Good morning to all my beautiful viewers!
It is a cold and foggy day here in Jaitsar. As I sat enjoying my morning cup of coffee and reading my newspaper, I was wondering what all of you thought of me. I know that all of you seem to love my looks. But, what to do? I cannot take credit for that. Genetics plays a major role here. All I do is maintain myself by exercising as much as possible and eating the right food. I do have a fondness for sweets and the oily stuff that so makes up part of the daily Rajasthani diet. But, you must remember that our bodies are accustomed to that, and I do my utmost to work it off. The proof of the pudding is, as always, in the eating.
As I watch my beautiful wife skittering around, finishing off her early morning tasks, I am forced to recall the roller coaster I have ridden ever since I met her almost seven months ago. A posting to Jaitsar, which was just being converted from a village to a district was like a dream coming true. Though I was dissuaded by many from taking on this small posting, I decided to pursue my dream of doing something in rural India. Little did I know what a pivotal turning point this would be in my life.
Driving across the villages that constituted the district on the day of my swearing in, I chanced on a surreal sight. A runaway horse carriage with a girl shrieking for help! Was I in some sort of fairy tale? A man of action, I took charge, leaping from my car into the carriage, wrestling with the horse for control, and finally succeeding in stopping the horse, though it did succeed in tossing the both of us out on the rocks. As I dusted myself off, I looked around to see in the girl was OK. I had the breath knocked out of me, both literally and figuratively. There was this amazingly beautiful girl, face contorted in distress, hair flowing, clad in the traditional dress of the region. Spotting her odhni at some distance, I picked it up and approached her. Seeing her awkwardness, I softly draped it around her shoulders, watching as she hugged it close.
Imagine my shock when I dropped her back, only to realize that she was the sarpanch of Jaitsar - the acclaimed Anandiji, who I had read about and heard about. The lady sarpanch who was held in esteem by so many, and rightfully so, for all the work she had done. It would be my privilege and honor to work with her for the betterment of Jaitsar.
Little did I know how enthralled and fascinated I would get by Jaitsar, its denizens, its problems, and by Anandiji (and her family). Anandi and I didn't hit it off at first. She thought that I was a city boy who would not understand the realities of day-to-day village life. She was obtuse, opinionated, and came with a huge chip on her shoulder. We had our run-ins, and I often wondered why she was so revered. And then, I saw her working, mentally, physically, whole-heartedly, for Jaitsar. I realized that she had become one with the place she lived in. She was a mystery, one that I wanted to unravel.
I became close to her family, especially her Dadi sa, who welcomed me into her heart and home. I became a regular visitor there, enjoying the attention and warmth I so missed. I watched Anandi there too. I saw how much her family loved her, and how much she loved them. What I couldn't fathom was the deep sadness I saw lurking in the depths of her eyes when she thought no one was looking. I didn't understand till somebody told me that she was not the daughter, as I has thought so far, but the abandoned daughter-in-law. The mystery deepened.
As we worked together, I found a newfound respect for me in her eyes. I sometimes saw a spark of what she must have been before she was abandoned. I lived for those moments in time when her eyes lit up and she forgot who and what she was. I enjoyed being with her. I enjoyed our exchange of ideas. I wanted to know her better. I dug around to find out more about her, but the villagers seemed to have closed rank about her. My only hope was Dadisa, who did let bits and pieces of information drop. I craved for more. The biggest shocker for me was when Anandi announced during an interview that she herself was a Balika Vadhu (a child bride) and that was why she understood them and worked for their upliftment. No wonder she was the woman she was.
And then my best buddy arrived. Ashima - my one good friend with whom I could share everything. Ashima and Anandi became good friends. Anandi started accompanying us on our sightseeing trips. I looked at her in the rearview mirror and couldn't help reflecting on how her eyes sparkled with the joy of living and her cheeks glowed with good cheer. I enjoyed her closeness with Ashi, and I enjoyed the togetherness that all three of us share. But, I am dumb in some matters. I didn't realize that Ashi was in love with me. Even if I did, I burrowed the thought deep. I didn't want anything to rock the boat. But Anandi did realize what Ashi was going through. And Ashi realized something else. She nudged my thoughts until I realized that all the awe and respect I thought I felt for Anandi was something else altogether. Anandi was my ideal woman.
My birthday brought yet another turning point. I never expected that, in a place far away from my family, I would be surprised by the family to which I was getting very attached. What a lavish celebration it was. But, the icing on the cake was Anandi - glowing, ethereal, a pocket-sized princess. I couldn't take my eyes off her. And then, DS clutched at my arm, bringing me back to reality. "Will you marry my girl?" I seemed to have been waiting for those words all my life! Yes, yes, and yes, my heart screamed. My joy knew no bounds. I floated through the rest of that night and the next morning on a cloud of happiness.
