Her face in the mirror was much like the one she'd seen yesterday and perhaps even the day before. But, there was still something amiss in those tear laden eyes that was sinking into a void with each tick of time.
She didn't know how long she'd stood there gazing at her reflection and couldn't bring herself to move again until Meera tapped on the bathroom door, telling her they were being delayed to office.
Mostly, she liked to think her issue was guilt too precocious for her age, or that her severe moral grounds were a cloak around her baser desires and the latter being a rather frightful choice, she dismissed going down that path of self-discovery. But, as daylight had come on and the remnants of her dream receded back down the murky black of her unconscious, she couldn't tell what was left of it. Soon, she realized that dwelling on it only reinforced it into the substratum of her thoughts, if she were to incessantly - and unnecessarily even - worry on whether it was only her body that was betrayed by her dream.
There was a faint memory of an experience without the details that'd jerked her into waking the previous night and if the dream was to repeat that night, then may be she would look for a face. However shocking it may be at first, if it was indeed Dev, then such a revelation spoke of a shift in her own feelings for her husband, which would need just as getting used to had it been someone else in his place.
At office, work kept her mindlessly afloat and the mental exhaustion that it gave her was welcomed.
Although, once she received Dev's call telling her that he'd booked his tickets, she surprisingly felt her heart unburden as if Dev was not her husband alone, but a messiah who would redeem her from the temptations that haunted her at night.
Eventually, she decided her drunkenness had come from the song and in seeking a desperate attempt to sever all physical ties she had with the dream, she stared at the file in her music folder for a long minute before she deleted it - which was a far less cathartic act than she liked it to be.
For good measure, to prove her own theories that her dream had nothing to do with him, she went into the break room around noon expecting him to walk in any moment. However, when he did come in looking for mustard for his Turkey sandwich, she raised her fingers to the side of her face, shielding her eyes and awaited in silence for some stimuli from the dream to resurface. And there was nothing much to her surprise, which brought on a forced ease over her features.
All the while, she caught in her side ward glances, an obvious anticipation in his gaze to acknowledge his presence next to her while she feigned ignorance of him and continued heating her lunch by the microwave. Despite her reluctance to strike any conversation with him, she grew sullen for the rest of the afternoon when he'd left without invoking lunch room chatter on his part.
And later when she opened the office messenger and as her eyes fell on his name with a green indicator next to it telling her he was online, it irritated her further for reasons unknown when that same morning she'd taken a vow never to indulge in all things male, except Dev that is.
When at 3.00 PM she remembered the forgotten taffy in her bag, she worked up a good ire at the same time, she reckoned he hadn't spoken a word about her little bag of unconventional gifts. If that wasn't enough the taffy added to her nerves by lumping against the top molar and she had to wedge an index finger inside to get them off her tooth.
That is how he found her - her head tipped back and with a finger stuck in her mouth. A gasp. Her eyes grew wide with bone deep embarrassment that nearly squished her insides and she managed to get off her chair without having fallen off of it; while she'd smoothly established the task of sending a book and the set of pencils she'd placed on her desk scattering down the floor when she'd braced against it to get to her feet.
He didn't apologize for having stunning her into that clumsiness and instead had a look of suppressed amusement, his eyes showing his incredulity even.
"So, I just wanted to bring Scott here to introduce him...", she heard him say while she quickly used some sanitizer and sure enough Scott was there the next beat.
Much to her annoyance or relief, she couldn't be certain, he was gone after the brief introduction and she walked with Scott to the break room again and learned of the reasons that had required their meeting.
"I'm not sure if you have seen the company emails, but we are downsizing interns and contractors just as we are hiring full time employees...", he said and her heart skipped a beat.
"Everything might not been favorable and we would have let you go ", and she gulped hearing him speak, " if not for the good word MK put in for you and two others alone to be extended..."
Oh!, she said to herself and her mind was still blank to form any opinion that instant.
"But now that he has been promoted to Director...", Scott must have read her amazement then and decided to give her a full-on briefing of the company's organization changes.
"So this is the deal, Geet", he appeared disinterested, perchance from having repeated that same information to the others, "MK has been moved up to Director of Analytics and he says he no longer needs a dedicated Analyst to help him with the numbers. He doesn't want to focus on the details and wants to get into strategy. God knows how he has plans of doing strategy without keeping himself supplied with the numbers..."
She sensed a mild disapproval for him in Scott's voice. Why wouldn't he when Scott was possibly ten years senior to Maan and still had him for his peer, now that he'd made director.
