what defines 'modernity' for you?

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kvva

@kvva

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#41

This is reply to your previous post. Yes I agree with your opinion on marriage / live in relation ships. I just meant that something in between is better and that in between need not be called marriage. However I notice in western world that people are too un emotional about other persons and this attitude also reflects in their other relationships, be it child parent or be it two parteners. I also notice that their tolerance levels are too low. This is the main point I am worried about, and this is exaclty the place I would like some amount of our Indian nature to be mixed into western culture. In summary, I would like to say that they should not be too restrictive as it usually happens in India and at the same time they should not be too un tolerable towards each other...

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Aishwarya

@malluangel

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

#42

See the thing is, being modern, at least for me, isn't throwing all your values out the window.

I was raised in the frikin United States of America [guess who has a REALLY high divorce rate?] and I know that it has nothing to do with being modern, it's just how easily people give up.

I'm pointing that out because as usual this whole thing stems from the SR/AR issue.

Now Rhiddima was portrayed as a "modern girl" with Indian values, Indian values have always instilled in people the respect they should give to the bond of marriage, but lets not go preaching that here.

I guess what I'm saying is, that being modern isn't wearing short clothes or partying it up, it's how you think. Cuz guess what common prostitutes wear small clothes and drink like theres no tommarrow, that doesn't mean that they are modern.

Being modern is really just the new way of thinking, where yes marriage is important, but if a woman doesn't feel comfortable, she has the right to leave, but take that to the SR/AR issue, and it's not her comfort with her husband that's the issue, i think we can all agree she was getting pretty comfy there, its her discomfort when all three of them are together.

Now is Rhidz was a so called "modern girl" she should have had the ability to figure out the problem and find the solution way before this, and like Nishitarao said, she wouldn't waste all her time crying to photographs. Sure, once or twice to help her sort things out, but god damn it woman, the photo will not talk to you, and if you were smart enough you wouldn't have spent a good 6 months playing with two guys, eventually turning one psychotic!

That's it yea... basically
Modernity = higher level of thinking power
NOT throwing values out the window.

😃 that was long.
Thanks CZ for making this so i could rant.

Edited by malluangel - 14 years ago

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Hahaha! As if I'm going to tell you that!

@rahmona_pakswe

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#43

Definition of what a modern women can be is different for each and everyone. But to me it's when she stands up for herself, she makes her own decisions, she lives not only for someone else but also for herself. With other word she is independent.

Women have right to do anything but it's the damn(pardon my language) society that pushes her down. I'm not saying to throw morals out of the window. It's possible to be modern and still have your morals intact. Very difficult to find that balance and sometimes you have to go against the society. Believe me it's not an easy task to do.

Maybe I'm going a bit off topic now but I think of my parents marriage. I'll tell you 30+ years of misery for my mum. She is still married to my father but her life has been filled with so much pain and sadness which also affected us children. My mother stayed in the marriage because it was the "right" thing to do. Divorce was and is absolutely unthinkable for her. She never did any further studies. All she knows how to be a wife and mum. But who she is she doesn't know.

I think of myself of as a modern but with my values intact. Born and raised in Europe but never had any boyfriend before I got married, never drank or went to disco. But now I'm twice divorced and people see me as prostitute. Only because I've been married to two different men. The don't see what both of my ex-husbands did to me. They only see my divorces and that I'm a single mum.

Don't know if my post made any sense to all of you or it was relevent to the topic but hey you can always blame me for being an AR fan and that's why my post is a bit unclear.

Feel free to disagree with me but I request you all not to bash me.

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Aqsa

@732807

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#44

Originally posted by: CZ..
I've been reading alot of posts about the 'modern woman' on the forum nowadays. some people feel that since ridhima is a woman of the '21st century', she can walk out of her marriage willingly, while others feel that it's not about morality, it's about what's right and what's wrong.

I'll be honest and say that it was actually the AR fans who made me curious about their definition of a 'modern' woman, so before throwing in my 2 cents and making this debate one-sided, I'd like to know what each of you have to say? and this question if for everyone (:

um she's not the one who walked out, she STILL is holding back on going to Armaan. It was Sid who thought he was doing the right thing and left ridhima... made the same mistake armaan did, but this time it didnt affect ridhima much because she didnt get too close to him.

im not defending ridhima or anything, i really dislike her confused character, but im trying to prove a point

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priya7891

@priya7891

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#45

A modern woman knows her values and traditions,but she would not stay in a marriage for the fear of society,she would follow her heart.She know that it's her life and she has to make the decision.She wouldn't lead a fake life for others' sake

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Unknown

@sonii_sonii

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#46

CZ, I wont take much time, all I can say is that modern woman has nothing to do with Ridhima at all 😆.

