~Part 38~
he slammed the cell on the dashboard, as he brought the car to a shrieking halt slamming the brakes, and jamming his fist hard into the steering wheel....where are u ridhima???how could u....he had looked all over the town driving aimlessly on every street he could looking at anyone remotely looking feminine with almost an offending gaze....but it was a futile clueless search....he couldnt even make a wild guess about where she could be....he had called andy, she wasnt in the lab, hesitantly he had even called rahul n muskaan n in general one minute conversation he gathered that they had no clue about her whereabouts....he even called up the library though he knew it wasnt a likely place....
when chris had called again some 30 minutes after he had cut his call at home, armaan had to fight his urge to answer the call n pour out his troubles like always....bitterly he decided it wasnt quite the moment to worry chris, not yet at least....he sent back a text, saying ridhima had left a note for him n she was with a friend, n that he himself would call him later as he was currently engaged in a video conferencing call with a couple of his classmates for a project....both though convincing were complete lies of course...he knew taking the call was suicidal , there was no way he could keep the worry in his voice from giving himself away to the man who knew him more than he himself....
n so here he was now....facing the whole thing alone....feeling life drain out of him with each passing moment....his initial agitation had turned to worry in a short time, but now, he was frantic....he couldnt help thinking of the night he had found her in the lab, her hand cut....he tried hard to push the images away, of that night, n of the night in india when she had been missing for several hours unaware of having consumed a doze of sleeping pills....why was she such a trouble magnet....those two nights seemed nothing compared to the moment now....where are u sweetheart his heart cried for her....what if.....no no nothing has happened....but....her sudden disappearance n no answer to the calls n voicemails wasnt helping at all....he had not given up....but he just didnt know what to do next....where to look for her...what places had he still not covered....he pressed his hands hard against his eyes to keep the threatening tears back....
***************
"thank you so much ms.???" ..."gupta...ridhima gupta...." she answered trying to keep her voice casual n courteous as it would be for a normal someone....he nodded smiling n handed her phone back to her "riddeeema guptaa??i am Arthur William Dumas" she shook his extended hand as he continued "thanks for the phone my european connection doesnt work here i realized too late....but i have called my colleague, the man who's place um staying at for the weekend he will send in someone soon...." he paused waiting for her to respond but she remained quiet n distant trying hard to hide, not willing to interact anymore than was necessary....
she seemed familiar to him somehow, like a faint blurring image he had seen before....but he wasnt quite good with keeping track of faces, n often mixed them up.....as she said nothing, he spoke on an impulse..."are u in a hurry to be somewhere??" she looked at him blank for a bit, then slowly shook her head "do u need help with something else" she asked politely, constraining any other emotion from entering her voice, as her head n heart were still completely hooked only to one issue in her life right now....
he smiled at her deeply, she seemed to be a warm person, but his wizened head n seasoned eye from years of practicing psychiatry told him she was in deep trouble....he said "no you have been great help already, i was wondering if u would join me for coffee while i wait for the car to come n pick me...just...my way to say thanks, if you will please..." at any other point of her life she would have called her next reply unthoughtful, rash, even insane, but there she was, saying those words..."i would love to, thanks..." n walked with him to the nearest starbucks....
he noticed how quiet n absorbed she was for a few minutes, then broke the silence..."so ur a student ms. guptaa??" she nodded n he continued "in what field??" ..."engineering" she replied quite mechanically as if sitting in an interview, saying not a single redundant word, unasked for....he realized he should hit the point "so who are u trying to avoid???" she looked up at him shocked, her expressions quite as he would have expected..."um sorry???" she said a bit indignant but mostly curious...."i beg ur pardon if i sound intrusive, but i observed u through the bus journey...n now u handed me a cell which was switched off....something tells me ur quieter than ur usual self...n all of this leads me to conclude it might be my chance to rescue a lady in distress???"
she gaped at him as he rattled all of that...she should have felt repulsive n offended by the way this stranger was trying to get personal....but as he looked her in the eye his gaze confident, relaxed, crystal clear, she felt none of what she should have...in fact....his way was almost welcoming for her to let out the pent up emotions she was getting nauseated with as each moment elapsed into a new one.....for several moments she was quiet then she said "i did not know my cell was switched off....but...i am avoiding someone....something actually...a situation i guess....n i dont think anyone can really help me out of it....but thanks for the concern...i appreciate...."
he smiled deeply....she was a lady indeed, in all rights...her words though toned down immensely depicted how much pressure she was under, but he was impressed not only by her stoic bearing, but also by her accurate analysis....she didnt look like a girl who would talk out troubles with strangers....but even her troubled mind seemed not to have clouded her perception of people....was this their nationalized trait he wondered, remembering the only other indian lady he had known well in his life....he was pleased with her....he spoke again "perhaps i cant help u out....n perhaps i can???u never know the real truth unless u give it a chance to open up completely...."
she heard his words, as general speech initially....but then the last words hit her....n he continued "nonetheless um glad u did not just walk away hearing my words....um guessing u dont want to discuss anything for now...n i dont blame u, seeing we are nothing but strangers who know each others names....but um pretty sure its not about me, its more like u dont want to talk it out with anyone, perhaps thats like u....but, unasked for though this may sound, i have an advice....sometimes if with no one else, we must discuss the issue with the person concerned....though that maybe the hardest thing to do....confrontations are not meant to be pleasant....but often, if not avoided they make life easier, unlike what most people would think....at the very least, make sure there are no misconceptions before u take any decisions in life...."
then pausing he said lightly patting her hand "do i sound like a preaching old brit???perhaps...it just happens to be something iv done for years now, old habits are hard to escape at this ripe age!but i assure u its completely earnest as it would be to my own daughter who is about ur age...." ridhima smiled despite herself.....she often heard of god sent angels from her mum....perhaps he was one....although it had been her helping him out, his words seemed like something she would be indebted to him for the rest of her life.....she got up immediately n said "would u mind if i left u earlier than i committed myself to staying here???my....someone will be awfully worried for me at home...." he smiled his approval at her, and as she fished for cash in her bag he said "please....allow me....it was a pleasure to meet you young lady!" she sighed then smiling back at him she replied before leaving "thank you so much...it meant a lot..." and she rushed out of the cafe flapping open her cell.....
***********
"RIDHIMA...." his voice stood for all his unspoken words, with him uttering just that one name....not like his anguish had been any less evident in the 8 voicemails she heard before she finally called him....if her pain had been unbearable, perhaps she would never have words to describe his...."ridhima....where are u sweetheart, u know what iv....." she interrupted him "armaan....can u pick me up from the bus stop opposite the diag???" he sighed deeply...."il be there in 5 minutes um just couple of streets away...." he paused then said in a low whisper "just....r u ok???" she shut her eyes hard supressing her tears at his voice n all she managed was a whisper "yes i am...now...." he didnt probe her further, having already started the car not wanting to waste another second.....he just needed to see her....to know for sure all was fine...."love u" he said before flipping shut the phone.....
ridhima stood clutching her bag, which contained the envelope....she had finally seen the pictures...they were indeed from today, at least the date on them said that....they were clips of sandra with her arms around armaans neck....one where she even kissed him, as he hugged her back....what disturbed ridhima wasnt sandra's actions reflected in the pictures, but the fact that armaans face seemed supernaturally radiant....also...the pictures looked like they were from the basketball court....not like they were at a formal party or get together, what could have occasioned the close gestures even if they were just formality???she didnt even looked dressed for rehersals....
the words from the anonymous letter resounded in her head...she gets what she wants....her way....she certainly wanted armaan, she left no chance to prove that fact....but...had she succeeded???had armaan indeed....???ridhima had taken minutes to make up her mind about a decision which before the words of wisdom form the old man had seemed impossible to make.....she wouldnt trust anyone to doubt armaan unless she heard it from him...no matter what that man thought, she knew armaan could never hide his true emotions from her....more like he wouldnt....she trusted him for that....it was his answer she would believe n nothing else....if she couldnt trust the word of the man she loved, how could she ever bring herself to entrust her whole life to him....
n beyond that she did not want to think for now, but ideas crowded her head nonetheless...if it was all a framed lie, she hoped desperately thats all it was despite the pointing evidence, she couldnt ask for anything more...if it indeed was...true....she shut her eyes thinking....weak moments....anybody was capable of losing it to them...had both of them not almost lost it the night before itself???why did he not even mention it once again???n...he dint come for breakfast saying he had work....could he have been with...her???n...he did propose..well in a way....it almost seemed...like mockery though....oh man this is soooo...ridhima looked up into the sky n murmured "i know u never plan ill for any of us god....if he did make a mistake....make me forgive him....i want to....i just....want him to tell me the truth....whatever it is....let me face this god....please...."
she was ripped from her thoughts as she heard the honking unusual to the roads in this country....before she even realized what was happening she was pulled into a violent hug, and found herself crushed in his embrace, as she hit his chest hard.....she could feel his racing heartbeat in the extreme closeness....n then...she was shocked for she felt him....crying???as the moments extended, she was sure she could sense him having broken down into silent sobs...strangely, she had to put no effort into not crying, the tears were not coming, though moments ago thinking by herself she had felt them hard to check....it had always been the other way round, n in this moment she knew how he handled her break downs....she felt a new surge of energy inside as he entrusted himself to her, his shattered outburst urging her to take control....n she knew she could....
