Why their deep relationship is failing. Nobody's fault(not even CVs!) - Page 2

Originally posted by: MrDarcyfan

Very well written. I agree to a great extent with your analysis. But like PrincessAshvik said, the ShraMan issue is further exacerbated by their lack of communication. Their personalities are different. But that in itself is not the only issue. If you dont communicate well, then you always have issues in a relationship.

TRUST is the key to every relationship and that is the main ingredient in a long term relationship's success. Trust, communication, loyalty and love! If the first 3 are not there, then love wont save your relationship. As an extrovert, married to an introvert I can vouch for this. But the myth about extroverts is that they are very outgoing. Yes they are, but they can be very reserved too. Suman is outgoing, but she is very reserved when it comes to her feelings. That is why it took so much prodding from Preeti to get an answer about what is happening in her life.

Shravan has confided in "Papa" all this time, and Suman has confided in no one regarding her feelings for Shravan. This was the first time she did. Circumstances played a great hand in separating these two. Manipulations resulting in misunderstandings as well. But the greatest issues is their own hesitation. Feelings SHOULD be expressed and in time. Sometimes the moment goes, and the opportunity is gone.

Aditya is the antithesis of Shravan. He waltzed in, he saw something he liked, he perused and he conquered (so it seems). He was simply "single minded". Something Shravan has failed to be a lot of times because of the baggage he carries with him, which makes him view things in a different way. Approach things in a different way. I feel bad for him coz he is a victim of his own way of thinking and his circumstances which have forced him to be this way. He is essentially a shy and quiet guy, but very deep and passionate. Loyal and loving. But sometimes his emotions get the better of him. The very depth of his feelings messes things up for him. He loves deeply and is hurt deeply. Something guys like Aditya normally would not be. To Shravan, this phase he is going through is devastating and will be self destructive.

I think the only way Shravan and Suman can unite is if ONE of them throws caution to the wind and express their feelings. Stop letting fear or loyalty or guilt or pride or anything stop you. Because love is a force of nature. If you try to stop it, it will end up destroying you.

Yes I agree with you too. Introverts tend to have one best friend and open up to them about everything. And they expect the same kind of response. Extroverts have some part of themselves locked away inside. I am not sure why that is but that is also my observation. May be you can enlighten me why? 😃

I agree about the trust, communication part. By my question is: Why don't they trust each other? They have known each other for so long. Their families have known each other for so long. He has so many memories attached to that house. They have had enough opportunities to talk it out. But why aren't they willing to do that? Is it just because of extraneous factors? Read Ramnath, Misunderstandings, Others lies, CVs dragging the serial on purpose etc. Or is there a deeper issue?

For Shravan I definitely think there are issues much deeper than his daddy telling him to do something. If he could defy his dad when was 16 for Sumo.(I think he stayed back for a year or something? I forget) why can't he defy his father now? Is it just because he does not like independent women? Or loves his daddy too much?

I don't believe so. That is what he is telling himself. It is a convenient truth. Blame the inaction/phobia on somebody else(his dad). But his subconscious mind knows there is something fundamentally wrong in his relationship with Sumo. All that came out in his outburst may seem childish but it is the truth for him. He does not trust Sumo not to leave him for her friends again. That is why he does not want her. Atleast his mind does not want her. But there is a polar opposite part of him that wants his friend back. She was the only true friend he had. That is why he is torn. Not because of his daddy or a misunderstanding. That is my belief.

Sumo, well she is too messed up right now to think straight. Her best friend's father does not respect her or her values. Her own family is not supportive. Her business has gone kaput. She refuses to think about personal aspect of her life. She has somehow blocked out the discomfort.

Will things get resolved if they confess? I am not sure. They have a LOT of work to do before they can be a couple.

You write very well too!

Originally posted by: Fernweh

you have set it all out so well.

Thats what ShraMan are, opposite in personality but yet the connect between them is undeniable because they are kindred spirits despite their diametrically opposite personalities and despite having been out touch in the last 10 years.

the problem is factors extraneous to them but at the same time intrinsically linked to their lives and decisions and because of which they were unable to be together.

this itself was a fantastic premise and had the CVs used the already existing issues and past baggage these two had, it was basis enough to develop a beautiful track by itself. Since it would have involved the gradual progression of their understanding of each other and a stronger bond because it would have meant tackling existing devils in their lives which were already enough to begin with,

but the Cvs have chosen multiple convoluted paths to the destination ShraMan and in the process made a maze of tracks, which wonder whether they will even be able to unravel to a logical conclusion

That is such an amazing view. Yes they could have had a cracker of a serial doing away with all this drama.

Wow! enjoyed reading your take.

While Shravan is an introvert ,'Extrovert" is a mask Suman wears and I don't think she is really an extrovert.
i won't attribute all of ShraMan's problems to their personality clashes.

