CHAPTER 7
She knew she should say something. But temptation to just let things at the moment take its course was too much. If she said something, that might clear up the haze they were in,might make him realize where this is leading. For it would hurt her if he draws back or regrets it later. Because it would be special for her and she wished the same from him too. But even after that,if he would'nt let go, it would lift away the hesitation that she is experiencing,give her an assurance that he too feels the same for her as she for him and give in to the wonder that the moment is. She turned away,her back towards him, her palm still in his. But words never escaped her lips. Her mind would'nt allow to form any coherent sentences while it took a backseat letting the heart take up the stearing. For once, revelling in this, grabbing up what lay in front of her clouded any other thoughts. This is the man,Arnav who was touching her. It is impossible to turn away. Because she did'nt want to. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest while she discovered that her stomach felt funny too.
**
Any reasoning flew out of his mind. That she is the woman who made him feel things that he had'nt wanted. Just what she made him feel,remained. That he saw her everyday. That he talked to her everyday. That he liked it. There was'nt anything grand about it but just her and him. And the peace which settled. And right now she planted an inexplicable need in his being to touch her. As he glided his fingers along her face, he realized that this isn't enough and before he could move ahead, she turned.
**
Arnav took a small step and was behind her. She felt his warm breath on nape and then he moved his face, dugging in to her wet locks. Bringing up his free hand he laid it on her shoulder while skimming his nose into her hair. Khushi could'nt take it anymore,she realized. Tilting her head,resting it on his shoulder, she turned it. His lips now grazed her cheeks alongwith the bristle of his stubble. Breathing unevenly and inaudibly, she raised her gaze to look at him and found him looking back at her with an emotion that they both were feeling right now and such tenderness that she always had felt for him. His gaze then dropped to her lips glistening with the rain water and she gulped. With a faint movement on his part, he dropped a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. She closed her eyes as she leaned back her head a little more, their lips touching,subtly and yet so gliding but not moving away. Khushi puckered her s' slightly and pecked him on the mouth and probably that was his undoing. He took her lower lip in between his, sucking on it for a moment and left it. He repeated it and as Khushi did the same he turned her towards him, his hand on her shoulder, guiding. Breaking from the kiss again, he moved his head back slightly and looked at her, her eyes still closed before reaching out to her again, angling his head as he met her mouth with his. He ran his tongue over her lower lip and Khushi felt herself floating. All musings that she was having a while back alongwith the thought that she should pour all her knowledge of kisses, that she had come across while reading, in those romance fictions when she was in college, bade her goodbye. Because no one was even near to explain the feeling that she was indulging in right now. All her nerve endings tingled and sparks shot up along up spine.
With the heavy downpour, stinging them slightly, they kissed each other, a kiss that was water, him and her, as the rain formed a sparkling, greyish white curtain around them as if shielding them from the external world.
Arnavs' hand left her shoulder as his tongue came in contact with her s when she parted her lips. Dancing, caressing, gliding. Each like a snowflake- none similar to the other. His fingers moved along her collar bone, sliding down. His hand grazed the sides of her gentle curves and Khushi felt the warmth in pit of stomach. It came to rest on her waist as his other hand still holding hers left it to bring it to her back. Khushi laid her palms on his chest,feeling him and moved them up, around his neck and the back of it as she drew her fingers in his hair.
**
Some one stumbled and Arnav s' back hit the car. And as the rainfall finally triggered off the alarm, it let a high volume siren like sound with the flashing of its lights causing him to still.
The realization of what conspired between them came with a fine clarity and shock, like someone splashing ice cold water on his face. He drew back and found her closed eyes fluttering open. Any doubt as to what he felt for her got cleared and the truth was staring at him. But he isn't going to give in to it. If not for himself then for her. Alongwith the guilt of not being able to reign in his feelings and initiating the intimacy, pulling her into it, the hopelessness which had long made home in his mind started showing its effects. She doesn't deserve a lifetime with someone like him. She is a wonderful woman. And why would she be in love with him,he mused, not wanting to accept that the emotions in the kiss had been mutual. For it would give rise to hope and if they got stashed, it would hurt. For its Khushi. And not able to trust her, the thoughts started taking up more questionable possibilities. About what if she ultimately realizes that she isn't happy with him. Or how he disgusts her. And as naturally, the defence mechanisms reared its face. He had to go away from her. Schooling his expressions and avoiding to look in her eyes, he spoke,'' We should leave.''
The loss of his embrace followed the sound of his voice, the faint buzz in her ears which that magical moment had caused,receded. Not knowing what to say, she mutely followed him with a shy smile and adoration in her eyes.
