Should children be legally obliged to ...

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Gowri

@gowri_amy

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#41

Great post.. Children should take care of their parents in their old age... ''the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007'' makes ita a legal obligation for children and heirs to provide maintenance to senior citizens. and it permits State Govts to establish Old Age Homes. And its a "T**thless law"'..

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#42

Zorro's post is definitely an eye opener. Still there are some points to be considered. Till the age of five, any child completely trusts his parents and is highly vulnerable. All that the child wants is anytime parents be on his side. When the parents understand the needs of the child at that time and take care of the child gently and tenderly, later that boy when he becomes adult will take care of his parents. At the same time, if the child feels the environment in which he was brought up is completely unsafe, the child becomes very angry with the parents. If the parents abuse the son physically and mentally a lot, what the child puts in his subconscious brain will be total hatred of the parents. This type of situation makes a son think not to take care of the parents and it all the more happens, when he finds he needs the support of his wife who is mentally strong. The point here is parents have to understand the son and take care of him gently and tenderly and not indulge on him. Even if the child does something wrong during his vulnerable age, the parents can gently correct him and the child will accept that and not beat him mercilessly because the way the child behaves has good reasons. This is the way the parents have to do something to see that the children takes care of them. Laws can only confuse people. Already there are many laws in India which cause so many problems to people.

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#43

Can I now make a post in a totally different angle? This is based on the practical reality a good number of persons in India are facing. one story is common about these men. One thing their wives will tell their husbands is to drive out the parents. Are the sons supposed to do that? And this type of wife also, tells all the neighbors that she is being harassed by her husband and in-laws and she tells all sorts of lies also. She extracts maximum sympathy and all those neighbors tell the husband's parents to live away from the young couple so that the young couple may live peacefully. Thus the son is not able to take care of his parents. The parents are forced to leave the house where they had lived for long and have to take recourse in old age homes. These days there is law such that husband is responsible for providing accomodation for his wife and must not drive her out of the home. Why not there be a law such that a son must not drive his parents out of the home? How about a law in which daughter-in-law has to unconditionally take care of her parents-in-laws? Note a fact that the senior citizen's act does not have so much bite that a person could be punished severely if he neglects his parents. of course those men who face false cases made by their wives will welcome a law which gives provision for their old parents to take legal action against him because two cases neutralize his position. He will himself initiate this legal action! And in that situation the man's wife will also be in trouble.

As an interesting fact, a woman's cell in India will not entertain the complaint made by old mother against her son and DIL. Woman's cell entertains only complains made by wife against the husband. This seems to be the reality of police as well as neighbors. Why is it so?

What do you say based on this post?

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373577

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

#44

Originally posted by: maha2us
Can I now make a post in a totally different angle? This is based on the practical reality a good number of persons in India are facing. one story is common about these men. One thing their wives will tell their husbands is to drive out the parents. Are the sons supposed to do that? And this type of wife also, tells all the neighbors that she is being harassed by her husband and in-laws and she tells all sorts of lies also. She extracts maximum sympathy and all those neighbors tell the husband's parents to live away from the young couple so that the young couple may live peacefully. Thus the son is not able to take care of his parents. The parents are forced to leave the house where they had lived for long and have to take recourse in old age homes. These days there is law such that husband is responsible for providing accomodation for his wife and must not drive her out of the home. Why not there be a law such that a son must not drive his parents out of the home? How about a law in which daughter-in-law has to unconditionally take care of her parents-in-laws? Note a fact that the senior citizen's act does not have so much bite that a person could be punished severely if he neglects his parents. of course those men who face false cases made by their wives will welcome a law which gives provision for their old parents to take legal action against him because two cases neutralize his position. He will himself initiate this legal action! And in that situation the man's wife will also be in trouble.

As an interesting fact, a woman's cell in India will not entertain the complaint made by old mother against her son and DIL. Woman's cell entertains only complains made by wife against the husband. This seems to be the reality of police as well as neighbors. Why is it so?

What do you say based on this post?

maha- 2 -US , since you have the US experience what did it teach you to handle such a situation?

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#45

Zorro, How can US experience teach someone to handle some situation? Why some situation is there, is because of many complex issues. It requires pragmatic approach to work on any situation and the solutions possible have to be long term ones rather than short-term ones and it needs experts who can understand people. Definitely each person who behaves in a certain way which is not acceptable needs to be understood and one has to find his/her point of view also. One thing I definitely can't accept is just making some new law in which someone is to be forced to do something which is really playing with fire.

Can you answer what to do in the following situations?

1. Suppose a law is there which punishes a son if he doesn't take care of his mom. But then the mom has three sons. And one son just to settle scores with another son takes his mom's help and makes her move another son to the court citing he is not taking care of the mom. And it is false case. How can law help the innocent person?

