Was Safeena spunky or toxic? - Page 4

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

But then again, why hit someone? This was just about him going out with someone else here.. she didn’t even know he cheated. Her behaviour is inexcusable. Cheating or not she can’t assault someone.

Safeena's actions were definitely extreme since she wasn't mentally stable. But still, women do have a very strong gut feeling. Safeena definitely had extreme anger issues, but that doesn't mean that Sky didn't deserve to be told off. She didn't deserve to get hit by a bottle, yes; but she definitely deserved a slap.

Originally posted by: MujheMaarjaneDo

It is obviously a figure of speech, I didn't mean harm him physically. But see if Safeena is cool with his dude banging other chicks as long as he comes back home, than what can we say.

Safeena is a doormat😆

Sounds like Alia in real life..

Originally posted by: MujheMaarjaneDo

It is obviously a figure of speech, I didn't mean harm him physically. But see if Safeena is cool with his dude banging other chicks as long as he comes back home, than what can we say.

Safeena is a doormat😆

Originally posted by: MujheMaarjaneDo

It is obviously a figure of speech, I didn't mean harm him physically. But see if Safeena is cool with his dude banging other chicks as long as he comes back home, than what can we say.

Safeena is a doormat😆

this like how easily she forgave Murad for cheating on her .. and every time she acted like it was girls fault and not her tharki boyfriend’s

she was totally right to break a bottle but it should have been on her own boyfriend’s head. Spunky? Far from it. Turned out to be just another toxic doormat woman.

Why does it have to be either-or? Can't a character have both traits? I think Safeena is both.

The reason why Safeena was well received because of how realistic the character was. In schools and colleges in Bombay, you will come across several possessive and abusive women from slums like Govandi and Dharavi.

I agree the behavior is toxic. It is unhealthy when women fight over men like this. It is better to hold the philandering/roving men responsible than abuse other women for it. Women should dump their cheating boyfriends, especially those who are not worth it.

However, when you know how women are treated in the communities and the environment they grow in - you understand why they are that way. Women are treated as second class citizens in the community. Daughters are taught that they are a burden. Wives are often abandoned to produce male heirs or in the hope of more boys. From a young age they assume that they have to compete with other women to hold onto a man and get ahead in life. Even the ones like Safeena who are seemingly better off have deep-seated insecurities. Even the progressive families are surrounded by a very problematic patriarchal society.

Safeena and many of these Muslim girls like her are spunky because they often do defy societal norms and expectations. Some wear burqas when they leave home and then discard them when they get to college. They have boyfriends when dating is forbidden. But they are also toxic because they still find themselves perpetuating the patriarchy that they pretend to fight. They resort to abusive rivalry instead of uplifting sisterhood. They end up forgiving philandering boyfriends because of insecurities - some unsure if they will find someone else they like as much, some afraid because they have lost their virginity, and others because the boyfriends hold a ticket to freedom, financial stability, or secure futures.

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Why does it have to be either-or? Can't a character have both traits? I think Safeena is both.

The reason why Safeena was well received because of how realistic the character was. In schools and colleges in Bombay, you will come across several possessive and abusive women from slums like Govandi and Dharavi.

I agree the behavior is toxic. It is unhealthy when women fight over men like this. It is better to hold the philandering/roving men responsible than abuse other women for it. Women should dump their cheating boyfriends, especially those who are not worth it.

However, when you know how women are treated in the communities and the environment they grow in - you understand why they are that way. Women are treated as second class citizens in the community. Daughters are taught that they are a burden. Wives are often abandoned to produce male heirs or in the hope of more boys. From a young age they assume that they have to compete with other women to hold onto a man and get ahead in life. Even the ones like Safeena who are seemingly better off have deep-seated insecurities. Even the progressive families are surrounded by a very problematic patriarchal society.

Safeena and many of these Muslim girls like her are spunky because they often do defy societal norms and expectations. Some wear burqas when they leave home and then discard them when they get to college. They have boyfriends when dating is forbidden. But they are also toxic because they still find themselves perpetuating the patriarchy that they pretend to fight. They resort to abusive rivalry instead of uplifting sisterhood. They end up forgiving philandering boyfriends because of insecurities - some unsure if they will find someone else they like as much, some afraid because they have lost their virginity, and others because the boyfriends hold a ticket to freedom, financial stability, or secure futures.

And why exactly is it "unhealthy" to fight over men? Nobody ever calls it unhealthy when MEN fight over a woman. It's perfectly natural to fight over a mate, both sexes do it.

Also, women are naturally competitive when it comes to each other. Yes societal norms enforce it, but it's also evolutionary. Women normally have a tendency to clash with another woman, especially within the same age group/status. The classic mean-girl behavior is ingrained in Alpha females, which is why single women pray that they don't get a husband who has an unmarried sister. Newly-married women almost never face any issues from their male in-laws, it's the mom-in-law and sisters-in-law who typically make a bride's life miserable.

Women are not perfect little angels, no need to expect them to be one. Fighting patriarchy doesn't mean I don't punch the biatch who's getting her paws on my man. Fighting patriarchy doesn't mean one forsakes all the natural gender rivalry that exists within BOTH sexes.

