Long overdue, but had to seriously scratch my head for this one. This goes to Sanjh and Dolly, you both are in our prayers.Ramadan Mubarak may this month prove to be the best of the year for all of you Chapter 9: Be There For MeShravan Malhotra entered into his room and closed it behind him with the help of his heel. The room was drowned into the darkness. He fumbled quite a few time, bumping into furniture in search of the switch. He let a sigh of contentement as the room lit up. He looked around the surroundings and smiled.
Few weeks ago, coming back home to this empty room was an ordeal, a drudgery he fulfilled for the sake of his father. He used to be so drunk and unaware of his surroundings, that he would sometimes land up on the couch and on real bad days, the floor became his solace. Tonight he would be able to sleep in peace, in the comfort and the warmth of his quilt. The warm feeling in his chest, the calmness told him so. He felt euphoric, relieved. He could actually breathe now, the burden on his shoulders had been lifted off.
He discarded his jacket, to throw it on the bed, but ended up landing on the floor. He turned to look at the offending garment and shrugged. He couldn't care less at the moment. His hands went to undo the first two buttons of his shirt, giving himself some breathing room. He then slide off his watch of his wrist.
He walked in front of the bed and smiled at the sight in front of him. Her side of the bed was made, like every morning. The covers neatly folded, while his was still in a mess. This woman was truly his match in every sense, she wasn't ever going to bow down in front of him. She wanted him to do everything on his own.
He walked till his cupboard to fetch his night wear and his smile grew wider, seeing it filled with ethnic clothes. After ruling all over his mind and heart, she had now taken all over his room and surprisingly he didn't feel a tad bit bad about it. Being quite possessive about his personal space, sharing his room with someone was no child play, which explained why he preferred staying alone over sharing his dorm in London. But, then this was his significant other.
Suman Tiwari was in love with him. Scratch that Suman Shravan Malhotra was in love with him. She was to stay with him, forever.
He let himself fall on the bed with a loud thump, as he closed his eyes, he could see her angelic face, her little form engulfed into the shawl, her messy hair. His heart felt light today, he could hear it pick up pace at the mere thought of her and unlike all those times, the love he possessed for her wasn't a curse to him, he didn't have to convince himself that she was not worthy of his love to survive through the heartbreak. He could finally say it, his eyes glanced towards the book shelf where the proof of his longing was safely preserved.
The blissful feeling of basking into someone's love often blurs your senses and by the time you wake up, your world has been turned upside down. Shravan Malhotra had gone through that twice, he would be doomed if he repeated the same mistake. He would take his time, go slowly if it was the need of the hour, they had all their lives ahead of them.
He didn't want to worry himself over these details, tomorrow could wait.
He felt alive, he felt love in every part of his being, cursing through his veins. He turned himself to her side, he could hear her voice ringing into his ears, reprimanding him like she always did, he could even hear the love in her voice, he could see it in the way she shook her head at him with a hint of a smile and he wondered how blind he had been all this while and why he wasn't able to see through her. It felt insane, how used he was of her constant presence. His room actually felt too calm to his own liking. He had a thing for silence, not that she was a noise maker, but he had grown accustomed to waking up to the shimmering of her bangles, her humming to her favourite song, her bantering on the phone. She was everywhere, without even being there.
He shifted on the bed with a huff and placed his arm behind his head, trying to sleep. He tried to count till hundred but he felt as awake as before and he regretted not asking her to come with him. He simply needed her next to him, even if it was just to hear her soft breathing.
He glanced towards his phone, his fingers itching to dial her number, he pressed the first digits and erased them the next second, he didn't want to disturb her sleep although she would not have hesitated twice.
He laid wide awake as minutes passed, the tick-tock of the clock wall the only audible sound in his room. He changed sides many times, but couldn't get rid of the restlessness. He tentivaly forwarded his hand towards her pillow, before burying his face into it, her citrus scent lulling him to sweet dreams.
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Over the course of days, his bond with his mother had grown stronger, he was still on his guards, she was still hesitant but they had finally reached a stage where they didn't really need words to understand the other. A sly smile was enough.
He smiled a lot more since his recent discovery at Tiwari Killa, he had found a part of his heart again, even though the path was rough, he was beginning to heal and yet there was this tiny fear in his heart, the shadow of insecurity hovering over him, which made him question everything he thought to be acquired.
His mind ran a mile a minute as he saw his mother fidgeting with her thumbs and glancing towards the clock something was preocupping her, he could tell by the lost look in her eyes and the frown which took over her features. He didn't want to sound intrusive, there was tremendous progress in their relationship but they hadn't reached that stage, just yet.
Her phone rang for the third time in ten minutes and she cut it off in a haste, seeing the username on her screen.
"Maa zaroori phone hoga, aap uthaye please."He said.
"Nahi aisa kuch nahi hai." She replied, shaking her head but her eyes said otherwise.