she caressed his back n ruffled his hair gently, quiet for a wile, n then whispering at last as he seemed to be atleast partially at peace "armaan??u...ok???" he let out a deep sigh and as he finally broke apart she saw him look at her with agonized, tearful eyes, full of questions....thank god, she thought as he lowered his gaze on the pretext of wiping off his tears, for she did not know how she would have controlled her urge to kiss him if those seconds of eye lock had extended anymore...but she had to wait....at least till she cleared all of this out....she was prepared to accept him in her life as she had been before any of this happened, with or without the shadow of that alleged mistake.....for life without him was now not even an option to consider for her....but this was not a topic she could forgo....
she whispered again "armaan should we...." she stopped as he looked back at her, no less tormented it appeared than he had been a couple of minutes ago...."ridhima...." was all he could whisper asking all his questions without a word....she let out a sigh....n took the keys from his hand....then linking her arm with his she walked them both to the car, him to the passenger seat....n then walked to the other side, n started the car.....he gripped his head in his hands....then feeling her touch his shoulder he looked up first at her n then straight ahead...."what did u think u were doing ridhima???u have any idea what i ..." he paused running his hand through his hair n looking away...n she said "i do....but before i explain anything i need to know some facts armaan....there is something we need to...."
she was interrupted as armaan's cell started ringing on the dashboard, armaan ignored it so ridhima picked it up n saw 'sandra' flashing, swallowing her immediate urge to curse out loud at the name she extended it for him to answer....he cut the call without a glance...."armaan it was..." ..."i dont care" he cut her off roughly, then taking a deep breath he said in a softer voice "u were saying something...." looking up at her again....she nodded, feeling a sudden wave of relief, true he didnt know who's call it was that he cut, but....that was the point he didnt care for anything more than what she had to say....he could never have....she stopped her chain of thoughts from drifting to the inevitable again...
"i wanted to say that there is something i need to ask u....its....not quite...." the ring of armaan's cell interrupted again, but he cut it off in a single ring without looking, neither could she this time....well how hard is it to guess who that is she thought with a feeling of disgust....but as she found armaan staring at her, she realized he was waiting for her to continue...."armaan i wanted to ask about today morning...." as the cell rung a third time ridhima couldnt check herself from letting out an impatient sigh, cursing mentally....but that wasnt half as bad as armaan's reaction she realized the moment she heard him yell into the phone....
"WHAT WILL IT TAKE ME TO EXPLAIN TO U UM BUSY N CANT TAKE THE CALL????" as she looked at him taken back by an outburst so unlike him....but his next words n tone completely shocked her..."um...i apologize i didnt realize it was.....no its just....yeh....8PM i remember of course how can i forget" he voice became normal with each passing word, at the end of the last word he even gave a weak laugh...."actually um with her right now n...." was it her or did he sound....nervous n ...guilty????like he was hiding something????..."yeh exactly....might get late....an unannounced issue came up..." ISSUE???thats how he described the situation????an issue???n who was that...sandra to ask him where n who he was with???n even if she did, why was he explaining all that to her????ridhima thought she would burst trying to control her surge of emotions, anger, frustration, desperation...n jealousy???no why should i be jealous, armaan loves me n....n what was this call all about then???what about the letter, the pics, the.....no ridhima...no...let him explain...."8:30PM????great....see u then....yes, i...really appreciate...." he finished flipping the cell shut....
and as he saw her look, he averted his gaze scratching his head n started "ummm that was...." ..."sandra???" he looked up at her shocked at the tone, n also at the name she suggested....sandra???now why did she think it would be...."so what was so important that she called thrid time in a row???" he narrowed his eyes trying to understand what n why she was saying stuff....then with a start he realized....it must have been sandra when i first cut the call, n so shes thinking its her again....perfect...."yeh it was her" he said, trying to sound normal....it was hard to lie to her...."she uh....wanted to...yeh...uh she wanted to remind us for the evening party.....it was...at 8PM...but i tiold her we wil be late...."
he didnt know what all he was just making up at the brink of the moment....but he was glad he wasnt blank....she was still unaware about his surprise, n now she was back to being normal.....at least she seemed so...angry n frowning...yeh that was certainly normal for her...wait....was that why she left unannounced????he frowned in thought.....was she angry with him about something????well i will make up, whatever she is angry about.....she will love the surprise....oh man, its so hard to not tell her everything...should i just tell her now, forget the party n all....but the ring....8:30pm...armaan...dude just another 45minutes, n all is in place....
"is that all she said???" he looked up at her again....why did she sound like she was interrogating him...dam...i bet she can read through me....she can probably see um lying....trying to sound more cnvincing he said casually "yeh...of course...what else would she talk about???" ridhima looked at him in silence a couple of moments before looking at the road ahead again....after a few silent moments of wanting to yell at him n tell him to stop pretending n lying to her, she managed in a more civil voice "about the morning of course...." she saw him shoot her a look with raised eyebrows from the corner of her eyes "you met her in the morning???" he was getting bewildered by her questions, which seemed incoherent n irrelevant to the topic...."yeh what about it???sweetheart...can we get back to what u were saying before the call???"
he asked, cautiously....then in a more confident yet stern voice he continued "cause after that u have to answer my part of the questions....if this was a crazy idea to rebel and....." he just sighed not wanting to put in words n go over what he had gone through....relax armaan....shes with u...next to u...n normal of course, more than u are anyways, shes the one in control while u broke down there on the road, n now shes driving instead of u n ....hang on "RIDHIMA????" she stared at his voice....now what????she was supposed to be angry n mad at him...no much more than all that...why was he yelling.....
"stop the car....right now...." she stopped the car at the nearest point where she could let it stay without blocking the traffic or inviting trouble from the cops...n glared at him....n yet curious "what???" she asked....."ur driving????when will u listen to me???actually....how the hell do i even expect u to....i mean driving with that hand is nothing compared to disappearing for an hour n a half without a word, i mean why should it matter to me to know where u go n what u do n when n....."armaan..." he faced her as she looked at him with a serious intense look....something is not right but what he thought.....
"is there something u want to tell me???" as he gave her a questioning look, she sighed n explained "u met up with sandra in the morning....n now she called for the party reminder....is that all????u sure there is nothing else u want to tell me???" armaan forgot his side of questions momentarily thinking of what to say.....could she know about the surprise????but how could she???then what does she want to know about me meeting sandra...it was just the invite....n that i told sandy about proposing her....it obviously isnt the invite...did she guess somehow or.....
"ridzy???why are u asking me all this honey???i mean....it sounds like ur...." ridhima interrupted in an intended tone "my question first armaan..is there something else....something i dont know, but should???" armaan looked into her eyes for several long moments....she sounded genuine about the question.....strange though it was, he couldnt overlook her eyes as they looked back into his expecting him to answer with no make up excuses....he took in a deep breath looking down for a bit, then looking back at her he said "yes there is....." then holding her face in his hands gently he kissed her forehead n resumed "but can i reveal it at the right moment???i will tell u....the complete facts....can u give me time....until sandra's party????"
as she felt his intense gaze boring down into her....she nodded slightly not quite conscious of what she was doing, but she never could say no to him, least of all when he asked in such a sheer earnest way.....he smiled at her deeply n she could see the curves of his face ease into the dimples....he stared at her few more seconds then pulled her into a liplock.....she kissed him back her defenses useless, not knowing if she shouldnt....but why not....letting her go finally, he whispered "thanks....i promise u wont regret it....." she felt weak under his influence as always....but that did not stop the raging emotions within....
there was relief at his honest acceptance....there was a bitter stab of pain at the realization that the accusation had indeed been true....she knew it was something she would take a lot of time to overcome, n perhaps never forget.....but there was grim determination to accept him as she had decided, humans made mistakes, n he had confessed his, well almost....she was relieved that they shared a bond where such confessions were possible although she hoped n prayed desperately to have to face no more of such instances....he said she wouldnt regret giving him a chance, she knew she wouldnt....there was disgust at sandra's act, and the fact that she would have to face that unethical woman knowing facts....but she would....in fact not only will i face her, but i will show her my love n faith will overcome any trouble she plans for us....she took advantage of things once, but never again....for once n for all i need to end this....
she was ripped out of her thoughts as she felt herself lifted off the seat..."armaaaan??" she looked at him n then at people around embarrased yet a helpless smile breaking on her lips inevitably...." what are u doing???" she asked n he gave her a stern look n taking her to the other side of the car put her back on her feet "get in now....i am completely capable of driving back home...." and with that he went back to the drivers seat, n looked at her, before starting the car he said "ridzy....u still havent told me....."
she interrupted "about the last 2 hours....lets say um learning my lessons in life....n some just come the hard way....but i promise to never desert u like that again.....armaan it was just....u know what....i too will explain it all at the right moment....only, i dont know exactly when that right moment will come.....but....um sorry....i know u must have been totally wrecked n.....can we leave it for now????" he looked at her as she spoke each word....
yet again he remembered shashank had said about ridhima not talking her real troubles.....he sighed.....n thought to himself, it might take me sometime sweetheart but i will take this relationship to the level pa wanted....n u will ever after that talk out to me, every single worry in ur mind....but i guess u need time....."il wait....." he said aloud n gave her a small smile.....then turning on the ignition, taking her left injured hand which was on his side he looked at the dressing covering her ring finger....
she wondered what he was examining so seriously and as he frowned she asked "something wrong????" he placed it to his lips easing his frown n kissing it he said "nothing...." then letting go leaving her puzzled he added "remind me to re do that dressing when we get back home....." she looked at him weirdly, shaking her head....i will never understand when n what he starts thinking out of no where......then as she looked at him again she found him smiling to himself.....as always it was infectious n she found herself smiling too....linking her arm with his she rest her head on his shoulder n whispered "love u armaan...."...he kissed her hair n said "love u too princess, dont leave like that ever again, whatever the reason....." she nodded closing her eyes, inhaling the scent of his presence so close.......her hold on his arm tightening possessively as he pulled her closer to him....
