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Hello ! This is where real fun starts ;) So in this chapter there is one ShraMan scene that gave me the idea of the story and it all happened because of one of the last episode, let's see if you guys can guess which one it is ;)
Chapter 6: Forgiveness
"Breathe."She tried to steady him as he slipped again. They finally reached to the door of the bathroom as he fell in front of the toilet, to throw up. She kept stroking his back with circular movements and held his head to help him. The exercise made him lose all the energy in his already limp body. He rested his upper body against the wall to support himself and tried to regulate his breathing, but it still came as ragged as before. She rushed to the room and took a bottle of water with her. Suman knelt in front of him, uncorking the cap and brought the bottle to his dry lips as he gulped down gingerly.
"Easy, easy there." She wiped the corner of his lips with her sleeve and brushed the hair against his forehead. He was still burning with fever. He clutched the side of his t-shirt, where his heart rested, his brows furrowing. She took his hand away and rubbed the area above his heart, a futile attempt to ease the ache as he looked at her through half lidded eyes brimming with tears, as his own fingers touched hers.
"Take it away... Please, just take it away." She knew he was not talking about the fever, which was not the cause of the tears in his eyes nor the hypersensitivity of his body, it was the heartache that made everything else hurt.
She held him by his waist and processed to lift him. It was tedious, they stumbled quite a few times, as she had to support all his weight, but she didn't give up. They walked through the room, one arm secured around his abdomen, the other holding his arm. They almost reached the bed, when she felt him slump down against her petite frame. He fell down on the floor, bringing her with him, again.
"Shravan!" She tried to get up but a feather like touch on her wrist stopped her from moving. They were on the floor against the bed, he wiped the lone tear that had found its way off her cheek as they kept looking at each other. They belong together. Be it in the hollows of the darkness or the rays of light.
"Please, hold on to me." She tried again, but he didn't budge from his position and kept looking ahead. They were both exhausted, emotionally and physically. She was tempted to lie down there, but she couldn't leave him in this state, he needed to rest. Suddenly, he was slipping into unconsciousness, his hold slackened and his eyes dropped.
"Shravan." She whispered his name and patted his cheek repeatedly. She let out a breathe of relief, when he slowly gained consciousness. His eyes were red, almost feverish.
"Dekho main hoon Sumo, main hoon tumhare saath." A shaking hand came towards her, to caress the soft skin of her cheek."Tum ho?" She shaked her head in approval, the lump in her throat seemed to tighten with every passing moment. She was only a blur to him, he could only trace the features with his fingers and yet he wanted to believe her. All his senses were overpowered by the medicines, yet he could feel her, her scent, her presence around him.
"Chod ke to nahi jaogi." His hand was warm against the back of her neck, a contrast to her sensitive skin. His hold tightened and she found herself drowning into his profound orbs. Her own hands came to rest at the back of his head, caressing his nape.
"Kabhi nahi." If it wasn't for the omnipresent silence in the room, he wouldn't have heard it. It was the only assurance he needed.
"Chale?" He nodded. She let out a huff as she lifted him and maneuvered him till the bed. Her back was pressed against the headboard as he laid in front of her, his head on her torso. She kept changing the cold bandages on his forehead to lower the temperature of his body. Even in the duvet, he was shivering, she kept rubbing his arms and hands, trying to provide him the much needed warmth.
She stopped for a moment and tightened her hold on him. She peered down at him, a change from the usual. Even in his slumber he looked in pain, the redness of his eyes and the grimace on his face, were just the reflection of his inner state. Seeing him in this condition was killing her. Dark thoughts plagued her mind as she found her nimble fingers checking his breathing near his nostrils. She was so scared to lose him. She wanted to cry, but she didn't. She had to be strong, for him. He needed her and this time his best friend wouldn't fail him.
"Sab theek hojaye ga." She kept chanting it like a prayer, to make herself believe more than him. She hugged his head and kept rocking him, like a child. Tomorrow would be a new day.
Four days passed. Shravan hadn't uttered a word. He just kept looking at the ceiling. As much as she tried to make him eat, talk, he wouldn't budge. He remained stubborn. It's like something had left his body. Like he was here without being here. The light brown eyes which lit up her world, were dead. They were so empty, devoid of any feelings and she understood that she had lost him to all the betrayals, the hurt and the hate.
After his nervous breakdown, she had been a wreck. The doctor had been called in emergency. He had prescribed medicines and antidepressants. He even suggested therapy, but Suman knew that Shravan was not in that state of mind, yet.
Even now, he was staring into nothingness, she wanted to say something, but her lips were sealed. She sighed and looked at him one last time before going downstairs.
As she came down, everyone surrounded her. They were all going through a difficult phase, especially Ramnath Uncle who had not seen his son, since the revelation. The tiredness could be seen on his face and he looked miserable. She went into the kitchen to prepare his breakfast which was going to stay untouched, after assuring everyone that he was better. She heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Ramnath uncle stood at the door of the kitchen and she couldn't help but notice that his head was bowed down.
"Kuch chahiye tha, Uncle ?" She asked, still cutting the vegetables.
"Wo Shravan... Shravan kaisa hai ?"
