I sat in front of my laptop to write something..I had some thing new in my mind ..I want to wrote that but as I start writing I don't know how my story turn like this..this is something which I don't know why and how I wrote seriously don't have any hope you guys like it..
Here you guys go...
Life most unpredictable moment is different for different people,same goes to me my life most unpredictable moment was when my parents out of blue told me to get married to a guy whom I don't even know. Nevertheless I got agreed to them as being the most "Saru Girl" and "Obedient daughter" of my parents.By the way my most friend.a,a I don't have any friend but the people or you can my colleagues call me "Saru Girl".
I am Dr.Riddhima Gupta,35 years old,status Married-Divorced-Married to a half mad yet a human being Arman Mallik,and a mother of 9 years old son Ayan and 2 years old daughter.
Before I talk about arman I want to tell you about My first married.As told before I got married,because my parents want me to.I had just started my carrier as a psychiatric when I got married to Rohan Rai.He was every thing but a good husband ,leave alone husband a nice human. Those 2 years of life god I can never forget.It was not like my parents had love me or take a great care of me during my stay at their home.It was like I had enter into a new hell which had blazing fire.While treating mad people I felt myself going in sane.I had a husband who beat me daily,my parents who didn't even care a hell about me,A mother in law as if born to make my life hell and than A son who was nothing but an angle is disguise for me.But my dear husband refuse to except him as his son and that was it.A wife can accept everything but a mother cant even accept a strain on her child same goes to me.My son give me strength to move out of that hell.
Guess what after that,I was like I am really living a life of course with my son.Things can never be better than those 4 years.I had become one of best psychiatric of Marry Land. And when ayan become 4, suddenly Rohan come again in the picture,He wanted his son.Like hell I was going to him my son.So,me and my son both moved out of marry land to London.And that was my best decision of life.
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8 Aug,2005 this date is some how an amazing date of my life.I clearly remember that day.I was in my cabin.Had just checked my very old patient from marry and Mrs D'souza. I was relaxing I had to leave in an hour to pick ayan from school when I heard some one shouting and that too very loudly.I came out of my cabin to the lobby.And saw a guy of around 29-30 shouting.He was in very bad state.He was looking as if he had not took a bath for many days,bread on his hair.He was seriously in dispelled state.I was about to move back to my cabin when I saw security guards taking care of him.I was about to turn that's when my whole life change when I saw bluish green orbs stare into mine brown orbs.His eyes as if tell me thousands of thing.I for the first time felt any attraction towards any one.I kept on seeing him and he me until guards took him away to his cell.
After that incident I was in a strange daze.I felt his eyes every where.I don't know that time what his eyes had done a cast of me.He was in disvelled state but my heart and mind was only imagining his eyes.After one week of sacred torture and quite mental struggle I was able to took him out of mind but not for too long.
17 Aug,2005 this was the date when I for the first time heard his voice.called me in sane but these memories even after years felt a fresh in my mind.Entering into hospital I saw every one in rush I ask a ward boy what had happened he told me that a patient Arman Mallik had run from their.I nod my head and went into my cabin.I was sitting on my chair and was reading a patient file when I felt another presence in my cabin .I turn left and was in daze too I saw again those bluish eyes.My breath got struck in my throat when I look at him,I kept on staring at him and never realized he was standing in front and so close to me.He came very close to me move his hand in front of my face and say in a very husky voice Hey.That word of three seems to take my life away.I took a very heavy sigh.We both were staring into each other eyes when I heard the knock on the door.Before I can go and open the door he held my hand .I turn around and saw him with his fingers on his lips.I was confused.He said"Shhh..we are paying hide and seek.They will caught me and took me to that cell.And Arman don't want to go there".That's when I realize he was mad.