The myriad of emotions her face gave away was not unnoticed by her son, who looked at her when the phone rang again. This time, curiosity took better off him and he craned his neck to be able to gauge the username. The name himself made him boil in anger, but then if he learnt anything from all those years spent in a court of law it was mastering the art of concealing his emotions.
"Maa aap phone uthaye please. He said, without looking at her.
"Nahi Shravan aisi koi zaroori baat nahi hai.
"It must be important, warna itni baar phone nahi karta."
"Please, go." He assured her with a small smile.
She caressed the side of his face before mutting a quiet abhi aayi' and closed the door behind her, the phone still ringing.
He sank back into the sofa and gulped the glass of water in a go, a futile attempt to calm his throbbing nerves. He wondered where did it all went wrong. He processed the events of the last few days. Had he said or done something in inadvertence that might have hurt her feelings ? Which would explain why she was behaving so diplomatically around him, like she owed him everything.
He raked his hands through his hair. His mother was so scared of him and his mood swings that she had to sacrifice the other half of her life.
Love is not supposed to bind you. It allows you to spread your wings, it allows you to fight boundaries. You don't fear in love.
He was binding his mother with him, he was binding Sumo with him. Everyone around him were always so cautious about what to say or do, in the fear of offending him.
He only wanted love, he never wanted pity or a form of autorithy. Neither, did he want to control them or their lives to revolve around him, he was merely asking for a place in all these people's hearts, which was rightly his.
He wanted to be the hand they reached out to, when they stumbled not the shackles on their feet. He wanted them to look up at him with a smile, not down at their shoes. He wanted to be their confident, their best friend, not the one whom they kept in the dark.
I am asking for love not pityPerhaps he was demanding for too much. He had to learn to settle for less, but then hadn't he done that all his life ?
Seventeen years old Shravan Malhotra, sat on a swing, a cold Sunday morning, his feet dangling on the ground, lightly caressing the grass which had frozen. Two months had passed since his impromptu departure to London and he hadn't looked back till now. Two months since he was physically present while his soul wandered amidst the streets of Delhi.
Since he had gotten these new gadgets, he spent a considerable amount of time, browsing his estranged best friend's name, who seemed to go on with her life, without any worry in the world. One call is all, he needed and he would restore all his ties with her. Often he thought about his mother, sometimes even searched her name in the search bar, but even Google seemed to have no answer to the question. She had evaporated into thin air.
His thick round framed glasses did nothing to hide the pool of tears which drenched his cheeks continuously. He saw children playing in the snow and could hear the distant laugh of a mother. As much as he tired to harden his heart, this kind of scenery always left a painful feeling in his chest, sometimes he felt like he couldn't breathe, he could feel his heart squeezing in his chest.
She knocked on the door and as she entered into the room, he couldn't help but notice the big smile on her face and the way her eyes lit up. Suddenly, her body language looked much more relaxed and at ease. It had been one hour since she sat with him and during the whole time, he was trying to make her smile by his antics, he even talked about his time in London, but the grim expression of her face didn't seem to leave, mere seconds on the phone and her other son was able to make her forget all her worries, something he was unable to do.
"Mujhe kuch kehna hai tujhse. An ounce of hope filled him when she shift closer to him on the couch and held his hands between her palms. His hold tightened on their intertwined hands as he let her spoke.
"Wo humari firm kuch dinon se ek deal par kaam kar rahi hai aur aaj hume wo mil gaye."
"Congratulations. He took her in a side hug, he was happy to see her achieving so much at her age. One look at her face and he knew that there was something more to come.
"Wo ye deal...Aditya ko mili hai aur iss liye uss keliye ek party bhi rakhi hai unn hone aur wo chahta hai ke main bhi waha hun." She said, anxiously. As much as he tried to keep his posture intact, he could sense his body tense up and the smile he had deliberately plastered on his face, falter.
"Main jaanti hoon ke mene kaha ke main saara din tere sath bithaongi lekin ye deal uske ke career ke liye bohot hi important hai aur mera waha hona zaroori hai. To main tujhse pooch na chahti hoon, main jaon ?" She asked with a small voice, like he used to whenever he wanted to skip a tuition class and preferred going outside playing.
For the first time, in years, he had the opportunity to do something for the one who had given him life. He had to comply, even if he was hurting inside. Sometimes, in order to stay happy, in order to preserve the harmony between relationships, one has to make sacrifices, one has to slit their heart into two halves.
He let a shuddering breath. "Aap mujhse meri ijazat kyon mang rahi hain."
"Puchna zaroori hai, main chahti hoon ke haar cheez teri marzi se hi ho."
"Marzi ?" He asked in a soft whisper.
She was asking permission for him. How does he make her understand that's not what he wanted. How ironic it is, after being manipulated, brainwashed by the man whom he trusted the most the one who had indoctrinate his thoughts, who had taken from him, his ability to think on his own, he was asked to impose his will on others.
"Kaash aapne jaane se pehle mujhse meri marzi puchi hoti."His heart screamed as he closed his burning eyes.