"Pehle se behter hai." This was their first normal encounter, after her impromptu marriage. She could feel that he wanted to say something, the way he was shifting on his feet.
"Kuch kehna chahte hai aap ?" She turned the stove off.
"Main- I wanted to thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for him." She found herself tearing up, as the man in front of her acknowledged her for the first time.
"Aur main jaanta hoon ke mene aapni ego main aake Shravan se wo cheen liya, jo uska tha. Tum dono se khush hone ka mauka cheen liya. I ruined everything for both of you. Main jaanta hoon ke tumse kuch bhi maangna ghalat hoga, but still I request you mujhe maaf karne ki koshish kar na." He broke into tears at the end of his apology. She looked away from him. True, he had ruined everything for them. But she couldn't deny the part she had played into all this, how much damage her actions had caused.
A part of her understood where he came from. After all, they were both bound by the love they had for the same person and they both had tried in their own clumsy way to protect him.
"Mene maaf kiya aapka. Because I understand, lekin aapne jo kiya hai, usse uska dil bohot buri tarah se toota hai. Iss liye hume usse waqt dena hoga. Mujhe aapse koi complaint nahi hai, bas main usse khush dekh na chahti hoon aur main jaanti hoon ke aap bhi wahi chahte hain. Let's give him some time. Jab wo aapse baat karna chahe ga to wo khud aajaye ga."
He nodded, understanding while looking at the kid in front of him, she had proved him so wrong. She had proved time and again that she was never going to leave his son's side. He wished he had grasped the fact before. But like they say, better late than never.
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"Mujhe baat karni hai unn se. Abhi." Those were the first words he uttered after days of silence and ignorance.
"Are you sure ? I mean are you ready for this ?" She asked anxiously.
"Yes, I am sure."
"Okay. Wo tumhara intezaar kar rahe hain.Chalo." She approached his side of the bed, to help him when the words he uttered next, made her stop.
"Akele." He did not even spare a glance at her, as he walked past, leaving her on the spot. She noticed how weak he looked as he got up from the weak and how his walls were back again.
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Nirmala and Ramnath were anxiously looking at the clock, as a firm knock broke their reverie, the person didn't wait for their approval to enter the room. They both got up from their respective chairs, with a tentative smile on their faces, but he refused to even look at them and sat in front of them.
In front of his ignorance, they both decided to sit back. The urge to connect to him was so sudden, they both had to think about what to say and how to say it.
He looked at them from the corner of the eyes. If someone had told him that he would be sitting in front of his two parents, ten years ago, he would have laughed at their faces even though he had spent all these years, dreaming of the perfect family photo, where he wasn't left out.
As he caught sly glances of them, he couldn't help but notice them. She was still the same beautiful woman, her hair were still that dark, the difference was that now she tied them in a tight bun. Her eyes. He had her eyes. There were many instances where people told him but now he could see it himself. Light brown eyes.
Both of them were always so composed, they never let circumstances affect them, they always stayed dignified. Even now, his father's posture was stiff, his mother was playing with the material of her sari, but there was not a cringe or a wince on their faces that could give away any emotions. He had mastered the art of the mask from the best.
These people were the reason of the state of his life and yet when he looked at them, he felt nothing. Numbness.
"Ab kaise ho tum ?" She finally mustered the courage to ask him, her voice croaked as she asked, like she was chocking.
"Kaise lag raha hun aapko ?" He answered back, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
They both looked down in shame, as they realize that this was not going to be easy and that, small talks wouldn't help.
"Main yahan aap dono ko aapne aap ko explain karne ka mauka de raha hoon, rishta banana ka nahi." His tone was calm, measured. They both nodded.
"Jaise ke tum jante ho hum dono ki shaadi bohot buri tarah se tooti. Main bohot insecure hogaya tha, Nimala ke kaam ko lekar, her ambition, her attachment to her work irked me to no extent. Main duniya ke samne kitna bhi open minded banoon, andar se meri soch bohot hi choti thi. She was the sole earner of the house aur ye baat mere ego ko bohot zor se lagi aur yahan se baat bikarne lagi." His voice dropped down, he couldn't get himself to say more.
"Wo mujh par shak karne lage aur ek din unka haath mujh par uth gaya. Tabhi mene soch liya ke main inn ke saath nahi reh sakti. Main tujhe wapas lene aayi thi, lekin phir..."
"Unn hone aapko blackmail kiya aur aap ne dobara palat ke nahi dekha." He finished the end of her sentence and rested his head against the seat, eyes closed.
"Shravan, please sirf ye baat yaad rakhna ke humne jo kuch bhi kiya wo tumhare liye, tumhari behteri ke liye kiya." His father said, hopeful that his plea would reach out to him.
"Mere liye ya aapne liya ?" Soch kar jawab dijiye ga. Kyon ke mene abhi tak jo suna, usse main yahi samajh raha hoon ke aapne aap ne liye ye sab kiya. Das saal tak aapne mujhe aapni maa se door rakha. Aapni ego keliye. Mujhe apni katputli banne ke, khelte rahe mere saath. Mere pyaar ko ek tag price bana ke chor diya, aapne fayde keliye. Aur aaj sach bola bhi to aapna guilt kaam karne keliye. Haina ? He could feel himself shaking, as his anger surfaced again.
