I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THE MCAT. Hate it so much. This exam is torture. But I'd go through torture if it meant being a doctor. Just – it would be nice if I didn't have to go through torture to be a physician.
Dedications:
1. to today's episode! I couldn't stop smiling at the TV when I saw Anandi lean in to bite the string off Shiv's shit. Although, if I were A, I would have let shiv unbutton a few more buttons before telling him that I could sew the topmost button for him. It looked as if he was about to change the shirt before she interrupted him. =\
2. Vedo aka V. Who truly helped me face writers block, let my inner romantic out, and brought the story to life. Just for you – a super long update!
Recap: Yesterday's segment we saw that Shiv has managed to kidnap Anandi and somehow they are both in a barn. They are soaking wet and as A looked at S, she realized that she was ready for the ultimate step in their relationship. She thinks back to one month ago (January 14, 2013) where S had begun to break down the physical barriers she held as well as the ones in her heart. It was Utarang one month ago, and they were having a kite flying contest when both of A's hands were cut by the raw string. Shiv tore off her pallu in attempt to stop her hands from bleeding. He was applying the proper bandages to her hands when he looked up to make sure she was okay and saw love in her eyes…
Shiv wasn't sure if he had imagined the look his wife had given him or if it actually had been there. But he didn't have time to fuss over that now. She was hurt badly. He finished with her second hand and took a step back from the dining table he had placed her on. He saw two bandaged hands and instantly couldn't help but blame himself. It was because of him that she had entered the kite flying contest and now it was because of him that she had gotten injured. Their proximity wasn't doing any good to her except hurting her. Brining back old memories, insecurities.
"No, enough of this." He thought to himself. "I've been getting carried away. Trapping her the way I did in the kitchen, touching her stomach, feeding her. Wasn't it I who had promised her that I wouldn't touch her until she was ready? That I would let her assimilate into our family at her own pace? Now look what I have done. Today I forced her to take part in a tradition that she didn't want to partake in and now she is severely hurt. I'm sorry Anandi. From now on, I won't forget our promise and I will let you break the physical barriers yourself."
It was Dadu's voice that snapped Shiv out of his thoughts. "Okay – Anandi beta, how are you feeling? Do you think there is any reason to call Lal Singh to see if you need stiches?"
A: No Dadu, I'm fine. Shiv put the turmeric on my hand. The bleeding should stop soon.
Ira: Shiv beta, how did you know about the turmeric? Is it one of Anandi's desi remedies?
S: No…I uhmm….I read it in a book. Excuse me everyone. I am going to get changed.
Everyone nodded as his shirt was stained in her blood. He wanted to rip this shirt off of him and burn it. How much had he pushed her? How much was she hurting because of her? He disappeared in the room.
CM: Anandi – why don't you go and change as well. Your sari is stained in blood as well.
A hopped off the table and walked slowly towards her room. She could sense something was wrong. Shiv hadn't looked at her after he had finished wrapping her hands in gauze. Had she upset him in some way? She was lost in her thoughts as she came to the room and saw shiv putting the blood stained shirt into the trash. She wasn't going to object. Soon this sari was going to end up in the trash too. She knew that Shiv detested blood stained clothing.
A opened her mouth to say thank you just when shiv opened his mouth to say sorry. Both stared at each other.
S: You first.
A: Shiv, I need another favor from you.
S: What? Is it hurting? Did I wrap the bandages too tight?
S crossed the room in a hurry and began examining her hand. He stopped when A shook her head and smiled. He furrowed his eye brows together as if asking, 'then what is the favor.' A looked at her shoulder and then back again at shiv. She dropped her gaze immediately. She raised her hands and shiv saw that she was unable to move most of her fingers. He suddenly felt hot – she needed him to help her get changed.
S: I'll call choti maa…hold on give me…
A: Shiv…I didn't marry choti ma. I need you to do this for me. As my husband.
That shut shiv up. But he hadn't forgotten his promise to himself. He wouldn't see her in that fashion until she was truly ready. And until those words came out of her mouth – he wouldn't give in to his desires.
