code of conduct - Page 5

I never meant to say that the the use of the two terms was comparable , just the rationale behind it was , not the degree of causing offence.

That said, B's financing G is niether here nor there in this context , even if B was indirectly financing J ...
1)B's help had come to G in a different context where he had financed her education etc for a very different purpose , not to fund her live in relationship with J- he might not have stopped it for sometime after she got together with J but that does not imply that it in context of her being kept by J
2)Also B and J are not one and the same person here- the derogatory gendered aspect of being a mistress comes from a direct relationship where the man is a master who provides and keeps a woman living with him with whom he has a sexual relationship. Niether in terms of the original reason for giving money to G nor in terms of the man who lives with her , does this financing by B fit the situation. A father's wealth is not the same as the son's wealth unless given to him specifically by the father - and J had been disowned by B

In any case , i didnt mean to go on quibbling on something , but it does offend mine and perhaps some other people's sensibilities when G is labelled a mistress in what is meant by the person using it to be a clearly derogatory expression.

@Mahi - agree with you...I remember I had an epic fight with multiple mods about the usage of the word "kameena" on one forum.🤣 The Mod whom I actually liked called in other mods and eventually opted to let us con't using the word cuz the character used the word for himself in the serial😆😆

Anandi supporters are not like anandi we r normal people who will react in a normal way...dont expect us to be patient and understanding like anandi...everybody who admires gandhi is not gandhi

And i think some form of bashing and abuse like devil, even 'kameena' 😊is very different from the use of terms like hitler and mistress ( and i completely agree with anjana that its not comparable )

The difference simply is while noone cares if a fictitous character is given gaalis which can be directed against him as an individual , other terms like mistress, hijra , hitler etc are offensive because they are terms which offend the sensibilities of a marginalised community or group whether it be women, transgendered people or victims of the holocaust, especially if applied in a context where they are used to convey a negative and abusive sentiment against someone.

Originally posted by: nniks

Anandi supporters are not like anandi we r normal people who will react in a normal way...dont expect us to be patient and understanding like anandi...everybody who admires gandhi is not gandhi

Originally posted by: mahi12

i think my post will be going out of discussion on this topic ...but just wanted to say this is most free forum on IF so far i have come across ..where people are using so many bashing abusive words a for Jagaya ..some for Gauri ..otherwise one of my experience on one forum on IF we were not even allowed to call a negative character a devil ..use words devil like for that too were given warnings because this is against IF COC ...i was kind of surprised at seeing freedom here 😆

mahi i think even i rembr gettvng warning 4 the use of the word devil & dracula 4 -ve ckt in one forum& funny thing was that i'd asked abt it from one mod & she told me its ok but later on after just 3-4 weeks 2nd mod gave me warning & wen i asked they said now u've 2 use word like b4 devil or dracula!!😆😆😆

@sarandha, as usual, excellent nuanced posts that explore the layers in human relationships.@anjana, there are phrases and terms that may be applicable to situations.However, dictionary meaning or the phrase's once historical relevance by itself does not condone its continued usage. Many words have got dropped over the years by evolved consensus. Take the term prostitute. It has gone out of currency and only the very ignorant continue to use it -- often as a way to put down a woman. This phase was replaced by "sex worker" and it came into common usage. But interestingly, I met the feminist Gloria Steinam and she said she had huge problems with it because people started saying if sex work is work, it must be treated as any work and be legalised. So she said she has begun to be uncomfortable about.it.

The other interesting point is some of the substitute words are deliberately more explicit. -- this is done out of rebellion, as if to say, if that is what I'm so be it. It is the way Mayawati uses the word shudra to describe herself. She is saying, so what if I'm from that caste? I'm proud of it. And yet for all these complexities, it is clear that while the victim is allowed to self-deprecate herself by using a swear word, those more privileged cannot do the same. A black man can be abusive but not a white man in relation to a black man.

So by any and every yardstick, it is regressive for a woman to use sexually loaded words against a woman. If a man does that there is no pardon at all for him.

Anjana, Bhairon financed gauri without her being aware of it. so it is a bit unfair to say she was being 'kept' by because of this.

And anjana, thanks for offering me the moderator's job but much as I would love it, I'm too snowed under work. As a matter of fact, I have been neglecting my work to be on the forum because despite ally my reservations -- many of which I share with sarandha -- I do like BV a lot and love our ansh to distraction.😃.

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