SSR: The more I learn about things, I realise how wrong I was before

Sushant Singh Rajput is an interesting blend of contradicting manners. You cannot gauge what's going on in his head by observing his face or body language. He is nervous yet confident and restless yet determined. He chuckles often but doesn't digress from his train of thought. No matter how fidgety, he exudes the extreme focus of a sportsman. He lives in the moment " something that also embodies the spirit and temperament of India's celebrated skipper, MS Dhoni. In a freewheeling chat with BT, Sushant opens up on his much-awaited biopic with childlike exuberance, his much-speculated love life and life in general...

You are not too vocal about your feelings. Do you think your silence is often misconstrued as arrogance?
To be able to make statements, you need to be confident about what you think. You need to have a sense of right and wrong. The only strong opinion that I have about myself is that I don't have any opinions. The more I learn about things, I realise how wrong I was before. Since I don't hold on to a certain way of thinking, I don't project that confidence. Instead of sounding pretentious, phoney or repetitive, I'd rather not speak. Also, sometimes when you say what you feel, it sounds the same but there is an inherent loss of meaning.

Various conspiracy theories surfaced after your break-up with Ankita Lokhande. Most pointed fingers at your 'Raabta' co-star Kriti Sanon. Did the rumours affect your rapport with Kriti?
Nothing has changed between Kriti and me, but there was a point when it got nasty. Other than saying that Kriti was the reason (for my break-up), it was also alleged that we had manufactured this entire thing (link-up) for our film's promotion. That is when I decided to set the record straight. The day I use anything other than my acting skills to get me going in the industry, I shall quit. This will be the last thing I will ever do. If people think good things about me, I'll make them smile. If they think bad things about me, it's their problem.

What kind of people put you off?
Hypocrites and self-obsessed people put me off.

Ankita and you were together for a long time. Will she always be an integral part of your life?
Of course, there are few things that have actually shaped the way I am today. One of those things was my mother. I stayed with Ankita for seven years. There are very few things I am sure I would be reminded of just before dying and this would definitely be one of them, in a good way.

Would you be open to reviving friendship with her in the future?
I don't think about the future, so I don't know that.

People believe you are one of the most promising actors among the current crop. Are you aware or conscious of these expectations?
I am aware but not conscious, because my reason for becoming an actor was not just to achieve fame or money. Of course, I was aware of the importance of money since an early age, as we are a big family and my dad retired when I was in Class 3 or 4 grade. I knew money is a big differentiator in your life when it comes to making crucial decisions, but beyond that, it loses its relevance. If you give me money and fame, I will take it but that doesn't drive me. That is not what keeps me awake at night. The excitement and passion about pulling off a certain role does. I won't even say challenges motivate me as they imply that I have a point to prove and I don't.

Then what was the real reason behind becoming an actor?
I wasn't inclined towards acting from an early age. I have four sisters and since I am the youngest, I was a pampered child. The moment I stepped out, I didn't know how to deal with the outside world as people are bound to scrutinise and judge you, unlike your family members. This turned me into an introvert. I was good at studies but I became quiet. I fooled myself into believing that maybe I don't want to talk to people. But at 19, when I started doing dance performances with Shiamak Davar's troupe, I realised that I was wrong. That was the first time I started communicating with people and could see them getting affected by what I had to say. It was a strange feeling. I wanted to reaffirm that, so I started doing theatre, and this time, I started interacting. I believed that people won't judge me when I act as that's me playing a character and it worked. This was the only reason why I became an actor.

Did your display of cricket skills in 'Kai Po Che' land you the Dhoni biopic?

People who roped me in for this film, including director Neeraj Pandey, had not seen any of my films till date. It was only after I was selected did they see my work. I came with a clean slate.

While Bollywood and cricket are widely worshipped in India, when pitted against each other, cricketers always have an edge over the stars. Do you agree?

They deserve it as well because the kind of intense training I underwent to play a cricketer made me realise how difficult it is for them. They do it every single day! They have to perform in front of millions and there are no retakes. It is the toughest job in the world. If you become a hero then, you deserve all the accolades coming your way. Their hard work, dedication and professionalism are remarkable.

In reality, is Dhoni as cool as the world thinks he is?

We are anxious because we resist change. We want to latch on to everything that's good and that makes us fidgety. Dhoni is not like that. His mind is not in the future. Even if he is playing a match two days from now but has agreed to sit with you and talk, he will be here 100 per cent, engaged thoroughly in the conversation. Not for one second will he think about anything else. What inspired me the most about Dhoni is his tendency to live in the present. He has a great sense of humour, too and doesn't take himself too seriously.

Given the fact that Dhoni is still playing, many believe the biopic came a bit too soon.

It's his journey as of now. It traces his belief in himself and the kind of prejudice he had to fight against.

What was the biggest challenge about essaying his character?I am a fan of Dhoni for years, so convincing myself to portray him on screen was difficult to begin with. I also realised that I could be a very good actor or cricketer in the film, but I still won't be convincing if I don't remind people of Dhoni. I spent thousands of hours just watching him and observing him to get his mannerisms and nuances right. There came a point when people started noticing there are certain similarities between us. I didn't consciously think of imitating Dhoni for even one shot.