Chapter 24- Baby steps? Yea right!
Knock Knock..
There was no answer on the door. She had knocked a few times now but there hadn't been a response. She decided to knock again for the last time. She wouldn't normally, but she didn't want to go home. So she did it, she knocked again.. but again nothing! Dejectedly she just walked back into the lift again thinking maybe he wasn't at home, probably at Keerthi didi's... yes ofcourse he was hurt.. not smart to do things on his own... something he was only just preaching to her about that made her upset. She got off the lift and into the lobby and through the large revolving doors outside the apartment building. His building was so much better than hers, looked more like a 5-star hotel. He was an idiot to stay with her, she thought! As she started to make her way on the footpath outside the building she heard her phone buzz. She looked to find it in her giant bag... when finally she did it had stopped ringing. But she saw it was armaan..before she could do any further thinking he called her again.
"Hey" He answered "come up, I'm awake now!" was the greeting. She turned around and looked up at the building and sure enough he was standing in the balcony, freezing his ass off in just his shorts. She felt awkward.. so she just made up an excuse.
Nah I just wanted to see that you're well, I'll go home now!' As soon as she said home, something triggered in his head. Actually two things.. firstly that she's never been to his place and secondly that she needs to not go back to her own apartment possibly ever. It wasn't safe! With that lunatic neighbour of hers and then the robbery, the mess. Realising that he became serious again, an an order he said... "Riddhima come inside right now, I'm going in its cold and I expect for you to be at the door in less than five minutes.. okay? Bye" and he hung up.
She put the phone down, and made her way back up the building, actually getting mad at him once again, or more like his bossy nature.. he needs to realise that he can't just order her around all the time.. she's more likely to rebel. Okay, maybe that wasn't true... she hadn't rebelled him, actually maybe he was right she does only listen to him when he's serious like that.. it's hard to take him seriously otherwise. As her lift reached his floor and she stepped out of it.. she could see the door she had previously spent time knocking on completely open. She rolled her eyes.. he had a habit of doing that... making up for lost moments in an exaggerated manner. Like the times when he got stuck at work or other commitments and they had made plans .. he would make up for it by sponsoring their entire meals or movie or whatever it was himself.. even though she usually never let him pay. But lately, she hasn't been able to stop him from doing things for her.. not because she wanted him to.. but because he got offended when she stopped him and then things would get complicated so she let him. Also, because the feeling was nice, he respected her as a person she knew that.. so it was never a matter of helping the needy, more like a vice-versa relationship between the two where they helped each other for convenience.. Her chain of analysis of their relationship 101 broke when he cleared his throat. He was fully clothed now.
How are you feeling now?' she asked.
"Absolutely pathetic, I'm sorry riddhima I didn't mean to.." she cut him in between his apology and waved a hand off to make him stop.
It's okay.. I've embarrassed myself enough for the day let's not remind me of that please.'
"But you didn't get to finish you story, we still need to talk!"
You didn't let me' she commented cheekily.
"Okay, I'm sorry tell me now! But get changed before that... that one over there is a spare room! You can use it, it's an en suite. Get changed and settled.. I'll meet you out here."
Armaan, can we talk in the morning? I'm exhausted and you should sleep aswell.!'
"Your energy isn't back up after the attack?"
It's getting better! Still feel pretty weak though!'
"Are you able to sleep though, with your insomnia?"
Only through the drowsy painkillers I was taking till yesterday.'
"Finished em?"
Yea.. let's see if I sleep tonight!'
"Tell you what? I'll put the mattresses here in the living room floor and we'll talk till you sleep."
You don't have to... I have my system..'
"yea I know, you might work at a sleep clinic and you may be an expert but you can't deny that you have sleep onset insomnia."
I'm not debating that fact!'
"Atleast you don't debate certain things."
Stop acting like my teacher.'
"Then.. just listen to me"
Fine!'
"what fine?"
I promise I will..'
"pinky swear?"
You think that's gay?'
"Yea.. I do! But you don't break pinky swears and I'm running out of options here."
I can't pinky swear yet.. but I'll pinky swear that I'll try my best.. that's all I can do for now.' He took a deep breath, he couldn't force her.. she was honest, if he forced her, she'd probably be forced to lie. So he just asked her. "When do you think you'll be able to get there?"
Get where?' she answered back visibly confused.
"When you trust me completely.. trust us!"
I do trust you!'
"But you hold back.. I can tell. You took giant steps forward before I left and then as soon as I was out of sight apparently I was also out of mind!"
It wasn't like that!' she never meant for him to feel that way.
"No? then how was it like?"
Everything happened so quickly, I wasn't thinking straight.'
"So.. you agree it was your fault?"
In hindsight, yes it was.. but at the time I was coping the best way I could.'
"Fine... go change, I'll set this up and then you explain everything in painful.. I mean excruciating detail.. no hospital version of cliffnotes.. Deal?"
you aren't lifting anything.. u have broken ribs and you only got discharged because your doctor is also your friend.'
"They aren't broken.. only bruised.. those idiots never updated you.. probably because they screwed up the x-rays.. but since I work there they aren't worried about a legal action.. you didn't make the deal?"
