Need genuine relationship advise - Page 4

Thankyou so much everyone for the strong opinions and actually solving the purpose of the thread. Yes i let her go through the topic and she is stunned by the clarity because mostly she got a mixed response from people around.

Yes we didnt tell the positives of the guy so let me go about it. They have met recently so yes not like she is very attached to him. But he is a well educated and well placed guy. The family seems good and that’s what came out in background check done by girl’s family. He also behaved well with her parents when they met for family meeting. The girl told him about her financial liabilities (education loan) and as she is the only daughter so will support her fam financially and he said he was ok with it. And that he seems a fun person who is outgoing and has interest in leisure activities like shopping, going out for meals or drives etc.

Also some things i didnt mention:

In the initial conversation itself he asked her when she intends to start a family. She told him she believes the two people should first know eo v well and then decide about family because ultimately it’s about the kid’s life and you wont want to spoil a child’s life with a bad home environment. To which his reply was that 4-5 months is a good period to know eo and decide.

Also in each call he talks about honeymoon either directly about their (where she wants to go and all) or someone else’s honeymoon plans like his friends. In each call he insists she must make her passport asap as ideally the honey moon must happen immediately after marriage for the ‘feel’ (exact words). She told him she cant renew her passport for now as she is shifting residence so address verification will be an issue but she will get it before marriage. But he again has to bring that topic everytime.

He subtly asked her if she would do karvachauth which obviously she will once she gets married but specifically saying all this is ajeeb

So it’s like is it just excitement for feeling those romantic and warm things in a relationship or just his nature is he wants a controlled timeline for everything

Originally posted by: _symphony

Thankyou so much everyone for the strong opinions and actually solving the purpose of the thread. Yes i let her go through the topic and she is stunned by the clarity because mostly she got a mixed response from people around.

Yes we didnt tell the positives of the guy so let me go about it. They have met recently so yes not like she is very attached to him. But he is a well educated and well placed guy. The family seems good and that’s what came out in background check done by girl’s family. He also behaved well with her parents when they met for family meeting. The girl told him about her financial liabilities (education loan) and as she is the only daughter so will support her fam financially and he said he was ok with it. And that he seems a fun person who is outgoing and has interest in leisure activities like shopping, going out for meals or drives etc.

Also some things i didnt mention:

In the initial conversation itself he asked her when she intends to start a family. She told him she believes the two people should first know eo v well and then decide about family because ultimately it’s about the kid’s life and you wont want to spoil a child’s life with a bad home environment. To which his reply was that 4-5 months is a good period to know eo and decide.

Also in each call he talks about honeymoon either directly about their (where she wants to go and all) or someone else’s honeymoon plans like his friends. In each call he insists she must make her passport asap as ideally the honey moon must happen immediately after marriage for the ‘feel’ (exact words). She told him she cant renew her passport for now as she is shifting residence so address verification will be an issue but she will get it before marriage. But he again has to bring that topic everytime.

He subtly asked her if she would do karvachauth which obviously she will once she gets married but specifically saying all this is ajeeb

So it’s like is it just excitement for feeling those romantic and warm things in a relationship or just his nature is he wants a controlled timeline for everything

I think the guy has an internal control freak thing which he does or doesn't realise yet.

Idk but where do you lot find such aashiqs.. my ex was from a different country and I always dreamed of him surprising me at my front door 🥲

Anyways, putting that aside it seems like it's not very healthy setting she is in. And considering it's still pretty early days.. I'd not put in too much effort and let it go.

I know one thing - whatever you think are the issues before marriage will only get worse after marriage. They will not get better

Before marriage everyone is essentially hiding their true nature (unconsciously) because everyone is on their best behaviour

This is his best. Its only going to get worse. Ask your friend if she is ok living with that

Merko lag raha hai ki ladki ko ladka mein interest hi nahi hai, kyonki ye jo story hai usme ladka seems like a creep aur agar koi kisi baat ko bata raha hai usme us bande ka reflection ye hai, means she doesn't like him

To end karo

So, the problem with him is is over attachment on her And not valuing her professional work.

