OS: Without His Mishti

He sat in the office of the out house – Geet's myaaka as she had so proudly proclaimed. He sat still, while the tears fell silently from his eyes. He didn't even attempt to stop them because he knew it would prove futile. The tears that fell from his eyes were symbols of the bloody tears that his heart cried – a heart that belonged solely to Geet…his Mishti.

When she'd uttered those words he didn't know how to react.

"Saach toh yeh hai…ke aap aab mujhse pyaar hi nahin karte."

That is what she had said. So easily she'd said those words not thinking even once of how they would make him feel. Not thinking even once that they would pierce his heart like flaming arrows and burn through to his soul.

His first reaction had been one of disbelief – she hadn't really said those words…had she? No, no way his Mishti would say such cruel words to him.

His second reaction had been one of shock – how could she say those words to him…how could she? How could she, for a moment think that those words could possibly be true?

His third reaction had been one of rage and anger – how could she even think those words? How dare she accuse him of not loving her any more? After all he'd done for her, after all he still did for her, she dared to utter those disgusting words. How dare she!

His forth, and final reaction, had been one of heart break – he was having the desired effect of his distant behavior. She was now going to stay away from him. It broke his heart that she truly believed that he no longer loved her. It shattered his spirit to have her think of him that way.

It was a mixture of all these emotions that led him to say all the horrible things he said to her. For those mere moments he had gone from Geet's Maan to Maan Singh Khurana. He'd turned into the cold, heartless, rude, arrogant and stubborn Maan Singh Khurana that he'd been until she'd entered his life. He didn't have a choice because only that old Maan Singh Khurana could have said what he had said. There was no way in hell that Geet's Maan would have been able to look her in the eye and say those things.

So, killing his emotions for a few quick moments, he'd turned back into the bas***d he'd been at the very beginning.

Replacing his love filled heart with black coal, he spoke.

He told her he enjoyed torturing her. He told her that he enjoyed seeing her cry. He told her doing those things made him happy.

He knew he should have stopped then, but he had to make sure that there was no going back. He had to make sure that she forgot her Maan and remembered only Maan Singh Khurana.

So, he'd thrown his actions in her face. He married her and given her his name. He'd married her and given her the title of being the eldest daughter-in-law of the prestigious Khurana family. He married her and gave her a life of luxury and wealth. What else did she need? Hadn't he already done enough for her?

The look of sheer horror on her face and been his undoing. He'd never taken into consideration how she'd take it. Seeing her lips pout, her eyes fill with tears and her whole body tremble – it was making him loose his grip. That is when he, plastered a look of indifference on his face and stormed out.

After breaking the heart of his Geet – his Mishti – he needed someone to comfort him. He needed someone to hold him while he wept. He needed someone to tell him that everything would be alright. Unfortunately, the only person that could do that was Geet whom he'd just left shattered in their bedroom.

So, he did the only other thing he could think of – he came to the out house.

She'd claimed that the outhouse was her myaaka – her home before marriage. As he sat in the chair he felt her warmth all around him. He remembered all of their moments in this house starting with the late night encounter the first night, to the fight where he'd called her a wh**e. He remembered trying to give her a rose. He remembered sneaking in to meet her. He remembered holding her and touching her. He remembered everything about his Geet.

He wanted to run back and take her in his arms and tell her he lied. He wanted to tell her that the last thing he wanted to do was torture her. He wanted to tell her that every tear that fell form her eyes because of him stung him like he was being dipped in ice cold water. He wanted to tell her that when she cried, his heart bled.

He wanted to run back and tell her that marrying her was the best thing that he had ever done. He wanted to tell her that by marrying her he was going to have the honor of sharing his name with such a remarkable woman. He wanted to tell her that by marrying her he would give her a life filled with love and happiness. He wanted to tell her that my marrying her his dream came true and now he'd try till the day he died to make all her dreams come true.

But he couldn't. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't.

He couldn't tell her why he was staying away from her. He couldn't make her understand that it was the only way. He knew that he was going to lose her. He knew that he was going to lose her soon.

He had promised her that if the situation came up again, he'd save their baby instead of her. He prayed every day that he never face that question again. But, God had not been merciful. He again stood at the edge of the cliff with a gun to his head having to decide whether to save the baby and lose Geet, or lose the baby and save Geet. He knew that no matter what he wanted, the decision had been made.

He knew that he only had a few months with her. He so badly wanted to just hold her, to kiss her…to make love to her. But he couldn't. He knew that if he did he would for the rest of his life remember every crevice of her body, ever beauty mark, every inch of her would be seared into his brain.

He needed to stay away from her so that it would be easier to forget her. He needed to be able to forget her hazel eyes. He needed to be able to forget the sent of her hair and her body. He needed to be able to forget the wrinkles she got on her forehead when she frowned. He needed to be able to forget the blush that crept on her face when he teased her. He needed to be able to forget the musical laughter she had. He needed to forget the lingering feeling she left on his skin when she touched him. He needed to forget the fury of desire she evoked in him when she kissed him. He needed to forget the heart warming sensation he felt all over his body when she said she loved him. He needed to forget how his senses tingled every time she was around. He needed to forget everything about her.

Why?

Because if he didn't, he'd go completely insane without her. He would miss her hazel eyes, the smell of her hair, her cute frowns, her contagious laughter, and her sweet smile. He would miss her touches, her kisses and her hugs. Move of all, he'd miss her love. He would go completely mad without her, he knew it. He just knew it.

"…aap aab mujhse pyaar hi nahin karte."

Fresh tears fell from his eyes as he heard that line in his head again.

How could she say that? Didn't she know him at all?

Couldn't she see that it was because he loved her so much that he was doing all this? Couldn't she see that he was choosing her baby over her because that is what she had wanted?

Maan Singh Khurana never broke promises. And Geet's Maan would never break a promise he made to the woman that taught him to smile, to laugh, to trust and to love. Never…

He was going to sacrifice the woman he loved with his whole heart and soul, to save the baby she sacrificed everything for. He would live the rest of his life with out the woman that he loved. He would live the rest of his life without his Geet…his Mishti.

She had left her family, started a new life in a new town and fought against the world for her baby. She did all she did for her baby. All she wanted was to give her baby a good life – a happy life. That was her dream.

She'd been the one that taught him how to dream again. She'd been the one he'd dreamt his life with.

Couldn't she see that he was killing each and every single one of his dreams just to make her one dream a reality?

Couldn't she see?

"…aap aab mujhse pyaar hi nahin karte."

The words pierced his heart like jagged daggers, yet he could do nothing. He could do nothing but sit in self pity and sorrow at where his life was headed.

And so…………

He sat in the office of the out house – Geet's myaaka as she had so proudly proclaimed. He sat still, while the tears fell silently from his eyes. He didn't even attempt to stop them because he knew it would prove futile. The tears that fell from his eyes were symbols of the bloody tears that his heart cried – a heart that belonged solely to Geet…his Mishti.

How was he supposed to live without the woman he loved? How was he supposed to live with out his heart?

Of the million questions running through his mind, one stood out. One rose above all the others. One that he knew he'd never find the answer for.

How was he supposed to live life with out his Geet? How was he supposed to live life……………without his Mishti?