My dad.. is like Viraj

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

aleeha

@deadly-kiss

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: Binge
If your mom doesn't love your dad, then she must be binded with him because of kids or parental pressure. You should definitely stand up against him when he's beating your mother and abusing her and call police or some elder person around. I'd have done that if I were faced with a similar circumstance. I know its easy to say this and you are the one going through it day and night but it is better late than never. Bearing the torture and not speaking up equals to tormenting the person.

I like what you wrote. In another world that may work, but here in reality it doesnt.

Standing up to someone like that takes a lot of strength. Especially if its your dad. its really hard and then the attack is against you not your mother.

Children that have families like this are trained from a super early age to not say a word and if they do the consequences are horrific.

The police cannot do anything if her mother does not involve charges. And the most they do is overnight arrest. That's it. for the elderly person, there is a fear that the other person will be involved and they may take a piece of the anger that the abuser has.

Maybe you would have done that if you were in that situation, but you dont really know what you will do until your actually there.

I love your last 2 sentences though.

Aleeha.

I dont know why i keep coming back to this post, maybe cuz its hits home. lol. oh well.

Quote

Sanjeeda

@.Sad.But.True.

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

🤗🤗🤗First of all its good that you decided to share your pain with us.👏..Noone should never try to hide feelings cause its very painful..Try to make your dad understand and realise that how he is behaving is totally wrong and be strong and stay happy for your mother.I know saying is easy but i really hope you will overcome this pain.God bless your family :)

Edited by barunroxx7 - 13 years ago

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

FireSafireFire (Marvelousfire)

@FireSafireFiree

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

this is so sad... i feel so bad for you.. specially with all the emotional torture...
but as you are grown up now... be independent and be a support of your mother. dont stay like that... tell your dad nicely, make him understand.. i think this is one big problem with india, the female are so toleratable.. dont tolerate this...

even with little money you can win the worlds happiness ...
so be independent

Quote

Samridhi

@BinKuchKahe.

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: sweetdamage
We can all give you advice on how to deal with the situation, but honestly speaking, you would know the best way since you experience it almost every day.

I don't think your mother would want you or your brother to get hurt, which is probably why she bears the grunt of everything.

However, if you don't mind me asking. How old are you?
Maybe your mom still refuses to leave your father, because she feels that you and your brother love him. And because of that, she is sacrificing her life to make the two of you happy.

I think you need to sit down with your mother, and discuss it with her, and come up with a solution.

Sorry to hear about your problem, and i know of people who have gone through this. Stay strong, and you will find a way.

hey, I'm 19.

And i've told my mum before, many times, not to put up with it. But she is kind of meek in nature & she refuses to say anything. Instead, she just tells my dad that it was her fault, so that he would stop.

Quote

Samridhi

@BinKuchKahe.

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: deadly-kiss
ahh.. you too?

My dad was the same and my mom wouldnt leave him. She used to say that it was because of us that she never left. But you should know that this might not be completely true.

My mom, used to say that she would never leave my dad because of us (because we needed a father and that we loved him) but it was also because of hope. Hope that he would change for the better.

In my case, I had to force my mom out. If she stayed in, she would have died. He was already making plans (and stuff).

Everyone's story is different, but I hope you listen to what I have to say. You dont need to follow, but its always good to listen:

Ask yourself this, "Is this worth it?"
is it worth living in fear everyday, worrying about angering your father and suffering the result of it? Is it worth it to see your mom suffering everyday, A piece of her dying while she is unhappy?

Ask your mom the same question, "is it worth it?"

The more your father hurts your mother, the resentment in you may build. Crying is not going to help you. Believe me, I've tried it, and it failed. You need to be strong and get help. It would be better if you guys stayed alone rather than with your father, atleast it would be safer and a lighter atmosphere.

I was 8 years old when I saw my father beat my mother, before that I used to hear cries and screams coming out from there room during the night and sometimes in the middle of the day. People say I've grown up to fast. I bet you had to as well. The resentment i had for my dad grew and grew until it became full-fledged hate.

I was 13 when I almost successfully ran away. I say almost because i failed, I was caught within 2 hours of running. My dad beat me for hours (what it felt like) and dragged me by the hair to my bedroom. I was locked in for hours and hours, No food no water.

All this happened during my summer before high school started. I live in Canada.

It was then where i started threatening my mom that i would run away and kill myself if we stayed and within the year we were out (october 14 2005)

Im 19 now, and although I may not be rich and I may not have a father with me. But i am healthy and happy. My mom smiles more, and is actually living a safe life with contentment.

Ask yourself and your mom those questions, the answers are there. How will you be happier.

And just so you know, if you ever need anyone to chat with. About anything. You can always PM me. We can chat :)

Aleeha

Aleeha, thank you so much for sharing your story. I cried. I have thought of running away few times, but before that, i want to make myself self-sufficient.

I am in a dilemma, because no matter how much he gets angry, he does LOVE us. I know it & i've seen it. He does get concerned about me, my mum, my brother. He constantly tells me that he is thankful for my mum because she is so hardworking & patient. He cried when i wrote him an emotional letter telling him how i felt, on his birthday, and he told me that he will allow my mum to speak to her family. My brother is studying in the US, away from us, and my dad cries when he sees my brother being such a spendthrift. He wants me & my brother to have a good future. He tells us he has no one but us. And it is true, because he has broken contacts with most people around him. He can't maintain relationships with others. With all the bad times, there are happy times as well. Seeing all this, how do i leave? Yes, he does get angry, but at the same time, he does love us. I feel like Jhanvi in these situations, where one glimpse of love from my family makes me melt & be happy. I see a ray of hope. I know he will always be hot-tempered, but i can't deny what he's done for us, I can't deny that he loves us. I can't deny that he will be shattered if we leave.