Little did I expect the rude awakening that awaited me. She did not want to marry me. She told me off, she told her family off! She didn't want to marry me and had never seen me from that angle. It was a shocker. Here I was, this prime male specimen, chased after by countless girls, and she had not seen me at all. I was the collector, and that was it. Our budding friendship suffered. How I missed it. I wanted the familiar warmth of her laughter. Her tinkling voice. Her scolding. But, I had lost her, and with that, the world seemed less bright.
And then tragedy struck her (once again). Her beloved mother left her forever. But in that departure, she left a window of opportunity open for me. She made Anandi vow that she would marry me, and Anandi being who she is, had to see that promise through. I thought long and hard. I wanted to look after her. I wanted to be part of her life. But, did I want a marriage of obligation - I didn't. But, my heart crumbled when I heard her beg desperately, for me to marry her and help her fulfill her vow. I could not say no to the love of my life. I vowed to myself that I would make this work.
How my heart broke every day, when I saw her stoic, suffering face. I suffered along with her. I started making her take baby steps toward happiness again. She starting giving me fleeting glimpses of the girl she used to be. I slowly became the face she looked out for, her best friend. I was content. My plan was in place. I told her I loved her, but she was under no obligation to return that love.
My family fell in love with Anandi too. Well, all except one; but I guess that was expected. Anandi and I can handle her over time, and we will. Our engagement arrived, a day of great happiness, but it brought with itself Anand's biggest nemesis. Jagya. I didn't realize it then, but Anandi's self-esteem went on a downward spiral after that. Her memories were refreshed. And Jagya was soon up to his old tricks, trying to sow the seeds of doubt. That didn't work, but something else did. His pleas for Anandi did. And, I made my biggest error ever, I decided to hand her over to Jagya, just as if she was some toy. My love for her blinded me to my foolishness; I thought I was doing Anandi a favor by returning the love of her life to her. I hurt her deeply, making her return to Square A in our relationship.
But, I am thankful she is a fighter. She didn't allow me to back down. And our marriage preparations started. She started smiling at me again. She started glowing again. She started responding to me and my jokes. I was content. It was a beginning. Our marriage took place. We were the cause of 14 other beleaguered women getting a new start in life. I saw the joy of accomplishment in her eyes. I saw the hope, and I was hopeful. I saw her embrace my family, and I wanted her to embrace me.
We reached Kesar Bagh. Amidst all the teasing and jokes, I forgot for a while that she was not mentally prepared for the next stage. She was taking each day as it came. Not looking forward in hope, nor in despair. She was taking one step at a time, under the assumption that I was too. My hopes were up. I looked forward to the next step - the physical aspect of our relationship. I forgot. I forgot that I was dealing with a fragile butterfly called Anandi, who needed a lot more help to emerge from her cocoon. I scared her, by telling her my hopes, my dreams. She retreated further into her cocoon. She actually tried to deceive me.
That woke me up quick. I backed off, reassuring her that I was ready to wait. Reassuring her that she need not fear my touch. I realized, finally, that she was scared of intimacy, perhaps because the only time that she gave herself as a demonstration of her love, she was cruelly rejected. She feared that happening again. That would never, ever happen with me. I adore her, but being physically close is not my only aspiration. I want her totally - heart, body, and soul. No half measures. And, that will happen, and it will happen soon. But only when she come and says, "Shiv, I love you. Will you make me yours?"
And so, we wait. She, to reach that level of comfort. And I, to ensure that she does. In the meantime, I am enjoying our conversations, the nitty gritties of daily married life, the tug of war between our families, the slow immersion in each others' thoughts, and the light teasing that draws a smile and a laugh from her. I am a patient man, and this is my acid test. I will succeed.
So, viewers, I thank you for your time. I have rambled on, as usual. But, I felt like talking today. So, I did.
With a lot of love,
Yours (in confidence)
ShivRaj Shekhar
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Disclaimer:
This is Shiv talking from the viewpoint of the author - VerboseG (who tends to get carried away when she starts talking/writing). The views are solely mine.
This post is not meant to be pro Anandi, pro Shiv, pro/anti anybody. Kindly refrain from any kind of kabbadi on this thread.
Please also forgive any factual/typographical errors.
In case any of you are interested in reading Anandi's viewpoint again (or for the first time), here is the link: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/balika-vadhu/3391470/main-anandi-hoon
PS: Chi Shiv, tum kitna bolte ho!
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