what defines 'modernity' for you? - Page 6

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Yes that I agree to😳 Hiding stuffs make everything worse😃

But honestly, if u live with a nice person for months and yrs, it's actually not possible NOT to love him, regardless u were in love earlier or not.. And one will deffo love that kinda husband if she herself is also a good human being😊 Nothing is impossible.. And I truly know it.. experienced it😊

Love is just not abt a fantasy world.. Two people living together, and discussing their driver's problem or abt how in next diwali they have to repair their house - is also a kind of love.. that love is what we see in a Marriage.. Love of togetherness.. And it's really really not possible for two good people to stay together for long and not love each other..😛 If not anything, at least one shouldn't go mental for that😕

Originally posted by: Nishitarao

I just merged both of your replies..
So in the last 2 paragraphs, you are basically trying to say, she should give her 100% to the marriage and finally tell him whats on her mind when nothing else worked right?

OK ..Lets see her options when she finds out the she still loves Z..

1) Pretend like everything is normal for your entire life : I dont think either of us will agree to this option..

2) Give yourself sometime ..and if nothing changes prepare him mentally b4 you tell him the truth.. : your solution :)

It is a very ideal solution.. but hard to implement practically.. How will she know that she has tried hard enough for this marriage?.. How much is 'enough' ? she has already slept with him, she is even carrying his child, If she is still not able to love him, will it ever happen? Now If he wants to stay in the marriage despite hearing the truth, what is anybody gaining out of it? If their unborn child could not make any difference, what else will?More imp, Is it all worth it in the end?

I think you're taking ridhima as the benchmark here, who never knows what to do or what she wants out of life 😆 I had said in the beginning itself, this isn't a situation similar to the ARS angle at all. I'm considering X to be mentally streamlined enough to realize that the relationship isn't working for her (unlike ridhima) and share that sentiment with her husband. see, sleeping isn't equivalent to loving. like I said earlier, you'd be surprised to know how many women conceive out of a loveless marriage. but once she shares her sentiment with her husband and they both decide to give it a chance, I think any relationship deserves that benefit of doubt. walking out at an impulse 'just because' it isn't working isn't a rational decision. relationships aren't toys to be played around with.

like I said, if ultimately she comes to the conclusion that she doesn't love him, after giving herself and the relationship a chance, she can very well walk out. it's not working, walk out with grace and with as less guilt as possible.

3) Just go straight to him and tell him the truth.. : In any relationship, if there is something wrong, you'll notice it almost immediately. If X is not happy with her husband, no matter how hard she tries to cover it up n pretend like everything is fine, It will still be evident.. So when X tells Y that she still loves Z, It won't be a shock for him coz he would have seen it coming... otherwise, It means their marriage is having a bigger problem than wife's feelings for ex..

see that's what I'm trying to say, she doesn't have to 'pretend'. 'talk' maybe overrated as means of solving dispute but it certainly does help. if she just has a heart-to-heart with her husband, there will be no 'fakeness' or pretentious behavior. if they decide to make it work together and give it their last try, knowing fully well that one spouse isn't happy with the relationship, I don't see where the fakeness lies?

ofcourse the problem infact lies in the assumption that she'd never share her feelings with her husband at all. the pretentious behavior would lie there. if there is a problem, X should let Y know about it and try to come to a mutual decision, this isn't just about her, it's about her husband too.

Among all the three above, not a single option is right .. coz the situation itself is wrong..
If X tells him right away, he might ask her how can she be so inhuman?.. or why is she so shameless?

If X doesn't tell him the whole truth right away, but just tell him that their marriage is not working, mentally prepare him and then tell him about her feeling for Z, He might still ask her why she didn't tell him right away? why did she hide the truth??..

yes, he certainly might, but the blow wouldn't be as strong. he'd definitely feel cheated either way, but atleast he'd have the consolation that X didn't just walk out on him, she gave him and their relationship one last chance before just packing her things walking out, that proves to him that she still had faith in him at some point. I'm not saying that my solution would make everyone happy and everything would go back to being hunky-dory again. but it certainly lessens the guilt, anger, humiliation and deceit at the time of split (if it happens)

either way band X ki bajegi aur saza Y ko hogi😆

According to me mordernity means freedom. A woman who takes all decision of her life according to her wish. A woman who is completely self dependent. Mordernity is something which does not include society pressure or family reputation. Here i dont mean that mordern women should not care about family,she should give equal importance to family but should not concentrate about what people are barking about her and her family.

Originally posted by: bheegi

Good question Neetz.

I think a modern woman is a woman who listens to and respects everyone, but makes her own decisions in the end i.e respects herself also. Once she makes the decision, she sticks to it, for good or for bad because life is about the choices one makes. It's how well you deal the cards you have been dealt with, that makes or breaks a person.

Riddhima by no means is a modern woman. The only decision in her life that she has taken on her own is falling in love with Armaan. All other decisions were taken out of compulsion or someone else made them for her.

Whether it's Armaan leaving her, her parents forcing her into marriage, and now Sid leaving her....were never her decisions

She has tried to make her own decisions on several occasions but one way or another, either other people or her own heart has betrayed her.

There is an old song 'ghungroo ki tarah bajtaa hi raha hoon main, kabhie is pag mein, kabhie us pag mein..."

That's exactly Riddhima's story. The day she will take charge of all the bells on her own ghungroo will be the day, I'd consider her modern.

BTW, a stay at home mom who stays home by choice is also modern, a woman who chooses arranged marriage of her own accord is also modern and a woman who divorces because she is not happy in her marriage is also a modern woman....but she makes the choice, not anyone else.

Everyone has thier own defintion of modern....if awomen dresses in western attire the society calls her modern if she has a boyfriend agian she is categorized as being modern she drink she smokes she drives....lives life on her terms she is considered extremly modern...

Originally posted by: papia

Then what would you called about second marriage? Was it pressure?

WHo pressure whom everybody knows it dont need to explain. It was rid who pressure sid to continue marriage.

For me RID is extra modern. Because she was playing with the emotion of two dude at the same time, married the same person twice, EMA and finally Break marriage.

Only a woman of 2050 century can do those things what Ridima did. So she is definitely an ultra modern girl.