"Nahi Shravan, mene tumhe ye sab bataya, kyon ke main tumhe uss halat main nahi dekh sakta tha, main tumhe khush dekhna chahta hoon." His eyes were clouded with tears. He could feel that his voice was not reaching him.
"Kyon mujhe theek karna chahte the aap ? Because I was no longer the perfect Shravan Malhotra, I was not up to the standard of the Great Malhotras, sharam aati thi na aapko ke aapka beta nashe ki halaat main idhar udhar girta rehta hai. Mujhe dekh kar aapko aapni khamiyaan nazar aarahi thi. But I assure you Mr Malhotra ab dobara meri wajah se kabhi sharminda nahi honge." He took a deep breath and turned to his other culprit.
"Aur aap, Mrs Nirmala Ahuja, sorry should I say mom?" She didn't answer, her own guilt was drowning her.
"Ek baar koshish ki hoti, mujhse baat karne ki. Ek message, ek phone call beja hota. Lekin nahi, I guess it was too much asking. But I don't blame you, jab insaan busy hojata hai, usse kehan se ye saari baatein yaad rehti hain." He let out an exhilarant sigh.
He could her sniffle as she tried to hold back the tears.
"I thought it was the best for you.I didn't want to drag you to a court. I didn't want to ruin your childhood." She said wiping her tears.
"Ab to bohot khush lag raha hun main aapko." He snapped back, he was slowly losing his composure.
He finally dared to look at them. They were both crying. There were tears streaming down his father's face and his mother was trying regulate her breathing. Even now, he was the cause of their unhappiness.
"Bachpan main mujhe hamesha ye darr laga rehta tha ke aap chali jayegi. Iss liye meri hamesha koshish yahi thi ke main aapka perfect beta ban sakoon. Perfect beta, perfect student. Best distinctions. Mujhe laga tha main aapke layak ban jaonga. You would be proud of me but clearly, it was not enough to make you stay."
He finally bared his heart in front of her. It was true, sometimes he felt that all the expectations that people had for him would kill him. He remembered all the nights he had spent awaken, studying. All the days, where he could have been leading a normal teenager's life but he would lock himself in his room and revise for hours.
"Aapko to main yaad bhi nahi aaya." She burst out into full crying. He just looked here and there, his own eyes brimming with tears.
He looked at them and this time his heart hurt. They always end up hurting him and then expected him to forgive and forget everything. But this time the wound was too deep and there was no miracle cure.
"Aur jahan taak, aapko maaf karne ka sawal utha hai, to I'll ask you to give me some time, to understand, to think."
He got up from his chair and went till the door.
"Aur Suman." His father seemed to have found his voice but he cut him off.
"Uss mamle main aap pehle hi bohot kuch kar chuke hain. Uss keliye daleel pech karne ki koi zaroorat nahi." He stormed out of the room, without a glance.
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She had a tray in her hands, with a meal and some medications. She could feel him boring holes into the back of her head as she moved across the room to take some napkins before sitting down next to him and setting everything to make him eat.
"Yeh lo tumhara khana aur ye dawai, you have to take it before you eat." She gave him the pill but he pushed her hand. She looked at him in surprise, she was waiting for some kind of outburst since days now and she finally got a reaction from his side.
"Kyon kar rahi ho ye sab ? Kya jatana chahti ho ?" She tried to perceive some emotion in his eyes but they were cold and distant.
"Kya kiya hai mene ?" She knew exactly what he was talking about but she acted nonchalant to keep him talking, to let the rage and the anger out of him.
"Ye natak, ye care karna. Who are you doing it for ? Kisko dikhana hai ?"
"Main tumhe iss halaat main nahi dekh sakti." Her revelation stunned him, she could see it. His mouth opened and closed but he didn't find anything to retaliate.
"I can't see you hurt and I'll do anything to make you fine." She didn't know from where the confidence came. He let out a deep throaty laugh at that but she could hear the pain dripping from his voice.
"Really ? Last I remember main tumhare liye itna important nahi tha." His head tilted so he could look into her eyes. She looked back at him, her guilt coming back at the speed of light.
"Shravan tum jant-"
"Papa blackmailed you and you complied like the nice little girl you are. Haina ?" He pinched her cheek.
"Itna asaan tha tumhare liye ?" His eyes pierced into hers and she didn't like the way he was looking at her, like... he hated her.
"Unn se kiya huwa wada mujhse kiye huwe waadon se bhara tha ? Kitni keemat lagai meri ?" She had answers to his every question but she wasn't sure if he would be able to understand them.
"Stop it Shravan. Just stop.Tumhe lag tha hai mere liye ye sab asaan tha ? Mujhe takleef nahi huwi. For God's sake I was asked to choose between you and my family. Kya karti main ?" Her own emotions were on the edge. She had kept everything bottled up for so long that now she felt that she was about to burst.
"Ladti, jagad thi, mujhse bolti. But you didn't do anything of the sort. Jaanti ho kyon. Because it was easier for you to give up on me."
She closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks. The accusation hurt, a lot.
"You always chose your image, your reputation and your family over me. After all, who I am to you ? Where do I stand in your life full of commitments ? Bolo na. " His own hurt had reached new heights. He didn't realize when he inched closer to her and he was now gripping her arms.
