Congatulations it's a girl..wat ..wat??

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

SholaJoBhadkey

@SholaJoBhadkey

Dazzler

Posted: 18 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: sandya_rao7
ya its true that the mind set is changing but very slowly and particularly in certain states. the main reson for this discrimination is that woman is an enemy of a women. MILs' only want dowry they cannot see their DIL happy. then these buas', mausi's even mothers at time who discriminate between daughters and sons.

so i think this situation will not change till women have unity among themselves.they have to stop being jealous or this society will always be male dominated.

men never say anything against men in such situations contrary to women which is the reason for them being at par.

The problem is men don't say anything even when they should and that could worsen matters, so they too are responisble. When an MIL wants more dowry, why doesn't the son say no? When people are commenting on the lack of a male child, why doesn't the father stand up and say that he doesn't care whether he has a boy or not? In some cases, why do men leave their wives and remarry to get a male child? Maybe they know that at the end of the day, it is their role that determines whether a child is male or female and hence the guilty silence?

Sorry to have digressed and made it into a male vs female topic (again), but the point remains that this is a mindset irrespective of gender. The reason women are maligned is because they speak about it and men don't. Let's not bicker over who is responsible. Let's just work towards changing the scenario.

Quote

sunitha pillai

@nitasuni

Navigator

Posted: 18 years ago

#12

Originally posted by: Believe

Dowery giving n taking againt Indian Law.....hope u know that......why people ready to give😳......just reject like that proposals😳 is it only guy's mistake !!!???😕.......The new era peoples mind changed a lot...cos girls are in all field, Girls getting support from society/family/ etc ..In india lacks n millions of girls working/studying ...but its true 2% or 3% of people think like that....we cant blame all...😳

Men always support n care womens thats the fact.......😊

Friend, you are ignoring the fact. it is only 2 or 3 percent thinking they don't want monitary benifit from the parents of the bride. we are living in a community which is/has a mentality that the girl child is a burdern and when she get married she has to go to the bridgroom's house with a fortune.Even in the case of educated highly palced girls the fate is not different in this 100% literate state, especially in Travancore.From my knowledge it is not much differentin other part of India.

Yes,Exceptions are there.

Edited by nitasuni - 18 years ago

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

IdeaQueen

@IdeaQueen

Dazzler

Posted: 18 years ago

#13

Nice topic Dr Ashu!👏👏👏
The situation in India did'nt change much....education of people does not change the perspective regarding the fav gender of the children they get!
I want to put the points in precise...:

Indian Parents prefer Boy child in comparison to Girl child becuase..the uprbringing issues of girl child have lil bit more responsibilities than a boy child.
Additional Responsibilites in the sense.....right from 15 or may be less than that...parents feel that her girl is in Danger zone...if she is left free...they have a strong notion.....and they inculcate a strong notion in the girl child ..that Girl's sole mission in life untill marriage is to protect or not to loose her virginity(sorry If my this point is Un-Mythilic post😛).They inculcate a spirit in the girl that if she loses virginity.before marriage....then she loses everything....but this is not observed for a Male child😕.
So,this issue of Protection of virginity of their un married daughter from evil sources in this evil world is a major issue of concern and this is related to all the issues.letme explain..for the fear of their daughter ..they cannot send her here and there..when they have some works to be done in the markets or anywhere...they donot send their daughter alone in the nights....but if it were a MALE child..they can be cool....as he is considered to be safe...
next step,marraige....still the system did'nt change....so marriage is also an issue...
Last but not least,I really pity the foolishness of the parents who think that male child is superior to female child..how can they predict..the furutre of that child..may be that male will be a moron..may be that female will be their oxygen..life line in future..its all in their upbringing..so worhtless,shameless,incapable parents....feel that female child is inferior!

Quote

raj5000

@raj5000

Sparkler

Posted: 18 years ago

#14

Good Topic!!

Lot to share here but have to run out, just a note here.

Lets try to focus on original points raised by owner instead of again fighting over MEN VS WOMEN.

