Jagya is angry - Page 12

Originally posted by: leavesandwaves

This outsiders, my space etc. has many meanings. Many prefer nuclear families and in laws visit always turns things upside down. The in laws start mollycoddling their little sons and daughters and SPOIL them.

Likewise bahus also are outsiders and as such they dont have the privilege of getting up late, skipping family chores etc. It is the sacred duty of bahus to get up early, take bath, prepare breakfast and do the daily pooja and arti while other family members join her.

The outsider theory also is the reason why many accident vctims are allowed to die citing the reason of police problems.

Only fools help outsiders. We ourselves do not know when we will become an outsider. It is a relative term.

Originally posted by: Picasso9

🤣Oh man Hooked, I've seen quite a few 'peacocks' who apparently won't take Indian food to work cos it's stinky. They don't want Indian decor in their homes and the cherry on the top, 'oh, I don't watch Indian television, (yawn) you see one you've seen them all'. But they're closet watchers. 😉

I want to watch Indian serials...because it is good to watch an on going story in my mother tongue. However ironically, "Everybody loves Raymond"...relates to not only me...but the people around me much more than "Balika Vadhu" does, inspite of the fact that America is not our culture. It's not because people don't like to be Indian...but it's hard to relate to women who would die to live in a huge joint families, while appeasing their tyrannical saas whatever it costs them, and will be superwomen in the rare case they are entitled to hold a job.I watch Indian TV only because of people and the fact that I enjoy my mother tongue...it's a fact that I find it too regressive, opinionated, and rigidly dictating morals.

Originally posted by: leavesandwaves

The outsider theory also is the reason why many accident vctims are allowed to die citing the reason of police problems.

Only fools help outsiders. We ourselves do not know when we will become an outsider. It is a relative term.

Originally posted by: leavesandwaves

The outsider theory also is the reason why many accident vctims are allowed to die citing the reason of police problems.

Only fools help outsiders. We ourselves do not know when we will become an outsider. It is a relative term.

Originally posted by: sectoreight

Hima,

I agree with the broad thrust of your post. However, this portion above I feel is a little harsh on balika vadhu.

It's not that a 17/18 year old Jagya was "forced" into being a "doctor" for "community interests" thereby stampeding all over his personal aspirations to become a journalist or an engineer or a lawyer.

Dadisa and Bhairon never wanted Jagya to be a doctor or to go to the city. This was Jagya's own little dream. They wanted him to be a 'sahukar' and take over their line of agricultural work as well as money-lending practices as the next generation of dadisa's money lending business. But Jagya was insistent on being a doctor, and he begged anandi to convince the family on his own behalf.

At the time, 17-18 year old Jagya HIMSELF used reasons of "community interests"; "No doctor in Jayetsar"; "No health care in Jayetsar"; "Varun's twisted foot" etc. etc. as all sorts of reasons to convince Bhairon and dadisa to let him pursue a career in medicine ... and anandi seconded all these reasons. Finally B and D agreed to allow him to go to the city to study medicine.

At the time, there was an implicit or tacit agreement between B and D and J, that Jagya would come back ... particularly all the discussion about Varun's foot and there being no health care in Jayetsar... and J's own lofty declarations about how he would change the face of rural health care.

So, let us be clear that J himself used reasons of "community" and not his personal interests as his flagpole to hoist his own interests.

Now after going to Bombay he started becoming "city bred" ... and on his own changed his agenda of wanting to go back to Jayetsar for "community reasons" because he felt rural stuff is beneath him now. HOWEVER, HE DISHONESTLY NEGLECTED TO CONVEY THIS TO BHAIRON AND DADISA.

I feel that if two parties (in this case J and his family) agree to something in a particular context, no matter how tacit and implicit it is, and no matter that it has not been explicitly codified into a legal contract 😆, then the moment one party decides that the agreement is no longer working for him, he has an obligation to make sure that the other party is aware of the change of mind/status.

There was considerable dishonesty in the way that J continued to let his family be under the impression that he was coming back to Jayetsar to serve "community interests".