*RIPPP* Shiv tore off another piece of her pallu and went to go lock the door of the room. A stood their puzzled and shocked.
S: Well I ripped this sari before anyway. It's going to end up in the trash because its blood stained. Besides I need this.
He took the bit and tied it around himself as if a blind fold. A stood there gaping and wondered if there was any way this was the same stuck up collector she had met a year ago, he was so generous, tender, and caring. Shiv held out his hand, A turned so her shoulder would touch it. S fumbled and finally managed to unlock the pin. The Sari fell around A. She managed to wiggle out most of it. But shiv had to be the one to unhook her blouse. She turned around so Shiv's extended arm would touch her back.
A: You need to unhook.
S: KYA?!
A: mera blouse baba. How am I meant to wear a new sari with this blouse?
S grumbled and slowly one by one managed to unhook each one of those buttons. He was careful not to touch her skin. All the while, A felt tingly. She knew that her bholu Bandar couldn't see her but the thought of her standing here exposed while her husband helped her change was invigorating. She crossed the room and managed to get out her changing outfit. The bottom part was easy but the top was going to be difficult. This top was one that didn't have any buttons but rather a string in the back.
Shiv helped her pull the top over her head as A gave him instructions. He was still careful not to touch her. When he was done A asked for the third piece of the attire which shiv draped over her shoulder. He would have to tie the pin with his eyes open, afraid of pinching her. She gave him the okay to open his blind fold and he did so carefully.
When his eyes opened, shiv tripped a little and stumbled backwards. There stood Anandi, her hair out.
In jeans and a long kurta with a dupata.
He looked at her from the bottom up. The jeans really showed her tiny frame. No wonder she had picked these jeans. All she needed to do was step into them and pull them up. The kurta was black and loosely fitted. That way it was easier for shiv to help her pull it over her head. She finished the look with a black dupata draped across her shoulders.
this is what I imagine the jeans and kurta looking like.
Shiv felt the wind leave him – his ears had started ringing. His wife was changing so much for him. He felt guilty.
A stood there nervously. "Well, how do I look?"
S: I'll send in choti ma to help you change and wear some proper clothes.
A: you didn't like it?
S: you don't need to do this to yourself. I know you aren't comfortable. And I know that I've been pushing you to some extent to open your heart and to let me into your life. And I don't want this to be the way you accept me. I want you to love me when the time is right. Doing all of this won't make me happy.
A: Shiv Stop. I'm doing this for you, not because of you.
S: why? Why are you changing yourself so much?
A: Because I lo…
She paused mid-sentence. But it said all that needed to be said to Shiv. How stupid he had been to think that he was imagining the love that he saw in his wife's eyes. It was actually there. Love! She did love him. Now he was going to bring it up to her lips. Make her say it. But how – his wife was too shy to say anything of the sort. No this time – the time for shyness had passed. He needed to hear it from Anandi's mouth. He had made sacrifices for her and now he would ask her to take the step.
A turned around and headed for the door. She looked away from Shiv. Had that really almost escaped her lips? Did she love him? She hadn't understood all these feelings until today – when they subconsciously almost escaped her mouth. She was confused. She needed….She needed….Mahi.
She unlocked the door and headed out. At once the family's chattering stopped as everyone stood up in surprise to see this modern girl in front of them. Mahi's jaw dropped and he wolf whistled. Ira stumbled and Alok provided support for her. CM covered her mouth and her eyes widened. Dadu held onto his walking stick for support.
A: I couldn't wear a sari. My hands…
M: Bhaiya. I would say, you are one lucky man. If I was in your position…
CM: Mahi!
M: What? Ma, bhabhi…bhabhi looks hot!
S: that she does.
Shiv instantly clasped a hand over his mouth, he had accidently said his inner thoughts out loud! And that was cue for the family to divert their attention and laugh at shiv.
