Chapter 12
Sense and sensibility.
"Quite frankly, I don't have an answer to your question, and I'm not letting myself search for one either. You already know the reason why. And I don't know what else to say except that I wish you all the happiness in your life".
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Considering she was the one who'd expressly set out to put some distance between the two of them, she was inexplicable and quite perversely disappointed by his, 'Anyway, forget that I even asked you this question".
"For now..".
The fact that the sender had sent these words out, as an afterthought, and at 3 in the morning, underlined their significance, and if one were to go by the sudden lighting up of the recipient's eyes, she was cognizant of it too, the sudden stab of guilt in her heart, notwithstanding.
That night, after a hard day's work, as Khushi lay down in the small bed of her Pampore apartment, she was unable to decide whether or how she should respond to his text. If on one hand, she didn't want to let go of her carefully nurtured beliefs that made her who she was, on the other hand, she instinctively recognized Arnav's misery, the melancholy surrounding his persona, and yearned to reach out to him. To unconditionally love him. To offer him comfort, that she intuitively felt, he searched in her.
Worn out, she closed her eyes and implored her favorite goddess for guidance. At the sudden recollection of these cliched lines, she sighed and accepted them as such.
"Set your love free, if it comes back, it was meant to be".
Before drifting off to sleep, she sent back a two word text to Arnav...as a response to his, 'not now'.
"I agree".
For someone, who almost never checked his cellphone in the middle of a lecture, he murmured an 'excuse me' and reached for his cellphone without a second thought.
And that sudden unleashing of his sexy half smile upon his cellphone screen made his students very very curious indeed. Everyone at Cole Eye Institute knew that Dr. Raizada's smile was just about as rare as the prospect of 'Cleveland Browns' winning the Superbowl.
"I agree".
"Daddy, did you bring my pidel man costume?
"I'm sorry, bud, I looked in so many places but couldn't find one in your size. But don't worry, you're going to totally rock this pumpkin costume that your Mama brought".
"But, I want to be a superhelo..".
"Daddy's going to get it for you next year, I promise...".
.. his breathing heavy and his eyes burning with tears he'd never been able to shed.
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As he hung up without a word, Khushi understood. Understood his silence better than a million words uttered by anyone else, even as she helplessly stared at the phone, trying to come to terms to a sudden deluge of feelings that wreaked havoc in her heart.
When she called him after long minutes of fierce internal debate, he didn't answer the call but sent a text later in the night.
"Had accidentally called you. I'm fine".
Her eyes getting hazy from the intense yearning that unexpectedly jolted her heart, she realized with a watery smile that she understood his lies just as well too.
There was a time, not so long ago, when the mention of a moonlit, blooming saffron field would've brought out a sparkle of interest in Khushi's eyes, but these days, her heart was perpetually weighed down by an indescribable heaviness and her sparkle seemed to be irretrievably lost...
She was gazing at the sky, her eyes listlessly following the flight of a noisy gaggle of migrating geese, when she felt the back of her neck prickle, inexplicably. A sensation heightened by a sudden waft of a warm, woodsy scent, dearly familiar...
"No..", she thought, "It can't be. I'm sure, I'm imagining".
Taking a deep breath to calm her suddenly racing heart, she turned around and stilled.
,,he looked down at her shell shocked face, his eyes flashing with sudden amusement. That flash intensified as he watched her dazedly extend a hand to touch his shirt front, as if half expecting him to vanish in thin air.
She started when he put his hand over hers, trapping it against his chest, making her feel his beating heart under her fingers.
"Yes, it's really me", he said, the corner of his lips curving in a smile.
"You are not hallucinating, Dr. Gupta".
With her heartbeats erratic, she make a valiant last second attempt to curb the expression of pure, shining delight, that lit up her features, but it was already too late...and giving up, she just gazed at him...wondrously discovering, her own joy reflected in his caramel pools...
..with the gentleness in his voice making her overcome with a sudden, illogical desire to cry.
As their eyes locked again in the golden twilight, so dangerously powerful was the pull she felt towards him, that in sheer desperation, she brought out the only subject, she knew, would help maintain her distance, maintain her sanity...
"How old is your son?
The unexpectedness of her question threw him off and Khushi's heart squeezed with sudden realization as his face blanched and his eyes turned murky with pure, unadulterated grief.
"I'm sorry", was all she could manage, against his shirtfront, even as her eyes overflowed with warm tears...
Arnav struggled to regain his balance, even as he firmly wrapped his arms around her delicate form and rested his cheek against her head..
. 
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