Tere bina jiya jaaye naa
Mayank was in denial, he dint want to accept it. Simple. He dint want to accept the truth that he had lost due to his own mind that had gone overboard with the thought process and deluded himself into believing Nupur is pregnant. He knew somewhere in his heart that he had behaved like a complete jerk with her, but somehow, he was too hurt by his own loss to think about what he had done. He couldn't believe that after getting back his dreams and goals after a long time, he had actually lost his way in the very first step. He was mad at himself for losing focus and upset with Nupur for not being there for him. He tried to convince himself that he would not think about Nupur for now. She had gone in pursuit of her goal, he was not about to lose sight of his goals now.
He was getting irrationally angry with himself and the world in general. Everybody seemed to ask him about Nupur, like he dint have an identity of his own. What did they think he was, her personal assistant? Suddenly his thoughts rushed to the day when he had promised her that he would fulfil all her desires. Fulfil? he had ruined her happiness he thought, he brushed the painful thoughts aside. No, he had not done anything of that sort, he had been upset with himself, not with her, why dint she understand that? Some voice in the corner of his mind said that it was not her fault, she dint know you were applying, you idiot. He ignored the voice and the rising feeling of desperation that filled him.
It was late in the night, he had to go home, why dint he feel like going home today? Going back home to warm dinner and a non-stop chatterbox for a wife was usually the best part of the day, he realised with a sigh. He would ofcourse miss the latter more than the former. Obviously, he was used to having her around, he convinced himself, he could manage though, he would do just fine. He opened the lock of his door and switched on the lights, was the house usually so gloomy, he wondered. Yes, it was, it had to be, there was no reason why it would be gloomier today than any other day..why are you kidding yourself the voice in his head scorned. He was getting irritated with this voice, why couldn't the stupid voice understand that he was perfectly normal thank you very much, he was not missing her..he was not missing her..no he was not. He had had a perfectly normal day and now he would sleep peacefully. Normal day?? the voice in his head sniggered, snapping at two people, shouting at one, skipping lunch and being rude to all and sundry was pretty normal, yeah. That had nothing to do with her going, he was trying to find some clothes to change into. Why were her clothes lying around. ok may be not clothes, but that green dupatta it was stil lying there. He picked up the dupatta and ran his hand over it, cant she keep away her clothes before leaving? he fumed some more while clinging on to the dupatta for some comfort. Suddenly he realised that he was holding onto the dupatta so promptly dropped it back, why should he keep it back in place, let her do it when she comes back.
When was she coming back? One week she had told him. One whole week? That seems like a really long time. How would he live without her? what was wrong with him, had he not lived before he married her, why was he starting to feel like some filmy hero, more like Nupur's Raj than himself. Focus Mayank, Focus, why are you thinking of her now. Focus on eating some food and getting some sleep. Food, he looked at the fridge there was some food that Nupur had kept in the fridge, he heated it, while eating it, he missed her. He remembered how they always ate together and how she never stopped talking even while eating and how he never missed an opportunity to criticise her if the food was not perfect and how she always asked him to shut up and eat. He realised he was smiling for the first time that day thinking about his nautanki wife. Ah he missed her, damn his ego, damn his hurt, damn everything. He missed her and missed her badly. He dint want to accept it, but it was there in front of eyes for him to see. His eyes searched for the green dupatta as if it would provide the comfort his dear wife would generally provide.
He couldn't take it any longer the house was suffocating him, without company. Oh, shut up Mayank, you did have company yesterday, that dint seem to cheer you up. IT was right he thought, even having Samrat around hadn't caused him to be normal. He couldn't be. He walked out of the door, only to find it drizzling outside, the rain brought such pleasant memories that he forgot his pain for a while. He remembered their dance in the rain, khuda jaane ki mein fida hoon .. He had fallen hopelessly in love with the girl who had danced with a gay abandon. He remembered their very first walk home post confessing their love for each other, they had played in the rain and held hands for the first time. Atleast it was the first time they held hands knowing they belonged to each other.
He couldn't help but feel over-whelmed as he thought of those precious moments in the rain. He also thought of how Nupur would have rushed to play in the rain had she been there. He loved her,yes, he loved her very much . He had to let her know that he was not unhappy because she got the scholarship, he decided. He looked at the time, it was late in the day, he would call her first thing in the morning and let her know..that he loved her, loved her enough to forget his pain, loved her enough to be happy for her, loved her enough to walk with her, For they were together in love and life. Now and forever.
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
