Lapse In Judgment
Anandi and Shiv are married. They are to begin their new life in Kesarbuag. The griha pravesh followed by the rasams were enjoyed greatly by all. After dinner it was time for Anandi and Shiv's suhaagraat. They were left alone after much teasing. Shiv returns to the room after dealing with the extortion of his siblings. Anandi was waiting for him to come. She looks out the window and is trying to adjust to the fact that now she is Mrs. Anandi Shiv Raj Shekhar. The door opens and Shiv enters. She looks at him momentarily and then looks away nervously.
Shiv was very happy that finally Anandi was his wife. Now he would get to live with her always and share his life and dreams with her. He saw the arrangements for the night. He smiles silly as his eyes move from the bed to Anandi. He felt her nervousness. He gets her to the bed and talks about anything and everything to make her feel at ease. He had dreams for the first night like any other newly married man yet his dreams were different. He wanted to spend his first night and the nights to follow with his best friend cum wife talking about likes dislikes and dreams and aspirations of personal and professional life. He would continue to do so till she does not accept him.
Time and circumstances don't let Shiv have the first night he dreamed of. The morning afterwards had a beautiful beginning. Shiv admired his beautiful wife. He was so lost in her beauty and the love he felt for her that he said about spending the second night as the first. Anandi was nervous on hearing Shiv's confession. Lost in the moment Shiv came close to her making her feel quite awkward. She leaves him longing to show her his feelings. She comes out of the bath and Shiv gets lost in her beauty again. He makes the same innocent move of trying to hug her. She was on the phone speaking with Lal Singh who called her about Sumitra's health. There was nothing to fear. He just needed to check his earlier diagnosis. Shiv was about to give her a hug but Anandi turns and there was sheer horror and disbelief in her eyes.
She pushed Shiv away from her. He opened his eyes and saw the look on her face. He felt guilt. He had hurt her but before he could apologize Anandi's past blocked her judgment. He knew of her past but there were something that she had not disclosed to him. She was not in love with Jagya anymore but the hurt he had caused her was still there somewhere in the back of her mind. She accused Shiv. "C S ye aap kya kar rahe hain? Aap bhi baaki mardon ki tarah hi nikle. Main maanti hoon ki maine aapki dosti sweekari aur aapke pyar ko bhi sweekara par kya aapke liye pyaar ka matlab yahi sab hai. Maine aapse saaf saaf shabdon mein kaha tha ki main ye shaadi sirf apni ma ki antim ichha ko poori karne ke liye kar rahi hoon. Aur aap ne bhi mujhse kaha tha ki aap mera intezaar karenge. Par wo sab sirf kehne ki baaten thi. Aap mere mann ka haal bina mere kahe hi samajh jaane ka daava karte the na toh kal se ye samjha aapne mujhe? Aapko nazar nahi aaya ki main abhi in sab ke liye tayyar nahi hoon ya phir aap dekhkar bhi andekha kar rahe hain? Mujhe laga tha ki main apne best friend ke saath hoon jo mera saath chahta hai par nahi main toh apne pati ke saath hoon jo mujhse samapran chahta hai. Maine Ashimaji se sahi kaha tha ki aap jo mere liye feel karte hain wo pyaar nahi hai wo sirf akarshan hai Physical attraction hai. Aaj tak aap jitni bhi ladkiyon se mile main unse alag thi is liye aap meri taraf khiche. Maine kabhi nahi socha tha ki aap is tarah se mera vishwaas tod denge."
Shiv just stood there listening to her. His heart and mind felt like they were frozen on hearing her accusations. There were tears in his eyes. She could not see the guilt on his face because she had tears in her eyes. There was a knock on the door. Anandi composes herself a bit and then answers the door. "Anandi beta jaldi se tayyar ho jao tumhe aaj pehli baar meetha banana hai." Ira informed her. She asked Shiv to get ready too. Before Anandi could say anymore Shiv apologized," I am Sorry. Mujhe meri hadd nahi bhoolni chahiye thi. Agar mujhpar vishwaas kar sake to please kijiyega I promise I will never cross my limits ever again." He said it on one breath without lifting his eyes. She was standing in front of his cupboard. "Excuse me wo mujhe apne cupboard se kapde lene hai." He removes his clothes from the cupboard and head for a shower.
Anandi was left alone in the room with her thoughts. She played everything in her mind beginning from the last night and the morning up to her accusations which she made. She realized her mistake this time her past wasn't to be blamed it was her. She made a lapse in judgment. Shiv had not crossed his limits if he wanted to take advantage of her or mistreat her in any way he had full access to her the previous night when she was awake and also when she was in deep sleep. Instead he had nothing but make her feel comfortable. She wanted to apologize for her behavior and wanted to share the deepest pain of her past. She wanted to speak to Shiv at once and make him feel at ease. She did not have time to do so now. She got ready and went down for the meetha rasam. She wanted to clear the misunderstanding as quickly as possible.