So injuries nothing serious..? but bruises? And oh alright DEAL..stop giving me that look.. but you promise to not get mad? Well overtly atleast.. I know you can't help it inside.'
"I promise to try my best!" He smirked and left at that.. after extorting a deal.. well sort of.
That idiot she thought, used her own words on her to get out of a sticky situation.. ass-face' she muttered and left to change.
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When she returned after changing she saw the living room with the mattress all laid out, the lights were dimmed and he was lying down with his hands over his head. The place seemed so calm.. and at that moment all she could think about was that he was an idiot to be spending all his time in her crappy, small, old, clumsy apartment. But thinking about her apartment just made her depressed so she decided to let that thought go... but it did leave her mood gloomy. When she reached her mattress, rather than sitting or lying she just threw herself at it and sighed and muttered urg.. how did my life become so complicated and horrible?' whilst her face was buried in a pillow causing her voice to come out all muffled. But Armaan still heard her.. and he reached his hand across to her head, stretching it to reach her body lying on the mattress resting a small space away from his own. He just patted her head and hair for a little bit not saying anything. She stopped fidgeting aswell and just lay there. After a little while she turned around and Armaan moved his hand away. They both were calmer now, they didn't need to speak to ask each other.. the air around them told them that.
So quietly both of them lay flat on their backs and after another couple of minutes of silence Armaan asked "you ready?" That shook riddhima up, she rested on her elbow, lifting her weight up on it she took a peak at his face.. all she found was peace and calmness on it with his eyes closed, one hand rested on the other on the back of his head folded at the elbow whilst the other gently resting on his stomach. He was so calm, it made her less scared, so she lay back down, closed her eyes like him and took a deep breath.
When I woke up that morning you were gone, I knew where and also I got you note. I don't know what it was about that morning but I felt so relaxed after so long..'
"Because you let go"
Yea.. perhaps.. I don't know.. it was a different feeling altogether... anyway so I got down to work.. it was a Monday. Everything went down well, I came back home in the evening and had an early dinner and just slept. After so long I just wanted to sleep at night and I did as soon as I hit the sack. But I woke up to loud sounds of a woman screaming for help and that's about the time where my whole week started to become miserable. I heard her whimpering and the man was screaming at her, she was just screaming for help continuously so I picked up the phone and called the police. But whilst they were on their way, she kept screaming for help... So I knocked on the door.. it's what anyone would have done.. including you, so stop shaking your head at me like that... don't its not any different if it was you or me, don't be a sexist pig'
"It's not about being sexist.. its about your inability to defend yourself from a woman no less a man of any size that could be behind that door.. if it was a stronger more well built girl, then yea maybe, but not you.. anyway get back to the point" he told her to continue before they debated her stick figure.
Taking a deep breath to let go of that insult at her abilities she continued, Ok fine, in hindsight that was a stupid decision.. specially when I got in and the girl refused to be asking for help but I knew she was just scared of him to confess, since he was there.'
"He hit you?"
Not exactly, I was trying to get a confession out of the girl.. I told them I've called the police.. actually that was pretty stupid too because that did it for him.. he came on his defence. He was trying to take me away from his wife, I was starting to get through to her maybe.. or maybe he just didn't want to risk it since the police were on their way. I don't know. But in all that effort I somehow just got showed in the door, the knob hitting my tailbone, effectively bruising it. It hurt like a bitch'
He laughed at that
What it did.. you have no idea, anyway the police arrived at the same time, and told them what happened but the woman refused to give a statement to the police... so they couldn't press charges... they took my statement too, including the getting hurt part of it. One of the senior officers took me aside and adviced that I try to get a restraining order against him to protect myself. He then got one of his juniors to drop me off to the hospital aswell to get a medical record of the incidence, or I would have never gone.' She waited for him to snort, then continued. I landed up at your work'
"I know, they told me"
Bloody stalkers...' she muttered under her breath and he just smiled hearing her.
So anyway at the hospital they basically just told me to give it time, maybe use an icepack and gave me muscle relaxant cream and painkillers to eat.. because it wasn't broken, it was a close save. I took a taxi home, cause all the painkillers were making me sleepy. Reaching home I went to change my clothes, ready for bed.. but then I started to feel really itchy. I felt a bit like a monkey scratching myself everywhere and almost immediately I knew what was happening so I just called an ambulance... but by the time I finished giving my address I was struggling to open my eyes and to breathe.. I wanted to wear my clothes properly which at the time were well not on me, the whole thing was such a struggle...all I could do was grab a bathrobe.. I couldn't wear it, I was just holding it and trying to open the door to the apartment.. I couldn't, I fainted before I even reached the door. They had to break in. I don't quite know what happened for the next few hours.. but when I opened my eyes I was at the hospital again with all sorts of IV's attached, an EEG and glucose and adrenalin and 100% oxygen. It was crazy.. the stupid needles and electrodes left bruises all over.. they are still there.. and its itchy and disgusting.'
"It's not normally like that.. its just you super sensitive skin." He defended the hospital ways..