Alok: Oh so Shiv helped you change into this. No wonder. Shiv, beta a good house husband should know how to wear a sari. It's about time you learned along with…
S: Kya papa you too!
Alok: okay sorry baba sorry. Par anandi – I must admit. You do look quite beautiful in this outfit. It's as modest as you are gorgeous.
A: Thank you papa
Ira: come on everybody! Let's have lunch. Then we have to return. Alok has yet to pack for the Mumbai trip!
A nodded and headed for the table where Ira and CM had kept everything ready for the family lunch. Anandi sat in between shiv and mahi and was fed by both during the lunch.
CM: Wah! Mahi – I didn't know you were training to be a joru ka gullam like your brother too!
Mahi: if I have a wife like bhabhi, mom, I'd happily become any type of gullam that she needed to be. Kyon bhaiya?
Ira: Dhat – shameless boy.
The family had a grand time and soon it was time for everyone's departure. They all said their goodbyes and told Anandi to call them should she need anything due to her injuries. CM told Mahi to take care of his bhabhi as she would need his help now more than ever. As soon as everyone departed Shiv claimed that he would go clean up the kitchen and that A should rest. S went to the kitchen and Mahi attempted to follow him.
M: Yes bhaiya, I will join you. Bhabhi you sit here and rest.
A: No bhaiya. I need to talk to you. Please.
A explained to mahi what had almost been said between her and shiv in the room. That shiv was worried that A was changing herself for him. And that A had almost uttered the three words that could change their lives forever.
A: what do I do? How do I know if I truly love him?
M: Close your eyes.
A closed her eyes.
M: what is the first thing you see?
A: my eyes
M: EYES?! Bhabhi! You are too silly. You are supposed to say 'I see shiv's face!' Okay fine. Open your eyes.
M: Bhabhi (he held her hands) don't second guess yourself. Do you know why those words almost came out of your mouth?
A: Why?
M: Because bhabi that's what you have been feeling all along. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we all get so caught up that inner feelings come out. All I will say is, bhabhi, you have never been the type of girl that did anything that was against her heart. Now this time close your eyes and tell me. When you almost uttered those words to bhaiya did it feel out of place, awkward, wrong?
A closed her eyes and shook her head. She also smiled.
M: Do you know what I see right now bhabhi. A smile. The same smile I saw when you realized that you trusted bhaiya to sleep in the same bed. The smile of a realization. Bhabhi. I won't intrude on your guys' privacy. This is a matter of love. But bhabhi. Come on – since when are you scared. You have taken on old traditions, goons, village rules, crooks, and thrown them all away. Now when did my brave bhabhi start becoming a darpoke (scardy cat) in front of my bhaiya?
A: since I realized that I lo…
M: (Mahi smiled) there it is again. Now tell me, do you have your answer?
A: yes Mahi bhaiya.
She smiled and kissed him atop his forehead.
M: good so now when I tell you this please try and not yell at me.
A: Why what happened?
M: Do you know my friend – the one with the tasteless food? He's leaving tomorrow and he's throwing a party at a restaurant. Bhabhi please…?
A: go. I have something to take care of anyway.
M: Hai meri sheraani (lioness)
A: dhaat. Go before your bhaiya comes and yells at you.
M: Tell him bhabhi. Before it is too late.
A: Yes yes, mera bhagwaan, go before your bhaiya yells at us both.
Mahi left as A sat on the bench swinging consumed in her thoughts. She had never told anyone that she loved them. With Jagya it was just assumed from her eyes. But shiv wasn't the man that would understand gestures. From day one he had told her that he was a man of words and action. Then how was she going to make him aware of the fact that she was slowly falling in love with him. That their proximity was no longer feared by endeared, wanted, desired?
She didn't realize this but soon evening had fallen. The wind was picking up. It seemed like a storm was underway. She was surprised that she was so consumed in her thoughts that she didn't realize shiv was probably in the house wondering where she had gone to. She walked into the house and it was dark. She saw a candle however, "had the power gone out?" She wondered.
A: Shiv? Shiv are you here, you are starting to scare me.