************
he glanced for the nth time at her grim set face.....she smiled when he talked to her, responded normally....but he knew she was far from being normal at the moment...she had not even asked him where he was going when he told her to be ready n he would be back in 20minutes....he had to collect the ring n had racked his brain thinking of what to tell her but she never asked him....now she sat beside him in the car....
looking mesmerizing in her red n black evening gown, off shoulder, going down to cover her legs a bit below the knees, n black stylish heels....light delicate accessories, n hardly any make up except the kohl in her eyes...n light lip color, merging with her skin......everything was perfect....n yet.....he knew what was missing...her real chirpy smile...something was weighing on her mind heavily, n he desperately wanted to know what...it had everything to do with her sudden disappearance he was sure.....if only he had atleast a clue.....
ridhima glanced at him as he faced the road ahead driving in silence....is he feeling guilty n thinking about how he will finally confess his....weak moment bwith sandra????should i just tell him i know???but that might hit him worse.....oh man....armaan i dont want to make this hard for u....i mean....when iv decided to give my best shot n forget it all why should i want u to be pondering over it so deeply.....but i bet that two faced woman is not going to make it easy for u to forget.....
u know what honey....il be there with u....n we will face this together....oh god, if only i could strangle her to death......facing her tonight of all mights is going to be so.....she closed her eyes momentarily n sandra's image flashed into her mind....could anyone looking into those deep blue eyes figure what was cooking behind them in that plotting head of hers....she is such a.....wait a minute....blue eyes.....sandra has blue eyes????of course she does, thats perhaps the first thing anyone would notice about her.....deep blue eyes....for some strange reason her eyes flashing in her mind made ridzi uncomfortable.....something was trying to click in her mind but what......
"sweetheart???" she looked up at him hearing him speak..."huh???" she said snapping out of her thoughts...."are we there??" he shook his head n said "no but we are close...i was just...uh..."....as he fumbled with words she felt bad for him....that woman had caused him so much guilt...but she wouldnt let this work.....she decided to give a different shot "armaan....if i made a big mistake....like really grave....would u forgive me????" she asked simply, not knowing what had caused her to ask it.....
he too stared at her curiously.....something really serious was unknown to him....first she just left the house....n ever since she got back shes been talking in riddles....did she mess up something????i dont care....um always there no matter what....n its time i make u elieve that......aloud he said "ridhima....there is no mistake in the world big enough for me to not forgive u for......but would u tell me if i asked why this question????" she looked at him....he had meant every word he said....bending towards him she lightly kissed his lips, for a second sandra's face flashed in her head...had she too kissed him like....she pulled back looking away.....
feeling him grip her arm, she turned to face him, slight tears in her eyes and he slowed the car down to a side again.....holding her face in his hands he pulled her closer n said...."ridhima....i love u....." pausing he took a deep breath n let go of her, turning to face her completely...."will u ....." he lowered his eyes a bit....then looked back at her with a deep set smile sure of what he wanted to do....."will you marry me??????" her initial surprise, gave way to complete bafflement as she saw a ring case extended towards her, a beautiful shining solitaire sparkling bright...awaiting acceptance.....
************** ~Part 39~
Ridhima looked at the ring for moments totally dazed....OMG, was her first thought, this time i made him even propose with that same solitaire???...ridzy, u lovestruck idiot, STOP DREAMING....after quite an effort, still reluctant to avert her gaze from the shining stone, she made herself look up bracing herself mentally to let go of her deeply desired illusion....but she found herself staring into his expectant eyes...WHAT???no way.....could this be...REALLY REAL??? her surprise was now evident as his question showed signs of beginning to register .....
he had waited long, n had prepared for it to be much more grand than this....but he just couldnt see, what would be a more right moment...perhaps an appropriate ambiance was missing....but she needed this assurance...n now...n even if she could wait, he couldnt any more....anyways, he thought, no moment with her n me together can be wrong....this is it....He looked at her in anticipation of her reaction, even though she had given him the answer the same afternoon...his look was steady- raised eyebrows, lips parted slightly in a smile but the anxiety hard to miss in his wide crystal like hazel eyes, holding his breath....
the gnawing worries which had seemingly plagued her mind just couple of minutes ago deserted her in these moments completely, there was no place for anything else, her mind if ever capable of multitasking wasnt quite going to manage that for now....if she pushed herself to think his words were merely wishful dreaming, his look had rendered that doubt baseless....an overwhelming surge of emotions, a disarray of thoughts, n complete frenzie over what was real n what not, was a combination of a lot more than she could have prided herself of handling....
she had prepared for these simple words coming from him, almost rehearsed her response, but now they had such tremendous effect she forgot it all....perhaps not the words themselves for they were not anything she wouldnt have expected, but his sudden move at saying them now.... n this time....he definitely wasnt mocking....will u marry me??? he actually did propose??? now???when i resigned myself to assuming i was expecting too much too early???? "armaan...." she barely managed to whisper the word, still fearing his next words might burst her dream bubble....
he let out his withheld breath, and his face muscles started to relax, though not hearing her speak, for she still had not uttered the 'YES' he was awaiting, but by her dazed look reflected in her innocent soft features.....close to his expectation of her reaction....as she continued staring at him, he felt like she was waiting for him to answer the only word she uttered.....he smiled in deep meaning at her, as he put his hand out to caress her cheek she shivered ever so slightly at his touch....n he saw her look down at the ring again....
oh god, that touch was real....the ring hasnt disappeared, she looked back at him, n he is asking me to marry him???....THIS IS ALL TRUE N HAPPENING???....without much realization of her actions she impulsively flung her arms around him into a sudden hug, n would have knocked him off his seat had the door behind him not supported cause he was caught totally unaware....."ARMAAN???r u really....i mean....um not dreaming again???u did ask me what i heard right now????or did u not n......"
....armaan broke out in to a heartfelt laughter caused not just by her incessant rattling but by the sense of content relief at finally getting the answer, exactly what he wanted n much more....hugging her back he spoke over her tirade of questions "ssshhhh....sweetheart???will u leme answer???omg....ur such a kid...." finally managing to pull her apart n looking at her, his smile wide n dimpled, he said cupping her face "n i love u for being so....yes honey it is real....i work out all my nerves to ask u for ur hand....so i can hold it in mine n make my life long vows....n u think u dreaming???" he paused looking into her eyes in a cheeky way, yet with eyes deep n shining in sheer happiness....
then with an after thought he continued "wait...did u say u dreamt of this???.....wow ridzy, n here i was thinking um the one desperate to marry....n of all the ways in the world..." he paused then slipping the ring into the intended finger he said softening his tone, his voice sensuous n deep...."is this how my fair lady will grace me with a yes????...." he stopped as she looked back at him, slower at registering n absorbing all that was happening, than the pace he at which he called shots....
a yes of course, what else could he expect from me.....she thought turning red in her face not just blushing but radiant with joy....oh god, this is like a dream come true....like literally...n she lowered her eyes now.....the morning dream.....how true could it.......she paused her racing thoughts n heartbeats as he, noticing her latest expression of enveloping conscious shyness,continued, now in a teasing voice "finally someone remembers that ladies are meant to ACT all hustled n coy n hesitant when proposed, not jump out of joy even if thats the obvious reaction for any girl id propose!!!"
grinning, as he lifted her face n bent forward to give her a kiss to seal their perfect moment, he felt her pull back, now he frowned n was surprised to see her shoot him an instant questioning frown....her sudden change puzzled him.....wait now....what???.....he thought, not quite sure.....is she teasing me back????.....n said softly "i was just joking princess....i adore ur innocent display of emotions, n i never want u to camouflage them under what anybody else may perceive as suitable...." n he cupped her face gently looking deeply into her eyes....her next question however was quite unlike any he would have expected..."which other girl WOULD u have rather proposed armaan???"
it wasnt just the question, he would have taken the joke if only her tone had implied one, but hard as he tried, replaying the question in his head, the words seemed as honest n spontaneous as her hug had been moments ago...."why would i propose another girl ever ridhima???" he managed at long last in a hoarse whisper uncertain of what to expect....she broke her look momentarily n then looked back at him after a couple of seconds to herself n said almost warily "armaan...please honey, its....its ok...i mean i understand....no actually i dont quite yet but....i mean um ready to....." as she paused armaan said really confused n definitely not comfortable with her words
"ridzy....sweetheart i was just kidding...i mean seriously....u cant even begin to imagine my ecstasy for this moment, it was so hard just containing myself with all this, n i just couldnt wait to...propose....n to see u just as happy about it all...its just..." he paused seeing she still wasnt back to her smiling....sighing, he held her hands in his n kissed them lightly, then pulling her closer in he whispered "u r happy arent u???" in complete earnest n ridhima just wanted to forget all that was weighing on her mind again, let him take charge n relax in his embrace....fighting that urge she said solemnly again
"are u doing this just for my happiness???" armaan now panicked inside, what kind of questions are these????he answered immediately "yeh of course...i mean no...not just urs....it for us....dont u..."he paused his next words coming hard but he had to know...."dont u want it sweetheart..." he whispered very softly, holding her face under her chin from her neck his hands in her hair, as he brought her closer still...."of course i do armaan...." he relaxed a bit since her words were instantaneous n candid...."but" she continued n he frowned again..."not....not this way....i mean...not just....to make up to me....i mean i dont want this moment to be a consequence of any guilt for weak moments or uncontrolled...feelings n....u know what um saying right???" she asked cautiously, not wanting to hurt him or burden him with guilt yet telling him that she, like he said, would forgive him anything for what he meant to her was beyond all that....
