MY MISERABLE LIFE AFTER GULLU BABA-ALI SPAT - PART 3
(Please read previous part on page 7 as it is continuation of that.)
"Where were you Pooja for last couple of days ? Do you even look at your messages for God's sake ?" My BF had dumped me thanks to McDonalds incident (check previous post on page 7) and my heart was bleeding. The last thing I wanted to do was to see cry baby GG's face.
Oh man I could not bring myself to love Gullu baba's face nor could ignore it as Sheela had installed his giant photograph in my bedroom, so I had only one option. I skipped last couple of BB episodes. Sheela had left me 22 missed calls in last couple of days and 2hrs worth of voice messages to check on my Gullu homework. I was under contractual agreement .(pls check my earlier comments on page 7 and 8)
Things I had to suffer for mere 75$. I felt like selling my soul like in Bedazzled movie. Honestly, I have no problems selling my soul, self-esteem or pride if the price is right. Wish I could negotiate for life long supply of billionaire boy friends. 75$ just does not cut it.
"Pooja, answer me. Why did you not return my calls ?" Sheela's kai kai was getting worse than Dimpy. She meant business. I had some quick thinking to do. I knew that Gullu baba cried(again.. sigh) because all Indian shops in my area were closed for entire evening to mourn sufferings of Universal hero.
"Oh Sheela. I was too depressed to return any calls. I just could not bear crying of Gullu. His tears had dried out and how I wished I could send him some of mine. God why so much agony to this pure soul ?" I could sense my Pinnochio nose growing. I feigned to be upset and honestly would have been rejected in Aashiqui 2 audition, but Sheela seemed to be moved by it and hugged me snugly me in the middle of the street , dug her head deep in my bosom and started to wail loudly.
Well. Honestly it was a damn awkward moment for me. Even more awkward than Soni misjudging Upen's bed in the dark of night and stealthily getting into Punz's bed instead and caressing his bald head with her trademark sisterly love.
Passersby stopped and looking at us with great interest. Some cars had also slowed down. I saw couple of my friends on the opposite street shooting us on cell phone. Youtube has found another hit video with million hits. This time I dragged her to nearest McDonalds to avoid any more scene. DAMN these MCDonals and screw this world!!!
Sheela had calmed down a bit and had stopped clinging to me. I ordered her a double quarter cheese and yogurt parafait for myself. I know.. I know.. It was mean of me to feed her all those calories but hey enough is enough. I was on yogurt to slim down my waistline. I renewed my Balley membership as well. SO far I was watching Mehak on treadmill while eating my icecream scoop but now I was in field again. Damn.. all I had to suffer to lure new boyfriend.
"I have all the recording of the episodes with me.I have been crying since last 2 days alone and have only started to realise depth of Gullu's sufferings. Lets watch and cry together. I do need a crying partner. Seriously I can't do it alone now. Help me." Sheela was earnest in her request. Well, now she wanted me to be her Rudaali partner. Not nearly as exciting as invitation to a bachelor party, is it ? She could see Gullu's troubles and what about mine ? My world had turned topsy turvy.
I decided to humour her and get paid as well. My services are not that cheap. Its high time Sheela realised that I am a very important 50$/hr woman. Jeeez, does that sound little off??? Whatever..I am a hardcore business woman, better than Scarlett of Gone with the wind.
Sheela showed me clippings where Ali made up those stories about some Sumeet and national hero quit the task. Who is this Sumeet and why hero getting so upset with non-existent person ? Looks like Ali conferred upon Gullu a "synonym of being happy". To be honest, I could relate to his issues for the first time as I was being subjected to similar innuendoes unnecessarily and the main culprit was sitting next to me mouthing the burger.
And why did he react so late ? It took him almost 10-15 minutes to react. He seemed to be shifting his weight uneasily from one leg to another while stuck to the post. I usually exhibit same signs while in a long queue infront of public toilets in the mall when I had just finished drinking 2 gallons of soda . I queried her about his late reaction.
"Pooja, everyone is different and react differently. Take my case.. Do you know my mom took 2 days to react to my poor grades? On the other hand, I am yet to react to my poor grades."
"But Sheela...I remember you telling me that you were so afraid, you broke the news to your parent only after couple of days." I was in a vengeance mood today.
"True." Sheela admitted hesitantly."But then there is another theory. There is high probability, one in trillion chance that if a person gets a momentary short circuit in brain and the neuron synapses are not received by Limbic system of the brain, then person may exhibit late reaction. And remember that Gullu was clinging to that metallic post so more chance of short circuit."
"Check this Gullu's brain MRI."
"You acquired Gullu's brain MRI ??" I was full of admiration for her dogged persistence. Only if she could apply same to her study.
"Ofcourse not. This belongs to my cousin brother who has same build and looks as Gullu. He also has beard. I have done extensive calculations on his neural network assuming short-circuit. It comes to exact 12 min and 23 sec. I will soon be publishing this paper in our next Gullu support meeting." Sheela said triumphantly.
She showed me some giant equations filled with all greek symbols such as lambdas, alphas, gammas and epsillons. It was truly all greek to me. Maths puts more scare in me than Punz's martial arts in Aarya. I was feeling like idiot Penny infront of Sheldon. I let it pass.
"Sheela, but why should Gullu bring Pritam's wife in between ? Whats the need ?"
"Alright Pooja. Let me curse your parents and tell me how you feel."
"But why bring my parents ? "
"OK. Your Grandpa."
"NO"
"How about Grandma, uncle, aunt ?"
"NO. Sumeet is not related to him. That's the whole point."
"OK. Let me say about your boyfriend then. He is ***%%%&& ######." She went on cursing him for long 10 minutes. I learnt so many new swear words. My vocab is very limited in this matter and will definitely come handy next time I want to put my point across to my bfs.
"Now tell me how you feel, Pooja." Honestly, I was feeling great. I enjoyed it. Sheela was not aware that my bf had broken up recently. I have experienced many mean bfs but my recent ex takes the potty cake. He is the foulest, meanest b***rd. 😡
Do you know how he broke up with me ?? He put a POSTED NOTE on my door saying .. "Sweetheart, I know what you and Sheela did at McDonalds. Its better that we stay apart as I am a conservative church-goer. Wish you happy life with Sheela."
My a** &&$$ ex boyfriend, could not summon enough courage to come to me and say "Pooja .. You b**ch, You pathetic &&@@**..🤬 Get lost. Rot in hell. Don't wanna see your ugly face." I would have appreciated it more. But then, I never had a civil, gentleman as my bf. Another tragedy of my life. 😭
By now, Sheela had started crying again and was expecting me to join her. I tried my best and could get a passable performance of Gullu baba. The McDonalds manager came running, all concerned and asked if he should call 911.
Anyway, guys, I did lighten Sheela's purse by another 50$. Anyway I am still under contract chaude mein and let me tell you that "Love him..."
Do whatever you man..
Edited by Pooja-- - 10 years ago