So here comes my story, I used to chat with my husband before marriage and he used to say things like no you can't do this, it will be very difficult for you and all. I used to get really irritated and angry and told my father about it. As usual he thought I was overreacting and according to him I'm not good enough for anyone so hence I should say yes to him (I'm a fair slim girl with short hair and have a master's degree).

Thank God (thousand times) that he didn't turn out how I imagined him to be (like my father, only pointing out my mistakes) I talked to him k I feel very bad when you say such things coz I've heard these things from my childhood even though I used to top in my classes. He said he didn't mean to hurt me but these things were said by my father itself (that I'm too weak to do anything and all) and he was just very concerned about me and won't repeat these things again.

So, problem of your friend is COMMUNICATING. Talk to him about what's bothering her, tell him that his behavior is effecting her.

I would dump the guy asap as possible.

Originally posted by: Billi_Bangalan

No. I have been in a relationship like this. It was toxic. Boy wouldn't even let me sleep if i didnt video chat at night. This is just suffocating. She needs her space.

Believe me you! I was in a similar kinda relationship that too twice times. You know, I'm a LIVE example of that proverb fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I do feel like an absolute idiot when I think about these two. I was well aware of what was going on but never got the courage to speak up/talk to. Moreover, whenever those bast@rds used to talk with me with love (their biggest capability to make somebody a fool, their glib tongue), I used to believe them that they would not repeat the toxic behaviour, but no. I was THE BIGGEST FOOL. Your friend has an advantage that her parents know everything. She doesn't have to lie to her parents for that loser like I did.

So, please ask your friend to break it off cuz trust me these sorta people do not know the meaning of 'let's talk'

I met a similar guy in 2019. All he talked about food and travel. He was extremely controlling. He wanted me to leave my all work and speak to him immediately after first ring. He threw an hissy fit, when I called him back after my work meetings. He made his mom to threaten my mother.

He broke the alliance later saying I had an broken engagement. Later I found out he got one of his junior pregnant and he was liable to marry her. Now I heard his wife decides how he plan his day.

By this time I was out of depression and I was doing well in my career so I lterally did not care.

The guy I was earlier engaged to also talked about food and travel but turned out gay.

All I can say if a person only talks about food and travel and wants you to copy some woman or worship his mom blindly- RUN.

Originally posted by: _symphony

Yes we didnt tell the positives of the guy so let me go about it. They have met recently so yes not like she is very attached to him. But he is a well educated and well placed guy. The family seems good and that’s what came out in background check done by girl’s family. He also behaved well with her parents when they met for family meeting. The girl told him about her financial liabilities (education loan) and as she is the only daughter so will support her fam financially and he said he was ok with it. And that he seems a fun person who is outgoing and has interest in leisure activities like shopping, going out for meals or drives etc.

Yes, agreed these are positives

Also some things i didnt mention:

In the initial conversation itself he asked her when she intends to start a family. She told him she believes the two people should first know eo v well and then decide about family because ultimately it’s about the kid’s life and you wont want to spoil a child’s life with a bad home environment. To which his reply was that 4-5 months is a good period to know eo and decide.

So he decided right there and then that 4-5 months is enough. 2 weeks to say yes to marriage, and 4-5 months to decide on children. Did he even bother to hear what she thought would be a comfortable period for her?

Also in each call he talks about honeymoon either directly about their (where she wants to go and all) or someone else’s honeymoon plans like his friends. In each call he insists she must make her passport asap as ideally the honey moon must happen immediately after marriage for the ‘feel’ (exact words). She told him she cant renew her passport for now as she is shifting residence so address verification will be an issue but she will get it before marriage. But he again has to bring that topic everytime.

This is just weird....looks like he's just using the arranged marriage process to get laid rather than a lifetime partner

So it’s like is it just excitement for feeling those romantic and warm things in a relationship or just his nature is he wants a controlled timeline for everything

OP, the few positives that you've listed doesn't negate his negatives. He's got a control freak vibe to him, and this is clearly going to be a one-sided relationship where his decisions and wants will have the final say. I still stand with my previous comment that your friend should bail on this dude

(red colored words = red flags)