Like Mandy said, it has lot to do with their lack of trust and lack of communication.

Plus, how long can people hang on to childhood friendships?You grow up & sometimes grow apart. It's natural.
IMO, Sumo & Sharv have to relate to each other as adults.

Originally posted by: simran_singh_24

Wow! enjoyed reading your take.

While Shravan is an introvert ,'Extrovert" is a mask Suman wears and I don't think she is really an extrovert.
i won't attribute all of ShraMan's problems to their personality clashes.

Like Mandy said, it has lot to do with their lack of trust and lack of communication.

Plus, how long can people hang on to childhood friendships?You grow up & sometimes grow apart. It's natural.
IMO, Sumo & Sharv have to relate to each other as adults.

Thank you senorita...you remind me of Kajol in DDLJ 😳

Kindly refer to my extra long post above for my views on trust and communication subject. I agree with you for most part.

Originally posted by: glassdoor

Yes I agree with you too. Introverts tend to have one best friend and open up to them about everything. And they expect the same kind of response. Extroverts have some part of themselves locked away inside. I am not sure why that is but that is also my observation. May be you can enlighten me why? 😃

I agree about the trust, communication part. By my question is: Why don't they trust each other? They have known each other for so long. Their families have known each other for so long. He has so many memories attached to that house. They have had enough opportunities to talk it out. But why aren't they willing to do that? Is it just because of extraneous factors? Read Ramnath, Misunderstandings, Others lies, CVs dragging the serial on purpose etc. Or is there a deeper issue?

For Shravan I definitely think there are issues much deeper than his daddy telling him to do something. If he could defy his dad when was 16 for Sumo.(I think he stayed back for a year or something? I forget) why can't he defy his father now? Is it just because he does not like independent women? Or loves his daddy too much?

I don't believe so. That is what he is telling himself. It is a convenient truth. Blame the inaction/phobia on somebody else(his dad). But his subconscious mind knows there is something fundamentally wrong in his relationship with Sumo. All that came out in his outburst may seem childish but it is the truth for him. He does not trust Sumo not to leave him for her friends again. That is why he does not want her. Atleast his mind does not want her. But there is a polar opposite part of him that wants his friend back. She was the only true friend he had. That is why he is torn. Not because of his daddy or a misunderstanding. That is my belief.

Sumo, well she is too messed up right now to think straight. Her best friend's father does not respect her or her values. Her own family is not supportive. Her business has gone kaput. She refuses to think about personal aspect of her life. She has somehow blocked out the discomfort.

Will things get resolved if they confess? I am not sure. They have a LOT of work to do before they can be a couple.

You write very well too!

Originally posted by: Joyness

Sheesh

You have tried to give an insight into the minds of shravan and sumo and they justify their actions...but generally when any person falls in love...the focus of the person is the person with whom he has fallen in love...unfortunately here cvs have failed to show the said focus ...they both as you said are grappling with their own personality traits...and unable to accept their own short coming...and in the process they are blaming the other...somewhere both of them should really respect the feeling of love they have towards each other...because its their love which ought to give them the strength to fight their demons...but cvs have gone tangentially off by getting third party..and messed up with a beautiful story of two soul grappling to find each other by clearing their own muddled thinking...

Absolutely right! That is why I don't believe a confession will help matters.

They say true love is loving a person in a way he/she wants to be loved. Not how you want to love them.

I love your post. I said something similar (though not so beautifully) a few days ago, that though there is deep love between ShraMan, they are incompatible at several levels. they both have communication problems as well as ego too, and there is a basic lack of trust in their relationship. They are still stuck in their childhood, but neither has connected to the other at a deeper, adult level - even emotionally. I mean, they both have demons, but look at it. Suman doesn't even empathesize with Shravan about Nirmala. She has formed her own opinion that Shravan needs to know the truth - and thats true to a great extent, but still, she needs to understand his pain, his insecurities, and then she would know why playing the jealousy game was such a bad idea. Similarly, Shravan "understood" how Sumo is an escapist in a sense (keeping herself surrounded by people) to overcome her sense of loss, unlike Shravan who chose to reduce her circle of influence. They both have abandonment issues. Shravan decided to cut off people from his life, and make peace with what little he got, Suman decided to be more and more outgoing (atleast as a teenager), without forming real or deep relationships with anyone to deal with her fear of loosing people. They are both different, yet similar in such a way, and I really feel, if for once we accept that Ramnath was hurt by Nirmala too (which he was, although his insecurities were not right), his is justified in keeping Shravan away from Suman. He knows Suman , with her ideas of what is right, what is important and brashness, can heart Shravan who is more emotional and sensitive of the two. It is true that there is a basic difference in their personality or familial upbringing also that Shravan has been taught that sometimes to uphold family you have to give up your self, while Suman has been believing that self respect is supreme. We saw this when Shravan was reprimanded by Ramnath for going against chachi, and he was also willing to give up his share in Malhotra associates, and when Suman saw Preeta give up her self respect for Dhurandhar. Melodrama aside, this is a big, big potential for conflict in a relationship, when one person constantly upholds the relationship more than the individual and the other upholds individual more than the relationship. I am not saying this means Suman doesnt sacrifice for those she loves, all I am saying is that in most cases, and especially with Shravan, this is the side she doesn't show - giving the impression that she will hurt Shravan.

