Time had come for another wedding in the Malhotra household.
Sur sat in her room and felt the various friends, aunties and cousins arrange her jewellery,clothes and what not. The last month had zoomed past and here she sat readying up for her engagement with Raj. She did not know why she said yes for the whole thing in the first place. She was feeling weighed down and tired after all these years of fighting. Giving in seemed an easy option even if it meant beginning of a new battle. She could recall her earlier engagement and it was slowly taking its toll over her, freezing and clutching her heart. But nobody here seemed to realise it.
How raj had convinced his parents- she had no idea. And she did not even want to know about it. His parents were kind towards her but she could feel a subconscious reluctance in them. Over the years, she had gotten used to this attitude. It did not surprise or hurt her.
Raj had taken her out a couple of times. And she had been on her best behaviour with him, responding to his calls and all. But it seemed that he had sensed that she was not ready for it yet, because he had not made a single romantic advancement.
"Come on Sur...Neeche chalne ka time a gaya hai.." she heard Nandini's voice and dutifuly lifted herself off the dressing stool. The attire was heavy and painful but she she somehow managed to reach the hall whithout falling flat on her face. He was there, looking right at her. And this was one man she did not have guts to look in the eye. He smiled at her and she tried to smile as well. The result was not exactly what she wanted.
He took her hand in his and slipped the ring on her ring finger. She knew that she was not catching up- atleast a dozen people had poked fun at her and everyone was laughing. But time was speeding away and she was lagging behind. She felt Nandini's hand nudge her elbow and hand her the ring. She placed it on his finger and they were made to sit together for a long, strange photo session.
Raj knew that something was terribly wrong the moment he had seen her. She was going numb...he could feel it. But he did not want to create a scene by highlighting the fact. Nandini was barely able to walk, her baby was due in a few weeks now. She was doing as told, following every ritual, even putting on a fake smile here and there...yet he could sense the storm on its way...and he could do nothing to stop it. Perhaps he had been too quick...Maybe he should have given her more time...but he knew that if he had done that, she would have run away or his parents would have hitched him up somewhere. He kept observing her keenly as she sat with her eyes fixed at nothing and gently squeezed her hand to get her attention. She spun around sharply, almost ramming her head into his...
"Are you alright? Do you need something?" these were the only lines he could think of. She stared him before shaking her head and averting her gaze. She could feel herself slipping away...into the past she had fought so desperately all these years...her vision was clouded with all those memories she believed she had forgotten...
"Come here you little ********... what do you think of yourself?"
"Please...tum...aisa nhi kar sakte...m your wife dammit" she hit the kitchen shelf and saw him corner her. She could feel the taste of blood in her mouth...Her hands were shaking so badly that she could not even hold on to the shelf.
She suddenly opened her eyes and shut them again to sheild them from the glare of the cameras. She looked around and saw that Raj was in deep conversation with somebody. She could feel the beads of perspiration on her forehead and the walls seemed to be closing down upon her...
She did not close her eyes for the next hour. She was escorted to her room after the whole thing was over. Nandini was asleep in her room, unable to take the exhaustion. She had seen Raj trying to figure out what was wrong. She wanted to reach out to him and talk her heart out...but it seemed impossible to fight the image of the monster that had fixed itself in her mind.
She curled up in a corner of the room, wrapping her arms around her knees. She could hear his voice, tormenting her all over again...There was no way out this...and she could not go through all of this again...
She did what she had done then...it had got her out of trouble then as well.
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Raj knew that he should be happy...but he had this nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong. He had
never seen her so restless. He got up suddenly and walked to her room and knocked the door. No reply. He was positive that she was awake. He knocked harder, his heartbeats rising until his eyes fell on the floor. His heartbeat stopped then. oozing out from below the doorway was unmistakbly blood. She had done exactly what he had feared she would. He ran out to the large balcony which was common to both their rooms and smashed the glass door to enter. She was lying against the bed, still in her sari and jewellery. He unlocked the door and ran out with her in his arms, shouting for Vishal.
"Dammit Sur you cant do something like that..." his brain felt numb and as he carefully placed her in the backseat. Vishal had followed him and had the steering wheel his hands. The best thing about his brother was that he knew when not to ask questions. He could hear Nandini shouting from the house, asking for explanations. He lowered his head and found himself staring into her pale face. She had not taken off her make up. It was cold and clammy and he could feel the blood draining away. He unpinned her duppata and tied it around her wrist tightly to stem the flow of the blood. He tapped her face, talking to her
"Sur...ankhe kholo...tum itni asani se mujhe chod k nahi ja sakti please..."
They reached the hospital in a few moments and Sur was instantly admitted into ICU. Vishal had made sure that it did not turn out to be a police case, pacified his parents and wife and was bsutling about, while Raj sat slumped in the waiting area.
He had never thought that he would end up killing his first love like that. He thought he would convince her, to shed her inhibititions. But all he had done was push her deeper into a pit from where she could never recover. Was his presence in her a venom that could only harm her? HE wondered what would it be like to live without her, to live his kowing that it was him who had taken away her life. tears formed in his eyes and dropped onto his closed fists. He felt his brother's hand on his shoulder but could not move himself to even thank him for his support.
"Tumhari galti nahi hai Raj..."
He did no reply and simply waited for that was all he could do at that time.
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"She is in no mortal danger. But we are not sure of the amount of damage so we have to wait until she regains her consciousness." the doctor's words hit him like a wave, washing him out of his stupor. He gave a reactio after full 6 hours of sitting like a statue and crying. Vishal shook him and hugged him as he got up to get a glimpse of her. He opened the door to her ward and walked to her bedside. She was even paler that she had been in the car and he wondered for a moment if the doctors were being careless. But when he touched her face with his index finger, the skn felt warmer. He sat down and ran his finger over the back of her hand. touching her made him feel that she was real.
"Sur..." he whispered.
"I am soo sorry."
His eyes fell on the ring that was placed near her bedside. The doctors must have taken it off to operate upon her. It glittered dimly in the dark. He pocketed it and left the room.
But he was not getting any solitude just as then. Nandini was waiting for him with her eyes full of tears.
"Raj...tum thik ho?" she grabbed his shoulders but he gently lowered her hands and gave her a sad smile. He led her to the chair and knelt beside her.
"I am sorry bhabhi. Mujhse bahut badi galti ho gai...Agar mujhe zara bhi andaza hota k wo aisa karegi to mai kabhi usey shadi k liye force nahi karta...." He lowered his head dejectedly and before she could say anything to calm him down, they were interrupted by the nurse.
"Inhe hosh a gaya hai...aap chahe to mil sakti hai. please dont strain her much."
Raj immediately got up and left the hospital much to everyone's surprise. Vishal had a mind to stop him but he felt it was time to let him handle the situation himself. He held Nandini's arm as she was about to enter and pulled her out.
"Sur se Raj ke baare me koi baat mat karna."
"Par-"
"Listen to me Nandu- I know u have best interests par unhe apni situation khud handle karne do. Sur ko ye sikhna hoga k wo apni baatein khud Raj se convey kare. Varna aj nahi to kal un dono ke beech problems ayengi aur hum kuch nahi kar payenge."
She nodded and went inside to see her sister. She recognised her blank feature immediately as another depression stroke. So this had been building up since a few days...She knew she should not have ignored it when Raj had said that she was not behaving normally. She held her hand softly andmoved her hand through her hair. Sur continued to gaze at her and asked in a low voice
"Who did this? Who saved me?"
"Who do you think could do this?"
Nandini did not need to look at her to realise that she had already known it. She saw her close her eyes with a sigh and leaned back against the backrest.
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