Originally posted by: zeffy2k2
Hey Ria,
I would be commenting whilst reading, I always find it easier that way, hope yo do not mind. 😳
Please don't mind my lack of vocabulary when it comes to appreciation.
Summi yara, dare you say about me minding anything. For one, I have no mind to mind and second you have no idea how incredible your comments are. They absolutely make me giddy with joy.
The opening bit is superb - The feeling of rejection (if I am correct) is aptly described. It was just a moment, and yet your way of describing it, is exemplary. The way Swami ji thinks in that instant is portrayed nicely.
Thank you, thank you so much. 😃
I do get a feeling that you are intrigued by how a mind works, are keen to notice how and what one thinks, what actually happens in that head is something we may ponder about in general, but penning that down, using a words to describe that shows how much thought you have put into shaping up a character. That's pretty impressive!
I am seriously floored by that. Honestly I am thrilled by psychology, how different people think, perceive, react. What makes them tic, etc etc. But then this shows how much as a reader you have invested in this story, I am grateful for that.
Just some random deducing - Arnav's character seems to incorporate a lot of your likes and dislikes, I believe. Writing is a window into's ones personality. Hope I am not over analyzing!
Hey that never occurred to me, but maybe this is true to some extent. Writing in first person does that I guess.
Moving on,
Nice to see Khushi wear spectacles for a change, is in a way strict, rude or rather blunt. Does that indicate she has a troubled past, and has no one to share her deep thoughts with?
I like how Arnav is straightforward and confronts her as to why she seems to be insistent, he is concerned enough to know why she blatantly refused to help, when he clearly had a gut feeling she would be able to.
The entry of the Raghu - I like how minutely you narrate every bit of thing that is happening, the actions, reactions - it's all so captivating, in a way shows that you have a director's eye. You seem to love details and it has one picturing the scene/situation. No wonder you seem to be dissatisfied with the initial attempts, the reattempted finalized version is definitely worth the wait!
Jaya K seems to be judgmental for sure, like the nickname Konclusive Jaya Gupta Arnav came up with. The conversation is interesting, and what garners the reader's attention is the peculiarity of the thought process of the character, you blend them so well, it's subtle and very neat. Its not the words that are exchanged, but little things like Arnav noticing a Gmail Inbox on her glasses, or her scowl being lovely.
Hope I am making a wee bit of sense, I have been typing in this response in bit and pieces, would like to apologize for it too.
Please behen don't say that again, I really really love reading your thoughts. They certainly make utmost sense.
There is clearly a spark, chemistry between the characters, they tend to share the same bandwidth when it comes to sarcasm, confronting their feelings, do not shy away from being straight forward, which brings in a breath of fresh air. There isn't any obvious attraction, its normal people talking but with honesty and truth, rarely we find people in real who would do that.
So, Jaya Gupta likes ginger tea? Would Arnav also tend to like the same, at a later stage? 😉
He's quite the observer honestly, was bang on while imagining as to how Jaya Gupta would react when Raghu brought in the chai.
A girl on a swing - I am a bit doubtful about this line, please do bear with me. I am sorry if I have misinterpreted anything.
"How each of the most basic tasks would be travail for a single in lieu of two?"
Was he reminded about Ms Gupta, as in, her ailment and how it would affect her day to day activities? If so, I liked this part the most. Him being thrown in a world of reality, from her point of view, maybe makes him realize her true worth as an individual, is intrigued and maybe would even help her overcome any fear that might be holding her back.
You are absolutely right, in the initial draft I had written this line about how you couldn't take even your own limbs for granted. I mean we know about people who are physically challenged, we read about such cases and how people with incredible willpower overcome their disability thrown by fate. But somehow the extent of their struggle sinks in only when you see one for real. Thank you for understanding this.
Raghu's story was unexpected, and it goes very well with the flow. This is what keeps a reader hooked, you know how to weave a story, connect the dots, leave no loopholes. Details matter and you have given utmost importance to it all through, so please don't fret that it took you ages to get things right!
The last part - Aman seems to be a reliable person, a very close friend. Looks like he is worried, something has happened? Amazing way of describing the weather, its after effects. Well the next few lines have the answer and some deep introspection going on as well!
You do have a way with words, a vast vocabulary and I am sure people wouldn't get tired of appreciating the same. You do know how to make use of it effectively, and have a natural flair as a story-teller/writer.
Last but not the least, cannot wait to see what's in store for the Ms Gupta, Raghu, Rawat, Aman and of course Jyotisch Baba ji while I click NEXT!
Again loved loved reading your comment. I hope the story continues to engage you. 😃
Arjun
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