AnSh have mutual feelings for each other now?

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KwitKatts

@KwitKatts

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#71

Originally posted by: tinoo
@sreevask and @blue robin --

what should she "do" to achieve her femininity or mutual status in a relationship?

I think the key (after years of theraphy 😆😆) is this --

Basically when two people "fall in love", they think that they feel different or happier because the other person is showering them with love.

But it is actually the other way around ... we love the feeling of being in love because of the feeling of love going outward from within us (not the incoming flood of feeling from the other person).

If you consistently forget about finding love from outside... and consistently look for objects/things/people you can flow your love to... then your divine soul is invoked and it is that divine soul that will give you your femininity despite your looks or your outward appearance.

So, every moment keep looking at something you can flow your love to ... be it a puppy, a child, your mother, a hobby, your job, reading something that is extremely interesting to you, cooking something, your garden ... love should be oozing out of you to everything you do... and this is what will restore your femininity.

(you meaning general you -- anyone -- not specifically the two of you)...

Anandi is on the right track -- she has several objects of love focus -- her school, her girls, her cooking, her sarpanch work --

Love is not something that someone gives you... love is something that flows out of you.

You dont need love. You are love.

And that my friend is the secret of femininity ... and also the secret of true masculinity.

Loved your post...really well written👏

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#72

Originally posted by: katts

Its true that it would take a lot of time since you are facing the taunts on a daily basis.. I never faced any taunts for my looks but people always taunt my nature. I'm soft-spoken, shy and introvert.I dont dress up very trendily.. So automatically everyone made me an easy target for their taunts .. I often hear that I'm boring and leading a black n white life!! [I dont know what makes them say that😕]
In my life I did get a friend like Shiv😊 Just last year.. And he made a big difference in my life. He was the first person in this world to say that I'm a very interesting person!! He liked the way I am! So thats when I started thinking differently... I saw a different me in the mirror! People's taunts are no more a problem for me. I'm happily considering it as their ignorance😊 I was lucky in that case though this friend of mine is not in my life anymore😭...as though he was my friend just to make me realise my own worth.
I must agree with Tinoo here that a lot depends on our own thinking..about "ourselves".. I was programed to think the way people judged me. The day I came out of it I just realised that these comments and taunts aren't really affecting me! What they say is not who I am!!

yaar seriously I get confused . If one talks freely and in a friendly way - thay are given a tag talkative childish lacking maturity . If you keep quiet - then its show off and they are characters of art film . But yaar opening you mouth only when required has many benefits , I have experienced that personally . Its true what great people have told speak less , listen more , god has given two ears and only one mouth. Because people no matter who with you interact at one point or the other hurt so badly that I really lose hope and a sense of fear starts coming in mind while meeting people . Don't know what kind they might turn to be.

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KwitKatts

@KwitKatts

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#73

Originally posted by: bluerobin

yaar seriously I get confused . If one talks freely and in a friendly way - thay are given a tag talkative childish lacking maturity . If you keep quiet - then its show off and they are characters of art film . But yaar opening you mouth only when required has many benefits , I have experienced that personally . Its true what great people have told speak less , listen more , god has given two ears and only one mouth. Because people no matter who with you interact at one point or the other hurt so badly that I really lose hope and a sense of fear starts coming in mind while meeting people . Don't know what kind they might turn to be.

Thats right😆... Talking only when really needed is very much beneficial! A same sentence can be percieved as positive by one and negative by the other one! My quietness gets often interpretted as my rudeness!! Thats when I learnt to smile more😃😆... Atleast that wont look rude😉

I guess we are in the same boat😊...I also have the same fear like you when meeting people...coz ultimately many of them left hurting me.. Even the friend I mentioned in my previous post hurt me..or maybe I tought so. Yesterday's episode; in that the starting dialogs of Anandi made me realise something.. Maybe what I thought of him hurting me is not really the case. I looked at it differently back then but now differently...and wham! even my hurt has vanished!! I cant believe it myself!! I'm now looking at all my previous mental injuries from a different angle...like a third person..There are some which are really deep but some which just happened due to lack of proper understanding.. Maybe I might make and "maintain" some good relationships in future without much fear...