She looked down at their intertwined hands and smiled. Her eyes filled with happy tears, as she realized that her little boy had now grown up, his hand partially engulfing hers. He saw her smiling, lost in her thoughts and his heart filled with sadness, knowing that it was about to break again.
"Aap mujhse puch kyon rahi hain, of course aap ko jaana chahiye, waise bhi sham ko meri ek bohot hi important meeting hai to hum utna time spend bhi nahi karpate." He lied through gritted teeth, he had shifted all his schedule to the next day and overload himself with work, just to get some moments of respite in the company of his mother but that was also snatched from him.
"Thank you." She looked so lovingly at him, for a moment he was a child again and he thought that she would see through him like she used to, but he had to remind himself that the connection was lost a long time ago. She took out her phone and made a call to arrange for her tickets.
He waited patiently for her to change her mind, to finally say that she preferred to stay with him. As minutes passed, his palms grew sweaty, realizing that he was fighting a lost battle. Not bearing the indifference and feeling suffocated, he got up from his seat, his back facing her. He needed few moments to gather himself before facing her.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay ?" He could hear the reluctance in her voice. He turned towards her with a smile on his face and kept blinking in an attempt to get rid of the mist forming into his eyes.
"Of course you should go." He gently kissed the side of her head, the contact made her tear up as her own hand came to caress the side of his face, lovingly.
"Ab aap jaaye." He hurried her to go.
"Darwaza tak nahi chore ga ?" His heart ached at the words, he didn't have the courage to walk next to her, without pleading her to stay.
"I'm waiting for a call." He signalled towards the phone, which was kept on the top of his bedside table.
"Accha tu kam kar, main wahan jaa kar phone karon gi tujhe."
He once again turned, not bearing the sight of his mother walking away from him, once again. His hands formed into tigh fists and his eyes instantly shut as he hear the sound of the door, closing.
The woman who had no time to make it to his annual day, despite being reminded about it again and again, readily agreed to fly till Mumbai after a phone call. He wondered if there was any lack of communication between them, that despite being so close to each other they were unable to understand each other. She couldn't see through him, she couldn't read him like she read her foster son.
Was it her who failed as a mother or was he expecting too much from her ?
The mother who left him the day he had won a prize, was not ready to miss even a single opportunity to celebrate his success, no matter how small or insignificant it seemed. She stood through thick and thin with him while he was still waiting for a phone call, a good bye message. Aditya Ahuja had won, he had successfully taken his place into her life and it hurt, it really hurt.
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He spent the whole afternoon, trying to focus, but all his concentration seemed to have flew out of the window, staring at the blank paper, he couldn't get himself to write the thesis, he had been working on since an hour or so. His thoughts ran rampant as he started to draw mindless patterns on the paper. He sighed a lot he felt tired although he hadn't done anything physically or mentally draining. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he hadn't eaten anything since the morning, an empty stomach and an overworked brain were indeed a deadly combo.
The credit of his lack of focus could be given to the little window, which gave a direct view to PCT.
What could he do if his attention was constantly shifted towards the little window, what could he do if the only thing he could think about was her face. He couldn't help but notice the fact that her hideous car was missing in front of the main gate, where she usually parked it. Tapping his pencil, onto the desk, he leaned back into the chair.
First, he had thought that she might have gone somewhere, most probably to run errands, but hours passed and with it every worker took their leave. He came to the conclusion that she hadn't come to PCT, today. Now, the day really seemed to be meaningless, he had been sitting so long just to catch a glance of hers, his eyes craving to see her.
He locked the door with his key and marched towards his car, he was about to get into it. When he saw her walking out of the door and closing it behind her. Her eyes grew wide and she glanced at her wrist clock, she was surprised to see him here, this late, he would usually wind up everything by 6 p.m.
A smile erupted on his face as she started to stride towards him, mirroring his. She halted in front of him. She looked tired and worn out and he wondered if she also had difficulties sleeping without him, being near her.
Relief would be a small word for what she was feeling at the moment. After a long time, Suman Malhotra felt the butterflies in her stomach and it felt good. She had missed him so much last night, and as much as she hated to admit it, she had grown accustomed to have him by her side. She would often wake up in the middle of the night, because of him muttering incoherent things, his legs kicking the covers. He was having nightmares that's when she decided to leave the couch and come back to sleep on the bed. She would play with his hair and caress his face till she could hear his steady breathing.
After last night, she thought she wouldn't be able to meet his eyes, surprisingly she was even more comfortable, perhaps it had to do with the fact that she always felt secure and protected around him. The way he was looking at her right now, with so much tenderness, breathed life into her and she didn't regret staying back to do last minute checkings for tomorrow's meeting.
"Tum yahan ? Iss waqt ?" She asked, a soft smile playing on her face, her eyes litting up as soon as he came into her light of sight.
"Haan wo thoda kaam tha." He was pleasantly surprised, she even knew his schedule by heart, but then he gave it to the fact that they had been living together for a while now, so it was natural to pick up on your partner's habits. "Lekin tum yahan kya kar rahi ho ?"
