Jokes - Page 73

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

Hahahahah Suram, I loved the blind date 😆 😆 😆

A blind man is standing on the corner waiting for the street light
to change so he can cross the street. He is holding his familiar
red and white cane and in the other arm is a bag of groceries that
he has just purchased.

As he is waiting, a stray dog comes up to him, lifts its leg and
pisses all down the blind man's leg, into his pants cuff, and all
over his sock and into his shoe.

By way of response, the blind man merely removes a cookie from
within his bag of groceries, bends over slightly with the cookie in
his outstreched hand and says, "Good doggie...good doggie, get the
cookie, good doggie, attaboy."

A woman who was standing nearby, and who witnessed the entire
incident says to the blind man, "I can't believe you're going to
reward that dog after what he just did."

"No," replied the blind man, "I'm just trying to find the dog's
head, so I can kick him in the ass!"

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.

The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda"

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual
event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up
and read his essay.

It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."

"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"

"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help
yesterday.

10 most stupid questions people usually ask!

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-


1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?


Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.


2. In the bus:
A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?


Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should I try this time.


3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.


Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?


4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good


Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.


5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.


Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.


6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?


Answer:-No, he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.


7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.


Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?


8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?


Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......


9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.


10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke

Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Vani and Netra, good once I could not stop laughing.
Thanks.