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#74

Originally posted by: AnjanaYYZ
Robin - that is an unfortunate truth...we all live in a superficial society. It is what it is. Since we can't change ourselves, we can change some of the following:

1. Society - good luck with this... if you figure out how to make society less superficial then please tackle world peace next! Am still working on making myself less superficial

2. Our own body image - the things I suggested

3. Our own overall self confidence and need for validation - People commenting does not make you less capable or healthy or somehow stupid. You know that. internalize it like a mantra. Chant it to yourself till you believe it. And chant it again when in doubt. Then focus on what it is you want to accomplish regardless of your looks and go after it no holds barred with confidence because you are no less capable then anybody else because of your appearance unless your goal is to be a beauty contestant. Don't resent others for their looks... Just treat it as a non-factor.

yaar , as you said we can't change ourselves nor we can change society . So acquire knowledge as much as possible like anandi . No matter who ever taunts be it society, relatives, friends ... they will come, vanish in a second . education or knowledge will never betray us and leave us deserted or cheat us in any way. Knowledge will remain lifelong with us . keeping the mind occupied with thoughts that interest us or learning things will make us so strong that people who appear like comets everyday just to blabber some nonsense will not make any difference on our lives.

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#75

Originally posted by: katts

Thats right😆... Talking only when really needed is very much beneficial! A same sentence can be percieved as positive by one and negative by the other one! My quietness gets often interpretted as my rudeness!! Thats when I learnt to smile more😃😆... Atleast that wont look rude😉
I guess we are in the same boat😊...I also have the same fear like you when meeting people...coz ultimately many of them left hurting me.. Even the friend I mentioned in my previous post hurt me..or maybe I tought so. Yesterday's episode; in that the starting dialogs of Anandi made me realise something.. Maybe what I thought of him hurting me is not really the case. I looked at it differently back then but now differently...and wham! even my hurt has vanished!! I cant believe it myself!! I'm now looking at all my previous mental injuries from a different angle...like a third person..There are some which are really deep but some which just happened due to lack of proper understanding.. Maybe I might make and "maintain" some good relationships in future without much fear...

yes yaar katts 😊 ... There comes a time soon after school when we enter college that we want approval and acceptance the so called " friends" . We fail to realize that we will never keep record of the good morning , good evening, good night messages that they sent and the number of misssed calls and things of that sort are not the parameters that measure the frequency of friendship. At the beginning stage " getting to know" stage there are lots of things to talk. Then soon there are lack of topics to interact . people have already known us and they loose interest , they jump over to another person . if the so called friend doesn't interact with us we feel rejected, hurt etc. But the real thing is they were never our friends because friends have something to talk whenever they are together , no need to artificially manufacture talks. Then soon after college people leave cities, make up new friends there and they don't have any thing to talk with us because priorities have changed , no common topics for them to talk . So the real fact is there is nothing to talk actually. If boredom reaches a high limit you can talk with yourself and I do that often 😆 .So we can go forward with our motto - Opening mouth only when required is beneficial for mind as well as body

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#76

Originally posted by: bluerobin
Guys , but what do you do when people sorrounding you go on making you feel inferior by making comments on your physical appearance be it height, weight, skin colour ...whenever they meet you. After a certain point one starts feeling there is something wrong in your appearance. Actually the way we look is not under our control, God made us like that so we look that way . people taunt you as if one gave an application to God before birth itself to be made like Miss world , but God didn't approve it and made a person average looking . In these circumstances how do you realize your self worth ...?

Bluerobin,

I cant really explain how my thought process involved in this matter.

