your elbows propped on your knees and a cheerful fire burning in the background.

They're young, they wear jeans, they marvel at simplicity, they hide behind books and yet there is nothing but the faith of a genuine, truthful, lasting love here. I credit that entirely to you, Mariam. You've stripped young love of all the pitying goggles of condescension we see it through when we pass that stage and you have revived it to the very tender thing it is when you're living it in the moment. I can't applaud you enough - I'm too tired to clap for eternity.

Take a bow, Maiyya ji and don't forget to give that wrist a slap! 😆

Your panic res-ing! 😆

Honestly, all of you are too kind with your words. I can thank you and everybody else enough for this praise that you're showering on this piece! 🤗

Such words coming from a very talented writer herself is like I've gotten some treasure. Almost every person who commented is a wonderful writer in herself and I can't express how humbled I feel for all their words! 😳

You're saying that you couldn't reply for the first five times that you tried and I've read your comment I don't know how many times to think of something to reply to it!
The way you've described the story listening made me visualise how it would have been to listen to this short tale of these two people and I have to say, if I were one of the listeners, I'd have never wanted the story to end! 😆

Thank you, Zarin! 😊

PS: I don't save my pieces of scrap in my computer! 😉

Originally posted by: kaamchorni

Done!

I forgot to say this so I'll say it here. The girl, the mystery around her, she reminded me of a sprite. Here today, gone tomorrow. One glimpse of magic, then poof. She glimmered away before my eyes the moment she left the school gates.

A sprite? Perhaps that's what she was! 😃

But don't worry, she'll be back soon enough, I hope so! 😊

Originally posted by: sweetsampa39

I can see a congregation of great writers here,@mayyo,@kaamchorni,@The Brat...,Awesome ppl.

As much as I am short of words to read d excellent piece of @mayyo,jst like that I complete agree wid @kaamchorni's comment.And den d Girls POV written by @The Brat is suppperb.


Gr8 post buddy.

Thank you Sampa! 😊
I can see great writers here too, Zarin, Shika, Avi and Palin. I don't actually count over here! 😳

Yes, Z left an amazing comment and Shika wrote a wonderful piece. If you haven't read Avi's piece on page 3 then you're missing out on a lot! Do give it a try.

And thanks again for your comment. 😊

Originally posted by: kaamchorni

Sampa 🤗 Where have you been? We miss you around the Gehraiyan thread.

Isn't Mariam's writing amazing? It took a lot of people and a lot of arm twisting and threatening to get her to post this but I'm so glad she did!

You reminded me, I also forgot to mention the follow on pieces in the comments. Avi, you write truly beautifully. I loved each and every word.
Ms. Shika Brat-erjee...ainvaayi theek thaak 😈

Yes, a lot of arm twisting and convincing and blackmailing! 😆

Originally posted by: Hanishadevi

wonderful update..pls cont soon..

Thank you! I'll try to write more. 😳

Originally posted by: had2bu

As the classes ended for the day, I headed towards the bus stop. It was a beautiful evening as streaks of pink and blue adorned the skies. Although my heart was heavy I made it a point to smile at my classmates as I left for the hostel. I looked over to the crowd which was happily making plans to grab some golgappas. They all thought me quiet and the one who I thought about never noticed me. Today again he was reading a book as I passed by him. I tried not to think about him as if that was possible.

As I waited for the bus I noticed the tag of boys who usually tried to hang around me. I sighed knowing that the usual efforts to try to talk to me were going to start. As the bus pulled up, I was again subject to them trying to take a seat closest to me. I usually sat on the women's bench just to avoid their nonsense and luckily there was an aged lady already sitting there.

The bus had just started its trek when it stopped abruptly and someone came aboard. My skin tingled as I recognized his presence immediately. I tried to talk my mind out of it. He is the heir to the Khurana fortune. Why will he come onto your rickety bus? It took every effort in my mind and body not to turn to see if it was indeed him. Besides he is as unreachable as the sky; stop thinking about him, my mind admonished. He is practically the city's most eligible bachelor and you are a small time village girl who has to go back to her village once you graduate.

Daarji has built a school there and you are supposed to teach there in a few weeks. That was the only reason you got to come to Delhi's most prestigious schools to study in the first place. Your life has a preset path on which your family wants you to walk. You don't have the luxury of dreams. I resolutely turned my thoughts to my notebooks as I opened one of them to gaze at the pages thoughtlessly.

My pulses started hammering as I felt his presence by my seat. The smell of his cologne had my heart thundering out of my chest. The college boys had noticed him and started asking him what he was doing here. He said something about his car, overheated, something else, my thundering heart would not let me focus on his words. I snuck a glance in his direction and noticed his beautiful fingers clutching a parcel. It looked like a present of sorts. Something pink. Maybe for a girlfriend. I noticed that my stop was near and silently I slid past the still talking crowd and exited the bus. Why did I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders all of a sudden?

For Mariam: hope you enjoyed the continuation...

Originally posted by: palindrome

well...

That was beautiful mayonnaise...Honestly telling I never like the stories with open ends..you know when "rest" is left for your imagination..but but but..Its first time,when an "open end" did not bother me...There was no hurry or anxiousness to read further..What you wrote was enough to touch my heart..to evoke that "mushy mushy" feeling when your "crush" passes by you in college corridors...!!!</font>

Thank you so much for letting us read this awesome piece...You not only have given me the pleasure of "reading" but made me aware of one more "writing talent" here..

Dear Avi{had2bu}..your continuation was awesome..I really want to read further now...Please any of you{mariam or avi or bratty} continue it...pretty please...

Coming to my bratty...

"I turn another page, and pause a beat when you enter the class. You think I don't observe you when you enter the class. You think I don't notice you when you look at me that way, you think I am oblivious to you, your laugh, your talks, andyouaround me.

You would've known better if you'd stopped once to observe why wouldn't I turn a page for so long when you're around.
You'd have known better if you've wondered why would I take the longest route to class, which would pass through the ground where you play. You'd have known better only if you've raised your eyes from the book you try to hold in the last moment. Only if you've turned once, you'd have seen me smiling at the book which you're holding upside down."

You are awesomesttt bratty...I lub you alottt...🤗

It felt like you have continued.."just like any other day"...!!!!

*************************************

PS-Avi,mayyo or bratty or all the readers here{who don't let us know about their writing talent}..please yaro help me to complete LP..like you have helped Mariam...!!!pleaaassshhheee...😳

Thank you sooo much, Palin! 🤗
Like I mentioned in reply to Zarin's comment, I'm really humbled to have such talented writers, like yourself, showering their kind words on me! I'm glad to have shared this one with you all! 😊
Avi and Shika wrote beautifully, didn't they? 😃 Loved both of their pieces!
And about helping you in LP, I don't think I can match up to your amazing way of writing but if you think I can be of service, I'll be more than happy to help. 😊