After that I use to look around the hospital just to get his one glimpse.I was 28 years old but I was behaving as love sick teenage.When ayan got holidays from school.He use to stay at home and got bored and one day he came to hospital with me being abundant.I was handling a patient and never know how he went away from sight.When I was free I realized my son was not with me.What was fear I never know not even living with that beast .That's when I realize what actually.I look for him from every corner of hospital.Finally I heard his voice and with him a husky voice too.I come to that corner and saw him and ayan playing together.And saw ayan playing with him.For a moment I felt like ayan is Arman's son.I want to give him same love which he was getting that time.
"Doctor Arev what you have to say about him..I mean is there any chance of his recovery"On 24 dec 2005 I took a first initiative to get my love.I had realized that I love Mr.Arman Malik an army officer.Yes he was an army officer before he become mad.He was appointed by USA as an army chief is Iraq.There he had gone through many bad phases which may had result in his that state.In past few months I was only able to derive this information about him.I for the first time had went through that amazing feeling which every one call Love but my fate is the person whom I loved is mentally ill.I had tried hard to solve his mental level but failed miserably.Because we didn't know what had happened to him actually.and that was the only solution to solve his mental problem.
Doctor Arev"Riddhima it is not impossible to cure him..but still there are some facts which we know to about him.which can help us to cure him.Until than have patience"
Patience,Patience I wanted to yell at him the same word he was using from the time I choose him for the treatment of arman and still till now he uses this words.I some time feel like killing him.But I can't because he is the guy whom I respect and will respect all my life.It was his struggle that now arman and me are together and some how arman is fine..any how where was I yeah on the treatment of arman..
Me and Dr. Arev notes his behavior towards Aryan.He caring towards Aryan and we decided to use it as reminder. I use to pick aryan from school and will left him with arman. And in the evening would pick him up.I was becoming very worried ,very much.Because in my try to cure arman, aryan had become very close.Aryan even started to call him pa.In addition to that we had discover some thing in his nature.He is not violent all the time.He behaves well.Took his medicines nicely.But one this which disturb us the most was that he was able to sleep peacefully.And if he got up from the he was and is very deadly dangerous.
One day I was going through his previous records One name came into my notice Mrs.Merriten. I had heard this name some where. Dr.Arev told me she was a sycatrist. I contacted to her and requested her to come to us.And She came and I told her everything.She was horrified listening that I loved arman.
And than she said when one line"If you love him then confess it"
I was like what.But she says do it.
Riddhima you say you love him.It is easy to say that you love some one but most difficult part is to stay with what you said.I had start treating him from the time he came back from Iraq.He is not mad just highly depressed.But Riddhima it will very difficult for you to stay with him"
I never understand her warning but now I know.But I am happy that at least he is in my life now
Well on April,2007..The day I finally confessed my love..
"Arman"I called him in a desperate voice.I had been trying for past 2 years to cure him.My patience and hard work has bored some what fruit yet I was not successful.
"Hmm"He replied as usually in his chirpy voice.I some how felt like a wave of peace and irritation as well hitting me..Here I am dieing because of this one man sitting in front of me and playing with some stones.
I held his hands harshly and make him look at me.I stare into his and said"I love you Arman"
I stare back into his eyes and saw the emotion changing in his eyes as if I was seeing real him not a mentally ill man.But with in few seconds he left my hands.And went to his bed and lay down there.
I went to him and said "Arman".
But he gare at me and said"Go..go from here"
His behavior that day some how raised my hope a bit.I was glad there was a still hope for his recovery..still a tiny ray of hope.
Sighing heavily I saw him sleeping beside aryan. His hold was possessive.It has been almost a year that asad out of asylem. And living with us in a house.But the difference is that when he was in assylem I loved but now I loved him but more than I feared him.He was sleeping with aryan but I know that time when ever he was sleeping us,how much afraid I was...
After I confessed my love he was a changed.He was quite polite. Usually I would found him staring at me.I was glad with help Mrs.Merriten of at least his behavior was changing.She was a great help. Arman was familiar to her because he was quite obedient to her.I knew that it was not long that may be me and arman will together.Finally after the struggle years and with the great of Mrs.Merriten and Dr.Arev we are able to remove the mad tag on him.But Mrs.Merriten had clearly told me arman is not fine yet but I was in love and too fool to see the some facts.She had warned me to never miss his medicine.
