Jokes - Page 121

Good one Suram, Neths and Giri 😆 😆

Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone,
and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex

* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.

* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And, last, but not
least:
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.

* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN. I have enough problems of my own.

Management Course

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.



When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"


"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.



"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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Lesson #2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.



The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"



The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.



The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"



The priest apologized, "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."



Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.


On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

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Lesson #3:

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.



The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."


"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. "Puff!" She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales representative. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. "Puff!" He's gone.



"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

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Lesson #4:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."


"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."



The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.


The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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Lesson #5:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.



A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!



THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE 😉

good ones suram. i got the sex thing on mail just a few days back. hallway sex is also known as oral sex to some people! 😆

World Domains


Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com

Best Toast

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in Church beside me wife."

"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know,he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

on the roll today are you suram?

😆 😆 gosh suram, where do u get all this naa?? really made me laugh 😆 😆

"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"

"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it."

"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.

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