but that, like that informer had said, she didnt want him to have to commit in a sense of compulsion....armaan at that moment lowered his eyes for seconds.....she thinks um doing it cause of yesterday nights guilt???i mean....yeh that was instrumental in making this happen....but, its been coming to me anyways....i dont know how to wait any longer....but does she....i thought last night it wasnt just me who wanted to take that new step in our relation, it felt like she had granted her consent too...but could i have....read her wrong???..."ridhima do u....i mean....do u need more time???i just....i know u were not prepared n this was sudden, but i dont want u or me to ever feel remorse for our beautiful relationship n emotions..n after all that happened, i thought a lot n it seemed like the right thing n time....but i...i totally understand if u....i mean if u....this isnt like an imposed thing....ok???" he posed the big question precariously, knowing he would abide by her decision, but if only she...follows her heart....why do i feel like it wants the same as mine????
she looked into his eyes n found he couldnt have meant it anymore....her heart had missed beats when he said he thought this was the right thing after what happened....no remorse....she had said the words before about him not having to take a step in guilt but deep down she knew she was hoping desperately he would still refute it all n say he was doing it, only cause he felt the need for it like she did.....here he was now being downright honest....confessing it all as she had wanted....n leaving the decision in her hands....
she thought a few more moments then making up her mind she asked the last question before sorting it all out taking a deep breath "armaan....is this what u wanted to tell me at ....sandra's party?????i mean the something u said u would tell me in its good time???" armaan nodded after a few moments of just staring at her in rapt attention, unsure of her words n tone n not quite able to nail down the reasons causing it all explicitly.....it was like he knew random bits of the whole thought process n that too was mostly his analysis, not admitted by her.....she closed her eyes....not wanting to fall weak, for the decision, though hers after thought n the only one she wanted to take, was not coming to her easy....regaining her remaining nerves she said opening her eyes again "armaan i....much as i would want this to be it...i..." she gently made to remove the ring from her hand lowering her gaze on the pretext for it was becoming impossible to this looking into his soulful eyes, saying "i do need sometime because...."
....."ssshhhh...." he silenced her holding her hand to prevent her from removing the solitaire....he let out a deep breath looking away, fighting his tears threatening a second time that evening, n his surge of emotions at the way all this had gone, if only.....he looked back at her again solemnly, n kissed her forehead, venting out his passion n emotion letting his lips linger on for several moments....then letting go, he looked into her eyes yet again n with a small smile n pulling her closer he said "keep that....its yours....u need time....but..." taking a deep breath he tried to look happier n said in a more cheerful voice "u do plan to say nothing other than a yes....right???"
his effort at humor was as fake to her as to him n she knew he was as serious about his question as he could ever be....she couldnt hold back anymore....n pulling him into a hard hug she she nodded vigorously, then realizing he couldnt see she let him go n looking at him with moist eyes she said "it can never be anything else armaan...." n she pulled him into a kiss, full of desperation, it was impossibly hard to have taken the moment of her life this direction....he kissed her back with equal ardor his hands finding her bare delicate neck n caressing her soft skin....why dont u just say yes baby he wanted to scream, but he couldnt say that...he didnt want it to be a forced one sided decision when it involved the two of them not just him....
so he let his kiss do the talking.... pulling her in deeper, not letting go even when he felt the breathlessness taking over....please sweetheart....why are u doing this....why are u expecting this from me its...going to kill me now...this wait....please just....say yes....n he could feel the heat in the passion was rising to almost violent levels, but somehow, as the night before, he felt it wasnt just him....last night....he finally let go...slowly n reluctantly....but when he saw her eyes, they were like mirrors to his own....he just couldnt be reading her so wrong could he???then why was she....asking for time????
he looked away breaking the look, it was driving him into an insane torment of contradicting thoughts n he held his head in his hands gripping it with intense force....moments later he looked up feeling her touch on his shoulder, n without facing her he whispered in a crestfallen miserable voice "um sorry ridhima....i didnt want this to turn out...the way it did...i just...duno why i thought it was the right moment....n to think...i was actually going to confess at the party n then it would have been so.....reg was right....i should have talked to u about it all.....anyways....." he turned on the ignition without having looked at her yet, "um glad to have not...had a unintended scene there...." with that he steered the car back onto the road.....pushing all thoughts out of his mind n facing the road in intense concentration as if he was driving for the first time.....
ridhima felt completely broken.....if i am doing the right thing, why does it feel so wrong.....couldnt i just say yes, but...he is just having to do this to make up, he admitted....n...wait...reg knew about it too????why didnt he...well he told armaan to talk to me....which is perhaps the only right way....how i wish....god can i just say i dont care about anything n love him no matter what n am ready to accept his proposal....all of that is true isnt it????no i want it to come from his heart as it does from mine n not a consequence of any remorse....guess um incredibly hopeless at reading him, for he seemed as earnest about it as me, until he said it was the right thing after all that happened....i almost thought he was.....she looked at her ring....n let out a bitter smirk....what irony.....n then looked out of her window, anything to not face him right then....it was hard enough to have to control her emotions sitting next to him so close....
as he pulled the car into the driveway he saw her glance at the vanity mirror on her sunshade flap to check if she looked fine.....he smiled despite himself, grim though the smile was....he knew she wasnt the one to be stuck to mirrors, she was only looking for any tell tale signs of what had transpired between them minutes ago......he spoke at last "ur fine....dont worry....." she looked at him startled, then realizing he knew what she was doing she blushed slightly n gave him a small smile.......
then frowning slightly she bent forward n said "but ur not..." n he felt her thumb rub against his lower lip making him stare at her...."lipgloss" she explained a bit flustered, then giving a weak grin she added "glitters on lips....not quite the boys thing u know....." and he broke into an inevitable grin himself, shaking his head at her.....then getting out of the car he went to her side n offered her his arm opening the door....as they moved closer to the main door, sensing she was still not quite normal, just like him.....he whispered "think i forgot to say...u look gorgeous.....but i miss the smile...." she looked at him n he looked back with an intended look, n her lips curled into a gradual smile....he gave her a light peck on her cheeks n finished "love u..."....
*************
she looked around with the fake plastered smile her facial muscles begining to ache with the effort of maintaining it....barely half an hour had passed since they made appearance into the party....n the strain was getting unbearable....if that woman thought she would make life miserable for armaan n her, she would have tough resistance without doubt....sandra, as expected, had been unnervingly warm to them, especially armaan...n in a polite cheerful yet indicative way which was hard to miss, had asked ridhima's 'permission' to take him around n introduce him to some people who had been anxiously awaiting his arrival....armaan hoped ridhima would make some excuse since he couldnt think of a way to turn this down, but she nodded with a slight smile.....not wanting him to think she was trying to change things in his life for his one mistake....if she had given him the chance she would give it with complete trust no matter what....
all that time however, she couldnt help but stare helplessly, as sandra locked her arm with armaan's n took him around....she was repulsed to the innermost nerves, n she was certain she could see discomfort written all over armaan's face....but that was not unexpected....he regretted his mistake...n the proposal had not quite helped him get out of it either....had she, by saying no, made him think she did not forgive him???she sighed...her mind was a turmoil n she was getting suffocated in the sophisticated airs of the people around her....well it was more of a socialite gossip place ridhima thought, with a fancy facade of elegance n stature....she looked at her watch for the nth time....if only at least reg n muski would come, it would be so much better....
she had been touched by how warmly the team mates had treated her, not leaving her alone too long, realizing they were the only ones she knew...but for then she wished to be alone....at least not with people who thought her smile was real....she knew they were trying to make her feel a part of the place....but that was the whole point....this wasnt where she belonged....it wasnt about the societal n stature difference alone....it was about how unreal people were being, how fake each word they spoke was.....is this like armaan's real world??? she wondered....how will i ever manage to fit into it.....
