Chapter Thirteen - What Hurts The Most
The pencil was loose in her hand, lazily sketching out the draft designs of AR Designs newest collection. Apparently.
'Summer of Love'
Asides from the fact that it was nearing the end of November, he thought this was a very apt name as he watched her let out an audible sigh, her eyes focused on the unassuming bottle of water propped upon the desk in the furthest corner of the office - the faintest of smiles adorning her rosy lips, just about visible to him.
'Maybe she's just really thirsty?' he wondered to himself, chuckling at the absurdity of it. He knew exactly what she was thirsty for.
He observed her again as she sat with her chin resting on her free hand; as she now casually scribbled on the once fresh sheet of cartridge paper on the desk. He glanced down at it, then back to her face, then back down at the paper again - watching carefully as she expertly glided the pencil over it, elegantly forming what could only be assumed as an exquisite 'A.'
Before the 'R' could even appear, he watched her again as her distant eyes darted to the sheet in front of her, proficiently disguising her wayward doodles in to a cute little flower.
'Smooth... Very smooth Miss Gupta' he thought all too knowingly to himself, unable to prevent the sly smile that was making its way upon his glee-filled face.
Khushi cleared her throat as she sat up in her chair and made herself look a little bit more presentable - and aware. She grimaced when she saw Akash grinning at her.
She cleared her throat once more and looked down at the now, inappropriately covered piece of paper in front of her - unwilling to look back up at Akash.
'Snap out of it Khushi!' she scolded herself quietly, cringing inwardly at her ridiculous behaviour.
But she wasn't going to lie to herself. She was feeling a little wistful after her conversation with Arnav a few moments back. It wasn't a lot, but that one, simple 'I missed you' had sent her reeling in a zealous haze - his husky voice crawling through her extremities as it twisted her stomach, clenching till she felt her heart thump viciously. She couldn't help it. She really couldn't help it.
Akash on the other hand was still observing her intently. He saw a light blush creeping on to her heated cheeks, a hand going up towards her neck as she rubbed it, causing her to pull back the top of her blouse slightly. That's when he saw it. The wide scar running the length of her collar bone, tainting her perfect skin. He felt himself go rigid at the thought of that incident. He thought of that horrific moment he and Arnav had seen her. And then he thought about just what could have possibly caused Arnav to let her leave the office in that way without even so much as thinking about her well-being. He needed to know what reason his cousin had for acting like such a heartless bas***d. Because in Akashs' eyes... There was none. It was now or never.
'Khushi, I have to ask... What actually happened between you and Bhai?'
She was shocked to say the least. 'Wasn't he grinning to himself a moment a go!' She thought to herself, confused at the sudden change in her boss' demeanour. She looked at him for a second before glancing away, a sarcastic smile contorting her soft features - a short breathy laugh slicing through her dreamy state.
'I don't think you'd want to hear my dukh bhari kahaani' she said half seriously and half in jest
Akash wasn't joking now however. He was fully serious. He needed to get to the bottom of their problem. He needed answers.
'Khushi I have spent the last 4 years of my life watching my cousin become detached and so unlike himself. I think it's safe to say I have all the time in the world for your dukh bhari kahaani' he said as his hands went up to quote her words.
Sighing, she racked her mind for a time in her past when she had recited her loss. But she couldn't. She had never spoken of this before. Not properly anyway. She looked at Akash. His face was full of concern and intrigue - she didn't know what it was, but she felt her heart open up to him; she felt like she had to. 'Here goes nothing,' she thought to herself, her remaining doubts ebbing away at the sight of his unadulterated worry.
'Me and Arnav were friends. Best friends. It sounds stupid I know, but that's exactly what we were. It was uncanny how in sync we were...'
Khushi glanced at Akash to make sure he was still following. She nearly laughed out loud at the eagerness that was emanating from him.
'Imagine having one person you see without fail; who you talk to everyday. Imagine being able to tell them anything. Imagine not having to even say anything, and yet this person understands exactly what you're feeling. That's what Arnav was to me.'
Akash was mesmerised. His eyes were focused on her serene features as she spoke out with such sincerity. How she managed to stay so calm all the time, he'd never know. He mentally bowed down to her as she carried on with her story, scrunching his eyebrows at the mention of the dreaded 'was' in the midst of it all.