"Shravan you are hurting me." It was such a low admittance. His hold slackened from her arms but he didn't move away neither did she.
"Yes I chose them over you, I chose everyone over you. Iss liye nahi ke wo tum se zyaada important hai but because I trusted you. Mujhe yakeen tha ke tum mujh tak aapna raaste dhoond loge. Main door chali jaongi, to tum paas aaoge. Lekin main ghalat thi." Her voice broke and the last words came as a raspy whisper. She wished she could go back in time and mend everything, start over.
"You pushed me away every time. You just... How can you expect me to come towards you when you made me feel unworthy every damn time." His eyes closed as he let a shuddering sigh.
"Shravan please believe me. I didn't want you to lose the only relationship you had, I..." The two best friends who had always something to say were both at lose of words, today.
"Ek baar koshish ki hoti." She could hear longing in his voice.
"I didn't want to lose you." Her fear had spoken, pushed him away and now they were here.
"You have already lost me." She looked away as the words revived a raw pain in her chest.
"Please don't say that." She reached out to take his hand in hers but he pushed her away, again.
"Tum meri jagah pe hote to kya karte ?" She tried to conceal the tremble in her voice but she was too overcame with emotion.
"I don't know. But if I saw you hurting the way I did. I would have given up in a matter of a heartbeat." Her breath hitched as her vision became even more blurry. She squeezed her eyes tight and held onto the sheet as regret coursed through her.
"Main tumhe hurt karna nahi chahti thi. Believe me, main pichle das saal se tumhara intezaar kar rahi hoon, I-" he did not let her finish.
"Ehsaan kiya ? Mene bola tha intezaar karne ke liye ?" He snapped back.
"Aur kya keh rahi thi tum ? Kuch bhi karsakti ho mere liye ? He held her by her neck, but gently just to make her look into his eyes. Their eyes mirrored the longing, the pinning that one had for the other. Their tears mingled together even though they were the cause of each other's sorrow.
"Haan." This one word would seal their fates.
"Well let's see." He looked upwards as if in deep concentration. She knew he was testing her, it was his way of retaliating against her. He was giving her a chance to prove her love.
"Mere liye PCT chod sakti ho ?" Silence reigned into the room, he was still holding her face into his palms neither of them dared to look away. His eyes held a fire, the fire of betrayal.
He had asked her to give up her most priced possession, little did he know that she had already lost him.
A sardonic smile took over his features as his hold slackened. "Mil Gaya jawab."
"Haan. Chod sakti hoon."She spoke firmly, even if he was taken aback, he didn't show it, there was just a glint in his eyes.
"Lekin sawal ye nahi hai ke main PCT chod sakti hoon ya nahi, sawal ye hai ke kya tum mujhse kabhi ye maang paoge." She stared at him but he looked away, not wanting to meet her scrutinising gaze.
This was his curse, he couldn't hurt people he loved, he couldn't give them the taste of their own medicine, especially knowing how much it hurt and even he was able to, his conscience wouldn't leave him with the satisfaction of his deed, his guilt would keep haunting him.
Even now, he had to fight the urge to take her in his arms, to wipe her tears. He was tired of expecting too much from people, he was tired of being everyone's second choice. He wanted to forgive all of them, but his heart was not ready to take another gash and he wasn't sure whom to believe and whom not to.
"Tum lakh koshish karlo, bure ban neki, main tumhe jaanti hoon, mujhse aakhen churane ka bhi koi faida nahi." She could see what he was trying to do here, what games he was playing.
"Phir mujhe chod do." She felt anger build up slowly, he was trying to push her and he had succeeded.
"I have had it enough Mr. Malhotra. I am not going anywhere. You were the one who wanted to get married, tumne pehle sign kiye the, tumhe jaldi thi." Her voiced raised an octave higher.
"Ghalti hogayi." She knew the words were directed to have a certain effect on her and it did. Her heart was heavy and she could not breathe for a moment. It hurt to be called his mistake, but like always she gathered herself, she was not allowed to break in front of him.
"Ghalti huwi haina so now bear the consequences of it." She didn't dare to look at him, while his eyes didn't seem to leave her. She thrust the pill into his mouth and gave him a water of glass. Tears kept streaming, but she didn't even care to wipe them.
"Khana kha lena." She sprinted out of the room, her tears gathered into his big palms.
She reached the railing and broke into uncontrollable sobs and kept repeating one thing as his words played again and again in her mind like a broken record. "It was easier for you to give up on me."
She had failed him again.
"I am sorry I am so sorry."
He could finally cry in silence, as the burden of his heart seemed to lighten with every tear, he shed. He had broken her, he had seen how much his words affected her. He thought hurting her would be easy, he would feel much better.
He traced the tear along his fingers.
The way she was looking at him all the time, made his heart sank even deeper, like she was waiting something from him, a sign, anything.
But he had nothing to give.
Something was broken between them and mere words wouldn't be enough to mend it.
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Here you go !
Intense ? Don't hate on Shravan please 😆
I also wanted to thank you guys, your comments always always make me smile ;)
Thank you so much !