Suddenly A collided into something, hard as a rock.
A: Here you are, the power has gone out hasn't it? Probably because of the storm. Why didn't you call me inside? I have been sitting outside since 2pm!
S: who…actually. I fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I only woke up a couple of minutes ago. That lunch was really heavy. Sorry A, but if you made dinner I will not be able to have it.
A: I know, I'm not hungry either. Lucky I didn't make dinner.
They both started laughing nervously. Their laughter was broken apart by a thunder clasp that made A run right into S's arms and hug him tightly. For a moment all that could be heard was the wind howling through the window frames. She had hugged him like this before, when she was crying the night of her pag pheera. But tonight, shiv returned the gesture and put his arms around his wife. She was so short she only came up to his chest so he let his chin rest on her head and closed his eyes.
S: it's okay. It's just thunder.
A was against his chest. She felt his arms close in around her. For the first time in her life she felt completely and utterly safe. Safe from all the worlds harms, tortures, and unpleasantness. She felt protected. She heard his heart beat steady and sturdy. Much like him – her own personal rock against this forthcoming storm.
A pulled away from him and gazed intently in his eyes. She could barely make them out under the make glow of the candle. She heard jingle bells in the distance. And just like that she let the magic of the moment break. Her face lit up.
She ran outside and call out, "STOP!"
The man pushing the cart halted. "I have to go home soon! The storm is coming!"
A: Please bhaiya. Just two kala khaatas (this is a flavor of a type of gora – an icicle treat in India. It's a bit like an ice pop) A ran to the door and shiv followed her under the wind.
S: you want a gora?! In the cold. In this storm. At this hour?!
Shiv was astonished when his wife beamed at him and nodded her head like a little school girl. He smiled and nodded to the kaka who was making the goras. Shiv paid the man and the pair rushed inside as quickly as possible the wind had started to pick up.
Inside Shiv placed the goras and at once began to close all the windows and shutters. He lit tens and twenty more of candles that way their bedroom looked almost like the night of their suhaag raat or the roof the day he had broken her down admitting of her fear of intimacy. A was caving the gora and waiting impatiently on the bed.
Shiv soon smiled and held the gora for his wife to touch her lips upon and suck the succulent juice. He didn't know whether it was the cute way she ate the gora or the light of the room or the jeans that she wore. But he found himself very hot. She hadn't done any of this on purpose she was just a silly girl who had a craving for a gora during dinner time. She looked up at him and furrowed her eye brows questioningly. He simply shook his head and began to take a taste of the same gora. Together they both finished the first one.
A smiled and licked her lips and looked across the room, eyeing at the second one.
S: Absolutely not. You are going to get a cold. Then I'm going to have to take you to lal singh.
A: I'm never going to lal singh. When I have you to take care of me.
S: Oh ho! So now you are using my line against me.
A: please shiv?! PLEASE?!
S: Fine but if your tausa asks, I didn't get you sick okay? I still want my life.
A: Okay baba; now get me the second one please!
S crossed the room and picked up the second gora. And was about to head back to the bed where his impatient wife sat. He turned around and simply stood there stunned. She looked so modern yet conservative at the same time. This is the face that he wanted to see at their suhaag raat. The flames of the candles dancing on her face, the dim glow of the room contrasted her bright features, making her stand out even more. He snapped out of his thoughts when A called, "it's going to melt soon if I don't get it."
S: All you care about is this gora?
A: At the moment yes! I don't know why but I'm craving it so bad!
S smiled and sat back on the bed. He let a have a sip of the gora and then raised it to his lips again.
A watched as he slowly raised the gora to his parted lips, closed his eyes, and suck a little bit of the juice. He slowly pulled away and licked his lips. He dipped the gora back into the juice and looked up at A.
A without breaking eye contact touched her lips to the gora. Suddenly she had a wild impulse. An impulse that she was going to follow…
S dipped the gora back into the juice and began raising it to his slightly parted lips; he closed his eyes yet again, and sucked a little bit of the juice.