Gender rivalry is perfectly natural. It's just that with women it's more in-your-face. No need to force women into some kind of imaginary sisterhood with their rivals, romantic or otherwise.

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

And why exactly is it "unhealthy" to fight over men? Nobody ever calls it unhealthy when MEN fight over a woman. It's perfectly natural to fight over a mate, both sexes do it.

IT IS UNHEALTHY and TOXIC when men do it too.

There is absolutely no reason to fight for a mate, and no, it is not natural.

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

Also, women are naturally competitive when it comes to each other. Yes societal norms enforce it, but it's also evolutionary. Women normally have a tendency to clash with another woman, especially within the same age group/status. The classic mean-girl behavior is ingrained in Alpha females, which is why single women pray that they don't get a husband who has an unmarried sister. Newly-married women almost never face any issues from their male in-laws, it's the mom-in-law and sisters-in-law who typically make a bride's life miserable.

Women are not perfect little angels, no need to expect them to be one. Fighting patriarchy doesn't mean I don't punch the biatch who's getting her paws on my man. Fighting patriarchy doesn't mean one forsakes all the natural gender rivalry that exists within BOTH sexes.

Gender rivalry is perfectly natural. It's just that with women it's more in-your-face. No need to force women into some kind of imaginary sisterhood with their rivals, romantic or otherwise.

Stop propagating myths. Everything you said is a myth used to pit women against each other. They have no basis in reality.

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/06/queen-bee/488144/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1048984317305179

https://journals.aom.org/doi/abs/10.5465/ambpp.2014.11654abstract

https://thebaffler.com/war-of-nerves/non-compete

https://www.stitcher.com/show/more-please/episode/episode-50-female-rivalry-and-internalized-sexism-70056404

Jealousy is natural and normal. There is nothing wrong in getting upset at another woman who is eyeing your significant other and confronting them about it. But if the rage is only directed at other women - it is worth questioning - why is the man not being questioned or confronted - especially if he is guilty of philandering. Fighting patriarchy means confronting men when they use women, cheat on women, instead of blaming only other women.

On the contrary to everything, you said female friendships are natural and valuable to women. There is a lot of data suggesting that strong female friendships contribute more to female happiness than romances or marriage.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201808/the-importance-female-friendships-among-women

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/people-who-prioritize-friendship-over-romance/616779/

A large driving force behind witch hunts was the fear of female collectives. Society has always been afraid of women coming together and forming communities of their own and keeps finding ways to keep them as rivals instead of supporters.

Healthy rivalry is good. It is perfectly fine to compete with other women at the workplace, in sports arenas, and even in finding mates. I am not opposed to a natural sense of rivalry or competition people feel. And sometimes two people are not meant to be friends. But I am opposed to the notion that women always have to be at odds or have to always fight to keep their man. That shits demeaning. Women can do so much better than fight over some shitty guy.

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

And why exactly is it "unhealthy" to fight over men? Nobody ever calls it unhealthy when MEN fight over a woman. It's perfectly natural to fight over a mate, both sexes do it.

Also, women are naturally competitive when it comes to each other. Yes societal norms enforce it, but it's also evolutionary. Women normally have a tendency to clash with another woman, especially within the same age group/status. The classic mean-girl behavior is ingrained in Alpha females, which is why single women pray that they don't get a husband who has an unmarried sister. Newly-married women almost never face any issues from their male in-laws, it's the mom-in-law and sisters-in-law who typically make a bride's life miserable.

Women are not perfect little angels, no need to expect them to be one. Fighting patriarchy doesn't mean I don't punch the biatch who's getting her paws on my man. Fighting patriarchy doesn't mean one forsakes all the natural gender rivalry that exists within BOTH sexes.

Gender rivalry is perfectly natural. It's just that with women it's more in-your-face. No need to force women into some kind of imaginary sisterhood with their rivals, romantic or otherwise.

I totally see where your coming from too...

Obviously all women can't be BFFs all the time and neither can we (or should we) support anything and everything all other women do just because they are women...

But fighting for a man should be happening before either of the women fighting are actually in a relationship with the said man... a woman shouldn't have to "fight" for a man she's already supposed to be in a relationship with -that is just sad.

Hardly any man (except a tiny minority of particularly pathetic ones) would fight to keep a woman who willingly cheats on him with other men...

By and large that is only something that women do, partly because of practical considerations (where will she go if a situation comes where she has to leave her partner, what will people say, etc.) and partly because it is just culturally ingrained that it is the right thing to do in that situation ("men will be men", "it's a woman's job to save the relationship", etc.).

Originally posted by: mintyblue

I agree, but I know so many females who celebrated this kind of character and her 'swag' and endorsed adjectives like 'spunky', 'brave', 'daredevil' on her. It was the height of hypocrisy.

Lol only because our ethereal beauty and mini Meryl Streep was playing her 😆

Just imagine the chaploos media's reaction if it was Kangana 🤣

And even if the character was played by a normal outsider like Kriti or Sanya Malhotra or someone we would have never heard the end of how toxic, fake feminist, etc. Safeena is ...