SS: The Suhaag Raat of Broken Dreams (An apology and a new start p.43)

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

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+ 8

Posted: 9 years ago

#101

Originally posted by: tes_v1
From 10-15, you've got 5pages of comments! When are we getting the next update? 😃

Work week. I will write tomorrow. It has been a crazy few days.

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Tia

@tes_v1

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+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

#102

Originally posted by: Marybarton

Work week. I will write tomorrow. It has been a crazy few days.

Aow-uch! Perfectly understandable.

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ScarletGWTW

@ScarletGWTW

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Posted: 9 years ago

#103

Waiting for an awesome update [;)

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 9 years ago

#104

Part 5: Looking forward to your reactions to this one!

Gayatri: I had the gall to hold on to some seriously romantic notions despite being an old maid. People thought me ridiculous (she laughed cynically), I guess they knew better. What they were saying is making sense to me now that the brain fever has worn off.

"Brain fever," she called it. Her obsession with him, which had now "worn off." It did not miss Ranaji's notice that despite her dry eyes, she could not look at him. Her cheeks were flaming red and she was fidgeting with her pen.

Ranaji: You are not ridiculous, rani. Not to me, and not because of me.

His soft, spoken words were laced with sympathy. Gayatri's head snapped up and she glared at him.

Gayatri, shrilly: Did I ask you for your pity? I don't think so. As I said, it was a temporary disillusionment. Don't flatter yourself with the notion that I am suffering because of you.

Ranaji moved to rest an understanding hand on hers, but she withdrew it like a shot. His palm landed on the cold, hard wood of her table instead.

Gayatri's brittle tone was low and final: Leave.

Ranaji: I am trying to make amends.

Gayatri: I want to go to sleep now. Good night.

She got up and made her way to the bed with a swish of skirts that snapped at the air.

Having had clear directions to make himself scarce, Indravardhan left his room and took the internal door back into Solakshna's room.

Most of that night, Indravardhan waited to hear sobbing coming in from the next suite, but none came. Her silence. It somehow disturbed him more. He could take the rage, but not the silence.

As the days and weeks passed, he became more and more aware of how his sacrifice paled in comparison to hers. He had gained public and financial security from this marriage, but she had gained nothing. If anything, she lost her dreams and her father lost money on a man he thought could make his daughter happy. All she got out of this marriage was the burden of royal life - public image and private sanctions.

The guilt ate away at him day by day as her uncomplaining silence grew. Gayatri did not ask for anything. She did her public duties alone and carried the heavy burden of truth in private. He hardly saw anything of her with all the extra responsibilities she kept taking on in the palace and the local community. Indravardhan found himself putting himself physically in her way and sometimes even visiting her in the Raj suite without invitation. She was unnervingly polite and subdued in all their interactions. He could not find anything to complain about, but it irritated him to no small degree. He hated to see a woman that passionate lose her spirit.

At first, Indravardhan wondered if it was the old silent treatment, but no, she spoke to him. She just had no emotional conversations. It was always about the locals, certain rituals, and duties. If conversation ever went to the personal, she switched his to "his wife," by which she meant only Solakshna, or just cut the conversation short. It was clear as day to him who has made the real sacrifice now. He had had a wonderful marriage, whereas this burden of rituals was all Gayatri would ever get. She lived this lifetime sentence with the dignity of an angel and that is what made it unbearable for him.

It dawned on him how he had disrespected her by even refusing her the sindoor for show at the wedding. He made her feel less than she was worth. He was not wronged as a man who went to this marriage with his eyes wide opened, yet he had behaved like a petulant child. Whereas Gayatri came to this marriage with eyes full of dreams, only to have them dashed. Indravardhan reasoned that for Solakshna's sake he had no choice but to dash those romantic dreams, but he regretted disrespecting Gayatri as a woman.

One morning...