Shiv was in the wash room and under the shower his tears could be easily differentiated from the water droplets. Did she really think of him in this way? He remembered all the times he had touched her to comfort her or to make her sure that he was by her side. Did she mistake his touch even then? Why did she not say anything before? She thought of his true love to be mere physical attraction. He last lost her trust, respect and friendship in a moment which had taken him months to earn. He had hurt her in the worst way possible. He could not meet with his own eyes. He made a promise to himself never ever again would he hurt her. He decided to keep away from her and also as much as possible to avoid coming in front of her so that she would not feel the betrayal. In a moment of getting lost in the woman he loved more than life itself he made a lapse in judgment and had hurt her.
He came out of the washroom and got ready. He cleared all the decorations on the bed and in the room. He did not want her to see anything that would remind her of his misbehavior. He went downstairs. She was waiting for him to come down. She had made his favorite. He joined everyone for breakfast. She sat next to him and when Mahi told them to share a plate he politely declined and told Mahi to behave according to his age. He did not even look at Anandi. Ira and C M noticed something off with Anandi and Shiv. "Papaji main aaj do dino ke liye Mumbai ja raha hoon kuch business ke kaam ke liye. Ira meri packing kar dena." "Papa aap kyun ja rahe hain main hoon na main chala jaata hoon." Shiv said at once. Everyone including Anandi was shocked to hear him. "Shiv tum kaise ja sakte ho?" "Papa maine MBA aapke business ko join karne ke liye hi kiya tha. Mana ki maine kabhi business join nahi kiya par mujhe aapke business ki in and out pata hai. Aap fikar mat kijiye main sab handle kar loonga."
"Arre bade papa samajhiye na. Dekhiye bhabhi toh aaj dopahar ko apne maayke jaayengi pag phere ke liye. Wo bhabhi yahan nahi hongi aur bhaiyya unke bina apne room mein rahenge toh Devdas ban jaayenge. Bhaiyaa ko bhabhi se doori bardasht nahi hogi so kaam mein khud ko busy kar rahe hain. Aur haan Mumbai ja rahe hain toh aas paas ke hill stations par apne Honeymoon ke liye scouting bhi kar lenge. Kyun bhaiyya." "MAHI! It's enough har cheese ki ek limit hoti hai. Bolne se pehle dekh lo ki tumhaari baaton ka kisi par kya asar hota hai." "Bhaiyya bed ki galat side se uthe the kya aap?" Mahi said but then he stopped as he saw Shiv's rudra roop coming out. The breakfast was done. Saachi was smiling her usual bitchy smile she knew she now had to find out what happened between Anandi and Shiv. She knew that Anandi was not right for Shiv and now she will convince her family of that too.
Shiv came to the room and started packing his things. He was in a rush so that Anandi would not have to face him when she comes back. She cleared the table and ran upstairs to speak with him. Shiv could not stand the fact that she had to be in the same room with him. She tried to speak with him but he just apologized to her once again and went away to speak with Alok about the business trip. She wanted to clear the air but time was not on their side. She was called as Shyaam had come to pick her up for the pag phera. She took blessing from all. Anandi and Shiv both came out from Kesarbuag and went in different directions with a heavy heart, tears in their eyes and some ankhai baatein.
Shiv reached the airport and switched off his mobile. He had previously called Dsa and had asked about Sumitra's health. The reports were not yet clear. He had also informed her that he would come and pick Anandi up after the pag phera. Shiv reaches Mumbai and Anandi reached the haveli. She greeted everyone with a smile. She was worried when she found out that Jagya had gone missing. It would be a problem for Shiv as he was released on a personal bond signed by him. She at once picked the phone to inform Shiv but his phone was switched off. She was very tensed about Sumitra's health. She questioned about it and Sumitra and Bhairon both make excuses and leave. She was told that she is going to become a jiji. Sumitra was expecting. She was very happy for her parents. She went to the kitchen and hugged and congratulated her very shy mother.
She was asked about her life in her sasural and she told her mother about everything except for what error she had done. She did not want to worry her mother because of her stupidity. Gehna noticed something about Anandi. Anandi seemed to be tired and went to her room. She did not eat properly nor did she talk in her usual way. She tried to call Shiv at every chance she got but his cell was either busy or not reachable. She took his photo in hand and cried herself to sleep. He made the first call to her home as soon as his meetings got over. She was asleep so her left the message that he was fine and would be coming the next evening to pick her up. Gehna could not stand the suspense. In the middle of the night she saw Anandi on the terrace. She went to her and asked her what was bothering her. She had always been a friend to Anandi. The Jagya betrayal was also first known by her. Anandi tells her everything. She tells her to speak with Shiv the very chance she gets. She makes her understand that she has to tell Shiv everything about the childhood incident and also about her experiences with Jagya.
