Jokes - Page 48

A very religious priest and a cab driver both die and go to the world beyond!!

There are two doors - one to Heaven and one to Hell.

A gate keeper is present directing people to the the appropriate door.

When the cabbie reaches the gate keeper, the gatekeeper asks him - What is your profession?
Cabbie - Cab driver
Gate keeper: Have you done any thing good in life?
Cabbie: No sire, I gambled, smoked, was a drunkered, cheated on my wife and conned people, and cursed like hell while driving the cab.

GateKeeper: (Thinks for a moment)- Ok you may go to heaven.

Next is the turn of our priest, who is confidence personified!!

Gatekeeper: What is your profession?
Priest:(Smugly) I was a priest, and a very religious one at that.

Gatekeeper: Have you done anything bad in life?

Priest: (a little agitated): Of course not!! I gave discources to people all the time in praise of the LORD!!

Gatekeeper: (pointing to Hell): OK you may go to hell!

Our priest is flustered and angrily says that it is not at all fair, The cabbie who is an absolute scounderal is sent to heaven and he the pious one is sent to hell.

The gate keeper calmly replies: Yes the cabbie was bad. But whenever he drove cab crazily through the traffic, even a non believer started praying for DEAR LIFE!! which was good, as he made everyone think of GOD.

Where as you, in the name of your boring lectures made people sleep - even the staunch believers..so the cabbie is better than you!!! 😉

A brain sugeon took a group of customers to his lab where he had jars of 2nd hand brains for sale.

"Here are some fine men's brains for $1000 each."he said.
They walked further along the corridor and came upon a collection of women's brains. "A bargain for $250 each." he stated.

An irate lady customer who was appalled asked,"Are you saying that women's brains are not worth much?"

"No madam!" came the reply, "Its just that the male brains are in such good condition, like new, hardly been used."

😆 Good ones, Jazz, Suram and Kavi.

hey kavi....you are on the roll huh???? 😆 😆 good ones..i loved the silly one "shakti full or empty" 👏

Who is clever? Teacher or student????? ?????



One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night and Didn't
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.



In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.



So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.




The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.


Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS)



Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....(98 MARKS)

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right.....!! !

One morning, a husband returns the family boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

lovely kavi though i have both of them...

This is a Chinese Feng Shui horoscope. Take a moment to take this test! If you are honest this tells the truth, it's pretty accurate. Write your answers on paper. Find out your horoscope at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, Black or White?
5. The name of a person that has the same sex as you?
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one)

When you are done, scroll down. Don't cheat!


Answers:
1. I f you choose:
Red- You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black- You are conservative and aggressive.
Green- Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love affection.
Yellow- You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2.. If your initials are:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try t o live your life to the max and your love life is soon to bloom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future looks very bright.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr-Jun: You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever.
Jul-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your life will be great, you will find your soul mate.

4. If you choose:
Black: Your life is about to get better. You are more than ready for the change.
White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person should be your best friend..

6. This is how many close friends you will have in your life time.

7. If you choose:
California : You like adventure.
Florida : You are a laid back person.

8. If you choose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover. You are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

i don't know whether i can post this one here or not if this is not belong here in this section please you can delete it. when i saw this i just want to share it with you guys.

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Good ones Kavi..... hehehehe...... 😆