Jokes - Page 36

Originally posted by: jasunap

<font size="4"><br><span>gajini as in mohd ghazni (the invader) or surya in the movie by the same name???</span>

that's the name she has given for updating anjali serial.
it has nothing to do with surya 😆

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"



MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the
same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done
"At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I
have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will
talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver
on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually
fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help
you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me
earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you
where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything
about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Leena was tired of her husband coming home drunk, and decided to scare him straight. One night, she put on a devil costume and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband walked by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he slurred.
"I'm the devil," she answered.
"Well, come on home with me," he said. "I married your sister."

A company decided it was time for a change in management style and appointed a new director, who arrived determined to cause a stir and make the company more productive.
On his first day of work, accompanied by assistants, he carried out an inspection of the facilities. In one of the sections he visited, everybody except a young man was working. He was standing against the entrance wall with his hands in his pockets. Recognizing this as an opportunity to demonstrate his new work philosophy, the director asked the young man: "How much do you earn a month?"
"Ten thousand rupees," answered the young man, not understanding the reason for the question.
The director took Rs10,000 from his pocket and gave it to the young man, saying: "Here is your ten thousand. Now, get out of here and don't come back again!"
The young man took the money and left quickly, scarcely believing his luck. The director, puffing out his chest, turned to the group of employees and asked, "What the hell was his job here?"
"He came to deliver a pizza," one of them said.

Shopping for A Husband

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

" What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John ," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling..... ....... My name is John Darling."

" Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..." So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." "No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign. "If I catch you, you're mine."