Yes if you want a pm please buddy this account it gets easier for me 😆
Chapter 7: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/ek-duje-ke-vaaste/4800419/shraman-ff-holding-you-c18-pg-102?pn=31
Chapter 6: Forgiveness
"Breathe."She tried to steady him as he slipped again. They finally reached to the door of the bathroom as he fell in front of the toilet, to throw up. She kept stroking his back with circular movements and held his head to help him. The exercise made him lose all the energy in his already limp body. He rested his upper body against the wall to support himself and tried to regulate his breathing, but it still came as ragged as before. She rushed to the room and took a bottle of water with her. Suman knelt in front of him, uncorking the cap and brought the bottle to his dry lips as he gulped down gingerly.
"Easy, easy there." She wiped the corner of his lips with her sleeve and brushed the hair against his forehead. He was still burning with fever. He clutched the side of his t-shirt, where his heart rested, his brows furrowing. She took his hand away and rubbed the area above his heart, a futile attempt to ease the ache as he looked at her through half lidded eyes brimming with tears, as his own fingers touched hers.
"Take it away... Please, just take it away." She knew he was not talking about the fever, which was not the cause of the tears in his eyes nor the hypersensitivity of his body, it was the heartache that made everything else hurt.
She held him by his waist and processed to lift him. It was tedious, they stumbled quite a few times, as she had to support all his weight, but she didn't give up. They walked through the room, one arm secured around his abdomen, the other holding his arm. They almost reached the bed, when she felt him slump down against her petite frame. He fell down on the floor, bringing her with him, again.
"Shravan!" She tried to get up but a feather like touch on her wrist stopped her from moving. They were on the floor against the bed, he wiped the lone tear that had found its way off her cheek as they kept looking at each other. They belong together. Be it in the hollows of the darkness or the rays of light.
"Please, hold on to me." She tried again, but he didn't budge from his position and kept looking ahead. They were both exhausted, emotionally and physically. She was tempted to lie down there, but she couldn't leave him in this state, he needed to rest. Suddenly, he was slipping into unconsciousness, his hold slackened and his eyes dropped.
"Shravan." She whispered his name and patted his cheek repeatedly. She let out a breathe of relief, when he slowly gained consciousness. His eyes were red, almost feverish.
"Dekho main hoon Sumo, main hoon tumhare saath." A shaking hand came towards her, to caress the soft skin of her cheek."Tum ho?" She shaked her head in approval, the lump in her throat seemed to tighten with every passing moment. She was only a blur to him, he could only trace the features with his fingers and yet he wanted to believe her. All his senses were overpowered by the medicines, yet he could feel her, her scent, her presence around him.
"Chod ke to nahi jaogi." His hand was warm against the back of her neck, a contrast to her sensitive skin. His hold tightened and she found herself drowning into his profound orbs. Her own hands came to rest at the back of his head, caressing his nape.
"Kabhi nahi." If it wasn't for the omnipresent silence in the room, he wouldn't have heard it. It was the only assurance he needed.
"Chale?" He nodded. She let out a huff as she lifted him and maneuvered him till the bed. Her back was pressed against the headboard as he laid in front of her, his head on her torso. She kept changing the cold bandages on his forehead to lower the temperature of his body. Even in the duvet, he was shivering, she kept rubbing his arms and hands, trying to provide him the much needed warmth.
She stopped for a moment and tightened her hold on him. She peered down at him, a change from the usual. Even in his slumber he looked in pain, the redness of his eyes and the grimace on his face, were just the reflection of his inner state. Seeing him in this condition was killing her. Dark thoughts plagued her mind as she found her nimble fingers checking his breathing near his nostrils. She was so scared to lose him. She wanted to cry, but she didn't. She had to be strong, for him. He needed her and this time his best friend wouldn't fail him.
"Sab theek hojaye ga." She kept chanting it like a prayer, to make herself believe more than him. She hugged his head and kept rocking him, like a child. Tomorrow would be a new day.
Four days passed. Shravan hadn't uttered a word. He just kept looking at the ceiling. As much as she tried to make him eat, talk, he wouldn't budge. He remained stubborn. It's like something had left his body. Like he was here without being here. The light brown eyes which lit up her world, were dead. They were so empty, devoid of any feelings and she understood that she had lost him to all the betrayals, the hurt and the hate.
After his nervous breakdown, she had been a wreck. The doctor had been called in emergency. He had prescribed medicines and antidepressants. He even suggested therapy, but Suman knew that Shravan was not in that state of mind, yet.
Even now, he was staring into nothingness, she wanted to say something, but her lips were sealed. She sighed and looked at him one last time before going downstairs.
As she came down, everyone surrounded her. They were all going through a difficult phase, especially Ramnath Uncle who had not seen his son, since the revelation. The tiredness could be seen on his face and he looked miserable. She went into the kitchen to prepare his breakfast which was going to stay untouched, after assuring everyone that he was better. She heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Ramnath uncle stood at the door of the kitchen and she couldn't help but notice that his head was bowed down.
"Kuch chahiye tha, Uncle ?" She asked, still cutting the vegetables.
"Wo Shravan... Shravan kaisa hai ?"
"Pehle se behter hai." This was their first normal encounter, after her impromptu marriage. She could feel that he wanted to say something, the way he was shifting on his feet.
