FanFaraktion: It's back, and how-pg81!

Ek Hazaaron Mein Pyaar ka dard hai Bati mein aur Rishtey ka naam hai Saathiya ki Pratigya.

Anjali Raizada ran down the stairs, the palloo of her sari flying behind her. She felt like Paro, in Devdas. Specifically, she felt like Paro in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's bas***dized version of Devdas. She only wished her sari were white. Her husband waited for her below. She flung herself into his arms.

"Shyamji! Shyamji! Aap aa gaye! Humne aapko kitna miss kiya!" she breathed.

Shyam wrapped his beefy arms around his wife's slim waist. "Had there ever been a cake baking in this oven?" he wondered. Then he remembered. He had it rising in the incubator back home. Funny how you could buy anything in India. Farm land that doesn't exist. Kidney bean shaped pregnancy meds. Incubators for preemies. He remembered that movie. The one where a very ugly Miss India pranced around all night with an actor who stammered for a living. They called it something fancy.

"O darling, yeh hai India!"

Shyam Manohar Jha thanked his stars he was born in India. India, where women were always completely, continuously, for generation upon generation, born stupid. Or, if by accident, they grew a brain, they were converted to stupid by the powers-that-be. The Men. Take his ex-fiance, current aadhi-gharwali, Khushiji, for instance. He had cheated her, intended bigamy, kidnapped her almost-husband, tried to kill her and her almost-husband, and unbeknownst to her, murdered his own baby. Yet, she brought him back home. Home where his heart was. In the Raizada safe.

Anjali nestled in her buff man's arms. She was content to know that the father of her dead baby would feed her lunch everyday. For some reason, the dead baby had quite escaped her notice in the last 48 hours. She preferred her flat tummy to the fugly pillow anyway.

Khushi Kumari Gupta (sometimes) Singh Raizada smiled. She had done her duty. The husband was in his rightful place. With his wife. God was in his heaven. All was right with the world. She wondered why her (almost) husband was glaring at her in a manner that could only be described as well, hopping, raving, clinically, enraged! She had only done her duty. As his (almost) wife. Protected Di. Di might be a di-lusional, di-abolical, di-adem wearing di-saster in evident need of brain di-alysis. But she was everything. Chotey's sabkuch. The apple of her Nani's eye. The (somewhat questionable) center of her Dadi's affection. Mami's adopted daughter. Her reptilian husband's path to Millionaire-dom. EVERYTHING. She was everything.

Arnav Singh Raizada wished he could eat Khushi up and spit her out. Actually, he just wanted to eat Khushi up. He was so mad at her. And when he got mad, he got mad. There was going to be some bruising of arms, some slamming into walls, some in her face talking, and, if he had his way today, some tongue action too. She had awakened his third eye. She had brought The Snake back into the Snake pit. And she needed to pay for it. And how.

As was his wont, he grabbed her in front of his entire family (frozen to their spots, as usual) though NK did say a feeble, "Nannav mere bhai!" He picked her up in his arms and charged up the stairs to his room. Once they were safely in, he locked the door (as if that helped in NH-4) and backed her into the wall.

"Aap, aap kya karne waale hain?" asked Khushi Kumari (sadly) Gupta (almost) Singh Raizada. She watched in fascination as he untied his belt and fingered it lovingly. He looked up at her, a strange, feral glint in his eyes.

"You asked for this Khushi (not for long) Kumari Gupta (almost) Singh Raizada," he said.

She hyperventilated. He bared his teeth in a scary buck toothed grin. The time for payback was now!

Author's note: If we, the Chamelis, don't get at least 50 likes and 2 pages of comments there will be no chapter 2. (Low standards, just like 4Lions). Also, please make your comments meaningful. Res, update soon, tfs, luved it, are all acceptable versions of meaningful.

Alrighty, finally: The Chameli anthem. (courtesy Chutki Chameli)

ASR Rox

Sarun Papers

Arshi scissors.

Chapter 2 will be written by our youngest member, (also our biggest pataka), Miss Chutki Chameli when she finds the time.

Ch2 and 3 are on this page, scroll down. Ch4 is here. Ch 5 is here. Ch 6 is here. Ch 7 is here. Ch 8 is here. Ch 9 is here. Ch 10 is here. Ch 11 is here. Ch 12 is here. Ch13 is here. Ch 14 is here. Ch15 part 1 is here.

This was written in a state of drunken humor. That is, I was piss drunk(on mango frooti okay?) while writing it and everyone else was laughing since I had indeed peed my pants.

Please do not expect anything before reading this. I am no writer. Cumment janta only. But I like trying stuff so, well, here we are.