"Matlab ? Kaam karti hoon main yahan." She informed. He looked at her in exasperation, shaking his head at her in disapproval, eliciting a soft chuckle from her. She could swear, she saw a hint of a smile on his beautiful face and that made her look down for a moment, her cheeks colouring under his scrutiny.
The sight made his heart swell with warmth and happiness. Sumo was blushing, mind you the Sumo. He had been so stressed out and conflicted about his own emotions this morning and in less than five minutes, she made him forget everything. She was his sun in times of darkness, the light breeze which caressed his face times to times.
"Tumhari ghadi nahi thi na, to mujhe laga ke tum nahi aayi." He looked around to see if she hadn't parked it somewhere else, he missed the way her heart had picked up pace and the way she looked at him, like it was the first time. He noticed her, more than she could ever imagine.
"Haan, who clutch phir se gharab hogaya." She let out a disappointed sigh.
"Ab ye to hona hi tha, umar ho gayi hai uski, ab to chor do." He said with fake sadness, he held back a laugh when he saw her eyes widening in shock.
"Don't say a word against my car. Jaan hai meri. She said as threateningly as she could, pointing a finger at him. He almost laughed looking at her, she was anything but scary.
"Accha choro, ye batao ke tum yahan aayi kaise ?" He asked, his eyes filled with questions.
"I took the bus, this morning." She scrunched her nose, thinking of the not so pleasant experience. It was crowded and the wandering eyes were always problematic.
"And how do you intend to go back home ?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against his car.
"On my feet." She gave him an incredulous look before leaning against his car, their arms touching. "Or you could give me a ride ?" She looked him from the corner of the eyes, hoping that this time he wouldn't leave her stranded in the middle of the road.
"Get in. He opened the door of the car and closed it when she had properly sat down and had buckled herself.
She looked out of the window, as streetlight after streetlights passed, the sun slowly setting down. The silent ride was suddenly disturbed by the sound of gurgling.
"Shravan, have you eaten ?" She enquired, her question disturbed the peaceful silence. He looked back at her in shock, he didn't think she would bring this up, but then it was his Sumo and she could read him like the back of her palm. Not getting any answer from him, she huffed.
"Ghadi roko, abhi." She said in a firm tone.
"Why ?" He asked taken aback, by her words, his eyes swaying between hers and the road.
"Kaha na, roko. She asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
He slowed down, before coming to a complete halt, his palms tightly gripping the steering wheel. Confusion grew over his face, as she slammed the door behind her and came to stand in front of his.
"Get down, we are going to eat, right now." She ordered, her hands wrapped around her chest, which indicated no good.
"Sumo I am really not hungry and I have work pending at home." He whined like a child trying to put some sense into her thick skull.
"Shravan you won't be able to work without eating properly, please come. Her tone was softer this time.
"Tumhe shayad bhook nahi hai, lekin mujhe bohot lagi hai, company to de sakte ho ?" She knew he could never refuse her and her smile grew wider, when he stopped the engine, yanked his car door open and stepped outside, giving in.
"Thank you." She murmured, her voice, a mere whisper.
"I am paying." He walked past her towards the restaurant as he covered the distance in long strides.
"Men !"She muttered under her breath, glaring at his retreating figure, trying to match up to his speed.
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The restaurant was relatively new, she could deduce it by looking at the interior. Clean and neat. Some furniture were still wrapped in paper, but she couldn't deny that it looked good. It was cosy and calm, not too crowded, everything they liked. They chose a secluded corner, where nobody could disturb them.
She sipped on her coffee, occasionally stirring it with the help of a spoon. She looked outside the window, enjoying the scenery and the soft music that could be heard in the background. Light fell on her face and as she tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear, he noticed the emerald earrings, swaying with every movement of her head. He couldn't explain the amount of tenderness he felt towards her, when she made him feel special in her own little ways.
"They look nice on you." He complimented.
"What did you say ?" She whispered, leaning towards him.
"I said, they look nice on you." He complimented again, touching his own ear and it earned him a sly smile and the colour of her cheeks to turn crimson.
"I know." She teased, which made him roll his eyes at her.
They finished their meals in complete silence, even though, they were hyper aware of each other, the silence was comfortably, they didn't have to force themselves to have a conversation and it felt alright.
After clearing out everything, the waiter came with the receipt. Suman opened her purse, but the way he glared at her, made her stop in tracks. She lifted her hands up as if surrending herself and placed the purse back in her lap.
He fetch his wallet in his right pocket, not finding it, he checked the left one. Panicking, he franctically searched for it in his jacket's pockets, they turned to be empty. He realized that he had most probably left it in the office. He raked his hand through his hair, frustration taking over him, as he was left with no option.
She watched him with amusement as he squirmed on his seat like a toddler. "Sumo." The tone he used made her look up at him. It was the same tone he used in their childhood, when he had messed up badly and needed her as his backup.
"I forgot... my wallet in the office." He whispered, biting the inside of his cheek. First, she had wanted to laugh and tease him but decided against it when she saw his hand forming into a fist, clutching the napkin.