Quote

3365

Suspended

Posted: 18 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: Believe

Dowery giving n taking againt Indian Law.....hope u know that......why people ready to give😳......just reject like that proposals😳 is it only guy's mistake !!!???😕.

👏its not the guys mistake to ask for dowry? rejecting them is one thing but y do u need to ask?asking for dowry is not a crime? other day a guy asked me for 15-20 lakhs to marry him how much will u give i said lets decide in police station........The new era peoples mind changed a lot not a lot a bit yes...cos girls are in all field, Girls getting support from society/family/ etc girls r getting support yes but in not all sections of society. today also girls r educated mostly bcoz guys ask for educated girls for marriage not to make them self reliant ..In india lacks n millions of girls working/studying ...but its true 2% or 3% of people think like that....we cant blame all...😳i dont think its 2-3% its much more than that.and y cant we blame them for thinking like that? i hear guys boasting among themselves that i will get 15 lakhs, 20 lakhs or i got this after marriage freely and not one person will tell them that u r doing wrong or wht u did was wrong.

Men always support n care womens thats the fact.......😊 no comments

Quote

@mermaid_QT

Inactive

Posted: 18 years ago

#16

Great topic Ashu!

It is very dear to my heart also, although I am yet to become a mother. But I have been given 3000 tips to ensure a male foetus 🤢 and can you imagine how sickening it must be to listen to such uncalled for advise coming from a mother-in-law? turns out the entire community apparently distributes the quack knowledge for free.. I don't have hopes of india to change when i think of that community. i am just pretty proud to hail from a family where they had me hoping i would be a girl.

anyway..
so lip service or some progress?
Some progress indeed! atleast in pockets, we have become forward thinkers and atleast occurance SATI and BRIDE-BURNING is substantially reduced. Female foetecide has not be fully controlled yet and it won't be until adults involved are subjected to capital punishment 😡.

it wll be a welcoming change, when men and women are actually treated as equals.. but highly unlikely seeing how even educated people behave after 50 years of independence 🤢 . Education did not help ALL to get rid of some of our crappy traditions such as this one.

Edited by mermaid_QT - 18 years ago

Quote

Rajasekhar Pillai

@knr pillai

Inactive

Posted: 18 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT
Great topic Ashu!

It is very dear to my heart also, although I am yet to become a mother. But I have been given 3000 tips to ensure a male foetus 🤢 and can you imagine how sickening it must be to listen to such uncalled for advise coming from a mother-in-law? turns out the entire community apparently distributes the quack knowledge for free.. I don't have hopes of india to change when i think of that community. i am just pretty proud to hail from a family where they had me hoping i would be a girl.

anyway..
so lip service or some progress?
Some progress indeed! atleast in pockets, we have become forward thinkers and atleast occurance SATI and BRIDE-BURNING is substantially reduced. Female foetecide has not be fully controlled yet and it won't be until adults involved are subjected to capital punishment 😡.

it wll be a welcoming change, when men and women are actually treated as equals.. but highly unlikely seeing how even educated people behave after 50 years of independence 🤢 . Education did not help ALL to get rid of some of our crappy traditions such as this one.

I agree with you. But there are a lot of change in Indian community. In my circle of friends there isn't much difference between a girl child and a boy. Now a days more girls taking resposibilities of family and parents hence the society also not as much cared as in the early days to have a boy.

By the by I have daughters and think them as gods gift.

Edited by knr pillai - 18 years ago

Quote

return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 18 years ago

#18

Indian society has come a long way. However, in modern Indian society women still come as second class citizens in many aspects. There is still a long way to go before we get to a point where girls are equally rejoiced and celebrated. I have faith that we will get there slowly but surely, it will take a lot of effort on everybody's part.

Being an avid Xena fan I recall a quote made by an Amazon. "It is a man's world, not because that is the way it should be; but because that is the way we let it be"

For years we have had a 'women are lesser' mentality ingrained in our minds. Just like TallyHo mentioned in the opening post. People cater to boys more than girls. The girl is considered a liability as she will be married or rather she MUST get eventually married. When the girl is getting married there is no middle path, the girls families will dance circles to please the groom and his family.

