Chapter two.
I loved the opening paragraph, the manner you use sight and smell to evoke a feeling of hope that greets us upon the dawn of new day. I liked the line, All of them took their seats for you hint that despite the depth of revelations, the intensity of words spoken, things have a manner of returning to their positions after having been shaken up.
recalling a moment of the past when Khushi's hand would fit in her hands. Very poignant. It reminds me of one of my favourite moments, in simpsons when Homer tells Maggie, I hope you never learn to speak BECAUSE as soon as children learn to talk, they learn to talk back. At which point unbeknownst to him, she says daddy. Truly as I said before, this strength which allowed Khushi to pursue her current course of action is the same strength that maa instilled in her in the first place. We teach them to stand on their two feet so that they may leave us one day to build their own life. It is bittersweet indeed. Beautifully etched by you.
He had been looking for further ways to make khushi quit, but nearly everytime failing, If he would think of giving her a bundle of written work, the thought of her bruised wrist would stop him, I just loved this notion you created whereby he corner himself. Very clever and very skillfully done. Excellent.
Again I loved the detailing of innocence that matched his sister's. Masterfully weaving in the opening of his heart, so that by the time he confesses it would not seem abrupt or unnatural but as a matter of course. Beautifully done. Truly it is no small feat there have been many occasions where a person, in fiction, has confessed and all I could muster was laughter laced with incredulousness.
I loved the whole memo before the storm moment, as smoothly segued as the wind changes direction. Excellently done.
Again that jhalak of Arnav that you weave in, I would love to let go but no cardboards this time so that though she can hardly believe it, it won't be the case when and if he ever confesses. Slowly but surely love is finding a way.
Arnav's anger rippled across the room, touching even her I loved this line, the manner how you describe fury unleashed that is so indiscriminate that it affects that even that which lies at the root of this indignation.
Chapter three,
I loved how you contrast the manner of Khushi and Arnav's interaction with their families and yet thereby also highlight their similarity, that family is the be and end all for them. They love their family to the degree that their happiness is entwined together. They do not function as a single entity but carry the prayers of many. I also love how you show that since they live for their families, their families understand that they in turn must dream for them on their behalf. Beautifully done.
Again I loved the manner you contrast the effect Arnav's changed disposition. On one side it brings comfort to Khushi and on the other it scares him. Finely done.
was stunned to find Khushi gazing back at him 😆 Excellently done. That classic, wait what just happened moments you create wonderfully well.
flashes of khushi in his mind Finely contrasted to the darkness of the night. Skillfully done.
half lies Lovely concept. I loved how you show us his ingenious manner of remembering his own lies, by weaving them to the truth, so that it is not only his family that believes them, but almost him too. Nicely done.
Good update, creating that eerie stillness before the inevitable storm.
With love, Sabah
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
CID
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