Jokes - Page 123

Post Office Job Interview

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

He says 'Yes, caffeine.'

'Have you ever been in the service?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'

The guy says, 'Yes 100%. An IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'Okay, in that case, I can hire you right now!

Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A M. And plan to start at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?'

'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that, right?'

A military Sikh called Major Singh named his sons Colonel Singh and General Singh. He was planning to name the third child "Field Marshal Singh" but it turned out to be a daughter. He thought for a minute and named her "Armoured Kaur"

good ones narada.....esp the one about good men!!!

Henry, who was very elderly, was unhappy because he had lost his favourite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and steal one out of the entrance porch when the worshippers were busy praying.
When Henry arrived at the church an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on 'The Ten Commandments.'
After the service, Henry met the vicar in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him, 'I want to thank you Father for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it.'
The vicar answered, 'You mean the commandment ' Thou shall not steal' changed your mind?'
'No, 'retorted Henry, 'the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that, I remembered where I had left my old hat.'

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

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For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look, Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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I was in the express lane at the grocery store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a trolley piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the trolley and asked sweetly, "So, which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90-years-old," the husband said . "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"