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sectoreight

@sectoreight

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#51

Suchi,

let us be very clear ... all Ira told anandi is that there has to be a boundary between her social service and their home in Kesarbagh.

She never asked her to stop social service... all she said is that it cannot be on the doorstep of the kesarbagh haveli.

That is perfectly reasonable.

Just because anandi used to hold adult education classes in the haveli does not mean that she can start the same type of thing here.

Ira wants her privacy without having to intermingle with all these women in her drawing room or on her doorstep. Perfectly reasonable. There is nothing wrong or unreasonable about drawing boundaries between home and work.

And in a way, good for anandi. I would like her to exert herself, and see about getting a proper office space for her NGO. I would like her to exert herself and run around getting the required licenses and approvals for her activities -- itwari bazaar or otherwise. I would like her to do things on her own and be really committed and not taking the easy way out.

Edited by sectoreight - 12 years ago

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Jan50

@Jan50

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#52

On a serious note, i dont blame Ira for losing her temper. In fact she is justified in her anger most

Ofvthe time. To be fair to Anandi, i think she did feel a bit reluctant to hold the itwari bazaar

Out side the home for the right reasons. She did say , there could be bad elements creating

Problems. But it was Shiv who was thoughtless. He should have arranged for proper security

Right from the begining anticipating such incidence.

If I were in ira's shoes i would also not like strangers outside intruding into my privacy.

It is also good that A tasted a bit of resistance, because she is used to gettingba clean chit for

Everything in Singh haveli. She is used to people worshipping the ground she walks on there.

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#53

Originally posted by: koolsadhu1000
But what i don't understand is why should Shiv be the buffer to

save her from Ira's wrath while she stays tongue tied at any sexist nonsense of Ira , any dirty blame of Ira [ she trapped my golden boy who could have got so much better]

to 'allow' her to do social work by going against his mother

where is Anandi in this

is she only Shiv's wife or is she Anandi

the nonsense Ira has said lately is extremely insulting and though i am not exactly her fan , as a woman it infuriates me that Anandi takes it with a plastic smile . I am ready to support her if she takes on Ira like Ratan Singh whom she rattled by advancing when held at gun point without Shiv's help .

Ira like Ratan?

hmm..

Ira is the mother of Shiv. Anandi will never disrespect her. She will never go against her. Ira can badmouth her all she wants but Anandi will not say a single word. If Anandi had such behaviour in her then , she would have talked back to Dadisa years back when she was treated like Dirt by her.

Anandi will not disrespect her elders , specially her family and specially her mother in law , no matter how bad things get.

Seems like Anandi will never get your support but, thats the character of Anandi. She simply wont do that.

All her energy is , was, and will always be directed towards people outside her family. Her way of tackling family will remain through patience and silence.

period.

You can call her meek, doormat.. its been said done. But I personally will never approve Anandi to badmouth Ira or talk back to her because at the end of the day she is SHiv's mother. There is always other ways of approach, instead of just talking back.

And Anandi will take the other way.. like she has always done. And she will wait until they understand her pov and will not push it down their throat like Sanchi.

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#54

Originally posted by: sectoreight

See suchi, why does the question of shiv "letting" her stop even arise? Is he in a superior position to give her permission? Do they have no equality in the marriage to decide what is important for themselves? Is anandi now a subservient snivelling fool?

Rather than the independent learner of teacherji's values and principles, Anandi has become a people pleaser. And people pleasers rarely get anything serious accomplished in life.

If thats the case then Anandi was always a people pleaser. But as far I see there is a difference between pleasing everyone and pleasing family. And specially husband/MIL etc.

that in my opinion is being a diplomat. Anandi always gets her way... perhaps not right away but eventually everyone gets out of her way to let her do what you rightly said Manmani.

But , that is not cause she forces her opinon on everyone like sanchi does rather she waits and waits and waits until people understand her opinon and then she does what she loves to do. Be that samaj seva or other things.

Shiv has an authority over her and yes she has the right to take decisions but Anandi, might even say no to shiv in order to please her MIL. It might seem like a door mat decision to our eyes , but vy doing that she is actually telling shiv that she gives importance to his mother than her own dreams. Which will only strengthen the bond between them. Which will make shiv fight for her dreams even more and then , pave way for her to do what she likes that is samaj seva.

There are two ways of getting things,

one is how sanchi does. Force it upon people's throats and then everything falls apart

wait , and be patient until things settle down. Even let others fight for you , thats what Anandi does. She waits patiently and she is not a planner or plotter. She just simply does it out of her own inner nature but, eventually not only people let her do what she wants, they also encourage her and support her.

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sectoreight

@sectoreight

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#55

Originally posted by: Jan50
To be fair to Anandi, i think she did feel a bit reluctant to hold the itwari bazaar
Out side the home for the right reasons. She did say , there could be bad elements creating

Problems. But it was Shiv who was thoughtless. He should have arranged for proper security

Right from the begining anticipating such incidence.

There is a difference between faking 'bit' of reluctance and hoping to be persuaded...

vs. actually taking a clear stand.

Reluctant people cant become strong leaders.

Anandi should have taken a clear stand and not let shiv have an opinion in the matter.

Instead, she wanted it very badly, but didn't want to take a stand, so she kept asking shiv a hundred times, wanting some psychological support that HE thought it was okay, so that in the event of a casualty she could blame it on shiv, or rather that he would take it on himself.

Quite frankly, okay the gundas were unpredictable.

But what about people like chanda's husband etc. They too can be dangerous because of a feeling of revenge towards anandi for the police issue and the bar shutting down. Chanda's husband was there yesterday, supposedly "helping" her by fanning flies off the laddus. He may just be on a reconnaissance mission to case the kesarbagh haveli -- seeing how many people live there, what are the entrances to the haveli etc.