I was one of the people whom God did approve to be 'beautiful' by earthly/worldly standard (to use your language) . I cannot claim that I would win a Miss Universe contest or a Miss World contest ... nor can I claim that I would have been a super model or a Madhuri dixit ... but yes, in my younger days, I would turn heads ... and I was very very proud of and happy with my looks ...I also bagged some prestigious modelling assignments in my own country (am not Indian) for some small time tv ads. I am 39 now... In the last four or five years however, I developed some health problems ... and the whole thing (my external appearance) went really downhill... really, really downhill.

I began to look like the daayan lady ... my very fair skin developed dark brown patches, I was really tired all the time, began to sweat, sweat everywhere so I had greasy dark skin, some kidney problems so the toxic waste began to accumulate in my body ... it wasnt gross but nowhere near where I used to look... my skin became sallow and sagged and I really became incredibly depressed ... I felt that God was angry with me and had "punished" me by withdrawing His favour.

I didnt care about what people thought of me, but I did care what God thought of me

I used to have conversations with God "dont you love me anymore?why did you do this to me"

And then one day I mentioned this in a conversation with a friend (very recently actually has only been two or three months). The friend is an atheist and doesnt believe in any religious entity or super universal power.

And he said "what does it matter whether your God loves you or not? THE ULTIMATE SELF-LOVE IS WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF EVEN IF GOD DOESNT LOVE YOU.

And I was like 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

But really this was my great break-through 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think we come to a point when we realize our friends dont love us but we dont care because it doesnt matter anymore.

maybe our spouse doesnt love us, and we dont care anymore about their approval.

Then it comes to our parents, and we eventually work through that if they disapprove of us.

But God ... we feel that God needs to love us... and you have to really question that. is that true?

Why does it matter ?

So now, I have reached the ultimate self-love. i dont even need God's approval.

even if God hates me, I love myself.

See you are looking for god to approve you, before you can approve yourself.

Dont let even God approve you.

Dont listen to these people. Their need to judge you does not define you.

All it does is define them as judgemental, critical people.

You are average through their eyes... but dont look at yourself through their eyes...because they are not anyone to decide the Gold standard... Your truth lies within you.

Edited by tinoo - 13 years ago

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#77

@tinoo - thanks a lot dear . Your words really help :)

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#78

yes dear, but just remember, God does not create crap/junk.

God made you aparna because God wanted you to be aparna.

If He/She wanted you to be anuradha or ambika or sunita he would have made you them from the beginning.

You are born with your own "unique original proposition" ...every cell in you is unique... you are beautiful.

Dont destroy your original proposition wishing you were someone else.

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#79

Originally posted by: tinoo
yes dear, but just remember, God does not create crap/junk.
God made you aparna because God wanted you to be aparna.

If He/She wanted you to be anuradha or ambika or sunita he would have made you them from the beginning.

You are born with your own "unique original proposition" ...every cell in you is unique... you are beautiful.

Dont destroy your original proposition wishing you were someone else.

sure yaar , I will try my level best that i don't pay importance to the nonsense broadcasted by people in such a way that I start doubting my self worth .

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#80

Originally posted by: bluerobin
@ . Often I try to motivate myself thinking about sachin tendulkar ( short height ), actors like dhanush ( he is thin like me ) . .

But once again you are basing your thought processes on faulty assumptions that being short or being thin is a wrong/undesirable thing ... and that these people have been successful inspite of their physical attributes.

I am telling you that physical attributes have nothing to do with success ...

and your definition of success is also wrong.

The only measuring tape for success is your joy!

Sachin tendulkar is so joyful when he plays cricket ... and that is why he is successful.

Dhanush is so joyful when he is making movies ... and that is why he is successful.

Anandi is so joyful when she is teaching or doing schoolwork... and that is why she is successful.

Lata Mangeshkar is so joyful when she is singing.

I told you in a previous post -- find alignment with yourself by surrounding yourself with people, hobbies, activities, pets that make you joyful ... flow your love outward toward these... and then you will internally be successful. Each task you do should make your heart sing.

Afterwards, everything will come to you which we see as materialistic measures of success -- money, fame, etc. etc. etc.