FF-Obsession,chapter29 and next thread-pg150,7oct. - Page 28

Sabotaged

Maan's heart beat rose with each step which he took towards pari with his laptop in his hands.Pari had asked him to use his laptop just a moment ago.Reluctance in her voice was evident when she asked for laptop.After knowing the source of all the poems from Geet,maan did not want to leave her alone with laptop any more. "what if she checked the facebook again..???"what if she read any poem again" Questions were troubling him badly.After handing over the laptop to pari,maan could not stop himself from sitting near her.He did not care if he appeared to be a privacy intruder at that moment.All he wanted was to not letting pari read any poems. To his relief,Pari logged in her gmail id.Maan was looking at the screen anxiously which did not go amiss by her.

"what happened maan???"

"nothing.."he replied nervously."you carry on.."His stiff posture was enough for pari to guess his restlessness.

"maan.."she took his hand in hers.."tell me???"

"Do not read any poem,please" he replied with an unexpected straightforwardness in his words with his eyes still fixed on the screen.His posture was stiff with his lips making a grim line.It was first time when unspoken had found the words.It was first time when he actually talked on this matter whether it was just one sentence. It is hard to make a conversation on the topic which you want to avoid desperately.For maan,poem was the word which he wanted to remove from their lives..That was the reason for particular straightforwardness in his statement.He could not beat around the bush. Anxiousness was now equally marking her countenance after hearing those words.She squeezed his hand with hers which made him shift his gaze from screen.Her eyes were pool of helplessness as tears threatened to overflow from them.They had never talked on this matter before but today his one "sentence" made her aware of his extent of knowledge about her problem.And worse was that she was not able to help to solve his misery as well hers..He removed his hand from hers as he took her in his embrace."Do not read any poem..pari"he repeated his words,,"for me...for you...for our baby..for us..."he added further. Pari clutched cotton of his shirt in her small fists.."i wont..i wont.."she repeated amidst tears.

With the moment of torment gone,both felt easy in each other's embrace.Pari pulled out from the hug first and smiled to maan.She took the laptop and slid towards him.

"what happened,Pari??"he raised his brow.

"I don't want to use it anymore"

"you know pari,the best way to fight the attraction is to face it.."he said sliding the laptop again towards her.

"its not attraction,its fear...best way to fight your fear is to face it"

"i fear poems pari.."His voice was hard..."and i think you too fear them now.."Pari nodded in agreement as she logged in again.

Maan got up to leave the room.He knew by the moment that she won't do what he was fearing.Pari held his hand.

"Don't go.."

"I trust you,pari"

"But i don't trust myself yet."

He took his seat at couch in the corner while pari continued with laptop on the bed.She was chatting with one of her friends but she was not at ease.It was like she was ready to throw away the laptop any time But his eyes were stopping her.She was fighting with herself. Her obsession was just a click away.Whenever their gazes met,an uncomfortable smile from pari marked the interaction.She could not bear the torture for long,as her breaths got raged and shallow.She turn off the power of laptop and ran towards the couch...

"I can't bear anymore...i will lose maan,,,"She said hiding her face in his chest.

"we won't dear,,we won't..lose..".

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She asked for the laptop last night,geet...Maan said mixing the sugar in his cup of coffee.

So what did you do???Geet replied with her eyes fixed at the caption on his coffee mug."Don't forget to mix love..."She repeated the sentence in her mind.It was easy for four lettered word "love" to catch her attention these days."you did not let her use the laptop,right..??"she continued further.

"I did not want to..but i let her later after.."

"after???"

"after pleading her not to read the poems.."

"so you actually talked to her about all this???"

"yes.."he let out a deep sigh.

"what was her reaction???"

"She was in pain..i could feel her helplessness.."Same amount of pain was dripping in his voice.

"hmm..I can understand..but maan we need to do this..without talking it is impossible to take her pain away..It was good that you let her use the laptop..She needed to fight against her attraction.."