2. This is something which happened. My relative's neighbor told this. She is an old woman with just one son. After the son married, his wife said she won't live with his mother. But the son was pained. After some quarrels he divorced the wife and married another woman. His new wife also told she won't live with his mother. What will happen if the mother filed a case anytime against the son (or DIL, can she do that?)

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373577

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

#46

Maha2us bhai, the cases you churn up get more and more complex and my bheja got all fried up on the other thread 😒 The best solution would be not to marry like a member had once suggested. hmmm---

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#47

Zorro, The life is really complicated and that is why some law finds it difficult to give justice to one or the other groups. The worst problem with the law is the law can't force any person to be of a more understanding type which is what makes a person more caring and compassionate.

A survey was recently conducted with the old persons in most of the Indian cities and its result was published yesterday in leading newspapers in India as yesterday was senior citizen day in India. The survey found out who are all harassing the elderly people. The highest number of respondents told they were harassed by their daughter-in-laws. (44%). Then the others told sons and daughters were harassing them.

Because of what is found in this survey how about a law is passed which is making DILs to be obliged to take care of their parents-in-law? That law is required because contrary to the belief that MILs harass DILs mostly DILs are harassing parents-in-law and driving them out of the homes and making the sons of the parents not being able to take care of their parents. The first condition the wife puts on a man after marriage is he has to drive out his parents if she has to live with him. Some sons protest and others behave like hen-pecked husbands. For those sons who protest, the wives have strong ammunitions provided to them by Indian Govt: in the form of 498a, DV etc. which could shudder anyone even from thinking about marriage.

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Krani

@Krani

Dazzler

+ 9

Posted: 12 years ago

#48

Maha2Us - To be honest, you find such cases happening in India because of the faults of the Government.

The laws do not provide protection to everybody in any kind of cases - and even if a law exists, people generally do not follow it.

Here, in Australia, the Government supports you in every angle if you are an elderly person without the support of the family.

The thing in India is that the culture has always been to be in a joint family - having your parents, brothers, in-laws, cousins, children, everyone under the one roof. Personally, I have grown up in a joint family - as well as a nuclear family, and I have seen the benefits and negatives of living in both. But that's a discussion for another day.

In terms of this, there have been many cases in India where the daughter-in-law is abused at her in-laws. As a result the Government is now more sensitive and strict with cases against the DILs. There are people who are abusing such laws by wrongfully getting their in-laws into trouble to get their way, and in my opinion that's disgusting.

But then in all of this, the Government comes into fault for not helping the elderly by providing them with everything to make their life simpler, and so they don't have to depend on their children for everything.

The thing is that India is now changing, and a lot of people don't want to live in joint families anymore. The parents have grown up in a joint family, and therefore they find the idea of this completely ludicrous, and as a result a lot of tiffs start from this with the DIL wanting to have her own house, where as the in-laws want to live in a joint family. Would you say the DIL is at fault here?

Her living separately with her husband does not show that she is uncaring towards the in-laws.

Of course a lot of abuse against the elderly starts because they are dependent on their children for so many things - and this is where I believe the Government lacks because it does not protect the elderly in our country against these things. The Government should work towards letting everyone live independently and freely, rather than being dependent on one another.

However, the laws that are protecting the DIL are correct, and I do support them because a lot of women who go through such abuse at least have the support for them to feel safe.

Edited by Krani - 12 years ago

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#49

Krani, For some laws to be correct certain things have to happen. The implementation of the laws has to be good. The genuine victims must get relief and the true culprits have to be punished. No doubt in India many DILs are harassed by their parent-in-laws and also many husbands abuse their wives. But are those genuine victims approaching the law? What is the harsh truth of these ;laws which the wives slap against her husband and his family is, it is found that 98% of these laws are false and the Supreme court has accepted this. The only thing which remains is all these false 98% victims, go through endless torture as they have to fight cases in faraway towns. The wives slap cases against not only the husband's disabled parents but also against very young children in husband's joint family. All these people have to travel to faraway towns for fighting the cases and there are times all these are sent to prison also for a few days as the laws believe that the husband's family members are guilty until they are proved innocent. (That is the reality of 498a cases.) If the laws have to be effective those who misuse the laws also have to be punished heavily. Thus we could see because of these laws also the elders are not taken care of. What is the purpose of the laws, if it is found that 98% of the cases by that law are false? Are the laws there just to feed the lawyers who also cheat a lot?

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#50

Definitely some of the DILs have genuine reason for living away from the joint family. But the wife has to talk about moving away from husband's family with building understanding with her husband. Once the husband finds the wife is responsible and understanding, he himself will accept when she says she has genuine need to live away from the in-laws. That is the way a good husband is always. However if she just like that says, his parents are nuiscance it creates chaoes in the family only.

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