Why their deep relationship is failing. Nobody's fault(not even CVs!) - Page 3

Originally posted by: glassdoor

Absolutely right! That is why I don't believe a confession will help matters.

They say true love is loving a person in a way he/she wants to be loved. Not how you want to love them.

Originally posted by: ...MonaCo...

I love your post. I said something similar (though not so beautifully) a few days ago, that though there is deep love between ShraMan, they are incompatible at several levels. they both have communication problems as well as ego too, and there is a basic lack of trust in their relationship. They are still stuck in their childhood, but neither has connected to the other at a deeper, adult level - even emotionally. I mean, they both have demons, but look at it. Suman doesn't even empathesize with Shravan about Nirmala. She has formed her own opinion that Shravan needs to know the truth - and thats true to a great extent, but still, she needs to understand his pain, his insecurities, and then she would know why playing the jealousy game was such a bad idea. Similarly, Shravan "understood" how Sumo is an escapist in a sense (keeping herself surrounded by people) to overcome her sense of loss, unlike Shravan who chose to reduce her circle of influence. They both have abandonment issues. Shravan decided to cut off people from his life, and make peace with what little he got, Suman decided to be more and more outgoing (atleast as a teenager), without forming real or deep relationships with anyone to deal with her fear of loosing people. They are both different, yet similar in such a way, and I really feel, if for once we accept that Ramnath was hurt by Nirmala too (which he was, although his insecurities were not right), his is justified in keeping Shravan away from Suman. He knows Suman , with her ideas of what is right, what is important and brashness, can heart Shravan who is more emotional and sensitive of the two. It is true that there is a basic difference in their personality or familial upbringing also that Shravan has been taught that sometimes to uphold family you have to give up your self, while Suman has been believing that self respect is supreme. We saw this when Shravan was reprimanded by Ramnath for going against chachi, and he was also willing to give up his share in Malhotra associates, and when Suman saw Preeta give up her self respect for Dhurandhar. Melodrama aside, this is a big, big potential for conflict in a relationship, when one person constantly upholds the relationship more than the individual and the other upholds individual more than the relationship. I am not saying this means Suman doesnt sacrifice for those she loves, all I am saying is that in most cases, and especially with Shravan, this is the side she doesn't show - giving the impression that she will hurt Shravan.

As an introvert we do not fear abandonment, but we hesitate to express our feelings and tend to withdraw into our shell.

Urs is d most sensible post I hv ever read on dis forum.

Originally posted by: BubliBag

great post👍🏼

Thank you 😳

Originally posted by: PC00

As an introvert we do not fear abandonment, but we hesitate to express our feelings and tend to withdraw into our shell.

I am guessing you are an introvert? Welcome to the club. 😃
It all depends on the other relationships in the person's life as well.
If a person has prior experience with loss then everything is instinctively judged with that yardstick.

Originally posted by: Ashi345678

Urs is d most sensible post I hv ever read on dis forum.

I mean how can somebody explain so many differences btwn shraman so well.

Different personality types...different behavior.

Both need to spend time with other people and give space tp each other which dey dont give.Shravan is introvert while sumo is not...they were best frnds in childhood but still their relation cannot b gud cz they r different ppl.

They shud b happy which is d most important thing.No matter if they get others in their life...Here u nailed it.

Difference in personality traits is d issue.Cvs shud not hv written anything but a story with ppl with similar traits anyways cvs r doing their level best to keep shraman in one frame still...their story has reached a point where the damage cannot b repaired.

I was so confused before reading ur post but now I got some clarity of thots.Cvs r trying to mend d show as much as they can...by bringing nirmala n adi in d frame they tried to help shravan gain some happiness but ramnath is ruining everything.

As fans we shud keep stuck to d plot cz dats all we can do.

U made a brilliant effort to make us understnd n all d comments here r appreciable as ppl r trying to present a beautiful view on dis topic...really.

Cheers

Wow! Thanks for such a lofty praise. *me blushes deep red*
Some of the things I have written are from my personal experience and observation. Rest thinking. I tend to think a lot 😆 . I apply logic to the matters of the heart too. I believe that heart and mind are never divorced from each other. They both influence each other heavily.

