Jokes - Page 47

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.**
**

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. **
**

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. **
**

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: **
**

The first worm in alcohol - **Dead.**

The second worm in cigarette smoke - **Dead** **

Third worm in chocolate syrup - **Dead** **

Fourth worm in good clean soil - **Alive.** **
**

So the Minister asked the congregation - **What can you learn from this demonstration? **

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,**
**

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Originally posted by: Caryn

Some of these had me in stitches. 😆 😆

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

*********

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

*********

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

*********

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

*********

It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives

*********

If u r married please ignore this MSG,

For everyone else: Happy Independence Day

*********

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

*********

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

*********


Man receives telegram: Wife dead. should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

*********

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

*********

Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

*********

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

*********

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

*********

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

😆 good ones ..thanks caryn..

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises Coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on The bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but Just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past His screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there Is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You bas***d!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and all You can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"

An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

🤣 🤣 🤣 nice one Jasnuap akka. I can image my self doing that. Naughty me 😆 😆 😆

nice jas especially i am married one 😆 😆 😆

What's your name?

Sakthy

No. I mean your full name.

It's Sakthy - empty or full.
_________________

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've
got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant &
delivered a child. What is your opinion about that,
Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let
me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He
never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's
in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his
umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So
he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly
he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He
raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and
squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.
Someone else must have shot that lion."

"Exactly"... Said the Doctor.

The context for this.....


(sorry if this is a A joke)