What should I do??

Quote

Binge

@Binge

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: deadly-kiss

I like what you wrote. In another world that may work, but here in reality it doesnt.

Standing up to someone like that takes a lot of strength. Especially if its your dad. its really hard and then the attack is against you not your mother.
Children that have families like this are trained from a super early age to not say a word and if they do the consequences are horrific.
The police cannot do anything if her mother does not involve charges. And the most they do is overnight arrest. That's it. for the elderly person, there is a fear that the other person will be involved and they may take a piece of the anger that the abuser has.

Maybe you would have done that if you were in that situation, but you dont really know what you will do until your actually there.

I love your last 2 sentences though.

Aleeha.

I dont know why i keep coming back to this post, maybe cuz its hits home. lol. oh well.

Aleeha, you're a brave girl! 🤗 I know.. its easy to advice but hard when it comes to doing the needful.. in TM's case, her dad loves the kids and is nice with them so it becomes even more difficult to take the extreme step!

But like you said, it is upto us of whether we want to wake up with fear every morning. In our building, just a floor below mine, there's a family and the entire building could hear the cries and screams, even the noise of bashing/beating, throwing of heavy appliances at an odd hour of 2 am! And sadly, none of the neighbours went to intervene thinking it is a family and a personal matter. When police came and the man who was abusing his wife assumed its one of the neighbours who reported to the police... little does he know that it was his daughter who had quickly asked the police to come and stop her father's violence. But his problem was that he used to come home drunk and abuse his wife/hit her with a belt..

One should not under-estimate oneself thinking that he/she is weak and atleast make a try. 😊

Edited by Binge - 13 years ago

Quote

Samridhi

@BinKuchKahe.

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: ..kashUrock..
Um...i can understand what u feel...but they r ur parents...u should not post ur personal family affairs in a public place...i do think u r mature enough to handle this type of issues...as the aim of the show is that...if u respect them then u will understand that it should not be written here!

Hey i'm sorry if I offended you. But i guess you've not gone through what some of the people here have, which is why it is easy for you to ask people to handle their issues on their own.

Quote

Samridhi

@BinKuchKahe.

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: steffroc
@Bolly*_Crazed agreed with you
@prc_fan1 thats really sad. i cant even give u any advice because never saw something like this in real. u ha ve a bro? cant he stand up for u and ur mom?

hey, yes, i have a brother. He's older to me. He's 23 and he's studying in the US. However, my bro is more like my mum. He hardly even cares about family matters. He's busy & happy in his own world. All my brother does is cry, whenever dad doesn't send him more money. I am the only 1 who constantly argues or fights with my dad in the family. Everyone constantly looks to me to calm my dad when he is angry, because i am slightly like my dad; short-tempered, impatient & outspoken.

Quote

Maddy

@iMadz

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#19

Hey...I agree with you coz I know what you mean and what you feel! And, it's just not for saying or sympathy coz I really mean what I say, and what I'm gonna say!

Everyone has problems so do I! But I don't wanna share it here coz its just too much to say, I can't do it! I respect your courage and trust me I have seen a lot in this age but all I want to say is that, Have that courage to stop what is not right! And that starts with your own home, I know its difficult but it can be done! I have a story, but I think I would keep it to myself though its not related to this show, but deep down from my heart I know it does!

And you know something? I am also short-tempered, I get angry very fast, and when I am angry, I am rude, I am blunt and I don't think what I am saying! Mostly, I try to control my anger but when limit crosses, I can't control and I burst out!

But in so many levels I can connect to you, I just don't wanna share, that's it! Otherwise, I can say, I exactly feel what you feel!

So, Don't worry, all is well, and all will be well...This is what I say to myself everytime!😊

Best wishes to you and your family! 😊

Quote

Krani

@Krani

Dazzler

+ 9

Posted: 13 years ago

#20

I am truly sorry to hear about your situation, and I know that it's a lot easier said than done. But you need to find the courage to take your mum and yourself away from such a toxic environment.

The ray of hope that you were talking about? Maybe your mum sees that as well, and so decides to stick on.

One of our family friends went through the same thing, and she had a 8 year old daughter with her at that time. Because the daughter was so young, there were a lot more legal matters involved when she wanted to separate. However, let me tell you, even though they have separated for more than a year, the husband still goes out of his way to make her life, and his daughter's life hell.

He loves them both, and she knows it. It's just that he still tries tormenting his wife as much as possible, by breaking into her home, calling her many times etc.

But she is happy she has gotten away. Some of the stories i heard from her, I got goosebumps.

I think you need to convince your mum to get away from your father, because it's not right for you to put up with this.

And you said your brother doesn't care about his family? Maybe talk to him, and ask him to help you. Maybe he is just trying to escape, like you are. And so he is building a wall around himself to not get hurt anymore.

All in all, I really suggest you talking about this to someone in person. While forums are a great way to get people's opinion, it's someone you know and can help you, that will give you the courage to fight this.

I think that's what KashURock meant when she posted her comment. About talking to someone in person..

I really hope your life takes a turn for the better! Stay strong!

~Sweety