Swayam OS-Without You

Bejaan Dil Ko
Bejaan Dil Ko
Bejaan Dil Ko Tere Ishq Ne Zinda Kiya
Phir Tere Ishq Ne Hi Is Dil Ko Tabah Kiya

Swayam stood in the rehearsal hall, staring at his image in the mirror. His mind was spinning. It throbbed so bad, that he felt it would explode any moment. He wanted to dance and let go off himself. But right now, he felt so terribly deadened, so helpless. It felt as if something strong was tying him up, was trying to choke him. He needed someone right now to talk to, but he did not want anyone to be their either.

The gang Frantically looked around for him, while Sharon cried in agony in the Girls Locker room. If only she could tell him that she didn't want to burden him with all her problems, or her only problem- The Asthma One. And though she had never meant those words, she had said them, to push him away, so that he would never hope for them to be together and would move on. So what is she knew he never would move on. Kria and Rey came face to face, and they both looked at each other, nodded, and ran towards the Rehearsal Hall. Taani who was at a distance realised they knew where her brother would be and followed Rey and Kria. On her way, she texted everyone to come there.

Tadap Tadapke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi Hai
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

"Swayam, you and I cannot be together, no matter how we try, we were never destined to be together. If we were it would have happened a long time back. I understand you have a right to know why, but I just don't know how to explain this to you. I am sorry..I hope we can continue to be as good friends as we have been over the past few months"

The steadiness of Sharon's voice appalled him. He thought she was fooling around. But the curt tone of her voice challenged him to think positive. And he couldn't. Her words bore into his mind deep and continuously reverberated in his ears. This was a rotten feeling that he was experiencing.

Tadap Tadapke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi Hai
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

From Outside, his friends watched him. Kria stepped ahead to hug him. She knew he needed either her or Rey with him there. Rey held her hand to stop her. She looked at him in confusion. "Let him be, right now, he needs to vent it all out. They looked at his sorry state and tears escaped their eyes. Slowly Swayam began dancing. With every move that he did, it seemed that he was trying to shun himself from the world, from the bad bad world.

Tadap Tadapke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi Hai
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

Swayam wondered if this was a joke. Five years back, he had never imagined him and Sharon would be together. In fact, he had never imagined he would speak to her at all ever in his life. But if you asked him this five months back, he would have smiled and said that Sharon and him would be together, soon. How blissful that thought was!

Ajab Hai Ishq Yaara
Pal Do Pal Ki Khushiyaan

How situational these lyrics were to in his life right now. A few fleeting moments of happiness was all he had got it in return for the unconditional love he gave her. He did not expect anything in return ever, he just wanted her to be with him.

Gam Ke Khazaane Milte Hain
Milti Hai Tanhaiyaan
Kabhi Aansoon Kabhi Aahein
Kabhi Shikve Kabhi Naalein
Tera Chehra Nazar Aaye
Tera Chehra Nazar Aaye Mujhe Din Ke Ujaalon Mein
Teri Yaadein Tadpayein

He fell on the floor crying. He pulled at his hair, hoping it would ease the pain in his heart. He hit his chest with his fist, to stop the pain but it wouldn't go away. He cried harder and every passing moment felt like a punch in the gut. But voice refused to escape from his mouth. All the memories came back to him, the eye-locks, the intense moments, and he wondered if that meant nothing to her. He thought she had changed, but right now he didn't know if he believed it, as much as he wanted to.

Teri Yaadein Tadpayein Raaton Ke Andheron Mein
Tera Chehra Nazar Aaye
Machal Machalke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi Hai
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

He got up and danced harder. It was draining all his energy, but he knew that this exhaustion was nothing as compared to the torture his soul was going through. That no amount of rest would make him feel good. The only person who would in fact make him feel good had broken his heart, broken him, yet again, and this time it seemed it was forever. He remembered their dances, and danced a few steps from each of them, imaging her to be there, wanting her to be there, to hold her, if nothing, then just one last time.