Naturally, nobody could have predicted that the singh family would in a matter of one week prior to his graduation suddenly erect a hospital in Jayetsar. Least of all J himself. However, I still feel that if he had let his family know his now newly found suburban interests, his family would not have really gone through the trouble of constructing the hospital... or if they did, would have gone and found doctors who were generally interested in practicing rural health care.

Given that the singhs were under the impression that he would come back to Jayetsar, naturally they were shocked and were THEN AT THAT POINT questioning his allegiance to community, but that was because of the carefully guarded sheath of lies that Jagya himself had put up.

Then, because he wanted to be close to Gauri, he decided to go back for a masters degree in surgery back to Mumbai. Even at that time, he was dishonest with both B and D. He never told them about Gauri and he never revealed that he was interested in staying in Bombay permanently.

He constructed a cock and bull story about how Jayetsar would benefit, if he had further higher qualifications of M.S. and not just MBBS. B and D though disappointed, readily agreed to let him go back to Bombay to study further.

But the key to remember is that even at this point, Jagya himself played the "community interests" trump card to serve his own personal agenda, and lied about having a keen interest in Jayetsar's development when his real interest was Gauri.

The singh family naturally took their personal cue from him and thereby started talking about "village interests" themselves and "serving the greater good".

If Jagya had been honest with B and D and just let them know that he really just wanted to be a doctor in private practice in Bombay, I think they would eventually have agreed to it and let him be happy. But for doing so, they would have had to atleast KNOW first that Jagya's interests did not lie in village development, and J let them continue under the deception or the delusion that he would indeed be coming back.

So let us not blame Bhairon and Dadisa for trying to force Jagya to be a doctor to serve community interests. Nothing could be further from the truth.

the fact that Jagya could not have chosen to be a doctor for himself at seventeen or eighteen in itself is sufficient for me to say...it was ok for Jagya to be a doctor for others...it was ok for Jagya to get into an agricultural university for his village. But it was NOT ok for him to be a doctor for HIMSELF...all the lies from Jagya came later. Bhairon's restrictions on letting his own son be a doctor for his own sake...is enough for me to understand that having personal ambitions was not ok in BV.

Originally posted by: hima_123

I want to watch Indian serials...because it is good to watch an on going story in my mother tongue. However ironically, "Everybody loves Raymond"...relates to not only me...but the people around me much more than "Balika Vadhu" does, inspite of the fact that English is not our culture. It's not because people don't like to be Indian...but it's hard to relate to women who would die to live in a huge joint families, while appeasing their tyrannical saas whatever it costs them, and will be superwomen in the rare case they are entitled to hold a job.I watch Indian TV only because of people and the fact that I enjoy my mother tongue...it's a fact that I find it too regressive, opinionated, and rigidly dictating morals.

You know - this 'apna' and 'paraya' is very debatable and very personal to some people.

Originally posted by: hooked

You know - this 'apna' and 'paraya' is very debatable and very personal to some people.

I was there in NY and then we came back here coz adopting FROM India IN the US is a royal pain. Anyways - digressing - when we had spent a requisite time here and put in our papers and were just waiting - a lot of 'well meaning' people - tried to me that - 'who knows what sort of genes it will have'. Cud be a drunk or a murderer or a s**t or a college junkie or just insane and - was I really sure - this is what I wanted ? Why not attach myself to an NGO - go out for a couple of hours - get my 'kiddy time fix' and come back to my nice clean sorted life !

I being head strong - went ahead ofcourse and am super thrilled with where we are now. And yes - there are times when I have yelled at him and given him time-outs and done things that most moms wud do.

But here it comes -

A lot of real moms think - when I'm giving tough love - that I wudn't have been so if it was my 'own' child.

Which means what - that even though my kid knows only me as his mom and I have only him as my world - these so called 'real' moms with their 'own' kids, still view my kid as a 'paraya'.

Earlier I was open about it and freely said - Yes he's adopted. But now - I know better. I just let people assume that we're normal people - so I can get 'normal' reactions.

This whole 'Anandi apni' and 'Ganga parayi' concept is very very disturbing and I abhor people with this Sumitra-esque attitude.

Seriously !