She silently put the money on the counter and handed it to the waiter. He looked tormented, not bearing to see him like this, she took his hand in hers. "Shravan, it's okay." She told him as she caressed the back of of his hand with her thumb. He gave her a smile but it didn't reach his eyes like it usually did.
They sat on the bonnet of the car, side by side. She relished on the cold kulfi, the delicious desert teasing her taste buds. She ate slowly, the creamy desert melting, a change from the usual. He looked in deep thoughts and she wished she could read his mind. She missed her best friend, the one she could joke around with, the one who made her laugh till she couldn't breathe, the one who always stood by her side and what hurt her the most was the fact that he was here, physically and at the same time, he seemed out of reach.
"Something is bothering you." She stated quietly, titling her head towards him.
"Nahi toh." He answered, avoiding eye contact.
"You haven't uttered a word since we got out from the restaurant." She remarked in a cold voice.
"It's nothing, it's just..." He couldn't find words to explain what he felt in the moment, when he himself did not understand it. He was tired of burdening her with his insecurities, his irrational fears and he hated how his mind seemed to connect everything to his past. She deserved so much better, yet he was incapable to give up on her. The thought itself made him shudder in fear, he wouldn't survive, if she had to leave him again.
"I don't want to talk about it." Shravan refused, shaking his head side to side.
"Oh well, you never want to talk about it." She said as she glared at him. A minute of silence passed between them. Exhaling roughly, she tried to jump off the bonnet of the car but a feather like touch on her wrist stopped her. He got down from the bonnet and stood in front of her, preventing her from moving.
He took her hands, which were resting on her lap and intertwined his fingers with hers. As she took in his defeated stance, she realized that she could never be indifferent to his pain, no matter how much he drove her to the edge, she would always come running back to him.
"Is it because of me ? Did I do something wrong ?" He didn't miss the flicker of uncertainty which sparkled her eyes. "Kal to sab kuch theek tha phir aaj kya huwa ke tum aise..."
"I don't want to burden you." He admitted, his last words, a mere whisper.
"Am I burden to you ?" She asked him, softly.
"What ? No ! Why would you think so ?" He asked, outraged, his hands tightening their hold on hers.
"Why do you think so ?" She snapped back, glaring at him. He was thrown off guard by her question, for once, he didn't had any concrete answer, apart from his own assumptions.
"I thought that you..." He started to speak, but was cut off the next second.
"Then stop thinking ! Stop making your own assumptions ! You don't get to decide about how I feel towards you !" She confessed, angry tears slipping out of her eyes. His eyes grew wide and she looked down at their intertwined hands.
He placed his forefinger under her chin, to make her look up at him, his heart constricted in his chest, seeing tears in her eyes. "Please, don't cry." He pleaded, his hand cupping the side of her face, she leaned into its warmth, her eyes closing on their own accord.
"How do I help you, if you don't let me be there for you ?" Her voice croaked under the pressure of the pain, her heart held.
"Shh..." They kept gazing at each other, till he closed the distance between them. He held her head in his palms and brought her closer to him, joining their foreheads together. They stayed there for a moment, basking into the blissful feeling of holding each other close.
He was the first to pull away. He passed her a tentative smile, making the corners of her lips rise. She traced the lines of his hands with her fingers and processed the event of the evening and tried to see what might have disturbed him. Realization dawned upon her.
"Is it because I paid ?" She asked, unsure. Seeing him shift on his feet and his hold suddenly slackening, she now understood better.
"Tell me, Shravan." She shook him by holding his shoulder, nudging him to look at her.
"Yes, I mean... no" He said stuttering, unable to find the words to explain her. He felt ashamed to admit it, but it did do something to him, when she paid and he didn't want her to know about it, he didn't want her to think that he was a migynostic, sexist and self-absorbed being. It's not the fact that she paid for them that pricked him it was the memories that came along.
He had witnessed his parents's fruitful marriage turn into shambles over the course of years. And it started exactly like this, quarrels over money, over unpaid bills. He still remembers the the slow transition into the bitter relationship, a relationship filled with venom. His mother constantly taunted his father, reminding him of his inferiority, his failed career and how she would always take all the decisions, because she was the breadwinner and he didn't had a say in anything.
If a man doesn't provide for his family then he is qualified as an incapable, this is what drives people's homes to break and this what happened to them, his father fell into the pit of jealousy and let society's norms dictate his marriage and he had beaten his mother in her own game. Every night, she would come back after a long day of work and he would be ready at the doorstep to remind her how she had failed as a mother and how her absence didn't even matter anymore. He would listen to all of it from his room, sneaking behind the door, sometimes they would whisper-yell and sometimes he had to bury his head into the pillow to muffle the screams.
"Look at me, it doesn't matter to me." She held his face between her hands to make him look at her.
"But it does to me." He whispered. He took a step backward, her hands dropped from his face to his shoulder. Not bearing to see the mockery in her eyes, he was about to turn around, when the hold on his shoulders tightened. He looked up at her and was surprised to see a glint of determination in her eyes.