"I mean, I know I need a personal analyst and I have been a director for almost three years now, but he seems to have made up his mind on that account and plans to get my team to work on his requests if he has any. In the interim given that you still have your three month temp time with the company, he thought better and put in a recommendation that I take you in for my department..."
She'd shown interest all along giving him nods and smiles at the right places, albeit her heart had already sunken into a pool of lead after Scott had informed her that he didn't want to work with an Analyst anymore.
"Think about it. My team manager will get in touch with you in the next few days and then we will speak again once you have made a decision. How about that?..."
"Yes...Thanks Scott for considering me...", she said shaking his hand.
After Scott left, she didn't wait to find him for some answers that troubled her. Thankfully, he was still in his room and she went in asking for his permission to speak to him for a few minutes.
"Why wouldn't you tell me yourself that you are packing me off from your team?", she said without greeting him.
"Sit down, Geet...", he didn't take his eyes off his screen and that required a deep breath on her part to pace herself.
"No...", she looked away and her face shifted to an open look of disagreement, "I want to stand..."
That got his attention and he had a smirk on as he leaned forward onto his desk.
"If you are forgetting, let me remind you that I'm now your boss's boss. Scott will be my peer but his team dotted line reports to me too...In fact, going forward they will be available at my beck and call. You will still have to work on requests from me"
She looked back him, her eyes glowering from the insinuation, she knew, he'd intended at her in that last statement of his.
"I don't understand", she sounded firm in her sarcasm as she shrugged, "If you wanted me at your beck and call, why not just have me in your team?"
"Is that a question from a personal front?", his forehead creased.
"No..."
"Then I don't have to answer it...", he shook his head and got back to typing.
"It just doesn't make sense", she spoke rapidly from a seizing fit, "You would have me shift me to another team. My manager on the organization chart would show differently but I might still end up working for you, if I'm assigned to your request...Is that how it is?"
Her summary of their arrangement was neat, but he still took a moment to gaze back at her, as if he'd to study her face before he answered her question, "Yes...Is there a problem with it?"
She was taken back with his indifference, "No...", she said in a low voice and her eyes shielded the sudden disappointment that set in.
"Uh!...", it was the first time he showed hesitation before he spoke, "you can always ask me questions, if you don't know your way around something..."
Of course, he hadn't forgotten his promise from last week.
"Ok...", she said meekly unable to recover her previous tenor.
A few seconds passed before he get up from his seat and approached where she was standing holding the desk chair.
"It's for your own good...", his voice conceded with the tone he used with her outside office. Almost as if all that time with him over the weekend had made her perceptible to the workings of his mind, her reassignment under Scott's team left her oddly unsettled and his words, when in reality must have her convinced her it was for her betterment, ruffled her doubts about it.
She wouldn't look at him then, though she saw his hand rest along side hers, only he curved his fingers on the chair directly next to hers.
"I'm glad...", she spoke filing out the silence that had set in around them and in a manner that conveyed she could only be anything but glad, "That way everything would be more simple around you..."
She lifted her eyes to him and found him openly assessing her while he visibly gave away nothing, with the exception of a small sliver of confusion for the briefest second.
"You could just keep to your work and blame Scott's team if nothing gets done. Newbies like me wouldn't be your headache to be groomed or if we messed up...I see why you they gave you strategy...", she said with a knowing smile that faltered just as soon as it had come.
"Thank you for recommending me to Scott", she extended her hand to him, "It was nice being on your team for this one week and congratulations on your promotion...", she said unable to conceal the wistfulness of her tone. Lord! why was she transparent as a looking glass...
Her gaze fell to their joined hands as he shook hers, "Thank you. The pleasure was all mine..."
In spite of the initial reluctance he'd shown in taking her hand, his grip was firm and when he had nothing more to offer as an explanation to all that had transpired requiring that farewell, she gathered everything was personal and impersonal about that moment.
The rest of the day had gone by catching up on the work she hadn't done post noon. By the time she was in bed later that night, after having tired herself with a movie after dinner, just so she could fall asleep without having to entertain the depressing thoughts about the day's events, she found herself drifting into them effortlessly.
May be it was in her favor that they wouldn't engage in a direct boss-subordinate capacity anymore, being her last thought before she gave into a worrisome glaze of slumber.
Ignoring all together - even dismissing it entirely without doubt when it vaguely did occur to her - that it could have been in his favor. To continue working with her and yet not be called to appraise her merits at work without having to question the warm disposition he'd for her...and her alone.
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