'His family were literally my own... Lata Aunty raised me just as much as she had Arnav. And so had my own Amma and Babuji vice versa. They were always there for me... Especially Arnav. He was always there. He was there whenever I was in trouble. He was there when my parents died. He was there when I went through my adoption. He was there throughout it all'
Khushi smiled lightly, remembering the way in which he had refused to eat until Khushi was brought out of care and back to their house, where she belonged. He had only been 9... But he had never let go of her hand.
'And then Lata Aunty and Anil Uncle passed away in 2006, as you know.' She paused, looking at Akash as if seeking his permission to carry on.
He nodded and gave her a reassuring smile, not trusting himself to speak as he saw her eyes shimmering with unspoken tears - He now understood completely that it must have been hard on her as well. Not only did she herself lose two people she considered to be her parents, but she had apparently lost her pillar, of that being Arnav, at the same time as well.
'Arnav took the news badly. And by bad... I mean not a single word was said by him. Not even to me. To this day, I have yet to find out what was going through his mind. To this day, I don't think he's broken down once. I can tell'
She paused for a moment, looking at Akash. A cold breeze whipped at her as her mind fell back to her darkest hour - A moment she would never ever be able to wipe from her memory.
ooo
"Arnav! Arnav ruk jaaye na please!"
A 16 year old Khushi grabbed a hold of his hand in an attempt to get him to look at her just once. She felt it roughly slip out of her hold as she struggled to keep up with his brisk pace.
"Arru listen to me, can you at least talk to everyone about this first!"
She was hot on his trail, wiping away her tears furiously as they entered the train station.
"You've barely said a thing in the past week."
Arnav hoisted his bag further on to his shoulder, shrugging her hand off his arm at the same time
"Go back home Khushi"
Khushi ignored his remark and stood impatiently as he received his tickets. His face lifeless; every last drop of her Arnav was slowly draining out from his every pore.
"No one is telling you not to go... Just please, aise mat jaaye Arru. Think about it properly!"
He came to an abrupt halt, whipping his head round to face her - his eyes staring straight in to her own which were trembling frantically. He spoke low, growling through his snarl.
"Just f**k off Khushi!"
She stood there, momentarily shocked, confronted by his blazing eyes. Never before had she seen them look so empty; so full of resentment. She cowered slightly, underneath his unfamiliar glare as he swiftly turned around and walked away from her.
She regained her composure, realising he was quite further on from where she was. He had already gone through the barriers and round the corner - She had no means of getting through, but that was in no way going to stop her as she readied her foot on the barrier and began hoisting herself up. She could vaguely see the attendant hurtling towards her, losing her footing as an earth-shattering explosion blinded her senses and threw her back in to the attendants awaiting arms, both collapsing on the concrete floor in an unceremonious heap.
She could feel a slight sting in her right elbow, twinging as she scrambled up from the floor, rushing forward as she saw the flames flicker mockingly in front of her - screaming as they ripped apart her whole world.
"ARNAV!!!"
ooo
Khushi fell silent, shuddering slightly as her fears were brought back to life once more. But this time, as she glanced towards Arnavs' office to see him hastily typing away on his laptop - eyes trained on the screen in front of him, she felt those fears finally fade away. Looking back towards Akash, she realised. She realised that she didn't have to be scared anymore.
'And that was it... That was the last I heard of him. And well as you know, he went in to a coma after that.'
Khushi stumbled over her next words, trying to find the right ones to sensitise the awful reality of it all... More for her own sake then Akashs'
The thing is, when you guys finally came to know he was alive...'
Akash found himself unknowingly holding his breath as Khushi inhaled deeply herself - pacifying her own feelings.
'He didn't tell me.'
His mind went blank. Completely blank as Khushi dropped the pencil that was in her hand and looked down in to her lap dejectedly.
'Khushi...'
He understood completely. He pieced it all together as he recounted the past couple of months. Her anguish, his guilt, Payals anger, Anjali's doubts... He now understood perfectly.
There was so much Akash wanted to say. There was so much he needed to tell her. His arms were itching to embrace her, his mind thumping at the sudden rush of emotions he was feeling towards the bundle of tranquillity in front of him. He was proud to be able to call her his friend.