"lets go ridhima...." she turned around hearing his voice....his expression was an exhausted n frustrated one...."leave???....like right now????" realizing how her voice betrayed her relief at his words she immediately covered up..."i mean....armaan...shouldnt u...." he interrupted...."yeh i should stay....complete all obligations....look normal n happy....greet everyone as suitably should be done....but i cant....um tired ridhima....." his last words were an extremely hoarse whisper, his voice pleading her to understand without explaination....which wrenched her heart as she knew she was somewhere partly responsible for his state...."dont ask how i finally found an escape excuse n now i just want to get out of here....please???" she felt the same herself....but as she was going to answer they heard the chirpy voice interrupt again,
"there u are AB...." armaan shut his eyes gritting his teeth before turning around with a forced smile....and ridhima turned around with him....she found herself dreading that this voice would from now haunt even her dreams she was so vexed with it...while sandra continued "there is a certain someone special who has been waiting to meet u all day....he got caught up with some unexpected hassle n therefore got delayed....but he is here now....n asking for u" ...armaan spoke, trying hard to keep the agitation out of his voice "who is it sandy???another business delegate???i have my hands full when i go back home, i dont want america turning into another london for me...." sandra smiled holding onto his arm, n ridhima clenched her fists still keeping the calm look on....
n she said "oh apparently he wants to surprise u, n demanded i keep his name to myself till u meet him, n no sweetie he isnt quite the typical business delegate...why dont u come along...." as she fluttered her eyes at him coyly, ridhima found it hard to maintain constrain....those deceptive blue eyes again....um just gona strangle this woman.....she caught armaan's fleeting reaction, n even from the corner of her eye she knew he would not be able to face this much longer....she answered before he could...."thanks sandra, its so kind of you to let us know...." turning to armaan she said "lets go darling, i wana meet this someone special too..." and squeezing his hand she smiled at him warmly reassuring him to follow her lead.....and she felt armaan relax almost instantly as he interlocked his fingers with hers.....smiling back at her n nodding he said "perfect....where is he sandy???"
sandra swallowed her anger at her attempt being foiled n smiling outwardly at both of them she said...."come right along...." they had walked only a few feet when ridhima's cell rang....she saw the caller id a bit puzzled....'private number'....again???she thought...could it be....now what....she cut the call....but it did not go unnoticed by armaan "who was it ridzy" he asked just as an obvious curious question, but before she could answer the cell rang again, same call, ridhima frowned at it but as she was going to cut the call a second time she saw sandra looking at her curiously.....ridhima impulsively clicked the answer key, n letting go of armaan's hand she looked at him with requesting eyes n indicated she would be back in a bit.....armaan's gaze followed her disappearing back for moments until sandra quipped cheerfully "AB, shall we???" and he looked back at her, resigning with a shrug he indicated her to lead....
"hello???HELLO???why dont u speak up???" ridhima flipped close her cell with obvious irritation, from cutting the third blank call....she glared at it waiting for it to ring again but it did not....finally she looked back up n around trying to find where armaan was so she could join him before that woman made any more moves.....she scanned the room end to end .....and then as she was giving a cursory glance to each passing face, she stopped short.....n turned her eyes back to a group of four she had just seen....there he was....red shirt n black suit....as she made her way towards him hastily, easing her face into the same fake smile....the sight caused her to slow down....
armaan stood with his back, laughing heartily....n so did an elderly appearing man....who somehow seemed familiar....but that wasnt what made her gasp the very next second.....she narrowed her eyes as she saw the man, around who's neck sandra slid her arm laughing her usual fluttery way.....OMG....she thought....and she closed in a few more feet between her n the group, their words now audible....as sandra said "exactly sir....thats what i keep trying to knock into Ben's head....but u know how brothers can be???the one person he pays no heed to is me...." BROTHER???....n she stood rooted to the spot, unable to move on as she heard the voice of the source of her focus....if she could have even remotely doubted her recognition of those deep blue pair of eyes, which, as before looked too blue to be real, the voice confimred it....
only this time it didnt sound plain earnest n true, but also eerie in a marked way perhaps cause of the words he spoke...."o c'mon sandy....i dont pay heed to u???then no one does, is there ever a thing i havent fixed for u , as u have wished for it to be done????" n ridhima felt a piece fall in place....familiar he was indeed, she thought as her eyes darted from one pair of blue eyes to the next....she concentrated again hearing armaan speak up next..."thats true sandy i agree with ben..i mean ur just a couple of minutes elder than him, n he is the one who trully plays the role of being a twin sibling...." ...TWINS???no wonder i thought....the resemblance was striking....
she had heard enough....as she walked up towards armaan with a warm n confident smile, she had no idea of why she suddenly felt at peace n in control....she did not know what was going to happen next, but her intuition seemed to assure that certain issues were going to be resolved out here soon.....they all turned around as she spoke in her lovely soft voice "armaan???" she saw his smile widen causing the dimples to flash as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder bringing her into the group n said facing the old man..."alright now....this is....." he was interrupted "ms. gupta....so we meet again....."
ridhima could have jumped for joy, she did not quite know why though, seeing the man who had been her god sent angel n she spoke the happiness in her voice magnified, her face glowing suddenly "Mr. Dumus....what a pleasant surprise....i..." she too was cut off as sandra interrupted the happy reunion which wasnt quite appealing to her "its SIR Dumus ridhima..." she said, with an edge to her cheerful voice which did not escape her target but before ridhima could reply the gentleman did "actually...i think Arthur would be best, befitting our encounter from this afternoon...if u would please, ms.gupta..." ridhima smiled deeply, not just touched by arthur's gesture, but by her victory over sandra....trivial though it was, it seemed to her at that moment that the turning of tables had only just begun.....
aloud she asked "UNCLE Arthur..????" stressing the first word as a question, as he nodded in approval, she continued smiling..."its ridz for those who are special to me....." ...before she could speak another word, armaan came out of his pleasant daze, n said, in an excited voice "wait on....how do u both...." he left it at that, the question obvious, and arthur explained "i met her this afternoon, when my car broke down....she was tremendous help..." ridhima smiled at him graciously, realizing he had skipped the latter part of their meeting.....as arthur continued "but u tell me my boy...is she the girl your father hasnt stopped boasting about ever since he got back from India????" armaan grinned nodding while ridhima blushed slightly at the outright compliment....armaan now said "yes sir, she is...." tightening his grip around ridhima, nad kissing her hair slightly he continued "ridhima gupta....my gi...."....."ARMAAN'S FIANCE...." ridhima said simply, cutting him off, with complete emphasis on both word's....as the 3 heads other than arthur turned to look at her in complete shock....for different reasons of course.....ridhima smiled radiantly, winking at armaan ever so slightly.....
**************
~Part 40~
ridhima knew she would never forget all her life the look on armaan's face at that moment....it was an image captured to be stored forever by her heart....even in his struck look, the feeling that was rising within him was surfacing into expression....as he stared at her without blinking unable to absorb her sudden move, she almost found herself cursing even through her smile, her previous words in the car....
she had flashes of his reaction when she hugged him, n then how she drained each bit of that momentary jubilance from him with her following words....i know i never wanted to turn him down she thought, but i didnt want to be an imposed obligation.....but look at him now ridzy....if u really were all but a consequence forced by his self remorse would he reflect this wordless ecstatic emotion so flawlessly???
n she knew as she saw his lips worded her name soundlessly, with a hint of smile, the love in his eyes boring down into her, that she had finally made the right decision, n needed no approval for it, she felt like a burden had been lifted off her suddenly, her heart warming smile now came easily, n reaffirmed her stance.....to both him n her.....
he had jerked his head to look into her eyes as an inevitable reflex to her words....ARMAAN'S FIANCE.....the words were echoing in his head, he did not dare blink, just in case this was a figment of his imagination he would rather he lived in the illusion forever....but...wait a minute, he thought...she just winked at me??? will someone explain whats happening here???? or is it just me losing it.....she...she said that??? did she....i mean, could she have....meant it the way it.....OMG...what the.....SHE SAID SHES MY FIANCE??? but when did she decide n.....i mean...is that all the time she needed???
hang on, shes teasing me right???or was it her teasing me in the car???oh god this girl gonna make me a total nutter....but...no she looks serious about it....n this is hardly her style or place to try her hand at such caustic humor....no she means it....then why didnt she say it minutes ago when it was just her n me n....oh c'mon armaan....SHE JUST SAID THE YES YOU CRAVED FOR LIKE CRAZY....what else do u care about....but...she really does...????
he tightened his grip around her again much more than before, waiting anxiously for her to shrug it off if any of this wasnt intended the way he thought it was, but as she let it stay n smiled back deeper, he wanted to scream with joy....it was impossible to contain the eruption of emotions, n there was no way to vent it out....the feeling was sinking in fast now, spreading a warm gushing sensation to each one of his nerves, as one would experience with sudden extreme consumption of liquor....if only it had been just the two of them....RIDHIMA SWEETHEART....OH GOD U DONT KNOW WHAT U HAVE GIVEN ME PRINCESS....
n her name escaped his lips but there was no sound as he continued staring at her hoping for some move, though he didnt know exactly what more he hoped for her to do now.....these but few moments which seemed like stilled into eternity were brought back to the word of moving time when they were both pulled into a hug....n heard arthur speak in an affectionate voice..."god bless u both.....here i was, thinking of surprising u with the sudden visit, but u just returned it to me manifold...." then letting them go he said with a cheeky look specially to armaan "chris doesnt know this yet does he???....think il break the news to him during our next saturday golf round, the sudden announcement will guarantee my victory! AHA! perfect!!"
at any other time armaan would have added a couple of his own wisecracks to the comment but he wasnt quite aware of much around him except her....so ridhima spoke up to get a filler into the conversation n not make his reaction obviously rude, blushing slightly...."i would guess armaan told dad about this" she said looking at him still smiling for the convenience of others in the group but getting embaresed now with his lack of reception to the surroundings...
n he jerked out of his daze as she stepped on his foot in a subtle way, unnoticed by the rest, to make him react..."aaaahhh" he said instantly his glazed lovestruck look replaced with a slight frown and as she gave a stern look with her eyes ever so slightly adding with her constantly maintained smile "didnt u honey???" immediately he covered up "aaah i mean aaah yeh...i did tell dad...i was going to...uh propose...."
then he looked at arthur and said "but ur the first one who knows she accepted the ring...." in an undertone he muttered audible only to ridhima n himself "even before me...." she would have wanted to glare at his remark but he said it in such sheer innocent way linking his fingers into her right hand, that she couldnt help breaking into a bright wide smile again.....