Gayatri walked silently from one end of the drawing room to another, dispersing the arti. Indravardhan watched from upstairs as she gave prasad to the fawning servants with a small smile each. Royals hardly saw servants, much less talk to them. He was always considered too democratic within his family for knowing the servants' names. He walked the line of authority and well-behaved ruler with them. Solakhsna, as a royal-born woman, knew to keep her distance, but Gayatri...she was just human in a way none of them could be. She made no difference between rich and poor in practice, whereas he talked about it more often in theory.

The servant she brought with her spoke: Bless you, Bitya (touching her head).

Arunudoy: You will address her as Raniji.

Gayatri: I was his bitya before I was Raniji, he will call me what he likes.

Indravardhan smiled to himself and walked away: Brat.

A few days later...

Having had enough of her excuses about this and that whenever he tried to talk to her, Indravardhan officially invited her to tea - thereby putting himself on Queen Gayatri Devi's calendar. This time she complied.

They sat out in the garden with all the trimmings that evening. Gayatri came in a beautiful saree with her burnished curls hanging tantazingly by her face. She prettily sipped tea and looked at the papers. Her lashes fluttered from this piece of news to that, with no thought for the live person in front of her.

Indravardhan cleared his throat.

She glanced up at him: Yes?

Indravardhan: I see that you have taken to the duties of being queen with great enthusiasm.

She did not agree or disagree.

Indravardhan: I am very pleased.

She looked back at her paper and flipped a page: That's nice.

Frustrated, he yanked the page out the hands with a gentle firmness.

She betrayed irritation now. Those pretty eyes showed the first sign of light in many weeks.

Progress, he thought.

Indravardhan: I know you received the short end of the stick.

She nibbled on a biscuit and cleaned the crumbs off the side of her lips with her fingers.

Indravardhan: If I can do anything to make this better for you...

Gayatri: You can't.

Indravardhan: I am sure there is something...I am anxious to...

Gayatri: No. I cannot go back home. Given that you are male and a king, you cannot have faults; I will be faulted for being unlucky and that is not something I want to put on my family to bear. My mother will be heartbroken. And besides, my father wasted too much money on this farce already. I cannot have him thinking it was all for nothing.

Indravardhan's insides grew cold: I am aware that what we have done was opportunistic. I am ashamed of it. Even if I cannot give you what you wanted...

Gayatri: Did I ask?

Ranaji whined: Well...no, but we married and I am loyal to Solaksna.

Gayatri, reasonably: Why do you keep refusing me as if I am begging you for your attention?

Indravardhan was flabbergasted: No, I didn't mean that.

Gayatri: Whatever feelings I had for you are long dead. You can rest easy. And stop thinking you are God's gift to me. I am living out the rest of my life here because that is my punishment for being a starry-eyed idiot. It is not like I have any other option. I cannot go back and a marriage in this day and age is till death. So this is it. I am at peace with it. If you are worried about my day to day life, let me clarify that I am good at this - being alone. I have done it for 27 years. I enjoy it even. My first fiance had the good manners to die on me, so it gave me an opportunity to get an education when all other women were being married off. Now that I am married off, I have been left alone to build my reputation as a queen to people who need me. So, I am good. And you can rest easy about your virtue. I am not going to jump on you, so calm down and stop bringing it up again and again. It is tedious.

Indravardhan's heart grew cold: If that is what you wish.

Gayatri finish her tea with her newfound peace: Yes, I wish it. Is there anything you wished to discuss or was it just this same-old-same-old?

Indravardhan, embarrassed: That's all.

Gayatri: Good, because I am late for my next appointment.

She got up and walked back to the palace.

More to come soon, till then, give your take on this piece. How did it make you feel?

Part 6: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/127206463

Edited by Marybarton - 9 years ago

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steffi_angel

@steffi_angel

Beginner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#105

Absolutely Fantastic..

Loved Gayatri's attitude..👏👏

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no name

@Endgame

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#106

nice update no matter what gayatri will never give away her pride she doesnt expect love from indravadhan but she doesnt want his pity also her cold attitude really bothering him but he cant do anything n this topic just give her pain looks like he is finding difference between shona n gayatri lovely part thnx 4 update