FF-Obsession,chapter29 and next thread-pg150,7oct. - Page 11

How does it feel when your life gets stuck to one phrase "girl who lives in stories". I know i am acting little insane by not taking any other case since last one month,but i can't help myself as i know i won't be able to concentrate on other patients till this special patient"maan" lets me sleep peacefully.All together,i have done six therapy sessions with him since last month which started with the question "who is this girl"and ended with the same.He never explained anything about it.He feigned the symptoms of Bibliophobia which was a treat for my eyes.It was on our 3rd date or 3rd therapy session when i asked him to read one of the story.His antics were amusing,the way he fumbled with words,the way he pretended to be nervous while reading,was a live comedy show.It all ended with me clutching my stomach due to hard laughs and his slight smile which never leaves his lips.He is very well aware of my knowledge about his drama.

Sometimes i feel he is just playing a prank with me . I should back off from it. But anxiety in his eyes whenever we talked about "Pari's passion of reading",sudden disappearance of his smile on mentioning about "sending back the books to their house",don't let me back off.There is something which is under the mask. Every time he is around me,mystery covers the air. I can hear Pari's words"there is something big in his mind".He always seemed challenging me to find that big in his mind. However my meetings with pari has decreased gradually with time in last one month. I miss her frequent visits to my clinic.I miss her "bantering" about that "something big" in maan's mind.She always said those words in playful manner but everytime hidden seriousness could not escape my eyes.Pari's behaviour is more intriguing for me sometimes.As much i feel bad for her for being forced to stay away from her books,i cherished my therapy dates with maan. The stealthy lover inside me don't miss single chance to enjoy his company.Thanks to these therapy sessions,i am completely acquainted with his likes and dislikes. I know how he likes coffee, i know how he keeps the first button of his shirt open,i know he avoids wearing shoes with laces,I know his favorite perfume,i know apart from books and poems,flies irks him badly.. i know there is mole on his left earlobe..I know more than anybody could know about him by just sitting with him for one hour or two hours in a week..But still i am unaware of his brain or want to be remain unaware of his mind which should be primary target of a psychiatrist..but that's what his presence do to me.."molding a psychiatrist in to a drooling teenager".He answers everything except some questions..

"why he thinks books can harm pari.."???

"why he don't believe pari's pregnancy'???

"who is this girl who lives in the story???"

A lot of questions for me who can be answered by him only.. or i want to be answered by him only.I know he will continue these therapy sessions till those books stays away from his wife,,,That stealthy lover inside me wants the same..I admit i know answers of all above questions. I know about that special girl since our second meeting but revelation will end my little pleasure which i feel in his company.Once i tell him,it will take few sessions to end his doubts .My treasure will be snatched from me.Its impossible to hold sand in your fist..I have to leave which is not mine,either willingly or unwillingly.Maan is not mine..He belongs to Pari..Its time to do which should be done earlier...It does not matter how much this heart denies to do that,,,its time to listen my brain..a psychiatrist's brain,,,,,!!!!