Originally posted by: Fernweh

you have set it all out so well.

Thats what ShraMan are, opposite in personality but yet the connect between them is undeniable because they are kindred spirits despite their diametrically opposite personalities and despite having been out touch in the last 10 years.

the problem is factors extraneous to them but at the same time intrinsically linked to their lives and decisions and because of which they were unable to be together.

this itself was a fantastic premise and had the CVs used the already existing issues and past baggage these two had, it was basis enough to develop a beautiful track by itself. Since it would have involved the gradual progression of their understanding of each other and a stronger bond because it would have meant tackling existing devils in their lives which were already enough to begin with,

but the Cvs have chosen multiple convoluted paths to the destination ShraMan and in the process made a maze of tracks, which wonder whether they will even be able to unravel to a logical conclusio

Absolutely. For whatever reasons there may be, it's often seen that those who conceive a Hindi GEC show end up moving too soon to something else. The same with a show's creatives. I don't know if that's happened here and I hope not. The drama happening right now is quite a well-worn path unlike the earlier stages where there was innovative thinking.

Originally posted by: simran_singh_24

Wow! enjoyed reading your take.

While Shravan is an introvert ,'Extrovert" is a mask Suman wears and I don't think she is really an extrovert.
i won't attribute all of ShraMan's problems to their personality clashes.

Like Mandy said, it has lot to do with their lack of trust and lack of communication.

Plus, how long can people hang on to childhood friendships?You grow up & sometimes grow apart. It's natural.
IMO, Sumo & Sharv have to relate to each other as adults.

Originally posted by: Malika

+100

I so agree with you!! Sumo surely had been an extrovert during her teens, a girl who wanted to be surrounded with as many people as possible to keep sadness at bay. But when Shravan left her, the massiveness of the event made her realize the importance of "real" friends. She realized how she had been living in a sort of bubble. Despite having many friends she too felt the happiest and most comfortable in Shravan's company only, just like him. So I wont say that majority of their issues are due to personality difference.

It's due to the fact that they hardly know or try to understand each other's familial influence on their current personality and behaviour. When Sumo tried to re-unite Shravan with Nirmala she had the best of intentions but still the result was devastating. Because somehow she failed to understand that the dynamics of his home, his family are pretty different than what she expects. The same happens when she thinks that Shravan is acting rude by supporting Kamini chachi against her in wedding arrangements, though she fails to understand that what all he wanted was to prevent an actually caring mother get hurt, something he totally misses in his life.

It goes the same with Sharvan too. He can see that she refuses to take his help but cant see the reason behind it. The girl has been so much indebted in her life that she feels scared to take any more help, from anyone. He fails to understand that her self-respect is not her ego but her way of existence. Her self-respect is something she can really call her own because for her even the people closest to her fail her in the most mean ways, which is not the case with Shravan who has a loving family with him.

So as far as I am concerned, I feel its more of lack of communication and their inability to understand the dynamics of events that happened in their lives in the 10 years they were not together. Its the inability to understand that how their familial conditions always end up putting them at loggerheads. Its the inability to love and accept each other with their share of priorities, baggage and situations.

PS - @TM loved to read your pov, a very thoughtful post indeed.

Thanks for your lovely comment dear.

I agree with you. Communication is key in any relationship. My post was more along the lines of why their communication path is not smooth. More views of mine about that here: http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4697781&PID=136444672&#p136444672

Suman is an interesting character. She hasn't changed much from her teenage days is what I think. When a person is in business it is exhausting. Mentally and physically. So she wouldn't have much mental real estate left to keep in touch with her friends. That and familial responsibilities are the reason she has turned less 'extrovert'ish is my opinion. She is a person who strives towards not being emotionally dependent on one particular person. Work is always there and will never abandon you.

Shravan I think understands Suman very well. He has taken the pains to understand the adult her(atleast in first 100 episodes!). He knows that for her he will never come first. When she was in school it was her friends. Now it is her work. So he has a hard time trusting her. Because he needs to come first.

How to communicate with a person you don't consider worthy of your trust? He is fighting a great internal battle to accept her as she is. And he is losing that battle right now.

MonaCo(sorry don't know your name) put it very well. Shravan puts his relationship first whereas Suman puts herself first.