"ahem ahem" as sandra cleared her throat, ridhima realized the other two present there must have been taken back as strongly as armaan, only for them it must have been an awful shock....she didnt know what exactly was wrong n where....but if this informer was sandra's twin, he could be no less trouble could he???following her instincts again she decided to play her next card, not knowing where any of this was headed....
but now she n armaan were in it together, like literally together, and he was the unaware team mate so she just had to handle it alone, for now atleast....she spoke up with a bright smile, matching the fake ones she had encountered all evening, her tone just as artificial..."oh how crass of me...i apologize....but i think i missed an introduction here...." saying so, on the pretext of her right hand linked with armaan's she extended her left contrary to the usual with a mock apologetic look, but ensuring the ring would not be missed...."hi, um ridhima...ridhima gupta...."
then as he took her hand uncertainly she added with a frilly laugh "its weird that i feel like we dont need an introduction...have we met before???" pausing she finished "anyways, nice to meet u" that was the prefect shot, she knew with the look he returned, shocked at first, then his eyes narrowed a bit, but he composed himself within seconds n conveyed his pleasantries in a tone matching hers
"the pleasure is all mine....Benjamin....Benjamin Courtez.....n to answer ur question, id love to claim iv known u from the past.... but alas! um certain i have been deprived of the pleasure of prior aquaintance with a lovely lady as urself, for its hardly like me to forget a pretty face iv seen before...." as he bent slightly to kiss her hand in polite gesture she cringed with inward disgust, glad that it was half covered in bandage which she would change at the first chance now....
she would have pulled her hand away had she not been placed in a situation requiring self constrain....and he looked at her with his creepy blue eyes just before letting go, his look intended, n its intention obvious to ridhima now....armaan didnt know why but could sense some discomfort in the tightening of ridhima's fingers interlocked with his own.....so he merely squeezed her hand in reassurance....
none of the unsaid words n speaking expressions escaped arthur, he knew all wasnt as right as it was being projected....he remembered the tormented state ridhima had been when he met her as a complete stranger that afternoon....when he saw her now with armaan for minutes he thought her problem had been solved, but instincts told him now not to go by that assumption....and so he said as if passing a witty remark. to try n judge the situation here
"now now ben....its hardly a gentleman's way to pass flirtations at a lady who's taken.....there are many pretty singles here...think we should find u a suitable match for the evening!" before anyone else the unusally quiet sandra defended her brother, miraculously her tone still betraying nothing except charm "Ben can just never pass a chance to compliment beautiful ladies sir dumus....um sure he meant nothing more....its just typical of him...." turning to armaan n ridhima she added "no offense right???" armaan smiled back nodding but ridhima just gave a small smile, before looking at arthur gratefully n was surprised to find him observing her already....
the looks and smiles were interrupted as they all turned hearing two familiar voices speak together "doesnt seem like we were missed much huh???" n the very next moment arthur found himself wrapped in a hug by one of the two new people who spoke in an excited voice "omg....uncle arthur....this has to be the best surprise i got today....." as he let go, arthur said grinning back at him "happy birthday reg!"
giving him a pat, then turning his attention to muskaan he added with a mischievous smile "there now.....my day to meet the wonderful ladies iv been hearing so much about.....but u have excuse me, um terrible with names...." she stepped forward to meet his extended hand uncertainly, not knowing what was expected of her, n who this man was, claiming to know her well yet not remember her name...."muskaan chadha...." she said aloud with a polite smile n arthur replied "Arthur William Dumus....pleased to meet u....um a close friend of chris....n have seen these boys grow up before my eyes like my own children...."
turning to rahul n armaan he added "if either of u ladies need to any data about their past records um the man u should come to....know them more than their own dads would...right boys???' they both broke out laughing and rahul explained "everytime we were denied stuff at home, or likely to be grounded for pranks, we knew uncle arthur was our only respite...hes been our partner in crime, much to the horror of our families!!!they were only too glad when we both were sent away from london but do they know u tracked us down here as well???" arthur broke out laughing as the four of them gleamed with happiness.....ridhima was the only one unable to miss the exchange of looks between the twins who were present yet momentarily forgotten....what's cooking in their heads now she thought....i have to get to the depth of facts here...n fix this issue once n for all.....
*************
"ummmm....this or this....." muttered ridhima undecided between the choices she faced....venesse coffee flavored ice cream cake n the truffle eclairs....the gloomy loss of apetite from an hour ago had been transformed completely....this was her special night n she was going to enjoy, no matter what or where.....the four of them with arthur had been engaged in long fun chats with sandy n ben making unwanted but insignificant appearances on and off....
rahul n muskaan had been thrilled to see the ring in place and after the rounds of hearty congratulations, one topic of discussion among the group had been of how n when to inform everyone back home, n also where the couple was going to treat after all was fixed....until they got up to disperse for dinner....
realizing that armaan had wanted to talk to her alone desperately she decided to tease him a bit longer now, n on the pretext of using the ladies room pulled muskaan to join her....muski would have protested but catching ridhima's warning eye she shrugged apologetically at armaan and went with her....
ridhima giggled her eyes dancing with mischief, as she loved to to see armaan first warn her with a quick glare, then shoot her a helpless frown with pleading eyes as he struggled to keep a straight face n pay attention to the conversation at hand among the men....
"neither..." she smelt the engulfing cologne even before she heard his voice, as he whispered breathing down her bare neck.......n as she turned around to face him, he stuffed a strawberry tart into her mouth without giving her a second to react, n then grinned back at her with raised eyebrows, n a content smile of sweet vengence....as she covered her stuffed mouth lightly with her hand trying to gulp down the huge piece,
as she rolled her eyes at him in disgust, he broke into a hearty laugh his head falling back n then looking back at her sweetly he winked, n hissed closing in towards her "crowning urself as the only smart prankster???think again princess, ur up against the master himself....." as she finally managed to finish the tart, she narrowed her eyes at him, n then showing she was affected by the juvenille prank, she turned back to the desert section tossing her hair hard across his face....
he smiled at the feel of the soft tresses, n the floral fragrance of the shampoo...but seeing her about to pick up an eclair he slid his arms around her waist n held back her hand....."no i dont think so..." he whispered into her hair close to her ears....n as she turned in his arms with a puzzled look more than a furious one he explained in a matter of fact tone, but the mischief in his eyes evident "sweetheart that yummy strawberry tart in enough calories for the day, no more deserts for u tonite....."
as she frowned "i dont want my FI-AN-CE turning into a fat pig...." she glared at him with daggers in her eyes at the way he authoritatively emphasized the word making his point obvious n he continued "i mean at least not before the wedding, people can severly misinterpret that u know, n uh...i mean...just dont want it to get awkward for u...." as she fumed in anger now as his tacky indicative joke on her, her face turned red n he chuckled and giving her a quick peck on her nose he went on
"i mean personally i dont care...i love u anyways....but if u really wana get out of shape, why dont we do it the right way.....i mean deserts ....are not half as fun u know....." and he winked at her horrified expression now, as she turned crimson not just in anger but also embarassed....."ARMAAAAN" she hissed at him, struggling to get free as he held her firmly with a mock innocent look of one hanging onto her each word, his eyebrows raised in rapt attention....
she looked at him a few moments n realizing he wouldnt let go she smiled at him instead....he was taken aback n narrowed his eyes in suspicion when she explained her smile looking beyond him n saying "what desert did u take uncle arthur...." he let go of her spontaneously turning around 180 degrees caught guilty....but the very next moment he realized what an obvious trick he had fallen for, she swiftly slid through his arms n winked at him as he turned to look back at her grinning n moving away into the crowd.....letting out a sigh he smiled deeply blushing and shaking his head heaven wards, then ran after her to catch up.....
finally managing to grab her wrist he turned her around full swing pinning her against the closest tree as their chase led them into the much darker lush lawns surrounding the mansion....."armaan" she gasped still out of breath from evading him....."i love u..." he whispered, breathless himself...."i love u so much honey...." then pausing as he finally was catching his breath back he continued in a more audible calm voice "thank u...." she looked into his eyes which shone in the dim moonlight, reaching them only partially through the cracks in the clusters of the trees leaves....before she could think of what to say he had pulled her into a liplock.....
n as he caressed her neck n back, infusing deeper passion into her than ever before, she felt his kiss was for once demanding rightful ownership....she kissed him back with the same ardor, wanting him to know she was all his forever.....as they broke apart after several long blissful moments he saw her eyes were still closed, her lips slightly trembling.....he moved back a little and holding up her hand with the shining ring he whispered the question he had been dying to ask....." why did u.....i mean.....um not complaining ...in fact....um delighted to an extent i cant express in words...but.....um lost ridhima....i feel like um missing pieces here.....n i want to know now, whats on ur mind.....please....can this be your right moment to tell me everything???"