"Batao mujhe, why does it matter to you ?" She asked, her voice firm. She was apprehensive of what was coming next, but she couldn't leave him dealing with his issues on his own, not anymore.
He looked at her with a renewed admiration. So this how it felt to be loved by the one you craved for. It felt so overwhelming and so powerful, he could cry at any moment, just because of the way she looked at him, like her whole world turned around him.
"My mother used to do that to belittle my father." He confessed as he looked at her in the eyes. She seemed to tense up but her face was stoic, she didn't show any emotion. "I am not comparing you to her, I would never do that." He assured her.
"I just can't help it, things are just so messed up that I end up connecting everything together." He looked tortured as if speaking hurt him physically. She wanted to ease the ache inside him, to erase the look of anguish on his face. She moved her hands to the back of his neck.
"Did something else happen today ?" She asked her fingers running through the soft hair.
"I realized that I would always take the back seat in my mother's life. Unka kaam, unka doosra beta hamesha zyada zaroori hoga." He let a shuddering sigh.
"You know that's not true, bete ho tum unke, bohot pyaar karti hain wo tumse." She consoled him.
"Haan karti hain, lekin apne tareeke se." He said bitterly as he sadly smiled at her.
"Mujhe lagta tha ke ab wo mujhse kabhi door nahi hosakti, lekin main bhul gaya tha ke unki ek apni dounya hai, ek apni family hai, jiske liye wo kuch bhi karsakti hai, kuch bhi chor sakti hai." He whispered as his eyes teared up.
"Papa ne paata nahi kitni bhar kaha tha unse aapni job chorne keliye, lekin unn hone unki kabhi nahi sunni." He pursued his lips as the claws of reality caught him.
"Tumhe lagta hai ke agar wo ghar pe rehti to ye sab kabhi nahi hota, tumhare parents ka rishta bach jata ?" She asked trying to understand his point of view.
"I don't know. I only know that her work, her ambitions were the reasons that drove her apart from me in the first place. "He turned his back towards her as her hands fell limply to her sides.
She got down from the bonnet of the car and came to stand in front of him. She urged him to sit on the bonnet of the car, while she faced him.
"I am not contradicting you nor am I taking sides for any of them, but from what I have seen and heard, your parents' relationship was already fragile and your mother agreeing to your father wouldn't have helped. It's not her work or her ambition that took her away from you, it's the choices and the decisions she took without asking what you wanted." She concluded, more than determined to make him see reason.
"You might be right, but I remember the days when I needed her and she wasn't there, when I waited for her day long and only got to see her in the morning, at the breakfeast table. Kaam tum aur main dono karte hai lekin kabhi aisa huwa ke humari families ko zaroorat paari ho aur hum na ho ?" His voice raised a little, his fists tightly clenched.
"Tumhari haar baat sahi hai, tumhara ghussa hona jayaz hai, shayad wo apni professional aur personal life ke beech balance nahi rakh payi, main maanti hoon iss baat ko. Lekin ye baat sirf aurat par hi kyon lagoo hoti hai ?" She asked with a frown as she kept looking at him.
"Sumo, I am not taking a dig at you." He said in an alarmed tone.
"Ye mere sawal ka jawab nahi hai." He rolled his eyes, knowing that she won't let go.
"Kaam to Ramnath Uncle bhi karte hain, wo bhi late huwa hote honge, kya tumne kabhi bhi unse poocha ke wo kahan the, kya kar rahe the ?"
"Nahi." She answered her own question and didn't let him talk. "You know why because nobody ever questions a man about his whereabouts but when it's a woman, people take no time to point fingers at her." She hissed pointing a finger at him. He looked at her in disbelief, shcked by her sudden outburst.
She bit her lower lip in frustration as his head hung low. She realized that she had crossed a line.
"I am sorry." She whispered remorse coursing through her.
He didn't realize how his earlier actions and words about women had touched her. How she must have felt when the person she loved, uttered such misogynistic garbage. She must have felt insulted as a human as well as a woman. He thought about the countless women he had disregarded, disrespected without an ounce of regret. Suddenly, he was baffled by his own hypocrisy and realized that he had still a long way to redeem himself and had to change his perspective about women.
"I am sorry too, Sumo. Sometimes it just feels that no matter how much I try to run away from all of this, it keeps chasing me." He confessed without any hesitation, it had been a long time since he had been completely honest with her.
"Then stop running and deal with those things." She came closer to him, her fingers tugging at the corner of his lips, then rested her hand against his cheek. He turned his head a little to place a kiss onto her palm. The innocent action made her jump up, his lips were soft, almost like a tickle and she couldn't help but smile. She felt loved. Knowing that she couldn't control herself anymore, she tried to pull her hand away but he held it against his chest, bringing her closer to him.
"Sumo." He called her, lost in a trance, as he kept looking ahead.
"What if I become like my father ? What if we become like them ?" He asked with a pained expression on his face. The amount of vulnerability in his eyes broke her heart. There was time, he hoped to be half the man, his father was and now he was afraid of himself, he couldn't be the shadow of Ramnath Malhotra.
