CHAPTER 8
KABHI KHUSHI KABHI FORUM...
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Dear Reader,
Please read.
DISCLAIMER: The characters, incidents and places mentioned in this update are real and exist in the cores of our pores. Any resemblance to any forum member living, dead or otherwise is completely intentional, definitely not coincidental, and I do not take responsibility for any of it. If anyone is offended, please take a Lambi Saas and do not comment.
MATURE CONTENT WARNING: ANYONE BELOW THE AGE OF 10 PLEASE READ UNDER THE DINING TABLE.
PRECAP:
"Croak" the bull frog hopped closer. Its eyes bulged in excitement.
"Croak" it croaked again and stared at the stunned lovers.
Arnav and Khushi stared back at the bullfrog.
Chotey, who had hoisted to the levels of the American flag, now flew at half-mast.
The bullfrog turned away, disappointed. The view outside Anjali's window had been much better, he thought.
A moment later, he heard something that made him turn back again with a sudden jerk.
"Aaah...aaah...Arnavji !!!"
"Khushi, I told you way back in Diwali, Thoda dard hoga! "
"Ouch!! Arnavji, this is not just a little... AAAHHH!!!"
"Khushi don't move so much, just hold still, dammit!"
"But Arnavji, why is it taking so looong...Aaah!!"
"I'm trying to...Grunt...do it slowly...Grunt...so that it doesn't hurt you!"
"Oh, oh , oh...OUCH ARNAVJI ,OOOHHH!!!"
"Just one more minute..."
*heavy breathing*
"AAAHHH..."
*Silence*
Khushi reached up and touched her hair.
"See, doesn't it feel so much better now that I've removed all your hairpins and taken off that damn wig?"
"Oooh yes, Arnavji, my head feels so light and empty! Removing those hairpins was painful, but worth it. I should have listened to all those IF members and taken the wig off earlier!"
"Who are these IF members, dammit?"
"They are the people who stalk and watch our every move, analyse my sneezes, discuss your farts, and think about us 24/7, Arnavji."
"I thought only Shyam did that?"
"Umm..we really shouldn't talk about him, Arnavji. He might hear us on those CCTVs he installed that he thinks we know nothing about."
Arnav looked down at Khushi, now only clad in a rainbow-colored velvet bra and panties with pom-poms. Chotey was slowly rising again, and he didn't want to lose this chance.
He put his arms under her and lifted her up, intending to step into his bedroom, when he heard a shriek.
"Arnavji! Put me down, right now!"
"Here, you're down, don't panic yourself, what is it?"
"That's not the way to carry me! Didn't you see the SBS/SBB this morning? You have to put your right hand under my back, and the left under my backside, not the other way around! The FMs (Forum Members, duh) have very sharp eyes , they don't miss these bloopers, you know!"
Arnav thought she was insane, but right now Chotey was driving him insane, so he decided to do whatever she wanted, according to SBS/SBB/BS whatever it was.
He picked her up again, and turned towards the door to his bedroom, intent on starting Suhag Raat attempt #4867884.
"Wait! Stop, Arnavji!"
"Now what is it, Khushi?"
"The Facebook spoiler pic! It showed that you would enter the bedroom after passing within 2.5 cms of the wall! Now you are 2.8 cms away,that won't work! There was even a post on IF today called 'OMGGuttermind2.5cms fromwallLOLz' !"
"Oh all right, is this better? Right, lets move on. Here, relax on the bed while I undress."
"But Arnavji! The Aroma-train spoiler gave hintz about this! The song was Dadi mujhse boli, Bed par to nahi, Suhag raat manane, Recliner Sahi.
So, we have to do it on the recliner! The IF members..."
"Yes, I know, the If members have sharp eyes and teeth. Okay. Get on the recliner now, and lie down with your hands over your head. Yes, just like that. Good, Now close your eyes. Good. Keep them closed, I have a little surprise for you."
Khushi felt something brush against her hair. Was it Arnavji, or his BD, she wondered. IF members always said these scenes were done by his BD.
She opened her eyes to find out, and screamed when she saw the red rose..
"Arnavji! Not a red rose! The Cartooners and Fedex-ians would have a fit if they saw it! They decoded it, you know. RED is 3 letters, ROSE is 4 and...I don't have the time to explain all of it, but the bottom line is that if you use a red rose it means all our children will be born with red hair, they will be named Aloo Mishra and Atul Jalebi, and they will look like Shyam and his sister!! Please,throw it away!"
Arnav was reaching the limits of his patience. But he had sworn on his SUV that he would not let Chotey get cockblocked today, and so he threw the rose away.
However, foreplay was still required, so he bent down to finally kiss those lips that were as pink as Akash's shirt.
Khushi felt his warm breath on he lips and closed her eyes.
Finally, after 400+ episodes and 6969 attempts, they would do it...
Her eyes popped open and she jumped off the recliner.
"Now, what is it, Dammit! We have done everything according to SBB/BS, Aromaz, Spoilerz, Gutterz, Cartoonerz , Droolerz and Fedex, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR NOW?"
"Arnavji, calm down. Lambi Saas. Its just...I just remembered there's one more thing we need to do...It's this group on IF..."
Arnav took a deep breath. It was necessary, if he had to keep the flag impersonation going.
"Okay, who are they and what do they want?"
"They want..its just...They want you to apologize to me for everything from Sheesh Mahal to Return of Shyamio, before we consummate.."
"Apologize??! Who the hell are they? Don't they know I'm Arnav Singh Raizada?"
"Yes, but they are also the Chikni Chamelis. If you don't do it, they will have 20 posts up by tomorrow saying ASR is a jerk in such a sarcastic manner that no one will understand and everyone will like their posts to look cool, and then the posts will go into PU section and..."
"Okay, stop, I can't do this anymore. I am ASR and I do not apologize! Not for the Chamelis, or anyone! I am going to do it now, SAMJHI TUM!"
He dragged her close and slammed his lips to hers.
Khushi was stunned for a moment and started to respond, when a movement made her look down.
Oh No.
She looked at his face,was it happening again?
Yes, it was!
He was grunting, sweating and making that face again.
And then he screamed "KHUD KHUSHIII..."
Khushi opened her eyes with a sudden jerk, and blinked at the ceiling lights.
"Tum theek ho? "
Khushi looked up at ASR and blinked her Bambi eyes again.
"You fainted and hit your head, you know."
Khushi looked down at herself, she was fully dressed. So was Arnavji. She was lying on the floor of his bedroom.
She tried to remember what had happened, and finally, a memory surfaced.
"Who's your Daddy? " She was dying to find out, and staring at his belt.
If that was her last memory before she fainted, that meant that all of it had been a dream...
The last five chapters pf her life were figments of her imagination..
Which also meant the multiple Khud-Khushis, the Chiclet decoding,the zip-opening, the Salman Khan Poster, the bullfrog, none of it was real!
What was real, was the man standing above her, still fingering his belt, and looking at her with his Diwali look.
Khushi gulped. And closed her eyes.
ASR leaned down towards her, aiming for her lips, a blindfold clutched in his hand.
****************
PS: If you didn't find any of this funny, please keep it to yourself.
Next update by Chameli TIYA of BhaTiya, inc.
All rise for the Chameli anthem
ASR ROX (this forum)
SARUN PAPER ( Chotey Skyscraper)
Arhi SCISSORS (Cut off the Basherzz)
CHAMELIS KNIVES (The Sharpest!)
Edited by EXPELLIARMUS - 12 years ago
Cricket
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