Originally posted by: ...MonaCo...

I love your post. I said something similar (though not so beautifully) a few days ago, that though there is deep love between ShraMan, they are incompatible at several levels. they both have communication problems as well as ego too, and there is a basic lack of trust in their relationship. They are still stuck in their childhood, but neither has connected to the other at a deeper, adult level - even emotionally. I mean, they both have demons, but look at it. Suman doesn't even empathesize with Shravan about Nirmala. She has formed her own opinion that Shravan needs to know the truth - and thats true to a great extent, but still, she needs to understand his pain, his insecurities, and then she would know why playing the jealousy game was such a bad idea. Similarly, Shravan "understood" how Sumo is an escapist in a sense (keeping herself surrounded by people) to overcome her sense of loss, unlike Shravan who chose to reduce her circle of influence. They both have abandonment issues. Shravan decided to cut off people from his life, and make peace with what little he got, Suman decided to be more and more outgoing (atleast as a teenager), without forming real or deep relationships with anyone to deal with her fear of loosing people. They are both different, yet similar in such a way, and I really feel, if for once we accept that Ramnath was hurt by Nirmala too (which he was, although his insecurities were not right), his is justified in keeping Shravan away from Suman. He knows Suman , with her ideas of what is right, what is important and brashness, can heart Shravan who is more emotional and sensitive of the two. It is true that there is a basic difference in their personality or familial upbringing also that Shravan has been taught that sometimes to uphold family you have to give up your self, while Suman has been believing that self respect is supreme. We saw this when Shravan was reprimanded by Ramnath for going against chachi, and he was also willing to give up his share in Malhotra associates, and when Suman saw Preeta give up her self respect for Dhurandhar. Melodrama aside, this is a big, big potential for conflict in a relationship, when one person constantly upholds the relationship more than the individual and the other upholds individual more than the relationship. I am not saying this means Suman doesnt sacrifice for those she loves, all I am saying is that in most cases, and especially with Shravan, this is the side she doesn't show - giving the impression that she will hurt Shravan.

How nicely you have analyzed all angles! Yes nobody is right or wrong. It is nobody's fault when a relationship doesn't work. But it has far reaching consequences. CVs have shown this very well. It has to be applauded. 👏

I repeat once again, my motto in my personal life:

Love a person how that person wants to be loved. Not with your own idea of what love is.

Originally posted by: glassdoor

Thank you senorita...you remind me of Kajol in DDLJ 😳

Kindly refer to my extra long post above for my views on trust and communication subject. I agree with you for most part.

Sorry, i didn't read that post. That was quite insightful.
will be stalking your posts.!😃

Beautifully written. I could write paragraphs on each and every sentence you wrote, but I will spare you the agony of reading my take, lol. I particularly loved your take on the extrovert Suman being more reserved as such and your comparison of Aditya and Shravan. Aditya is very shallow or superficial (I dont mean this as a negative or bashing) in his love for Suman compared to Shravan. Shravan is shy, quite, choosy, but like you said he does love deeply and passionately, which is why he is hurt immensely by somethings. Since I saw this show in a marathon while simultaneously watching daily episodes from July 22nd onwards, I could actually see Shravan's growth in acknowledging and accepting Suman as she is. Two things played truant though, Ramnath's manipulations, and Suman's own inconsistencies and lack of reflection (again, it is her basic nature). When Shravan gave Aditya PCT (despite Suman having already shown several times that she was okay taking help from Aditya), he was 200% confident that she wont take PCT from Aditya, but she did. This goes to show that he does understand Suman more than we give him credit for. Also this whole lehnga and venue for sangeet had a reason. Both Shravan and Aditya tried to do the same thing, infact Aditya did it worse than Shravan. While Shravan simply used his influence to get Sumo a discount, Aditya actually paid for the lehnga himself. And Suman refused to take help from Shravan but not Aditya. The key here is that Suman refused Shravan because she felt humiliated (it became a question of our honor versus your honor, which is where one needs to realize the fine line between self respect and ego... and Ramnath's insecurities) and with Aditya, she was just trying to distance herself from Shravan. What beats me though is despite everything, she still wears that lehnga and never gives Aditya an earful for doing this, which is very unlike Sumo.