She brushed the hair against his forehead and shook softly her head at him. "You are not your father Shravan, you are nothing like him and we won't repeat the mistakes your parents made, that's my promise to you." Words were spoken and fates, sealed.
"Can't we start all over again ? As friends ?" He asked in his earnest voice. She felt her heart burst with tenderness and love for this man, she could never refuse him anything.
"Purani yaadein chod kar, nayi yaadein banayege." She smiled at him, forwarding her hand for a handshake.
He took her small palm into his, this time he would never let it slip out from his, this was his promise to himself.
They reached in front of the of Tiwari Killa's gate as he parked his car on the side of the road. He told her to wait in the car, before he got out of the car and walked around to her side and opened her door.
She shook her head at him, smiling at herself, he was just too cute at times. A gust of wind hit her as she stepped out of the car. "It's freaking cold." She whisper-yelled as hers hands rubbed over her arms trying to provide herself some much needed warmth.
He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, he even tugged the hair out of the jacket and brushed them slightly with his fingers.
"Shravan, itni tameez tumhe suit nahi karti." She teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief as they walked till the front door. He didn't seemed to listen to her as he kept looking at her. His jacket was too big for her and engulfed her petite frame. He recalled the night she had worn one of his t-shirt and decided that she needed to wear his clothes more often.
"Sumo." Something in his voice stopped her and made her listen to him. He let a soft sigh before taking a step towards her. She could hear her heart pounding into her chest and she wondered if he would kiss her again. She waited in anticipation, her stomach doing flip flops as he continued to look at her with those eyes.
"Good night." He whispered against her ear, his breath fanning the skin of her skin making her gasp. He walked away from her with a small smile on his face, seeing her affected by his proximity.
"Shravan. She called him out. "Friends can hug, right ?" She asked with a sly smile, fiddling her thumbs.
He walked closer to her till his shadow engulfed hers. "I guess, they can." He said with a smile on his own. His answer earned him a heart-breaking smile, the kind which made his heart beat out of his chest.
"So what are you waiting for ?"
She enclosed her arms around his shoulders, as he swept her off of her feet, making her squeal in happiness, the sound, music to his ears. His arms tightened around her petite waist, he held her closer to his frame, nuzzling into her hair as he heard her let out a sigh of contentment. Suddenly it didn't feel cold anymore.
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Suman was welcomed with whispers and sly smiles from her employees as she entered with the groceries. Today proved to be one of the most hectic days of the week and it wasn't even noon yet. She tried the old breathe in, breathe out technic but it didn't seem to work on. She was anxious, the meeting that had to be held in the next three hours would be decisive for PCT's future.
She sat down at her desk with a huff and ordered for a glass of water, massaging her temples. Her eyes fell on a small bouquet of white roses. She caressed them before inhaling into the heavenly scent, her hands touched a card and she opened it.
"I know these are not your favourites but can you close your eyes and pretend that they are ? It's difficult to get tulips in this season, that too on such a short notice ( I am merely quoting the vendor's words) but next time I promise you tulips." She laughed out loud, as she held the note close to her heart.Ting
As soon as she heard the notification, she could tell it was him and that made her smile wider.
"How did you find the flowers ?" She could imagine him tapping his pen on the desk, waiting for her answer.
"The answer depends on whom sent them."
"Any guesses ?"
"Might be a stalker, people aren't attentive enough to remember a lady's favourite flower."She suppressed a smile as she could imagine him with an expression of amusement on his face.
"Or a fervent admirer ?" He was able to make her blush even when he wasn't physically present.
"Then I should thank that fervent admirer of mine."
"And how would you do proceed with that ?"
"I'll give him anything he wants".
"Anything ?"
"Anything."
"He just wants you back at home, he needs someone to tease."
"Tell him to stay unconcerned, I'll be there tonight and tell him thank you they are beautiful. "She typed as she looked at the beautiful flowers.
"He already knows that".
She buried her face into her palms, he drove her crazy. She could hear giggles in the background and turned to look at them with a glare, her hands on her hips. Seeing them shudder in fear in front of her, she laughed out without any inhibition. She hadn't felt happiness in a long time.
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He sat to enjoy dinner with his family. Exchanging pleasantries over delicious home made food was the highlight of his day.
Sumo would be wrapping her meeting by now, which meant that she was most probably driving her way till home, although his fingers itched to call her, he decided to wait till she arrived, his eyes never leaving the front door.
If everybody noticed his lack of interest into exchanging pleasantries, they didn't say a word to him. Till the moment his glass overflowed with water, making everyone react in alarm.
"Sorry, sorry." He muttered as he tried to clear up the mess he had created with the help of napkins, eliciting giggles from his sister-in-law.
"Shravan puttar, tera dhyan kahan hai, lagta hai biwi ke bohot yaad aarahi hai." Kamini spoke in a sugary tone, her smile broadening.