And remember, size does not matter. ;)

Chapter 2: Kyunki Khushi Bhi Kabhi Virgin Thi

He bared his teeth in a scary buck toothed grin. The time for pay back was now!

She looked at his teeth. Those teeth, yellow as a mango frooti. She wanted to rub her Colgate Active Salt toothpaste over them, but refrained. Today was only about Arnavji. Come to think of it, every day was about Arnavji but today he was wearing that brown shirt looking like a palm tree and so it was about him x Infinity.

"Ahh..Ahh..Arnavji..Aap, what are you doing?" Khushi asked, excitement bubbling up inside her, her mind wondering about what was to come, or rather, who…

Khushi Kumari Gupta was, by all means, a chuppa rustam. If her husband was Chote, she was Chutki incarnate.

Like any other ASR fangirl, she desired one thing from her husband—Sex.

Often had she tried to tease her husband to the point that he would finally give in and ravish her. Being a Dominatrix in truth, she would have taken the lead herself. Darn you, propriety. So, she had taken to wearing velvet suits and backless cholis instead. Every dupatta slip, every fall, every golgappa drop on the lips, every open dori had hidden meaningz. But, alas! Her husband was made of cold showers, or so it seemed.

So, when that Baba CelibateChand of her husband had, after locking the bedroom door of course, taken off his belt in front of her she did not feel frightened at all. What was there to be afraid of? Anger? Manhandling? Pfft! Building-Biscuit-Crumble-Survivor people! Instead, she felt thrilled for what was to come. She looked at his face again, and then at the belt. Who's your Daddy? She was dying to find out.

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As I said, size does not matter.

And now, please stand up for the Chameli Anthem

ASR Rox

SaRun Papers

ArShi Scissors

Di Lizard

Chamelis Spock

Chapter three to be written by our Doodle Ki Cherry Dear Bherry Bhanganji. [I.CANNOT.WAIT.]

Chapter 3: Khol Na Halke Halke

Who's your Daddy? She was dying to find out.

ASR's bedroom lights were off. The curtains were slightly open and sunlight was coming through the pool. The space between the curtains was enough that Mamiji with her binoculars could see through if she chose to. Daddy that damn five letter word all of a sudden brought intense pressure to Khushi's... brain.

Khushi closed her eyes and remembered the scream. "Babujiii" she screamed with her perfectly white smile zoomed in with Chiclet shaped teeth in a nice sepia tone of a flashback quite unlike her husband's yellow mango frooti grin. What was Chiclet anyways? It was that gum her Babuji chewed due to his bad breath. 14 years ago and that same sepia flashback played in her mind. What was the connection there with 14 years and Chiclet. Why was that the only flashback that played several times?

Khushi was conphused. Her inner DIc[k]oder started thinking and grabbed her 2 lakh bag from Sarojini Market that ASR had gifted her and dug in for the notepad she stole from Prithvi Detective Agency. She pulled it out along with a pen [drive] and wrote down 14 and Chiclet on the piece of paper. She started thinking hard and in the meantime ASR stood there next to the bed struggling to open the zip off his tight jodhpurs. It was stuck and there wasn't much room to breathe so Chotey was going ballistic.

Khushi kept thinking why 14? Then it suddenly came to her. Indeed 14 is the year for when puberty hits a man. Yes! Why hadn't she thought of this before? ASR had hit puberty years ago thank god and the thought of that brought joy to Khushi's wet..'eyes. But why Chiclet though? She thought harder and then it came to her. Chiclet was a 7 letter word. Khushi's tent style velvet dress had 7 colors in them all of which were a perfect mismatch. The hairclips she wore above her ears were both for 7 rupees. 7 was also the number of pheras her and ASR were supposed to take but farak all that. Chiclet started with the letter C. What else starts with the letter C? Yes, consummation.

Khushi couldn't wait any longer and neither could ASR. She started staring at the c[l]ock. There were 6 minutes left till 9am. 6 & 9 if put together form 69. Everything just seemed right. They had indeed come full circle closing all the loop holes in their sex story and opening doors to other pastures. ASR had also finally gotten that zip opened. He then proceeded towards Khushi and said "Khushi I may come off as strong here and let me tell you this is not going to be easy, it's gonna be hard so take it as it comes."

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Don't forget the Chameli anthem

ASR rox

SaRun papers

ArShi scissors

Shyjali spoon

Also please don't forget to read my finger after the INDEX should you not like this FF.

Chapter 4 to be written hopefully by Naach_Basanti

Lets all pray ASR cums before MB comes 😉