Also I have to agree that the liability of a girl also raises due to female sexuality. Eve teasing and harassment of girls seems more rampant in India than other parts of the world. This is completely from my personal perception of living in India and then in USA and traveling in UK. When daughters come of age and show interest in boys, parents start freaking out. It is not just the fear of getting pregnant, some parts and people of India have such narrow mentality that a girl having male friends deems her as having loose moral character. And social scarring is trying to deal with.

Every Indian should take up the challenge of doing their part in changing the way society is wired. Parents of girls need to stand up for their daughters and show that they are important and not bend over their backs to please boys and society. Mothers of sons should realize that their son and their family is lucky to get a good wife and learn to respect that instead of bossing the girl and her family around.

Society needs to learn that we need to empower women and not shut them out. We need to work so that we get to a point where women can feel comfortable traveling even at night. We have to stop passing judgments on women and let them socialize freely just like men without being deemed as sluts. And the challenging part when a girl indeed gets pregnant due to error in judgment we have to realize that it takes two to tango. We have to hold both parties responsible and accountable and instead of traumatizing them we have to teach them to step up to taking responsibility for their actions and learning from it.

That being said I also have to add something which to many will sound strange. We have had feminist movements, I think it is time for masculinism across the world. What I mean by that is feminism has empowered the woman but in many ways she is still the same.

This year a lady I know went to buy a mothers day card for her mom. A card she saw was almost like the one she remembered buying two decades ago. The card back then showed a mom pushing a grocery store cart with kids tagging along. This one showed the same scene except the mom was in business outfit with portfolio and cell phone.

Women have taken responsibilities from men but men have not yet been able to take responsibilities from women. We raise boys to be macho and masculine. Girls may be able to be tom boys, but if boys show interest in what we deem as feminine interests like household chores, arts, fashion, child care etc or play with barbie dolls instead of GI Joe they are discouraged by their parents and traumatized by their peers of being effeminate or gay. Women may take masculine jobs and we applaud their efforts, men will be harassed for the rest of their lives if they choose to be a nanny or a housemaid or a personal secretary or a nurse or a caregiver because those are feminine jobs.

I am sorry if this is off topic, but my purpose is societal changes for women will need societal changes for men. When men are also considered equal to women and capable of what we now call 'feminine' jobs or chores it will bridge the gap and bring us closer to equality.

I do hope I made sense, it throws a lot of people off.

Quote

TallyHo

@TallyHo

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 18 years ago

#19

thanks a lot for all the views...including Mythili's unmythilic ones! 😆

Only thing I wnat to add is that people need to be more sensitive to the mothers, who are in love with their child from the day it is conceived no matter what the gender turns out to be, and not show disrespect to or belittle the beautiful process of bringing a life to the world by saying it would have been better if it were a boy!

I remember one of my Hubby's aunts visiting me in hospital after the birth of my daughter and saying "Oh she has a big nose!" ...and I havent felt happy interacting with this Aunt till date...imagine if she had said "oh it's not a boy"...I probably would have banned her from my house for the rest of my life!!!

Mothers as it is are in a vulnerable mental and physical state after the delivery...insensitive , loud mouthed relatives should be made to stay away!

Quote

joie de vivre

@joie de vivre

Inactive

Posted: 18 years ago

#20

It's always "The grass is greener on the other side" scenario,isn't it??...I know mothers who have sons craving for a daughter,and vice-versa...

A baby,irrespective of the gender,is a beautiful gift,a bundle of joy.The baby brings so much happiness,love and contentment,hope and absolute bliss...Narrow minded,catty and chauvinistic relatives should be avoided like plague,the ones who refuse to completely drink in the joy but choose to comment on unimportant things like the gender or the features of the baby 🤢

Quote

1 2 3 4 5 ... 9

Congatulations it's a girl..wat ..wat?? - Page 2

Related Topics

Explore Topics