"It is same what i told her.."

"what???"

"She was reluctant in using laptop after my request to not to read the poems,,but i made her understand that how she need to fight with it to conquer it."

"oh my god..after three long weeks of my bantering,you finally agreed with me,maan.."

"yes..i know that i can't save her by my special treatment..I can't hide her form her obsession.."

"so,you will bring her to me for a pep talk.."

"yes,,but.." He took her hands in his.."promise me she and my baby will be fine.."He was talking about pari's helplessness few moments ago,but at that moment geet found him most helpless person in the world. Her heart cried for him

"I promise..they both will be fine.."She said squeezing her other hand on his.."so will you.."she thought

"Thanks..alot.." A genuine smile appeared on his lips.

"So pari is all alone at home???"

"No..some of her college friends are accompanying her at home..i have called them,it would be a good distraction for her.."He replied breaking the contact between their hands...Sense of sudden emptiness overwhelmed her senses once again but she had learned to control now..

"ohk,,thats good..she should not be alone..by the way you saw that entropy page on facebook..??"

"not yet.."

" ok..let me show you first.."

She logged in her facebook account. There was one notification. Three lines of worry marked her forhead as she clicked on the notification.."entropy entropy posted in "entropy"..

"Maan..there is a new poem.."she tried hard to suppress the tremble in her voice..

"what???"

Before she could answer,he was on her side in order to take a look of new poem. Poem was indication of the inevitable danger.

Its time to kill it

Its time to end it..

Only way left for this

is to finish myself with it,,!!!

So with you in my heart

I am ending my story..

I know i am killing two lives

but for fighting more

i am too weary!!!

Knife does not prick any more my flesh

when memory of pain and fear in your eyes covers my conscience..

Sight of blood dripping from my wrists does not panic me

when memory of your smiling face,fills my heart with joyance..!!!!

Believe me

I did not betray...

you will understand some day

that it was the only way..!!!!!!!

Beads of sweat could be seen on his forhead as his hand got busy with his cellphone..

"she is not picking her phone..geet.."If he would not have been present at her clinic now,tears might be flowing freely from his eyes that moment.

"call any friend of her.."she replied.

After sometime,his shouts were echoing in the car while coming back to his house. Geet did not let him drive alone in that condition.."why did you leave her alone,i specifically told you guys to be with her for each minute till i come back.." He gritted his teeth before disconnecting the cell. None of pari's friends were with her at that moment..

"She will be fine,maan.."

"I know..she will be fine..she would not have read any poem.."he brushed his hair back with his fingers.."she might be in deep sleep thats why she is not picking my call.."He was consoling himself..

Distance between his house and clinic seemed longer at that time as he pressed the accelerator harshly.

*******************************************

"Pari..." His anxious voice was getting louder and louder as he searched one room after another....""pariii"

Geet was trailing behind him from one room to another..

"let me check upstairs..you look in that direction.." He instructed before taking long strides towards stairs...

After some time,geet heard a loud bang. It seemed like breaking of door..Her feet immediately turned towards stairs. Eerie silence covered the atmosphere which got disturbed by creaked opening of the door by geet. Whole room was dimly illuminated by slight light coming from bathroom. With tremble in her body,she mustered the courage to look in the bathroom.Screams got stuck in her throat as she noticed blood covering white marble floor of bathroom.Limp body of pari was lying near the bathtub . Water in adjoined bathtub was having the shade of red . One of her cut wrist,which was dipped till elbow, had changed the color of water whereas excessive blood from another wrist was still flowing on the floor..Knife which caused and witnessed the entire incident was lying nonchalantly in pari's lap.Then geet's eyes found maan..He was sitting in a corner,hugging his knees..

"Maan..."geet shook his numb body but there was no response.."Maanlll..."

He looked towards her with blank eyes and left the place without a word..No amount of tears,not any cries,not any mourning,not any grief was enough to describe his sabotaged life...!!!