Hi guys. I know this is not the right forum for the topic and this might get closed soon but need some genuine answers and unbiased opinion. Asking for a friend 🙂
My friend recently met someone for arranged marriage. Within 2-3 meetings it seemed things were going good. The boy always talked about travel, shopping and being a foodie and all so the girl also felt that seems like a fun person. On the third meeting the guy coaxed her to tell her opinion of it’s a yes or no. She wasn’t too sure because she had just met him 2 weeks back. Though she felt uncomfortable with the pressure but still she let it go thinking everyone deserves a straight answer and no confusion. The next meeting she had the pressure on her that it’s either a yes or a no and she has to tell him today itself, she had already started to feel bit stressed. But since it was arranged marriage setup she said yes thinking that you have to take the plunge sometime or the other. The next day his parents came to meet the girl (on being invited) As soon as the things got little concrete the boy started to suggest her to meet during weekdays. She told him that she couldnt meet because she had 9 hrs shift. Though they can call and chat in free time and keep weekends for hanging out. But whenever she said that, he made a face making her feel guilty of not giving him enough time. She started giving him extra time on phone to compensate for not being able to meet on weekdays. They talked everyday 2-3 hours after work and sometimes even during work. One weekday he called her but she couldn’t pick up call as she was on office call. He didnt WA her or anything or didn’t call again so she thought might not be v imp. She continued with her office call and then he called her again after 1/2 hour so she conveyed to him that since it’s a weekday she is on office calls does he want to discuss something urgent. To which he said nothing. Later after one hour he told that he was standing downstairs at her place and called because he wanted to see her. She was taken aback a bit because she told him in morning itself she had back to back calls. Also she lives with her parents so he coming downstairs and waiting there for 1/2 hr seemed weird to her. She felt like a boundary was crossed. That day they talked on phone for 3 hrs discussing different aspects of planning for wedding
The next day the girl told the guy she wont be able to talk a lot today as she had a family gathering at a banquet in evening after office so there wont be much time to talk. He suggested to come over to the banquet to see her. She was left stunned as her whole family was supposed to be there. She told him that her family hasnt revealed about rishta being pakka yet as roka hasnt happened so it would be awkward if she is seen with an unknown person amid all her family. He insisted that she do meet him outside her venue but she said no. Then he insisted please video call me once you reach your function. She told him video call isnt possible again due to same reason as many people would be there but she would share pics to which he again said she can do whatever she wants.
Now the girl and her family is v confused what to do. The guy has a job where he gets free by 4-4:30 and girl has a shift till 9:30. Earlier he said he has no problem with her work but when she says she has work commitments and cant meet in weekdays he throws a fit… passive aggression… making her feel guilty for bot giving him time though she is not hanging out, just doing office work. When she asked him that she feels their professional expectations dont match and will he be able to adjust to the fact that she had work commitments to adhere to for 8-9 hrs usually unlike him who only worked for 4-5 hrs, he told her nobody really has a lot of work it’s only a difference of smartwork and hardwork. She was left hurt. It felt like the person she was going to build a bond with disrespected her journey in a second just because she was not able to fulfil one of his need. Despite earning less than him she still earns in 6 digits per month and leads a satisfactory life by god’s grace but in that moment she felt very small.
Now the question is what should the girl do. The rishta is finalized though no functions happened but he seems to be a person who has no idea about boundaries. Though some ppl told her she is overthinking as the guy only seems overexcited about finding a partner and wants to spend as much time with her as feasible but she felt her boundaries to be violated. As if she saying that she is busy with work or family commitments is not an important statement.
If i ask you all, what should she do. Need an unbiased opinion.
Jhanak
6