A smiled to herself. Yes this would be perfect.
It was again her turn. She looked at him intently.
He stared back at her. He saw the way her lips touched the gora – it was as if a little kid who had been deprived of all the candy in the world was enjoying their first bite of chocolate. She smiled back at him.
Shiv smiled back and looked down.
He dipped the gora in its cup of flavor juice. Making sure that the gora had a chance to absorb the syrup.
He raised it to his parted lips…
When a rough hand stopped his hand…
And suddenly he smelt a flowery fragrance accompanied by a soft pair of lips that had brushed against his parted lips, ever so lightly.
Thump.
Thump. THHUMP
Thump.
Thump. THUMp. Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
For a few seconds his heart had given out. But now it was back to its irregular thumping. His eyes were still closed. Whatever this was. A dream. A hallucination. He didn't want it to be over when he opened his eyes.
He had to remind himself to breathe.
His fingertips were cold, and not just because of the gora.
He gulped loudly.
He heard a sharp intake of breath in the corner of his mind. But he didn't care. All the adrenaline had been released in his body. Theoretically he shouldn't be sitting so still. He should be jittery – moving.
But he had no desire to move.
His body had given up on movement.
He slowly dared open his eyes and found his wife hiding behind her bandaged hands.
She moved her head so she could see him with one eye. He looked the day he had when she had asked him to accept her hand in marriage. Afraid and unsure.
A breathed out: Shiv?
S: Shss…
A: bu…
S: chup. Just one second. I'm trying to transfix this moment in my mind forever.
A sat there and watch shiv put the gora down. After what seemed a lifetime. He broke the silence.
"Say it."
"Say what?"
"You know what. Anandi I need to here you say it."
A went back to hiding behind her hands.
"I've said it to you before and I'll say it again. I love you. A lot. But I need you to say it."
"Shiv..."
"I can't do anything until you that you…"
"I can't."
"Try."
"Shiv…"
He took her hands off her face and cupped her face in his hands. She couldn't meet his intense gaze. He tilted her chin upwards and forced her to look into his eyes. His eyes lingered upon hers for only a second.
His eyes stole a glimpse at her pink lips. He looked back into her eyes.
She saw a yearning. A desire. A confusion.
He gulped.
Her eyes fell on his lips. She let her gaze wander down to his chin.
He tilted his head to the right, exposing his muscular jaw line to her gaze.
She moved her head millimeter by millimeter to her right side.
They inched toward one another. Breathing unevenly, heart beats skipping beats left and right. It was as if someone had put ice cubes on their back because chills rose up from their spines. But yet inside they felt extremely hot, nervous, to the point of perspiration.
He approached her vision line, she gazed into his eyes.
They both recognized how attractive the other looked under the candle light.
He was so close to her.
Their noses touched.
They could hear each other breathing.
He could count the eyelashes on her eyes…
See the khol across her eyelid…
"I need you to say it…" he breathed.
"Shiv…"
"plea.."
"shiviloveu."
She had said it so fast.
In one breath…
…Barely a whisper...
But he had understood. He gently let his lips touch her parted ones as both their eyes closed.
Their lips were stationary for a moment. It was as if shiv was asking permission to go ahead – and kiss her fully.
In response she moved her lips ever so gently and that was enough to break his self-control.
Soon both their lips were moving hungrily upon the others; pressing gently at first then harder. Their kisses became fast paced, hurried, more passionate, and deeper.
A let her guard down completely, ready to take the plunge. But for shiv these few minutes were enough to last him a life time…their time would come. But he had not finished breaking her defenses down completely just yet…
The couple let the flames of the candles kiss their faces, as they kissed each other into the stormy night.
Please please let me know what you think! Again my romantic side sucks and this was the first time I had to think of a romantic idea on my own. Feel free to tell me sucks! Hit like, comment, critic! I love hearing feedback! Please let me know how this part went.
By the way vedo – this was 12 pages long. This means I better see you updating your SS soon!
XOXO
Zarna