"Kuch kehna chahte hai aap ?" She turned the stove off.
"Main- I wanted to thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for him." She found herself tearing up, as the man in front of her acknowledged her for the first time.
"Aur main jaanta hoon ke mene aapni ego main aake Shravan se wo cheen liya, jo uska tha. Tum dono se khush hone ka mauka cheen liya. I ruined everything for both of you. Main jaanta hoon ke tumse kuch bhi maangna ghalat hoga, but still I request you mujhe maaf karne ki koshish kar na." He broke into tears at the end of his apology. She looked away from him. True, he had ruined everything for them. But she couldn't deny the part she had played into all this, how much damage her actions had caused.
A part of her understood where he came from. After all, they were both bound by the love they had for the same person and they both had tried in their own clumsy way to protect him.
"Mene maaf kiya aapka. Because I understand, lekin aapne jo kiya hai, usse uska dil bohot buri tarah se toota hai. Iss liye hume usse waqt dena hoga. Mujhe aapse koi complaint nahi hai, bas main usse khush dekh na chahti hoon aur main jaanti hoon ke aap bhi wahi chahte hain. Let's give him some time. Jab wo aapse baat karna chahe ga to wo khud aajaye ga."
He nodded, understanding while looking at the kid in front of him, she had proved him so wrong. She had proved time and again that she was never going to leave his son's side. He wished he had grasped the fact before. But like they say, better late than never.
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"Mujhe baat karni hai unn se. Abhi." Those were the first words he uttered after days of silence and ignorance.
"Are you sure ? I mean are you ready for this ?" She asked anxiously.
"Yes, I am sure."
"Okay. Wo tumhara intezaar kar rahe hain.Chalo." She approached his side of the bed, to help him when the words he uttered next, made her stop.
"Akele." He did not even spare a glance at her, as he walked past, leaving her on the spot. She noticed how weak he looked as he got up from the weak and how his walls were back again.
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Nirmala and Ramnath were anxiously looking at the clock, as a firm knock broke their reverie, the person didn't wait for their approval to enter the room. They both got up from their respective chairs, with a tentative smile on their faces, but he refused to even look at them and sat in front of them.
In front of his ignorance, they both decided to sit back. The urge to connect to him was so sudden, they both had to think about what to say and how to say it.
He looked at them from the corner of the eyes. If someone had told him that he would be sitting in front of his two parents, ten years ago, he would have laughed at their faces even though he had spent all these years, dreaming of the perfect family photo, where he wasn't left out.
As he caught sly glances of them, he couldn't help but notice them. She was still the same beautiful woman, her hair were still that dark, the difference was that now she tied them in a tight bun. Her eyes. He had her eyes. There were many instances where people told him but now he could see it himself. Light brown eyes.
Both of them were always so composed, they never let circumstances affect them, they always stayed dignified. Even now, his father's posture was stiff, his mother was playing with the material of her sari, but there was not a cringe or a wince on their faces that could give away any emotions. He had mastered the art of the mask from the best.
These people were the reason of the state of his life and yet when he looked at them, he felt nothing. Numbness.
"Ab kaise ho tum ?" She finally mustered the courage to ask him, her voice croaked as she asked, like she was chocking.
"Kaise lag raha hun aapko ?" He answered back, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
They both looked down in shame, as they realize that this was not going to be easy and that, small talks wouldn't help.
"Main yahan aap dono ko aapne aap ko explain karne ka mauka de raha hoon, rishta banana ka nahi." His tone was calm, measured. They both nodded.
"Jaise ke tum jante ho hum dono ki shaadi bohot buri tarah se tooti. Main bohot insecure hogaya tha, Nimala ke kaam ko lekar, her ambition, her attachment to her work irked me to no extent. Main duniya ke samne kitna bhi open minded banoon, andar se meri soch bohot hi choti thi. She was the sole earner of the house aur ye baat mere ego ko bohot zor se lagi aur yahan se baat bikarne lagi." His voice dropped down, he couldn't get himself to say more.
"Wo mujh par shak karne lage aur ek din unka haath mujh par uth gaya. Tabhi mene soch liya ke main inn ke saath nahi reh sakti. Main tujhe wapas lene aayi thi, lekin phir..."
"Unn hone aapko blackmail kiya aur aap ne dobara palat ke nahi dekha." He finished the end of her sentence and rested his head against the seat, eyes closed.
"Shravan, please sirf ye baat yaad rakhna ke humne jo kuch bhi kiya wo tumhare liye, tumhari behteri ke liye kiya." His father said, hopeful that his plea would reach out to him.
"Mere liye ya aapne liya ?" Soch kar jawab dijiye ga. Kyon ke mene abhi tak jo suna, usse main yahi samajh raha hoon ke aapne aap ne liye ye sab kiya. Das saal tak aapne mujhe aapni maa se door rakha. Aapni ego keliye. Mujhe apni katputli banne ke, khelte rahe mere saath. Mere pyaar ko ek tag price bana ke chor diya, aapne fayde keliye. Aur aaj sach bola bhi to aapna guilt kaam karne keliye. Haina ? He could feel himself shaking, as his anger surfaced again.