She goes back to her room. The morning was very tiring for her. She woke up and went downstairs after getting ready. Shiv was already there. He had taken an earlier flight because he wanted to take care of some work in Jaitsar. He wanted the local handicraft artists to broaden their horizon. On his visit to Mumbai he had been to the handicraft expo for his father's business purpose and he saw a golden opportunity for the artists of Jaitsar. He found out about Jagdeesh missing but was assured by Dsa that she would find him and has already begun in her search of him. He asked about Sumitra's condition and was happy to find out about the new addition to the family. She did not come out in front of her kuwarsa. He went to the kitchen. He saw her awkwardness and comforted her. She felt ease after her convo with him.
Anandi came to the hall and told him that she would whip up some breakfast for him but he did not want her to. He made an excuse that he had eaten on the flight. Shiv said that he would go home and get fresh and go to meet the handicraft artists. She insisted that she will go with him but he said no as she had to go straight from the haveli to Kesarbuag. Gehna interfered and asked him to freshen up at the haveli itself to avoid unnecessary hassles. He goes to her room and she follows. She had a normal feeling but he felt awkward. She tried to get his clothes for him but it had a combination lock. He opened the bag and just let it out that the combination was the date he had come to Jaitsar. (The date was important to him because it was the day he had first met her, the day that had changed his life, the day he had met his future wife). He thought that if she got his meaning she would feel offended that he was still trying to get his way with her. He told her that he always kept the combination of the day of his postings. To avoid another fall out, he also told her in casual convo that Ashi always made fun of him because he would keep combination of dates like his joining work and college commencement. She had once told him that he will one day keep a combination the day he would meet his girlfriend. He stopped his yapping abruptly after this statement. It panged Anandi to hear Ashi's name. He was not even looking at her.
He got freshened up in the washroom and got dressed in there. Anandi saw the opportunity to speak with him but was interrupted by Nandu. Shiv went with him. Anandi was now getting really impatient. She could not stand the guilt Shiv felt. She wanted to say sorry and come clear about her actions. She did not want to lose her best friend because she misjudged her husband. He came back late in the evening. He was feeling feverish but did not tell Anandi about it. He went to her room to freshen up. He did not come down for a while. She went to check up on him and saw him lying on the bed. It was out of character for him to do so. She went and touched his forehead it was burning. She called Lal Singh and he checked him. She stayed up all night taking care of him. His fever had subsided. Shiv woke up in the morning and saw Anandi fallen asleep sitting by his side. He was feeling a bit weak. He too had not eaten properly and she had knowledge of it. He felt bad for her that she had to take care of the very man who had hurt her. He felt as if history was repeating itself in her case.
He pulled up a quilt over her making sure that he did not touch her. He freshened up and went downstairs to see Lal Singh there. Lal Singh checked him again and gave him an injection. Shiv did not even wince a bit. He got every bit of pain which he deserved was his thought. Anandi saw him from upstairs and tears ran down her cheeks. He was punishing himself severely for no fault of his. She came downstairs and declared that she wanted to leave for Kesarbuag as soon as possible. She did not even want to wait till after lunchtime. Anandi and Shiv leave after taking blessings. There was silence in the car. Time was flying by and there was still silence. Shiv was driving on the highway. Anandi asked him to stop the car. He said he would stop at the nearest dhaba. She was feeling suffocated she could not keep her pain to her anymore. She yelled at him to stop the car. He did so at once. She just ran out of the car and sat on the stone parapet by the side of the road. She was crying and he could see her in pain. He went up to her and said sorry for taking the car instead of his open jeep. He wanted to stop her from crying and wipe her tears but he did not do so. He offered her his hanky. She wiped her tears with her hands. She was really angry at him for his apologetic behavior.