**************
~Part 41~
she stayed quiet for several long moments not even thinking much initially, but just caught by the intensity of his look as his eyes searched her face for her reply.....she knew this would come....she had to tell him she had known all along about him n sandra....why did she think those happy moments inside were going to spare her this awkward acknowledgement......more so for him than her....the issue was a closed chapter now as far as she was concerned, cause the moment she had claimed herself his fiance it had felt so right n it didnt matter why....but now he wants to talk of it again n allow the guilt back into his head, wasnt my public acceptance of his proposal, redemption enough????couldnt he just let it be???
he moved slightly back seeing the reluctance looming large in her eyes....relaxing his grip on her making it a gentle hold but not breaking his look he spoke again in a voice softer still, but well conveying his urgency n need "ridhima.....i know u asked for time n i said il wait....but its....its just eating me inside.....i mean its not just about this or tonight.....it was the night u cut your hand....it was few nights after that when u broke down....n it was today when u disappeared.....n its about now...the sudden public declaration.....i would only be too happy to believe if u said this was just ur way to surprise me with a yes as i had asked u to in the afternoon in the name of but a joke....n i could conveniently believe all the reasons u gave me for those unexplained times before....." he paused
...."but il be honest....we both know theres more to it....only, u know what that more is n um still waiting for u to tell me.....why dont u just let it out honey???i mean....u know there is nothing to hide between us....when i wanted to read ur diary we agreed i could just ask u for what i wanted to know instead of sneaking ways to know it???ridhima....i have stuck to my word...there never was n never will be anything i keep from u n u should not have to keep facts from me either baby...dont u trust me to understand???" he paused for her to reply....ridhima was still quiet, but there was a sudden change of expression as she frowned slightly.....
why was he going back to all that now???it doesnt quite need to be discussed especially now that he n sandra.....if he knew how hard sandra had tried to demean me, he would regret his one time stand with her even more.....she cursed the twins mentally....first they tried to get to my weakness by proving me not worthy of him....n well they would have succeeded had armaan not been with me n made me realize he loved me for being me the night i broke down.....then they tried the second way....she exploited his weak moment n her brother tried to prove armaan isnt worthy of me???
n much as id like to not believe a word of the accusations those crooks made, armaan admitted himself in the car tonight that he fell for the trap.....but the point is he did propose u ridzy....n he admitted the truth....he wouldnt do any of that if it was an intentional mistake....intentional....exactly...maybe he didnt even know....i mean....what if...WHAT IF SANDRA HAD ACTUALLY GIVEN HIM DRUGS OF SOME SORT???n then accused him of it n made him feel all guilty....shes capable of anything....ok why am i even thinking all this...i dont care anymore...he was always with me when i made impulsive mistakes....i will be with him.....in fact i am with him.....they will never mess with us again.....i wont let them.....i will tell him they set him up n i know that so he doesnt have to ever blame himself...who knows they might try to blackmail him next, since i managed to work my way out of their bait for me....
armaan meanwile tried to read her mind as her frown deepened, her expression seemed to be varying in degrees of the gravity of her thoughts....remembering her words from earlier that evening he spoke again "honey....look....even if its what u think might be the most unforgivable mistake u made....just tell me...." he opened his mouth to say more then shut it again undecided.... "i mean...." but she interrupted this time jerked out of her thoughts with what he just said "mistake???ME???what did i do???" armaan didnt miss the sudden defensive edge to her voice....maybe he was talking this out in a wrong way....
he said "u asked me if i would forgive u for any mistake u ever made....in the car remember???n...." she interrupted him again "armaan???that was....cause of u....i mean....i just....u know it was like this struggle within i wanted to forgive u, n told myself i had done that, but somehow....i mean its just....the unseen images of what might have taken place between u n her....u know it was hard to fight my imagination from running wild....it..just wasnt easy....i know u regret it n never meant to....so now i want u to move on as i just did....cause u love me n would never let it happen again n i know that n trust u for it.....with sandra, or with anybody else in the world....right???"
armaan looked at her incredulously now.....forgive me???regret it???move on???what....wait a minute..."SANDRA???ridzy....sweetheart....why do u keep bringing her between us???....i mean we are discussing more important stuff here....why are u stuck about her ...." she was taken back by the slight irritation in his voice as he said the last part.....a bit agitated herself now she said "well thats what i wana do.....not be stuck about her armaan....thats what i did an hour ago by forgiving u n accepting ur proposal right???what else do u expect from me???" armaan moved back releasing her, struck by her words....then running his hands through his hair he shut his eyes shut momentarily, while she cursed herself for the unintended harshness in her last words....but what was he expecting from her???briniging up the topic, n yet not mention sandra????how did he think she could do that???
armaan said now in a clearly troubled voice "ridhima???what are u talking about???what did u forgive me for???no i mean...i know its about last night but i thought u would understand after i proposed that i am totally serious about our relationship n that last night though not how i had intended it to be, was definitely not just a mere temptation....i gave considerable thought after all that happened n it felt like the right thing to do was to ask u for our wedding....um sorry about getting carried away in that moment but....i just.....it felt like u almost wanted me to go on n....but i know i should have still held back n didnt.....n its not even like i believe i can trust myself to not lose it again....which is why i dint think i wanted to wait anymore but i also did not want to be presumptious on ur behalf, n so it seemed most appropriate to ask u if you were as ready to commit as i was....but when i asked u in the car i felt like....i mean i was asking u for ur answer i know, but i was expecting only a yes....when u said u needed time it was just like a bitter fact i had to reconcile with for the time being.....n then within 30 mins u made up ur mind n announced it before all....i cant tell u what that moment felt like, perhpas the best in my life i can remember.....but....it isnt like u to be oscillating in two minds.....so i conclude there must be some reason which um missing on n...."
he had to stop as ridhima interrupted silencing him "armaan...." she whispered before he could continue further....she could no longer make sense of where n why this conversation was headed.....in a more audible voice she spoke on "u ask me to give u facts, though id rather we forget it all....n then u tell me to not mention sandra....n now why r u digressing from the topic to last night???how are the two things connected, none of this is making even remote sense.....i mean u r right...i did not want u to stop in the least....it felt like u read my innermost....desires....but then u just never mentioned it again all of today n i was almost upset thinking it didnt mean to u what it had meant to me...n that u were avoiding what had been for me the most beautiful moment between us expressing ur earnest confession of passion....but i put it off my mind somehow until i learnt about the events of the morning n realized they were what caused u to suddenly evade the topic....i was hit hard.....i would have actually fallen for ben's trap n had been ready to call a time out on our relationship had i not run into uncle arthur n...."
"WHAT????" armaan was close to yelling this time as he gripped her shoulders hard, pulling her towards himself forcefully...."A TIME OUT ON OUR RELATIONSHIP????RIDHIMA WHAT THE HELL ARE U TALKING ABOUT???" seeing her terrified look he stopped, with a sharp intake of breath he said in a voice controlled with tremendous effort "what events from the morning .....ridhima....i think there is something really wrong here....will u explain in explicit terms what u mean by THE EVENTS OF THE MORNING WHICH MADE U EVEN CONSIDER CALLING QUITS.....BETWEEN US???" he said with heavy emphasis on the last words trying to vent out his shock over what she had said without his desperation taking control....how could she have even....dreamt of something like this....n....oh god....why is she even saying any of this....we are now formally engaged for heavens sake, he thought in frustration looking at her.....
as his fingers dug deeper into her skin with his effort to not lose control, his grip was beginning to hurt her, but that didnt hit her half as much as his words....he had never yelled at her in this way.....n now....of all the times for no fault of hers.....why was he back tracing his own words....she had forgiven him n now he was contradicting his own confession...or was she misunderstanding him???....she shut her eyes fighting back her threatening tears, from the physical n verbal pain he was inflicting upon her....i have to tell him i knew it all from scratch....n she spoke in a hoarse whisper, not opening her eyes..."i knew about sandra n u...before u actually told me urself, about how u both....."
she paused again n opening her eyes which reflected her pain as she spoke on her voice cracking "why are u making me word this armaan....isnt it hurting u as much as its hurting me???" even as she posed the question hoping for him to just pull her into his arms n say the topic was closed, she found him close to doing nothing like that.....his eyes were a like raging storms while his voice almost in contrast sounded broken n helpless...."hurting me???YES IT IS.....IT IS HURTING ME DAM IT.....TO THINK U COULD EVER HAVE THOUGHT OF ENDING WHAT IS BETWEEN US....n instead of telling me the reason ur talking in riddles n asking me to let u go without an explaination???"
ridhima looked at him dumbstruck by his most recent words.....I AM TALKING IN RIDDLES???n he is hurt....but um not supposed to react or be broken by his action???she said the anguish evident in her voice "armaan if it had been me who....who cheated, even if unintentionally....would u let me go??? perhaps u would but how can u expect me to think of it n take it in an easy stride as well....here i am ready to forget it all, cause i know it was sandras trap for u, n ben joined hands with her....n because um not willing to sacrifice u, n me....us together...to one mistake n create a crevice in our relationship.....n u say um hurting u???"
as armaan stood still rendered speechless by what he could infer from her words she resumed trying to explain with somewhat more control, but it was coming hard to her now...."it was the initial shock of seeing the picture ben emailed, n then reading his letter telling me stuff...all that made me impulsive, but would that not be an obvious instant reaction???didnt u react much the same way when u thought i was with aryan n i had cheated u???but after uncle arthur met me accidentally as a stranger i decided i wasnt going to believe any of it until i hear it from u, n u alone.....but u....confessed...n" she stopped knowing another word would break her down, shutting her eyes the strain was making her weak now....why are you doing this armaan....to me, to urself...to us...we are together now...is that not enough???
armaan interrupted her chain of thoughts...."sandra n me???" his disbelieving tone forcing her to open her eyes....n she saw now that it wasnt just disbelief that showed on his face, but there were hints of indignation, n deep rooted pain....."u think....sandra n i....are....together???" he said at last....not knowing how he managed to piece the words in to a sentence n speak them aloud, but this seemed to be the only fact he could conclude from her words.....deep inside he was desperate to see her laugh next second n tell him how he fell for her joke....but as his logical mind would have expected she didnt even hint a smile, her face was still as clouded with tormenting emotions as his own.....