"Nahi Shravan, mene tumhe ye sab bataya, kyon ke main tumhe uss halat main nahi dekh sakta tha, main tumhe khush dekhna chahta hoon." His eyes were clouded with tears. He could feel that his voice was not reaching him.
"Kyon mujhe theek karna chahte the aap ? Because I was no longer the perfect Shravan Malhotra, I was not up to the standard of the Great Malhotras, sharam aati thi na aapko ke aapka beta nashe ki halaat main idhar udhar girta rehta hai. Mujhe dekh kar aapko aapni khamiyaan nazar aarahi thi. But I assure you Mr Malhotra ab dobara meri wajah se kabhi sharminda nahi honge." He took a deep breath and turned to his other culprit.
"Aur aap, Mrs Nirmala Ahuja, sorry should I say mom?" She didn't answer, her own guilt was drowning her.
"Ek baar koshish ki hoti, mujhse baat karne ki. Ek message, ek phone call beja hota. Lekin nahi, I guess it was too much asking. But I don't blame you, jab insaan busy hojata hai, usse kehan se ye saari baatein yaad rehti hain." He let out an exhilarant sigh.
He could her sniffle as she tried to hold back the tears.
"I thought it was the best for you.I didn't want to drag you to a court. I didn't want to ruin your childhood." She said wiping her tears.
"Ab to bohot khush lag raha hun main aapko." He snapped back, he was slowly losing his composure.
He finally dared to look at them. They were both crying. There were tears streaming down his father's face and his mother was trying regulate her breathing. Even now, he was the cause of their unhappiness.
"Bachpan main mujhe hamesha ye darr laga rehta tha ke aap chali jayegi. Iss liye meri hamesha koshish yahi thi ke main aapka perfect beta ban sakoon. Perfect beta, perfect student. Best distinctions. Mujhe laga tha main aapke layak ban jaonga. You would be proud of me but clearly, it was not enough to make you stay."
He finally bared his heart in front of her. It was true, sometimes he felt that all the expectations that people had for him would kill him. He remembered all the nights he had spent awaken, studying. All the days, where he could have been leading a normal teenager's life but he would lock himself in his room and revise for hours.
"Aapko to main yaad bhi nahi aaya." She burst out into full crying. He just looked here and there, his own eyes brimming with tears.
He looked at them and this time his heart hurt. They always end up hurting him and then expected him to forgive and forget everything. But this time the wound was too deep and there was no miracle cure.
"Aur jahan taak, aapko maaf karne ka sawal utha hai, to I'll ask you to give me some time, to understand, to think."
He got up from his chair and went till the door.
"Aur Suman." His father seemed to have found his voice but he cut him off.
"Uss mamle main aap pehle hi bohot kuch kar chuke hain. Uss keliye daleel pech karne ki koi zaroorat nahi." He stormed out of the room, without a glance.
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She had a tray in her hands, with a meal and some medications. She could feel him boring holes into the back of her head as she moved across the room to take some napkins before sitting down next to him and setting everything to make him eat.
"Yeh lo tumhara khana aur ye dawai, you have to take it before you eat." She gave him the pill but he pushed her hand. She looked at him in surprise, she was waiting for some kind of outburst since days now and she finally got a reaction from his side.
"Kyon kar rahi ho ye sab ? Kya jatana chahti ho ?" She tried to perceive some emotion in his eyes but they were cold and distant.
"Kya kiya hai mene ?" She knew exactly what he was talking about but she acted nonchalant to keep him talking, to let the rage and the anger out of him.
"Ye natak, ye care karna. Who are you doing it for ? Kisko dikhana hai ?"
"Main tumhe iss halaat main nahi dekh sakti." Her revelation stunned him, she could see it. His mouth opened and closed but he didn't find anything to retaliate.
"I can't see you hurt and I'll do anything to make you fine." She didn't know from where the confidence came. He let out a deep throaty laugh at that but she could hear the pain dripping from his voice.
"Really ? Last I remember main tumhare liye itna important nahi tha." His head tilted so he could look into her eyes. She looked back at him, her guilt coming back at the speed of light.
"Shravan tum jant-"
"Papa blackmailed you and you complied like the nice little girl you are. Haina ?" He pinched her cheek.
"Itna asaan tha tumhare liye ?" His eyes pierced into hers and she didn't like the way he was looking at her, like... he hated her.
"Unn se kiya huwa wada mujhse kiye huwe waadon se bhara tha ? Kitni keemat lagai meri ?" She had answers to his every question but she wasn't sure if he would be able to understand them.
"Stop it Shravan. Just stop.Tumhe lag tha hai mere liye ye sab asaan tha ? Mujhe takleef nahi huwi. For God's sake I was asked to choose between you and my family. Kya karti main ?" Her own emotions were on the edge. She had kept everything bottled up for so long that now she felt that she was about to burst.
"Ladti, jagad thi, mujhse bolti. But you didn't do anything of the sort. Jaanti ho kyon. Because it was easier for you to give up on me."
She closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks. The accusation hurt, a lot.
"You always chose your image, your reputation and your family over me. After all, who I am to you ? Where do I stand in your life full of commitments ? Bolo na. " His own hurt had reached new heights. He didn't realize when he inched closer to her and he was now gripping her arms.