**
The distance to her home was covered in silence with Khushi throwing glances at his form, her happiness and the darkness making it difficult for her to see his face.
They reached her place and she looked up at him expectantly. Wishing him to say something,anything. But when that did'nt happen, she broke the silence,'' I'll leave.'. Feeling him nod, a slight crease marred her forehead but she willed her heart to give rise to dread. Opening her side of the door, she put one leg out, turned and said softly, ''Good night,Arnav.'' and stepped out. Closing the door, she watched the car zoom away,its size decreasing in her vision as it sped further. She looked around. The puddles in the mud, the lightening,flashing, making everything vivid in its brilliance and then dying out,roaring of the thunder, the dark laden cumulonimbus, the swaying trees in the strong gusts, water dripping down the sloped roof- everything seemed beautiful tonight. Sleep would evade her, she knew. Touching her lips with her fingers, she smiled.
'Aaj to aapko bina kuch kahe,jaane diya. Par kal to aapse milenge na hum,Arnav.'. She would talk to him tomorrow,she decided,thinking how she had called him 'Arnav' for the first time today.
**
' There is nothing against you,Arnav. Its just that I cant see myself spending my life with someone like you. Did you see how most of them at the party were looking at us? I don't mind that though but I wish for a normal perfect life and I don't think it would be with you. I feel so sorry that you have to face all this.'
*
Sheetal s' words kept ringing in his head as Arnav willed to sleep. It was'nt that she meant something to him but all the words did was to get to added to the stack of what many other people have told him, unknowing of its effect, about what they thought of him,his drawback. Thur, making him believe ultimately that he isn't normal enough. Like others. Will never be. When younger, he spent time thinking why it happened to him, praying to God,innocently. His late teens saw him crying silent tears in the darkness of the night,in his room. Staying away from new friendships and acquaintances,he devoted his time to studies and hard work,coming out successful but a reserved being. As age added up, questions like why would someone marry or not marry him was answered by Sheetal who was being considered as an arranged marriage allaince by their families. Things obviously did'nt work out. And almost till a month back, he never pictured himself sharing his life. But he had'nt known then that this woman would make him wish for it. The time spent with her would let her make a home in his heart that would look forward to it. But he knew better. This should'nt be happening. There is no future of it.
**
The dread Khushi had felt the pangs of, by now had enveloped her. Arnav had'nt come the morning after that evening. Nor the next. Calls went unanswered. And the sinking feeling had increased today for she could club the number of days into one standard group. A week it had been now. While all this plagued her mind,she drove her way to his house on her scooty. It had been raining mercilessly and she had put all her strength in praying, asking her Devi maiyaa to hold the clouds for atleast the time required to reach him. Initially thinking that his absence was due to what had happened,she ventured into worrying if he wasnt well. He had drenched himself alongwith her that night. Ofcourse. He isn't well. And that shunned away any awkwardness she was feeling in going to his place.
She saw him getting out of his home when she reached. Pushing out the stand of the scooter,she got down of it and reached him,relief sweeping over her at his sight. He still seemed to not have noticed her so she called out,'' Arnav.!''
She saw his back stiffen but he still did'nt turn.
''How are you? And why did'nt you come? I had been waiting for you.''
Every minute her heartbeats got a little more faster.
''I had been busy.'' he answered briefly.
'' But you could have called. Or why could'nt you have answered mine.'' she said with hurt etched on her face,sensing where all this was leading.
When he did'nt answer, Khushi continued,apprehensively,'' Is this about that night?'' even though her heart sank.
Arnav s' expression hardened as he spoke,''Why are you here?''
'' Why am I here? Why would'nt I be? You are avoiding me and its clearly because of what happened between us. Please don't shut out me Arnav. Nor do deny it. Why are you doing this?''
The frustration of the past week bursted out of him at her incessant pleading.
''Just who do you think you are to talk to me like that. Was'nt the snogging session enough for you. That you came here? For what!! To let me know you care? Or better.,that you ar'nt in for a long haul? Why damnit?!''
A sob rose in Khushi as she called in all her self control to not let the tears spill, whispering out brokenly as she kept looking at him,'' Because I love you.''
***********
A/N-
Let me know how did you find this one? Ignore the errors. 1 or 2 more to go. I got a bit delayed in posting this one. but the next would be sooner. Thank you for all your comments and likes for the previous chapter.
Bash Sheetal as much as you want. 😛 But no pity for Arnav ofcourse. Otherwise il cry. 😛 Kidding..I used to cry buckets when I was 20. 4 aur saal me main wise ho gayi hoon. 😎😆
Edited by Anupama. - 12 years ago
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