Arman don't have a house to live so I asked him to live with me he got agreed.As said by Mrs merriten I looked after arman and aryan. while in those few months i am living a full life but again fate wanted to play with me so it played. Arman was developing some habits to make himself busy.Like gardening and painting too.He some time behave like mad.He was normal yet abnormal.He would take care of himself yet sometimes forgot what he had wore.sometimes he would behave as if he is some one else.If he disliked some one he would behave like a child with him.He would through tantrums.He would talk insensibly. It was irritating.
*Note..The symptoms above I mentioned in arman. I had an experience.Actually my very close relative had went through this.I don't know if you guys getting me or not but they behave normally yet abnormally.Like when she use to listen to a word she would talk about it only even if we are talking some thing.And it un treatable. Because it is something to do with their habits also.*
One day while me and aryan was sleeping together I felt my neck being caught very badly,I was feeling difficult in breathing.I open my eyes and shivered when I saw arman was one who was trying to kill.I struggle but nothing helped.I felt like dieng. I stop struggle seeing my end was near.Than I don't know what happen to him out of blue he left.He looked at me as if open from a bad dream.I held aryan hand tightly.Due to my grip aryan got up and look at us.I hugged him tightly.I heard arman saying"I am so sorry Riddhima..I am so sorry".But I was so afraid of him that as soon as he left the room I locked the door.And kept hugging aryan.I didn't open even next day.Aryan kept on asking what happened to me,that he is hungry,he need to go to school.But i was so occupied to heard anything.In the after noon I felt my hand being caught up in a strong grip and saw Mrs.Merriten. She looked at me concerned.I hugged her and cried my heart out.I also saw arman standing at the door seeing me.
Mrs.Mrriten hugged me and said:"I had already you about this.This was what I afraid of"
I broke the and looked at her confused.She was about to speak when I heard him saying leave us Dr.Merriten .And she left my heart was pounding against my chest I was afraid of him somewhat.I let him sat beside me.He held my hand.He made me look into him.I just sat and stare into him.
Riddhima listen listen me clearly.I know you love me and I seriously not know whether I love you or not I simply not.You had seen my behavior. I can be the shameful and disgrace for you and aryan but that's how I am.I know what I did last night was terrible but swear on Dr.Merriten it was not intentially. That's the horrible part of my life.Riddhima let me go I don't want to be a danger for you"
I held back his hand and ask what happened to him last night.
He looked away and continue to stare at nothing.I saw aryan standing.He came inside and sat beside asad.I saw asad raising his hand and caressing aryan hairs and that was the moment I know I had chosen the way to lead my life.It was unpredictable but I guess life is unpredictable.
I never got my answer why he do that.And i never tried to.I am waiting for the moment he will come and talk to me about that but he never came ,till now.I am married to a guy whom I simply not known. Nevertheless after that we got married.It was hard but some how we both get along.We got our daughter.Initially I was afraid if he will hurt us.But when he stood by me when Rohan came back and try to snatch aryan.He stood by me and fought with me and I knew no matter what he will be always with us.I had unbelievably trust in him and he stand by my trust.
Now 5 years had passed.My life is not at its best but at least it is not at its bad.We are not leading a peaceful life yet we are happy in our own way.I am trying to balance my life from long to balance my life but nothing can be perfect in our life. His treatment going on .Atleast I have shoulder to lean on,He might be mentally ill,irritating at times.But he is the one who provide me what mentally perfect people can't provide me.
Alas!Life is really unpredictable
I am so sorry to disappoint you guys..I seriously didn't have time..my exams going on I thought I got three holidays I willl wrote this in this while.But due to sudden arrival of my grand mother I am not able to write further.She is very good but strict about my studies more than my parents..
I am sorry for wasting for your time..
Arjun
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