"Shravan you are hurting me." It was such a low admittance. His hold slackened from her arms but he didn't move away neither did she.
"Yes I chose them over you, I chose everyone over you. Iss liye nahi ke wo tum se zyaada important hai but because I trusted you. Mujhe yakeen tha ke tum mujh tak aapna raaste dhoond loge. Main door chali jaongi, to tum paas aaoge. Lekin main ghalat thi." Her voice broke and the last words came as a raspy whisper. She wished she could go back in time and mend everything, start over.
"You pushed me away every time. You just... How can you expect me to come towards you when you made me feel unworthy every damn time." His eyes closed as he let a shuddering sigh.
"Shravan please believe me. I didn't want you to lose the only relationship you had, I..." The two best friends who had always something to say were both at lose of words, today.
"Ek baar koshish ki hoti." She could hear longing in his voice.
"I didn't want to lose you." Her fear had spoken, pushed him away and now they were here.
"You have already lost me." She looked away as the words revived a raw pain in her chest.
"Please don't say that." She reached out to take his hand in hers but he pushed her away, again.
"Tum meri jagah pe hote to kya karte ?" She tried to conceal the tremble in her voice but she was too overcame with emotion.
"I don't know. But if I saw you hurting the way I did. I would have given up in a matter of a heartbeat." Her breath hitched as her vision became even more blurry. She squeezed her eyes tight and held onto the sheet as regret coursed through her.
"Main tumhe hurt karna nahi chahti thi. Believe me, main pichle das saal se tumhara intezaar kar rahi hoon, I-" he did not let her finish.
"Ehsaan kiya ? Mene bola tha intezaar karne ke liye ?" He snapped back.
"Aur kya keh rahi thi tum ? Kuch bhi karsakti ho mere liye ? He held her by her neck, but gently just to make her look into his eyes. Their eyes mirrored the longing, the pinning that one had for the other. Their tears mingled together even though they were the cause of each other's sorrow.
"Haan." This one word would seal their fates.
"Well let's see." He looked upwards as if in deep concentration. She knew he was testing her, it was his way of retaliating against her. He was giving her a chance to prove her love.
"Mere liye PCT chod sakti ho ?" Silence reigned into the room, he was still holding her face into his palms neither of them dared to look away. His eyes held a fire, the fire of betrayal.
He had asked her to give up her most priced possession, little did he know that she had already lost him.
A sardonic smile took over his features as his hold slackened. "Mil Gaya jawab."
"Haan. Chod sakti hoon."She spoke firmly, even if he was taken aback, he didn't show it, there was just a glint in his eyes.
"Lekin sawal ye nahi hai ke main PCT chod sakti hoon ya nahi, sawal ye hai ke kya tum mujhse kabhi ye maang paoge." She stared at him but he looked away, not wanting to meet her scrutinising gaze.
This was his curse, he couldn't hurt people he loved, he couldn't give them the taste of their own medicine, especially knowing how much it hurt and even he was able to, his conscience wouldn't leave him with the satisfaction of his deed, his guilt would keep haunting him.
Even now, he had to fight the urge to take her in his arms, to wipe her tears. He was tired of expecting too much from people, he was tired of being everyone's second choice. He wanted to forgive all of them, but his heart was not ready to take another gash and he wasn't sure whom to believe and whom not to.
"Tum lakh koshish karlo, bure ban neki, main tumhe jaanti hoon, mujhse aakhen churane ka bhi koi faida nahi." She could see what he was trying to do here, what games he was playing.
"Phir mujhe chod do." She felt anger build up slowly, he was trying to push her and he had succeeded.
"I have had it enough Mr. Malhotra. I am not going anywhere. You were the one who wanted to get married, tumne pehle sign kiye the, tumhe jaldi thi." Her voiced raised an octave higher.
"Ghalti hogayi." She knew the words were directed to have a certain effect on her and it did. Her heart was heavy and she could not breathe for a moment. It hurt to be called his mistake, but like always she gathered herself, she was not allowed to break in front of him.
"Ghalti huwi haina so now bear the consequences of it." She didn't dare to look at him, while his eyes didn't seem to leave her. She thrust the pill into his mouth and gave him a water of glass. Tears kept streaming, but she didn't even care to wipe them.
"Khana kha lena." She sprinted out of the room, her tears gathered into his big palms.
She reached the railing and broke into uncontrollable sobs and kept repeating one thing as his words played again and again in her mind like a broken record. "It was easier for you to give up on me."
She had failed him again.
"I am sorry I am so sorry."
He could finally cry in silence, as the burden of his heart seemed to lighten with every tear, he shed. He had broken her, he had seen how much his words affected her. He thought hurting her would be easy, he would feel much better.
He traced the tear along his fingers.
The way she was looking at him all the time, made his heart sank even deeper, like she was waiting something from him, a sign, anything.
But he had nothing to give.
Something was broken between them and mere words wouldn't be enough to mend it.
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Here you go !
Intense ? Don't hate on Shravan please 😆
I also wanted to thank you guys, your comments always always make me smile ;)
Thank you so much !
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Chapter 7: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/ek-duje-ke-vaaste/4800419/shraman-ff-holding-you-c18-pg-102?pn=31
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