Feeling sapped, his legs gave away and he fell down on the floor, face down. He felt frustrated. This was the only thing that could take take out his angst a little, but then he had no energy left. He curled his fist in a tight ball and hit the floor hard.

"Sharon!!!" he screamed out loud before his voice choked again.

Kria fumbled backwards. Neha and Vicky helped her balance herself. She looked at each of her friends's eyes that had gone red from crying. From outside the glass door they looked at Swayam in that state and none of them knew what to do. She ran towards the Girl's Locker Room, coz she knew that's where she had seen Sharon go. As soon as she entered Sharon wiped off her tears and turned away. Kria grabbed her and looked straight in to her eyes. But again, she could not be mad at Sharon. She looked at her with pleading eyes, and her lips quivered.

"Please, Sharon, Don't do this. It's not doing either of you any good" Kria implored her in the most solemn tone.

"but Kria.."

"Swayam will not be able to handle himself this time. Please, Sharon do something, before he hurts himself real bad"

That hit Sharon. She realised that the intense way in which he loved her, he would probably injure himself physically. On an impulse, she ran with Kria to the Rehearsal Hall. From outside she saw him lying down and her heart cried for him.

Agar Mile Khuda To
Poochhoonga Khudaya
Jism Mujhe Deke Mitti Ka
Sheeshay Sa Dil Kyon Banaya

Swayam looked at the mirror in the RH and he could see her smiling at him, her waving out to him, their dance, their shared laughter, all of those moments came back yet again. He picked up the nearest object and threw it at the mirror and it shattered into pieces. One piece scratched his arm but he didn't bother.

Aur Us Pe Diya Fitrat
Ke Woh Karta Hai Mohabbat
Wah Re Wah Teri Kudrat
Wah Re Wah Teri Kudrat Us Pe De Diya Kismat
Kabhi Hai Milan Kabhi Furqat
Kabhi Hai Milan Kabhi Furqat Hai Yehi Kya Vo Mohabbat
Wah Re Wah Teri Kudrat

He got up yet again and danced. Tiny bits of glass shreds pierced his legs. But he didn't care. He saw his feet were bleeding but it was his heart that was bleeding more. Even as the physical pain made him gasp, he continued dancing. Sharon placed her hand on the glass door and cried. A pang of guilt overtook her. It was so difficult for her to see her love, her Swayam in that state.

Sisak Sisakke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi Hai
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

She felt like a fool, just standing there doing nothing. She wanted to stop him. She tried opening the glass door, but it was locked. She tried pushing it with all her might but failed. She wailed from outside and cursed herself for ever doing this to him. That tender heart of his which deserved only love, was broken by her, probably stabbed at millions of times. Wiping off her tears, she turned to Rey, folded her hands and begged him to help her. Rey and the rest of the boys pushed the door open together. Then, they decided to leave them alone, and walked away reluctantly.

Sharon ran inside and lost her balance and slipped. She stretched out her hand towards him wanting him to stop. She gathered herself up and went towards him. He stopped for a moment to look at her. His eyes were blood shot red, so were hers. Neither could see each other clearly as their vision was covered by their flood of tears.

"Don't do this to yourself, please" she told him.

Tadap Tadapke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi Hai
Mujhko Saza Di Pyaar Ki Aisa Kya Gunaah Kiya
To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye
To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein

He looked away, wiped off his tears with his shirt sleeve and began to dance again. She tried to hold him once, twice. He jumped up and down in agony as another glass shred stung into his flesh. But he didn't stop. Suddenly, there was a sound of a slap. He stopped and looked down, his hand on his cheek. She stood there shivering on seeing his state, yet with rage in her eyes. She knew she had broken another promise, that she would never slap him, but she wanted to tell him that she had done this so that he would stop hurting the guy she so loved. But she knew it was her in the first place who had hurt him.

There they both stood, staring at each other. The silence however seemed to speak a thousand words. And neither of them bothered to break the silence.

The End

PS: Well, not a total end, you will have to wait till I start the SS to know what happens next.

I hope You Like It.

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