Yea I know.. just like how most people are not allergic to common painkillers but I am. Anyway.. I was really weak this time so I called Adi and asked him to cover up my shifts, so that's kinda why I owed him to go to that ball with him. I owe him a lot.'
"Just one question.. you never called me.. not even a message, not even to Pepsi or anything, why?"
Because I knew you'd come back home'
"And?"
And after the day I was back and finally starting to get some senses.. I got a call from my brother.. he told me mumma just got diagnosed with chronic depression. And he asked me to come back home.' There was dead silence.
Where did that come from, he had no idea, she was thinking of leaving?.. actually the much he knew her.. she would have already made up her mind. She's do anything for family, and this was her mother. He was supposed to tell her how he felt about her.. but it seemed there was no point anymore.
I'm going Armaan.. in 4 weeks I booked a ticket.. that's enough of a notice for my work.. and im putting my studying on hold.'
"You can't stay at your place.. it's not safe...and there's no point of you looking for a new place.. just stay here till then"
That's it?' she wasn't expecting this dull of a reaction.. she sat up.. legs folded, arms limp.
"Yea that's it." He got up and left towards the main door, opening it and stepping out of it..but just before he closed it he turned around and looked at her straight in the eye knowing that she would be staring right at him.. and said.. "If it's not too selfish to ask under the circumstances, please try and fit me in.. I love you and I know you don't feel the same yet.. but I think you just need time.. not to love me back.. that you do, but just to get rid of those barriers around your heart and life some more.. You're nearly there.. I was waiting for you to reach there before I formally told you.. but I guess this is it..please just think about it okay." By the time he finished, his eyes were red, from anger of the situation or from the sadness that wanted to flow he didn't know.. but she couldn't see him life that. She just turned to face the other side, closing her eyes, not being able to handle it, and that's when she heard it.. the door close and he was gone.
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He came outside to the lobby and sat there on one of the sofas at the reception desk with his head between his hands, he felt like an outright jerk for three things that he did just now. Firstly, he was a selfish pig, he didn't ask once about her mum or the situation.. secondly he was selfish enough to ask her to stay for him.. or rather for her to stay in his life.. and thirdly he just confessed his love for her in the most horrible way a man could ever do so. But more than any of that he felt more horrible about the fact that she was leaving him.. that she wasn't even his friend now probably, that he'll never hear from her again. He knew he was being selfish but he just couldn't help it.. as he was lost in his thoughts he head her say Armaan' in a really small voice. He looked up and she was there.. puffing.. she probably took the stairs, just like he did. She sat on her knees infront of his sitting figure and taking his one hand that was resting on his legs she layed her head there. He didn't know what was happening.. he could feel she was crying.. but it wasn't the out of control types.. it was just the kind that had tears slipping by without any of her control. And then she started speaking.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life you know Armaan; it goes on.
She took a deep breath, probably trying to recover her voice... he put his other hand in her hair, comforting her, asking her to continue.. to let her know, that its okay that she is rejecting his proposal.. rejecting him.. but he knew it wasn't okay... it will never be.
She started again But I now understand that avoiding life won't give me peace, but at the same time reality continues to ruin my life. Until now, until I found you again. Or rather found what you mean to me for the first time. I was a coward all my life, I was, I've known this feeling for a while. I've known your feelings for a while. It's just I've been a coward, I've been afraid and I've been thinking that I don't deserve this, that YOU deserve someone better, someone.. well less screwed up! But after what you said, even after knowing everything, after seeing you like that just now, I've realised that it does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live. You are, and always have been my dream. So it's not gonna be easy... It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday. Because... you are the kind of man that understands me and can well... frankly handle me for the mess of a person that I am.. And For that Amraan Mallik I love you...' she hiccupped and his hand stopped moving.. instead he rested his head on hers after kissing it lightly..feeling overjoyed that he won her, won her trust..
But then she continued, and I wouldn't be able to live with the pain of knowing what might have been if I don't give this a chance, if we don't give us a chance. I know u've waited for me patiently, and I'm sorry for that, but you have to know I didn't enjoy it either, it's just that at the time I couldn't... and well now maybe because I know that I don't have forever to figure this out..to sort myself.. since im leaving... but all those reasons that were the very reason for me to ignore my feelings for you.. just don't seem... well for the lack of a better word, right' anymore.. And well and.. and.. well nothing.. say something..?? ...'
She looked up.. and he cupped her face.. and just kissed her.. it wasn't the most amazing kiss one would imagine, it wasn't overtly passionate.. it wasn't even long. It was sweet and filled with emotions that even they couldn't describe themselves, both of happiness and pain. He pulled out and rested his head with hers.. "you still leaving?" he asked.. his voice hoarse. She just nodded, whilst spilling more tears. "Long distance?" he sighed.. She shrugged her shoulders, and he just said If that's the best possibility then that's what I'll take.. but no way im letting go.. ever.. and he closed the gap between their lips again.. but she was crying too much. He let go again and got her to stand. Supporting her they both entered the lift.. as soon as it closed she just melted in his arms.. hugging him for her life as she cried at her fate.
CID
Udne Ki Aasha
Kumkum Bhagya
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