My dad.. is like Viraj

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Samridhi

@BinKuchKahe.

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Hi everyone,

It took me great courage to write this post & I never thought I'd share it. Its painful. But after another big drama in my house today, I just had to post. Maybe for my peace of mind.

My dad... is a rich businessman & we have everything; all the luxuries that we want. But there is little peace in my house. Just like Viraj, everyone in my house fears my dad's anger. He blows up at everything & anything. Though he is not as extreme in his ways of torture, he does torture. My mum has lived with him for 25 years, with little happiness. In fact, she told me & my brother at a very young age, that she would have left, if not for us. For 25 years, my dad has kept her apart from her family in India, because of an argument. For 25 years, he has never said i love you to her, or even took her out, or gave her any compliments. I know he loves her, just like Viraj does, but he has NEVER EVER shown it, or even said it. My mum, unlike Jhanvi, does not love my dad. Whenever she does something good, he praises her, but he gets irritated quickly & he howls so many abuses at her, pinches her etc.

Though he's given my mum the space to go out, unlike Viraj, there is nowhere we can go, because we live far away from relatives. For 19 years, i've had no family friend or relative in the place where we live. My aunt comes over every year, but she always leaves crying.

He is more lenient with me, though, but he's still quite strict. For years, i've seen my mother cry, i've cried & i have done nothing much, other than to feel bad, angry. I did explain to my father once or twice, but his anger has just been increasing with every year.

After watching this show, I realised that I should have tried to stop my father way back. Maybe i should have been more harsh in scolding him for what he has done. But i don't know what to do. He does love my family, but when he gets angry, he is CRUEL & MEAN. Even right now, he dragged my mother from the lunch table to scream at her regarding some business matter, & i am in a dilemma of whether I should interrupt them or not. I am scared of doing so.

My post was not to gain your sympathy. But more of to just let my feelings out. I hope you guys would understand. Thank you for listening.

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maankigeet4ever

@maankigeet4ever

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

I couldn't even hit the like button on this post...writing this broke my heart...even though at 19 years of age...i do know stories like Jaanvi exist but after reading this...i feel like brusting out in tears...and i can't imagine how u feel...maybe there is a way u can help ur mom seeing that u may be older now and have more knowledge...men like viraj will never change...i am sorry to say this...but in my opinion...they never change...i am sure there is some way u can help ur mom..

my best wishes with u and ur family...i will keep ur mom in my prayers hoping some day she is able to end her own suffering..

Reya <3

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falsePromise

@falsePromise

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

Um...i can understand what u feel...but they r ur parents...u should not post ur personal family affairs in a public place...i do think u r mature enough to handle this type of issues...as the aim of the show is that...if u respect them then u will understand that it should not be written here!

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Chantelle

@Bolly*_Crazed

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: ..kashUrock..
Um...i can understand what u feel...but they r ur parents...u should not post ur personal family affairs in a public place...i do think u r mature enough to handle this type of issues...as the aim of the show is that...if u respect them then u will understand that it should not be written here!

Why not? If the OP can find some support on this forum that she is unable to find in her real life then whats wrong with it? It isn't easy to post or share something like this with people and I admire the OP for her courage.

Edited by Bolly*_Crazed - 13 years ago

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euphoric

@euphoric

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Its sad... but as Reya said men like Viraj hardly ever change... they do exist around us and are very much a part of our society... and there is little you can do to change them or make them realize.

It requires courage to stand up to them and make an attempt to make them realize they are wrong... don't be sorry at all... be strong... which i'm sure u r :)

Sonia

Edited by euphoric - 13 years ago

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iqbalslover

@iqbalslover

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

@Bolly*_Crazed agreed with you

@prc_fan1 thats really sad. i cant even give u any advice because never saw something like this in real. u ha ve a bro? cant he stand up for u and ur mom?

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Krani

@Krani

Dazzler

+ 9

Posted: 13 years ago

We can all give you advice on how to deal with the situation, but honestly speaking, you would know the best way since you experience it almost every day.

I don't think your mother would want you or your brother to get hurt, which is probably why she bears the grunt of everything.

However, if you don't mind me asking. How old are you?

Maybe your mom still refuses to leave your father, because she feels that you and your brother love him. And because of that, she is sacrificing her life to make the two of you happy.

I think you need to sit down with your mother, and discuss it with her, and come up with a solution.

Sorry to hear about your problem, and i know of people who have gone through this. Stay strong, and you will find a way.

Edited by sweetdamage - 13 years ago

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bewafa

@bewafa

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

My gosh...*hugs*

You're a strong girl btw, for having put up with this...as is your mother.

Can you talk to a counsellor? Counsellors at schools and universities are free of charge and you can discuss with them the best method to tackle this.

Maybe next time try interfering when he's being mean to your mother? Try it, don't be scared...what's the worst that could happen when the worst is already happening?

Try standing up for your mother...if it doesn't work once, try again and again till it works.

You should try and get independent as fast as possible...basically within a few years...then your mother can perhaps separate from him...or divorce him. The only reason she will not do anything like this now is because her children are still dependent.

As always, be there for her when she needs your support :)

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aleeha

@deadly-kiss

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

ahh.. you too?

My dad was the same and my mom wouldnt leave him. She used to say that it was because of us that she never left. But you should know that this might not be completely true.

My mom, used to say that she would never leave my dad because of us (because we needed a father and that we loved him) but it was also because of hope. Hope that he would change for the better.

In my case, I had to force my mom out. If she stayed in, she would have died. He was already making plans (and stuff).

Everyone's story is different, but I hope you listen to what I have to say. You dont need to follow, but its always good to listen:

Ask yourself this, "Is this worth it?"

is it worth living in fear everyday, worrying about angering your father and suffering the result of it? Is it worth it to see your mom suffering everyday, A piece of her dying while she is unhappy?

Ask your mom the same question, "is it worth it?"

The more your father hurts your mother, the resentment in you may build. Crying is not going to help you. Believe me, I've tried it, and it failed. You need to be strong and get help. It would be better if you guys stayed alone rather than with your father, atleast it would be safer and a lighter atmosphere.

I was 8 years old when I saw my father beat my mother, before that I used to hear cries and screams coming out from there room during the night and sometimes in the middle of the day. People say I've grown up to fast. I bet you had to as well. The resentment i had for my dad grew and grew until it became full-fledged hate.

I was 13 when I almost successfully ran away. I say almost because i failed, I was caught within 2 hours of running. My dad beat me for hours (what it felt like) and dragged me by the hair to my bedroom. I was locked in for hours and hours, No food no water.

All this happened during my summer before high school started. I live in Canada.

It was then where i started threatening my mom that i would run away and kill myself if we stayed and within the year we were out (october 14 2005)

Im 19 now, and although I may not be rich and I may not have a father with me. But i am healthy and happy. My mom smiles more, and is actually living a safe life with contentment.

Ask yourself and your mom those questions, the answers are there. How will you be happier.

And just so you know, if you ever need anyone to chat with. About anything. You can always PM me. We can chat :)

Aleeha

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Binge

@Binge

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

If your mom doesn't love your dad, then she must be binded with him because of kids or parental pressure. You should definitely stand up against him when he's beating your mother and abusing her and call police or some elder person around. I'd have done that if I were faced with a similar circumstance. I know its easy to say this and you are the one going through it day and night but it is better late than never. Bearing the torture and not speaking up equals to tormenting the person.

Edited by Binge - 13 years ago

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My dad.. is like Viraj

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