But all these emotions were slammed behind closed doors as a sudden knock was heard on his own glass ones, throwing both Khushi and Akash out of their reveries, swivelling round to see who it was.
~
He was trying hard not to look in the direction of his cousins' office. So hard that he hadn't taken his eyes off the laptop screen for almost 15 minutes - unwilling to look at anything but. He could still feel that dratted organ beating boisterously within his chest; he could still feel the tingle running right down his spine... He could still feel her.
He hadn't even touched her, and yet her presence was forming all around him. He felt almost suffocated as he fought against picturing her every feature. His tireless hands stopped in their place, resting above the keys as he glanced towards the glass of water next to him. He grabbed it, letting the water roll straight through him as he drank greedily in an attempt to cool down the heat pooling within him.
It didn't work.
This had happened to him before. Of course it had. Being around Khushi Kumari Gupta for most of his life, of course it had to have happened at some point. But he could feel it coming back with a vengeance today - as if torturing him for his misdeeds
Arnav let out a ragged sigh as he massaged his aching head with his thumb and forefingers, applying enough pressure to squeeze the pain out for a mere few seconds. Figuring he should probably go down and get some food, he grabbed a file and made a move towards the door.
He was about to open the door, when a particular being caused him to stop right in his tracks - his eyes wide with shock as he saw Payal Gupta walking up the stairs, scanning the area inquisitively for a sign of her little sister.
He hovered on the spot for a moment, hand clasped around the door handle while he raided his mind for some sort of escape route. Seeing that there was none, he turned around, frantically looking around the office 'Shit. Shit. Shit. What the hell is Payal doing here?!'
He didn't think he had the strength to face her wrath today, and if he was quite honest, she frightened him. He mentally noted not to make her even angrier - meaning he didn't think it was a good idea for her to lay eyes on him at the moment.
He turned in all directions, looking back outside to see Payals progress before staring at his desk for a quick moment, calculating his only option.
'f**k this!' he thought as he broke in to an awkward run, scuttling forward almost throwing himself on the floor before scrambling under his desk. He stayed still for a few minutes, his eyes darting everywhere, listening intently for any sign of disturbance.
'For f**ks sake Arnav. This has got to be your lowest moment' he said derisively to himself, dragging a hand down the side of his exhausted face as he slumped down the inner side of the desk making himself comfortable, knowing full well he wasn't about to move from underneath the table for a while now.
~
Payal looked around as she reached the top of the stairs, glancing at the only two offices that resided on that level. 'Well one of them must be his,' she said decisively to herself.
She moved closer, seeing that the one to her right was empty 'Clever idea to have glass walls... Those Raizada brothers are good for something after all' she said approvingly, mentally scolding herself straight the way for inadvertently reminding herself that she was being too hard on the newest addition to the Raizada Parivaar.
Walking towards her left, she chanced upon the second office in which Khushi and Akash sitting at opposite sides of the desk, seemingly working effortlessly in unison. She approached the doors, slightly confused as to why neither of them had yet to notice she was standing there through the glass walls. Thinking better of it, she took a deep breath, mentally rehearsing her apology as she knocked confidently on the glass.
Both Akash and Khushi were stunned by her sudden arrival, both still revelling in the aftermath of their deep conversation. Akash was struggling to keep his emotions at bay by this point as well. He was still so shocked from Khushi's revelation, yet seeing her sister in his office was sending his mind in to overdrive. He had clearly underestimated his imagination as he scanned her over once, and then a further second time. 'She looks even better then I remember,' he thought to himself, still in awe from their previous encounter.
Khushi was the first to break the silence, shaking Akash out of his marvel.
'Jiji?! Aap yahaan?'
Payal looked at Khushi, forcing out a strained smile as she wrung her hands together, her nervousness increasing by the second. 'Why is this so hard' she thought to herself frantically.
'I err... I just wanted to err...'
Payal struggled to form her sentence, all her rehearsed words going to waste as she stood rooted to the spot, swaying slightly under the expectant looks of Khushi and Akash. Shaking her head finally, she looked boldly towards Akash, speaking in a dignified manner, gaining a new found confidence.
'I wanted to apologise for last week. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. Main bas Khushi ko lekar pareshaan thi.'