She just started yelling at him. "C S aap toh bahut samajhdaar hai na? Toh phir meri nadaani ki sazaa aap khud ko kyun de rahe hain. Maine jo bhi kiya uski wajah mujhse kyun nahi poochi aapne. Mere mann mein mere ateet ki koi yaad nahi hai ye aap jaante hain na? Maine apne kal ke darr ki wajah se aapko galat samjha par kya har baar ki tarah aap mujhe samjha nahi sakte the. Mujhe sambhaal nahi sakte the. Mere saath rehne ki bajaai aap mujhse door ho gaye. Aap mere ateet ke bare mein utna hi jaante hain jitna maine ya kisi aur ne aapko bataya. Par aaj main aapse kuch kehna chahti hoon tab shayad aap mujhe samjhe aur mujhe maaf kar de. C S maine saari zindagi apne baal vivah ke dush parinaamo ko bhugta hai. Mujhe pati patni ke rishtye ki samajh bhi nahi thi. Mujhe kuch nahi pata tha mujhe kuch nahi aata tha. Baal vivaah ke chaar saal baad jab main barah saal ki thi tab aap hi bataiye ki kya mujhe iss rishtye ke bare mein kuch bhi samajh mein aata hoga? Tab uss umar mein pehli baar Jagya (14 years) ne mere kareeb aane ki koshish ki thi mujhe uska touch ajeeb laga tha par mujhe kuch samajh mein nahi aaya. Kisi ne kuch nahi kaha bas mujhe Bilariya bhej diya. Main wahan jaakar ye sab bhool bhi gayi. Jab main 18 saal ki huitab meri dobara vidaai karke mujhe haveli laaya gaya. Tab meri ma ne mujhe bida karte waqt yehi samjhaya ki beend ke saamne beenddi ko humesha samapran karna chahiye. Wo 6 mahine jo main Jagya ke saath uske Mumbai jaane se pehle rahi usme usne jab chaha jo chaha wo kiya. Mujhe samaprpan ki seekh mili thi iss liye maine kabhi mana nahi kiya. Mumbai jaakar uske mann mein Gauri bas gayi par tab bhi jab wo yahan aata mujhpar apna haq jatata aur aapna matlab nikalte hi meri insult karta. Phir wo kabhi bhi lautkar mere paas nahi aaya. Ek baar jab wo Gauri ka ho gaya tabse maine bhi use apni zindagi mein nahi chaha. Itne saal maine uss dard uss beyizati ko khud mein dabake rakha kabhi kisi se kuch nahi kaha. Ek zinda laash ki tarah ek patthar ki moorat ki tarah zindagi guzaarti rahi phir aap aaye meri zindagi mein. Aapne mujhe ek nayi duniya dikhai ek nayi zindagi dikhai aapne mujhe uss Anandi se milwaya jo main hoti agar mera baal vivah nahi hua hota. C S humaari shaadi se pehle main bahut darr gayi thi ki kya main aapko wo pyaar de paaoongi jiske aap haqdaar hain aur mera ye darr maine ma se kaha tab phir se mere saamne wahi samparpan ki baaten ki gayi. Par ab main wo Anandi nahi this jo samparpan karna chahti ho. C S main aapko khud ko samparpit nahi karna chahti balki jeevan ke har pal mein aapka saath dena chahti hoon. Uss din jab aap mere kareeb aaye toh ek pal ke liye mere mann mein samapran karne ka khayaal aaya par jab maine aapki aankhon mein khud ke liye itna saara pyaar dekha toh main aapka saath dena chahti thi par mujhe aisa karna nahi aata. Pati patni ke rishtey ke iss khoobsoorat pehloo se main ab tak anjaan hoon. Mujhe pyaar karna nahi aata kyunki maine toh hamesha samapran hi kiya hai. Maine humesha khud ko khoya hai par main aapko paana chahti hoon. Main nahi chahti ki jab aap mujhe pyaar kare toh main aapko kisi patthar ki moorat ke tarah lagoon jisme koi jaan na ho jo aapke pyaar ke badle aapko pyaar na de sake. Aapne mujhe aaj tak bahut kuch sikhaya hai C S. Kya aap mujhe aapka saath dena sikhayenge? Maine aaj tak sirf samapran karna seekha hai par ab main saath dena seekhna chahti hoon. Aapko samaprpti hokar main aapka, aapke pyaar ka aur humaare rishtye ka apmaan nahi karna chahti. Iss liye uss din maine aapke bartaav ko dekhkar aapke saath aisa bartaav kiya par jab maine gaur se socha toh mujhe aapki koi galti nazar nahi aayi. Par galat toh main bhi nahi na? Mujhe iss naye rishte ko naye ehsaas to samajhkar ise poori tarah se apnanana hai. Kya aap mera saath denge? Aapki Best Friend ko apne pati se pyaar karna sikhayenge?" She held out her hand. He placed his hand on hers assuring her that he will always be with her and help her fall in love with him.
"Anandiji galti poori tarah se aapki bhi nahi hai. Maine bhi aapse kabhi khul ke baat nahi ki. Mujhe laga ki aap meri 'thakaan' ke bachkaani baaton se samajh jaayengi ki humaare beech kuch nahi hoga. Maine aapse ye toh keh diya ki pehli raat ko lekar mere kuch sapne the par wo sapne kya the wo main nahi bata paya. Aapko mere itne paas dekhkar main khud ko aap mein kho baitha aur saath hi apne hosh bhi. Hum dono ko humaare iss naye rishte ki phir se shuruaat karni hogi. Abhi se yahin se." He wipes the tears stains from her cheeks. They smile and move to the car to begin their journey together towards a new life filled with love, friendship, trust and happiness.
Edited by chahat11 - 12 years ago
Arjun
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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