So one cannot be too careful even with known people. It is not that each time people will come into the household as outsiders or gundas. They may plant themselves there for a period of six or eight months just biding their time until an opportunity strikes.

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#56

Originally posted by: sectoreight
Suchi,

let us be very clear ... all Ira told anandi is that there has to be a boundary between her social service and their home in Kesarbagh.

She never asked her to stop social service... all she said is that it cannot be on the doorstep of the kesarbagh haveli.

That is perfectly reasonable.

Just because anandi used to hold adult education classes in the haveli does not mean that she can start the same type of thing here.

Ira wants her privacy without having to intermingle with all these women in her drawing room or on her doorstep. Perfectly reasonable. There is nothing wrong or unreasonable about drawing boundaries between home and work.

And in a way, good for anandi. I would like her to exert herself, and see about getting a proper office space for her NGO. I would like her to exert herself and run around getting the required licenses and approvals for her activities -- itwari bazaar or otherwise. I would like her to do things on her own and be really committed and not taking the easy way out.

I agree. But she is learning. She cannot get everything right on day one.

And eventually with trial and errors she will get it right.

She has no idea about Udaipur so naturally when her husband suggested it she conducted it in front of her haveli. There are many times we have done something of that nature in our backyard. its not much different than a neighborhood backyard sale with the difference of setting up some sort of bazar. People come up with ideas such as that always. Specially if they want to save up money on renting a space etc. So she gave her house's space.

She thought her family would not mind since Shiv gave her permission but now that she saw Ira minds, she will think twice before doing somehting like this.

Now she knows where Ira stands in this samaj seva thing , so she will act accordingly. She has always received support from Singhs ( except in the initial days when DS used to be totally against it and after a lot of patience, she got her under confidence as well) but here she is learning and shekars are new to her.

Its only been few months since the wedding so eventually she will understand their equation specially IRa's and act accordingly.

so I do not blame her and I see this as a learning process.

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sectoreight

@sectoreight

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#57

Okay, I will concede that Ira and rattan singh are not the same (although kools may feel differently 😆😆😆)

but still she is being needlessly servile in front of Ira nowadays.

Taking a stand can be a very quiet affair, and a very friendly one.

It doesn't have to be a strident militant affair where one is just gunning for the other person with a lot of noise and shouting.

Anandi heard the put-downs that Ira gave her "besahaara, abala, whatever else" ... and did not defend her.

Shiv is another lallu. At no point in the Urmi devi fiasco did he say "I would still have married anandi even if urmi devi's daughter were in the picture" That would have given Ira a complete indication that anandi was a matter of choice and love... and it would have restored anandi's position in ira's eyes.

All he kept saying was "whats done is done, the past cant be reversed"

which sort of implies a sort of tone of resignation. As if, okay, now I'm committed cant do anything about it now.

That is what I mean by taking a stand. It doesn't have to come after lots of fighting. It can be just a one-liner that changes the perspectives of the other people.

Both of them are articulate bright individuals but have been reduced to two horny baby making machines in the last few months.

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koolsadhu1000

@koolsadhu1000

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#58

ou can call her meek, doormat.. its been said done. But I personally will never approve Anandi to badmouth Ira or talk back to her because at the end of the day she is SHiv's mother. There is always other ways of approach, instead of just talking back.

There , u said it . No where in my post did i say she should start disrespecting her and fight with her like a woman in machli bazaar . When i used the Ratan Singh example it was for principle . She had tackled him alone . Here too , she should tackle Ira alone for

she hints that women like Anandi and Ganga trap eligible boys who could have got better in life bcoz of their sob stories

she hints that if Saanchi faces troubles Anandi will face them too and she knows how to bring Sumitra to her knees

Anandi has stood against this sexist thought process ever since she became educated and knows how unfair and disgusting it is .

Neither is it question of being disrespectful or Shiv's mother , she can make her points respectfully but FIRMLY . She should make them WITHOUT Shiv's help for once , at least for ONCE . Ganga depending on Jagya's protection is different , she is very less educated and not in Anandi's position . But Anandi has reached the position where she can take charge herself and does not need anyone's protection .

Edited by koolsadhu1000 - 12 years ago

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#59

agree kool but it wont happen. She will simply not say it.

She will not throw one liners rather she will just wait. We wish she did. I wish she smacked Sanchi and thats always been Anandi. ANything against her she is silent . quiet no matter what.

Only when things go against her family she opens her mouth. LIke showing sanchi her place when sanchi insulted her father. She fired up.

Thats her nature. ANd Shiv is similar to her.

I agree with sector I was upset with shiv to not speak up for Anandi at that ime that he loved her and that is why he married her.

Every character cannot be perfect and Anandi is no way perfect. she has her faults and her biggest fault is she is meek when it comes to her own self respect. Thats always been the case.

I still love her with her faults though cause she is indeed a very inspiring character.

===

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sectoreight

@sectoreight

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#60

Originally posted by: Suchi-Virmanian
I agree. But she is learning. She cannot get everything right on day one.
And eventually with trial and errors she will get it right.

Suchi, everything in life cannot be learned through trial and error.

Sometimes in life, we must use our own common sense, forecasting power and learn from our past experiences.

I agree that people cannot get everything right on day one. But we are not talking about the modalities of setting up an itwari bazaar here. Certainly, we can argue she has never done an itwari bazaar so the 'how to' is new to her.

But the concepts of revenge, the concepts of vendetta etc. are not new to her. She has enough experience to know all this.

She should have anticipated something going wrong. I personally would not have thought of the bar owner sending gundas ... but would definitely have had concerns about the womens' alcoholic husbands showing up trying to disrupt their wives activities, or trying to beat them up to take the money they had earned.

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