Akash felt himself melting a little at her words. Her soft side was just as admirable as her anger and it wasn't doing anything to help the constant thud in his ears as the blood rushed straight to them. He stood up and moved towards her a little sensing that she was quite tense.
'Hey it's ok... Payal right?'
Payal gave him a little smile before nodding her head slowly, allowing for him to carry on.
'It's ok... You don't need to apologise. I should have been at the office with her, but I wasn't. So I should be saying sorry to you!'
Payal shook her head vigorously, taking a few extra steps towards him as she felt herself relax a little more. She felt bad for accusing him of so much now. Khushi was right... He really was nice.
'No. Please... It really wasn't your fault'
She stared at him for a while, her eyes examining his weathered face; that cute little smile as he pushed up his glasses, blinking several times whilst he scratched the back of his head nervously. She really felt like giving him a hug in that moment. But she didn't. Instead she opted for another apology, looking at him with hopeful eyes as she gave him another small smile
'I'm sorry?'
His face broke out in to a fully-fledged grin, looking straight in to her eyes before looking down at the floor, his hand still rubbing the back of his neck as he laughed lightly.
'Apology accepted!'
Khushi had now leapt up, clapping her hands - a contented smile of her own appearing on her face as she embraced her sister, thankful that they had sorted out their differences. Payal ruffled her sisters' hair lovingly before looking back at Akash - a sly smile making her eyes glint mischievously
'You were pretty funny though... Bechara, you looked so scared when I was shouting at you,' she said, giving him a mock-pout.
Akash stood, gaping at the two sisters as they burst in to fit of laughter, clearing his throat before composing himself and straightening out his tie authoritatively.
'Nahi toh... I was just in pain after you jabbed me with your nails!' he exclaimed, trying to convince them otherwise.
This just seemed to make Payal laugh even more - moving closer to him as she continued to tease him whilst he towered over her trying to defend himself
Khushi looked at the both of them, joking and laughing together, all her prior thoughts ebbing away at the sight of her elder sister blushing slightly under the watchful eyes of her boss. 'This is going to be so good,' she thought to herself evilly, her mind ticking away deviously as she made a list of jibes she could later direct at her smitten sister.
~
He heard a familiar laugh echoing though the building, bubbling through the air vent. Sneaking a peak, he craned his neck round the edge of the desk to get a better view, still ashamed of himself for resorting to such pathetic measures.
What he saw made his stomach drop.
He saw them all, laughing together. He watched as Payal pulled Akashs cheeks. He watched as Akash swivelled her around against him and grabbed her arms in attempt to end her assault on him. He observed Khushi as she just stood and laughed at the both of them.
Khushi
He looked at her intently from his hiding place. Her eyes were lit up, her laughter protruding from within her as she threw her head back and closed her eyes. She looked truly happy.
He thought for a moment and remembered the times when they were younger. The times when Arnav was in Akashs' place. The times when he was the one to make Khushi laugh like that.
He was jealous. Extremely jealous. But it was no ones fault but his.
He closed his eyes tight, her laughter still ringing in his ears as he envisioned a younger Khushi smiling at him, her teeth bared completely in pure happiness. He snapped his eyes open and looked back in to Akashs' office. He looked at Khushi again, his eyes burning as he willed the inevitable blink to stay put a few seconds longer so he could just watch her.
She was happy. She was truly happy in this moment. And in that moment, Arnav realised that this was probably the happiest she had been in years. He himself knew that he was the one to have taken that away from her. He was the one to cause her fake smile. And now, seeing her completely let go, he vowed himself to do everything in his power to keep her surrounded by this happiness, because Khushi deserved nothing less.
And as he looked at them once more - he understood completely that he deserved this. He deserved this distance and he deserved to be on the outside, looking in.
He remembered her words - she needed time, and she needed space. He nodded to himself conclusively.
'Whatever you want Khush... Whatever you want. I'm not leaving you. Ever again'
ooo
Still feel bad about the delayed update last time, so i updated a bit quicker this time round 😆
Hope you all liked this one! I really wanted Arnav to realise a little more how much he destroyed all the relationships surrounding him.
Also, just wanted to say another quick THANK YOU to all of you who like and comment on my work. And even to those silent readers who follow me throughout this as well lol.
All my love goes out to every single one of you!
Shay X
Edited by shay1990 - 12 years ago
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