then he saw her shake her head in denial to his words....n it raised the tiniest ray of hope in him....he waited as if hanging on the edge of his life as he heard her unsure voice..."of course not armaan if i thought u were with her would i accept your proposal???" she paused n he let out a deep breath....thank god he started to think but a little too soon he realized as she spoke again, "i know whatever moments u shared with her were a complete mistake, which u never intended but she must have worked her way through u with some crook trick.....but i dont want to know what n why...i just know u love me too much to have cheated on me, n that is enough for me to forget this issue n move on n....." he covered her mouth with his hand, and his grip did not exactly feel gentle....it was not firm either....just trembling n desperate....
he spoke lowering his hand from her mouth with the last efforts he could gather in the exact words that were smoldering through his head n heart "u think....sandra n i....we...." he clenched his fists n she spoke before he could resting her hand unsurely yet gently on his cheek "armaan please just drop the topic, its all over for me i assure u....honey, why do u have to speak stuff which is hurting u...n me so much???" he lookd into her eyes his own tearfully red now with an unparalleled intensity from ever before and said with gritted teeth "why am i saying this???BECAUSE U WERE THE FIRST ONE TO THINK THIS STUFF RIDHIMA???how could u think id ever....is that all the trust u ever placed in me???"
ridhima moved her hand back....he was actually....refuting his self claimed mistake now???this is it...."i refused to believe it till u owned the mistake armaan....n even when u did i kept hoping u would say it was just a prank....but u were all serious about it n..." armaan backed off forcefully "R U INSANE????what the....why would i ever claim anything like it, when...when iv done nothing..." running his hands through his hair trying hard yet in vain to stay calm he spoke again "ridhima....i cant believe um actually having to not only state my innocence but also justify my words....whats wrong with u???" he could see she had now started crying but for once he did not move forward to stop her....he just had no sense left in him of anything else except that she had believed all of what she said.....
"u said u dint want to feel remorse in our relationship....n that after all that happened u thought it was best to propose....n that....." she stopped suddenly....as he continued staring at her waiting for her to complete, but something struck her suddenly now for the first time....why had she not seen it in this possibility.....as she repeated his words from earlier that evening out loud, a piece just fell in place.....AFTER ALL THAT HAPPENED he had said.....n now he had said the same words just a few minutes ago again....but this second time he was referring to the previous night's events between him n herself....could he have been doing the same before???could he.....like all he meant was.....neither of us actually ever precisely mentioned sandra n him.....perhaps we both have been talking about....different things....could it really be.....
she looked back at him to meet his waiting gaze as she ran the conversations n thoughts from early afternoon in her head.....he gripped her shoulders moving forward again as the ghastly expression on her face scared him "ridhima???" he whispered expecting her to respond with something now....why did she just stop talking???n he heard her gasp ever so slightly that he would have missed it easily but for his complete attention to even the slightest hint from her..."omg....." he tightened his grip concerned n repeated "ridhimaaa...???" shaking her lightly n urging her to speak all of what she was thinking....she must have read read his mind he thought as she finally spoke "nothing happened between sandra n u this morning???" she asked finally in almost her first rigid voiced firm sentence in the past many minutes....he looked away sighing then looking back at her with an intended look he replied with studied calm "no....n i have nothing but my word to make u trust me, n even if i did, i intend to offer no proof for...."
she silenced him by her fragile touch on his lips in an urgency....suddenly her face n eyes showed a tremendous surge of emotions she seemed to have undergone within less than a few seconds....n they must have been many for he could really read nothing in a turmoil....n he heard her whisper again almost to herself this time...."u didnt do....anything....she couldnt trap.....he lied.....omg.....why did i not see this before....." ....armaan was tired of having to work his way through her jumble of unexplained thoughts n words n said in an exasperated voice "didnt see what.....ridhima....will u please tell me what exactly is going on???i dont understand half of this, least of all the fact that u accepted my proposal when u thought i....i mean....just explain urself now...this is more than i can bear....."
the resignation in his voice didnt escape her notice, n it felt to have made her realize how tired she herself was feeling suddenly....she slumped to the ground resting against the tree looking in the thin air ahead, as her mind raced with everything there had been, n everything that had not.....slowly she she covered her face in her hands n rested it on her knees, n in the next few moments he realized she had broken down into sobs.....he knelt down beside her, not knowing what to say n console her, for not only was he equally shattered, perhaps more, but also still felt clueless about what exactly had caused any of this....whatever in the world could have made her doubt him, it felt like a stab in his heart that she could have let the thought even enter her mind....
but as he now saw her tremble with the incessant silent sobs, he put her hand on her head....."ridhimaaa" he whispered uncertainly....but she looked up at him through tears.....n she flung her arms around his neck before he knew what was happening n he heard her say "armaan i....they just.....the plot....perfect plan....but i still thought.....armaan how could i.....n u didnt.....i should have....."...."ssshhhhh" he finally interrupted her incoherent effort at speech.....n pulling her away he said looking at her...."hush honey....listen...." he paused.....he knew he was anguished by her accusation deep inside.....but before dealing with any of it he had to clarify things....he didnt know if he could ever come to terms with her misunderstanding, or justify why she would doubt him....with an act so.....hideous....but she was right, had he not doubted aryan n her???he had to let her give him the facts atleast....."stop crying first baby.....please....we will sort this out....but u need to calm down......" and he pulled her head onto his chest running his fingers through her hair as she, breathless with crying withing minutes, was having a hard time regaining peace with the thoughts that had infested her mind....
no wonder i never trully felt like his mistake was hurting me she mused....for all of the evening while i was putting effort in to forgiving him, it was him i was more worried about....n when i said we are engaged it felt so right....cause he had not made the mistake...i didnt know that....but somewhere i guess i never felt like he had done anything....yeh i never trully felt....even before i met uncle arthur i was not able to convince myself it was so....n never for a moment did i feel like i wanted him to be punished even after he confessed i was feeling so rotten having said no....guess it was my gut feeling which wouldnt let me hold him responsible, n now i know why....CAUSE HE DID DO NOTHING AT ALL.....to think of it....he could have never faced me if he had really been with her....i just so easily fell for ben's words thinking he was making up with a proposal....would he have ever managed to propose if he had committed that mistake even unintentionally????thank god i at least decided to support him, or i could never lived with the guilt.....
at long last, after several minutes he felt her move, n she pulled herself back....wiping her tears with lowered eyes she knew his eyes were on her, as he waited for her to speak up....n finally she knew what she had to tell him....looking up into his eyes, which were indeed locked on her she said in her best attempted steady voice ever "armaan....i have to show u something....it still may never justify me to u....but u deserve to know...i should have told u before n perhaps we would have had none of this but i thought i would handle stuff, i knew what sandra is for the team n did not want any misunderstanding between u two only because i came into your life....but i never thought she would....i mean...she stooped lower than where even my thoughts could have gone.....n ben....oh god, if i had known before he was the informer perhaps i would have seen things for what they were n not for what they were intending me to see n...."
...."RIDHIMA..." she stopped hearing armaan's tone....he didnt sound pleased in the least....infact he sounded reproachful....n he continued with an edge to his voice "ridhima first u doubt me....n now ur blaming it all on those two....not just sandra but ben as well...u just met him for the first time an hour ago" he sighed in frustration getting up...."ridhima i dont know why u have this insecurity issue all of a sudden but....stop talking like a....." he paused n she got up too....his words pierced her, but she was too determined to let it go now....she gripped his hand n said...."come with me armaan...u can get mad at me all u want after u see what i have to show u....please....u cannot deny me this one chance, its my right, if u ever loved me trully...." n then she moved ahead of him, as he tugged behind, his hand in hers....looking at her with no discrete thought....he just didnt know what to make of anything anymore.....
*************
she rummaged through her handbag which had been with her overcoat in the coat rack at the enterance....but she there was no trace of the envelope....the zipper of the bag had been open when she first looked at it n that had made her suspicious, but now she was furious....she slammed her bag on the floor....her hands resting on her waist as she thought, those crooks....they must have taken it away now to wipe off all proof....she tunred to armaan who stood there behind her his arms folded across his chest as if he was all calm, but his face betrayed his emotins....he looked at ridhima, shocked by her anger, n some what skeptical of what she was getting at, but waiting nonetheless.....
"armaan i thought it was..." she started just as they were both interrupted by an uproar "CAPTAIN!!!" he swept his hands over his face n through his hair before turning around while she too did the same following his lead....n as soon as they stepped out from the rack corner armaan was pulled away by his team who were almost yelling "hail to the victors....cheers captain....lets hit the dance floor starting with u...." as he looked at her helpless n desperate expression....and ridhima realized with towering grimness that the lights had dimmed out n were all but focussed on the stage in many colorful beams as the boys danced to the latest tunes armaan in the centre....
she could see his eyes searched for her, but obviously could see not much in the dark, so she decided to join them n rescue him out of this for now....she just had to tell him everything.....he will trust me....even without the proof...but what if he doesnt n.....she got restless trying to push the negetive thoughts out as she moved towards the stage but tha same moment she felt herself being pulled as someone yanked her arm roughly.....n she looked in horror as she came face to face with the intense blue eyes, even the dim lights did nothing to fade that color from them.....n he hissed "whats the hurry babes....how about a dance???time to show u some real moves...."
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Edited by spln - 16 years ago
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