"Aisa kuch nahi hai chachi." He tried to refute the idea but it only earned him suggestice looks from other family members.
"Accha chor, waise ye baate ke Suman puttar hai kahan ?" She asked with a look of worry, he knew was just a faade.
"Chachi uski aaj ek bohot hi important meeting thi, to bas isliye shayad late hogaya. He informed looking up from his plate.
"Oh accha."She said laughing.
"Accha sun, dekh tu meri baat ka bura maat maana, lekin tujhe nahi lagta ke Suman ko ab apni family ka, tera khyaal rakhna chahiye. Humare yahan koi paison ki kami hai kya, ke din bhar usse aise kaam karna parta hai aur wo bhi aisa kaam, isse to acche hai, wo kitchen main khana banati rahe." She smiled sweetly at him.
"Kamini-" Lalaji started to reprimand his wife but was cut off.
"Lalaji, chill please." He replied coolly, taking an apple from the basket of fruit.
"Teen baatein chachi ji." He spoke, his hands busy cutting the apple in pieces.
"Pehli, mere liye koi bhi kaam chota ya bhara nahi hota. Aur jis chotte kaam ki baat aap kar rahi hain, usse logon ka ghar chalta hai. Priya Central Tiffin meri biwi, Suman Shravan Malhotra ki izzat hai, uski pehchaan hai aur main ye bilkul bardasht nahi karoonga, agar koi uski mehnat ki bezzati kare. Wo chahe kal minister bane ya ghar pe behtne ka faisla kare, wo uski marzi hai aur main uske saath hamesha khara rahoonga."
"Doosri baat, bilkul sahi kaha aapna, humare yahan paison ki koi kami nahi hai. Lekin Sumo paison keliye sirf kaam nahi karti, wo isliye kaam karti hai, kyon ke usse apne kaam se bohot pyaar hai, bohot attachment hai. Aur main iss baat se bohot khush hoon in fact proud feel karta hoon ke meri biwi, aapni kisi bhi zaroorat keliye meri mohtaj nahi hai."
"Teesri aur akhri baat. Shayad aap bhul gayi hoon lekin main aap bhara hogaya hoon Chachi, aapna khyaal rakhne keliye kisi ke sahare ki zaroorat nahi hai. Ek saath ki zaroorat jo meri biwi ne hamesha diya hai." He kept the knife on the table with a dry noise, pushing the plate full of apples towards her.
"Now if you'll excuse me." He got up from his chair and nodded curtly at her, while she glared at him, fuming in anger.
They hadn't notice her entering inside the house. They hadn't seen her witnessing everything from her own eyes.
She felt suffocated standing in the same spot for God knows how long. She sprinted out of the house, not being able to control her emotions. She almost tripped twice as she reached her car, catching on her breath.
She couldn't stop the tears. Every time, she wiped them they poured down her face with even more vigour. He defended her, he had taken a stand for her. Something nobody had done for her in all those years. Shravan Malhotra, the man who claimed to hate women and their guts had blatantly supported her, her will to work. He had given a piece of mind on how to treat women equally. He had acknowledged her as his wife, he was proud of her, she had heard it in his voice when he had taken her name.
"Aap dekh rahi haina Maa, aaj pehli bhar koi mujhse khush huwa hai." She spoke, looking towards the starry sky as tears stung at the corner of her eyes. She laughed between tears, the man who claimed women to be a curse, had defended her in front of his whole family. He had gone against all his beliefs and gave her the benefit of doubt even after everything happened to him. No matter how much she had disappointed him he still stood tall for her. She had to see him, now. Wiping her tears frantically, she sprinted inside the house and ran up the stairs that led to their room. She threw the door open and called him out several times, but he was nowhere to be seen.
She trekked down the stairs and went outside, her eyes frantically searching for him.
She exhaled a long breath, she didn't notice she had held as she saw his shadow, walking towards her. Her heart stopped beating for a moment as she took in the gorgeous man in front of her and she wondered what good she had done in life to deserve him. She had so much love to give to him, so much love to receive from him.Without thinking, she jumped towards and leaped at him, her arms tightening around his neck as he staggered backwards, his own arms holding her up against him.
He could feel hot tears against the side of his neck and as he tried to pull away to check on her, she hugged him more fiercely to her.
"Sumo, kya huwa ?" He whispered, caressing her hair.
Their hearts were beating loudly and so in sync that he couldn't decipher his heart beat from her and it didn't even matter at the moment. He felt complete.
His hold tightened around her as she murmured against his neck. "Thank you, thank you so much."
He buried himself into the crook of her neck as he promised her forever. "I'll always fight for you."
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I tried to create a parallel between Shravan-Sumo and Nirmala-Ramnath, let's see how this goes. I don't what you guys felt about their conversation but I found it necessarily.
Special mention to Nikka sa Nik, might upgrade this to the statues of FF 😆
Chapter 10:
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/ek-duje-ke-vaaste/4800419/shraman-ff-holding-you-c18-pg-102?pn=54Edited by KitkitMkb - 7 years ago
Anupamaa