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Harpreet.M

@Harpreet.M

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#47

great discussion topic

Modern women for me are the ones who are strong willed and are able to make a decision by themselves. They are able to hold themselves together emotionally, physically and financially.

when people say, "its the 21st century, ridhima can make whatever decision she wants and live with whoever she wants" i just wonder if ridhima has even made any decisions? her life is such a mess... she is not modern. i mean she probablly dresses and looks like she's modern but her determination is just like my great great great grandmother who needed her husband to do everything for her

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SATHYA88

@SATHYA88

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#48

I believe I am a modern woman,modern wife and modern mother. I grew up in the United States and had a arranged marriage. My husband and I did not know each other at all before marriage and there was alot of comprises and fights along the way of our marriage. We grew together. We fought together,and eventually we loved together. Marriage has nothing to do with the modern woman. Marriage is ALL about commitment. Commitment to yourself,your other half, your present life and your future life together. Riddhima does not know the meaning of the word commitment. She has proven over and over again how selfish and egotistical she is in terms of getting what she wants.

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Nishita Rao

@Nishitarao

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#49

Originally posted by: CZ..

exactly. if leaving everything to fate was so simple then we wouldn't have millions of couples running around to find a shrink every other day. relationships can leave a big mess in one's life, I'm not saying that people don't make mistakes, everyone does, but one should also realize where the fault lay and seek for redemption. I know its not simple, but it is inevitable.. I'll come to this point in the end.

a modern woman doesn't need a man to support her, but does a modern woman have a right to hurt a man who loved her? see I'm not playing the devil's advocate here, it's a hypothetical situation, but let's look at this from Y's point of view. how would he feel if his pregnant wife walked out on him? how would he feel if suddenly one day he wakes up only to hear his wife confess that she loved another human being all along? It is not easy for a woman to love someone else and yet be pregnant with her husband's child.. but even if she did, she would have shown a lot of signs about not being happy in that relationship all along..

my opinion on this would be that X should let Y know that the relationship was not working for her, and give some time to him to come to terms with her feelings. if he comes to the conclusion that it's not working for him either, then they can mutually split and end the marriage. if, however, he comes to the conclusion that he still loves her and would like to give their relationship a second chance, X should give that benefit of doubt to her marriage and give it another try. but if that doesn't work either, then X can decide to walk out, but the better part here will be that Y wouldn't be so heartbroken, because she had shared her dissatisfaction with him long time back. it wouldn't be so difficult for him to set her free and none would be left thinking, 'what if..?'

she should, but only after giving that one last chance that her marriage deserves. if it fails, then Y would know that it isn't working, and perhaps splitting is better than staying together. she can then confess to him that she has feelings for another man, and perhaps the blow wouldn't be as strong as it would have been had X been completely insensitive to his feelings and sprouted out the truth at the first chance she got.

I just merged both of your replies..
So in the last 2 paragraphs, you are basically trying to say, she should give her 100% to the marriage and finally tell him whats on her mind when nothing else worked right?

OK ..Lets see her options when she finds out the she still loves Z..

1) Pretend like everything is normal for your entire life : I dont think either of us will agree to this option..

2) Give yourself sometime ..and if nothing changes prepare him mentally b4 you tell him the truth.. : your solution :)

It is a very ideal solution.. but hard to implement practically.. How will she know that she has tried hard enough for this marriage?.. How much is 'enough' ? she has already slept with him, she is even carrying his child, If she is still not able to love him, will it ever happen? Now If he wants to stay in the marriage despite hearing the truth, what is anybody gaining out of it? If their unborn child could not make any difference, what else will?More imp, Is it all worth it in the end?

3) Just go straight to him and tell him the truth.. : In any relationship, if there is something wrong, you'll notice it almost immediately. If X is not happy with her husband, no matter how hard she tries to cover it up n pretend like everything is fine, It will still be evident.. So when X tells Y that she still loves Z, It won't be a shock for him coz he would have seen it coming... otherwise, It means their marriage is having a bigger problem than wife's feelings for ex..

Among all the three above, not a single option is right .. coz the situation itself is wrong..
If X tells him right away, he might ask her how can she be so inhuman?.. or why is she so shameless?
If X doesn't tell him the whole truth right away, but just tell him that their marriage is not working, mentally prepare him and then tell him about her feeling for Z, He might still ask her why she didn't tell him right away? why did she hide the truth??..
either way band X ki bajegi aur saza Y ko hogi😆

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bheegi

@bheegi

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

#50

Good question Neetz.

I think a modern woman is a woman who listens to and respects everyone, but makes her own decisions in the end i.e respects herself also. Once she makes the decision, she sticks to it, for good or for bad because life is about the choices one makes. It's how well you deal the cards you have been dealt with, that makes or breaks a person.

Riddhima by no means is a modern woman. The only decision in her life that she has taken on her own is falling in love with Armaan. All other decisions were taken out of compulsion or someone else made them for her.

Whether it's Armaan leaving her, her parents forcing her into marriage, and now Sid leaving her....were never her decisions

She has tried to make her own decisions on several occasions but one way or another, either other people or her own heart has betrayed her.

There is an old song 'ghungroo ki tarah bajtaa hi raha hoon main, kabhie is pag mein, kabhie us pag mein..."

That's exactly Riddhima's story. The day she will take charge of all the bells on her own ghungroo will be the day, I'd consider her modern.

BTW, a stay at home mom who stays home by choice is also modern, a woman who chooses arranged marriage of her own accord is also modern and a woman who divorces because she is not happy in her marriage is also a modern woman....but she makes the choice, not anyone else.

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