Jokes - Page 148

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 16 years ago

#1471

Question : Why did the man cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Answer : to avoid side effects 😉

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 16 years ago

#1472

A boy's wish: When i die, i want to die like Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving .... 😆

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Vani

@Vani19

Dazzler

Posted: 16 years ago

#1473

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"

Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

******

"What did one ghost say to another?"

"Do you believe in people?"

******

My friend has a fine watch dog.

At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

******

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

******

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"

" Please wait someone else is using it."

******

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

******

"Where did you get those big eyes?"

"They came with the face."

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Vani

@Vani19

Dazzler

Posted: 16 years ago

#1474

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

******

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

******

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

******

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."

"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

******

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"

"Yes if you're lucky."

******

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

******

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"

"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

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Vani

@Vani19

Dazzler

Posted: 16 years ago

#1475

I was thinking of becoming a doctor.

I have the handwriting for it.

******

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."

" You're lucky. My wife does."

******

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

******

"What do use for washing dishes?"

"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

******

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"

"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

******

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

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Anu

@Dits

Voyager

Posted: 16 years ago

#1476

A husband: My wife's an angel

Another: You'r lucky...mine's still alive!

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 16 years ago

#1477

Advise From Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you, Do I look stupid? don't answer him.
- Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14

4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9

5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13

6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13

7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10

8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11

9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14

10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9

11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9

12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9

13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10

14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13

15. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 16 years ago

#1478

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?". They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 16 years ago

#1479

From the minds of Children.....Proverbs A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the they came up with:
Better to be safe than....................punch a 5th grader. Strike while the.........................bug is close. It's always darkest before..............daylight savings time. Never underestimate the power of............termites. You can lead a horse to water but ...........how? Don't bite the hand that.......................looks dirty. No news is.........................impossible. A miss is as good as a........................Mr. You can't teach an old dog.....................math. If you lie down with dogs, you.......will stink in the morning. Love all, trust........................me. The pen is mightier than......................the pigs. An idle mind is......................the best way to relax. Where there is smoke, there's..............pollution. Happy is the bride who..................gets all the presents. A penny saved is.........................not much. Two is company, three's.....................The Musketeers. None are so blind as.....................Helen Keller. Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed............get new batteries. You get out of something what you.......see pictured on the box. When the blind lead the blind.................get out of the way. There is no fool like...........................Aunt Edie.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and......you have to blow your nose